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Title: Ariadwor


Ariadwor - March 13, 2006 01:07 PM (GMT)
Username:Ariadwor
Name:Ariadwor
Race:Dwarf
Gender:Male
Age:137
Hails from Erebor
Occupation:Soldier
Prefered weapon:Double bladed axe or warhammer
Weapon:Small axe that also can be used as a walking stick
Military Skills:A brutal fighter that would prefer being in the center of battle than anything
Other skills:Mining
Language:Dwarvish
Description:Red hair, blue eyes, slightly rich-looking clothes
History:A dwarf of Erebor, he has had much experiance in war. But, since most wars have come and gone, he has been left waiting for more orc heads to cleave. Now, war is brewing, and Erebor is preparing for battle. Ariadwor is proud to fight once again, but he knows many Dwarves will die in the war.
Sample:Ariadwor sits and waits for his axe to be sharpened. "Could you hurry up?"Ariadwor says,"Those orcs aren't gonna wait for ya,". The blacksmith finally finishes, "Be patient, we got lotsa soldiers lookin for a battle, and I can't go any faster than I am!" he says. Ariadwor is ready to leave for fighting,"This is gonna be a large war, and most of us ain't gonna be ready,"he says.

Tar Aryndil - March 13, 2006 02:52 PM (GMT)
I'll do this systematically and brutally. Don't hate me.

1) Space between the fields, it can be hard to discern what's what.

2) Longer history. Include something about his parents, what it was like being ejected from Erebor by Smaug, how did he end up as a warrior, did he fight in any large-scale battles, his relationship with Elves and Edain. Such things. Make it as long and detailed as you can.

3) Longer sample story.

4) Drop the accent. Read up on Gimli's way of speaking, and you'd have Dwarven courteous talk in a nutshell.

5) Are you sure he has no other skills in warfare but being a brutal fighter?

Also, include ALL the fields from the application: http://s6.invisionfree.com/middleearth9943...hp?showtopic=35

Do this, and we'll go through it again. But keep going, we need more Dwarves here :)




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