I'll do this systematically and brutally. Don't hate me.
1) Space between the fields, it can be hard to discern what's what.
2) Longer history. Include something about his parents, what it was like being ejected from Erebor by Smaug, how did he end up as a warrior, did he fight in any large-scale battles, his relationship with Elves and Edain. Such things. Make it as long and detailed as you can.
3) Longer sample story.
4) Drop the accent. Read up on Gimli's way of speaking, and you'd have Dwarven courteous talk in a nutshell.
5) Are you sure he has no other skills in warfare but being a brutal fighter?
Also, include ALL the fields from the application: http://s6.invisionfree.com/middleearth9943...hp?showtopic=35
Do this, and we'll go through it again. But keep going, we need more Dwarves here :)