Title: Luin Manslayer
Luin Manslayer - January 22, 2006 04:05 AM (GMT)
Character Name: Luin Manslayer
Nationality: The Misty Mountins
Home: Any Where
Occupation: Travelling Craftsman
Weapons of Choice: Larg Double-bladed Axe
Starting Weapon: Axe
Possessions: Some food, in pack
Military Skills: Trained with the men under-the mountin
Other Skills: Healing
Languages: the Language of Men
Psychological Description: Luin is quiet, but he has a tendency to be voisteris. He's very loyal to his friends, but trys to keep to himself, like's to tell jokes
Physical Description: Luin is 6', blake hair, green eyes, whares a purple cloke, over a black shirt. He whares whight pants that are stained black, heavy black boots, and leather gloves.
History: Luin's parents sent him to work with the dwarves when they came back, to the lonly Mountain. The dwarves weren't to happy about taking him in, but Luin belonged to a rich family and the dwarves where eager to improve there relations with the men of lake town. Luin wasn't a very good craftsmen compared to the dwarvs but his crafts where better then most of the men in town. When Luin was as tall as a man, he went down to the town to train in the local army. in the army he was almost a legend in wrestling because of his work as a blacksmith. He learned how to use a sword and shield along with a pike and a bow. Luin didn't like the pike but but he was pretty good with a sword and could hold his own as a bow-men. Luin was allso trained in the dwarvish arts, the axes. Luin liked the larg double-bladed axe, and wasn't bad with a thowing axe. When Luin was in his twentyith year he left the Lonly Mounten and struck out on his own, with an axe he constucted.
Sample RP: Luin looked over the fields of grass, They where green with paches of light brown here and there, with a couple of bushes and a tree here and there. Luin sat down and took off his pack, and reached in. "Blast, allmost outa' rabit, and the waters runin' low to" Luin mumbled to himself as he took out a slice of dried meat, and a large tin bottle. He chewed methodicly on the meat and debated taking a drink. deciding against it he replaced the bottle and hoisted the pack on his back. "Well I know whare I came from, but I don't know whare I'm going, but I ges' it could be worse." Luin mumbled to himself.
Tar Aryndil - January 22, 2006 09:46 PM (GMT)
First of all I want to welcome you to our boards! :D
Secondly, I need to tell you that everything I say here is to help you evolve as a writer and a roleplayer on this RP Group. So don't get offended - it's my job.
1) Please, do drop the redneck dialect. No Dwarves or Men spoke like that.
2) You can not under any circumstances learn Dwarvish, or parts of it. Some few place names and war cries, of course, but nothing in detail.
3) There were no populated Dwarven cities in the Misty Mountains at the time of the War of the Ring. You did mention Lake Town and the Lonely Mountain - but they weren't in the Misty Mountains.
4) You cannot start with copper gauntlets - or any other pieces of armour.
5) I'd rather have you wield an ax, as a regular blunt tonfer could be awkward to use in combat.
6) If you are unsure about how a word is spelled, look it up in a spelling/grammar checker, for example Microsoft Word.
Most of what you write is very correct, apart from a few capital letters missing and a few words off. I'll post the worst ones here:
Whare = where - a general location
Hear = here - the location you're at
Priety good = pretty good
Dwarfs = Dwarves - Tolkien was the first to spell the plural of 'Dwarf' or 'Elf' like this.
Any whare = anywhere
Tendincy = tendency
Traviling = travelling
Allmost = almost
Mountins = mountains
Bow-men = bowman or archer (men is the plural of man, this goes for 'craftsmen' too)
7) There we go. I also have a wee tool to help you - www.dictionary.com - use this whenever you are in doubt about a word. Look it up, and you'll see whether it is the right one. Also, if you don't know what a word means, you'll find its meaning there.
Luin Manslayer - January 23, 2006 02:10 AM (GMT)
Thank you for excepting me, I ment the lonely mountain but I tend to be absent minded. Sorry about the slang, I'm used to talking like that in some other PRG. But yeah thanks again.
Nova6 - January 23, 2006 08:32 PM (GMT)
One last nit-pick: "Accepting." :)
Luin Manslayer - January 24, 2006 07:16 PM (GMT)
I fixed my BIO, is it ok now? How do I eccept?
Luin Manslayer - January 25, 2006 11:38 PM (GMT)
Tar Aryndil - January 26, 2006 01:28 PM (GMT)
Holds on. I'm going to ask Nova whether you have to fix the spelling errors I pointed my almighty admin finger on. I never seem to catch him on AIM no more.
Nova6 - January 26, 2006 02:17 PM (GMT)
I don't think so, as long as he realizes the errors and makes an effort to improve in future posts.
Luin Manslayer - January 26, 2006 03:40 PM (GMT)
Tar Aryndil - January 29, 2006 02:09 PM (GMT)
You are accepted. Please post to confirm, lad, and you're on your way :)