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Welcome to the Library of Moria Forums! If this is your first visit here, or you're having trouble seeing the entire board, please refer to this thread.

'The interspecies challenge'



 

 What if LotR was filmed in early 80's, Pick your dream actors - director
AmourDuTigre
Posted: May 24 2006, 05:59 PM


Hokuto's brother inlaw
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I love the LotR movies that PJ made, even though he took some serious license with the stories....

However, I thought to myself, "SELF!....who would you have played the parts of the movie and directed it if it was made in the early eighties?"

So here it goes...

FRODO.....Chris Makepeace...loved that guy, movies generally weren't that woopie, but that was the director's fault. He had much potential, but poor directors. He had a darker, more mysterious side, a rather Frodo-ish (movie Frodo) femme quality that always turned me on something fierce...

SAMWISE GAMGEE....Lance Kerwin...They would have had to put him in rehab for several months and dry him out before filming and put him on a high calorie diet to put some weight on him...he was always so twaked out looking...but a good actor, none the less. Very brash and outward, lighter complected like Sam...rumored to be Makepeace's special bud in years gone by before he became religious...

(Then...oh god...if they could have had a nice passionate kiss....mmmm!)

MERRY....B.D. Wong...He would have been a perfect Merry!

PIPPIN...Martin Short...the perfect consort for Merry...Just watch the movie Father of the Bride!

GANDALF...Easy here...Sean Connery...what with all those tricks up his sleeve, he wouldn't even need Q...

ARWEN...Goldie Hawn

Lady of Lorien...Bo Derrick...yawn...unfortunatly it takes brains to be an actor/actris...don't know if this would have worked...

ARAGORN....Kurt Russle...gotta be Kurtie if he's gonna be snogging Arwen on film...

BOROMIR...John Derrik...Just to see him get shot...

FARIMIR...Paul Wylie....OK, OK, I know he wasn't an actor, but what the hell...he is in RL a very gentle sort like Farimir...and the best men's freestyle skater ever on the planet, bar none! Could have done a triple floor axil when Aragorn gives him his white staff back when he enters Minis Tirith as king...(book verse, not in PJ's movies...)

EOWYN...Grace Jones...yuck...only so Chris Makepeace could have his (Alegedly) favorite het-dom back stage fuck...

THEODIN...Charlton Heaston...very king like...could have had his royal edicts carved in stone...

EOMIR...Yul Brennor...would have had to have shaved head and wear gold snake circlet...

SCORING...John Williams and the London Symphony...Of course!

DIRECTOR...hard choice here...I would have had a foursome direct the movie, each adding their input...probably would never be made for all of the fighting and bickering, but if they could do it, it would have been fantastic....First, for the makeup, background, costuming, filmatography, sceenery, etc, I would have the Dark Crystal duo of Jim Henson and Frank Oz...For the story line and scripting, I would have had the somewhat strange Stanely Kubric and and Steven Spielberg. All four would have had direct input. Maybe George Lucas as special effects co-oridnator...but no direction responsibilities...(and he would have had to keep his mouth shut!)

Now its your turn...who would you have had run these parts...(also little thought...how 'bout little Lief Garret as a possible Frodo?")


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Rose of Rivendell
  Posted: May 25 2006, 03:21 AM


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That just rocked my socks! Especially the one with Grace Jones. You named a lot of my fav people. I might have to give this some thought though! smile.gif


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Half Elf Lost
Posted: May 25 2006, 03:32 AM


Boromir's Submissive Slash Slut
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QUOTE (AmourDuTigre @ May 24 2006, 01:59 PM)
However, I thought to myself, "SELF!....who would you have played the parts of the movie and directed it if it was made in the early eighties?"


Amour, you most certainly have the right level of insanity to be here.

That's HILARIOUS!


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AmourDuTigre
Posted: May 25 2006, 04:16 AM


Hokuto's brother inlaw
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laugh.gif Oh My God!!! How could I? I forgot to think of poor, abused in slash, Legolas! And Gimli!

How 'bout George Michael for leggy, and Andrew Ridgeley for Gimli...would have to keep on 'em to get out of the dressing room in order to make movies and not boom-boom! (They could have sung their lines....)

Next, for the ork that was tormenting Frodo in the tower, how about....
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(drum roll)
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(the envelope please)
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SIGOURNEY WEAVER!!!! AAAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! laugh.gif laugh.gif


(wipes tears of laughter from eyes) Now wait a minute...it wouldn't be fair to other actors trying out for the part....she IS AN ORK!!!! And a mother of one to boot!!!!

AAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! laugh.gif

All the very best! (and meant only in fun!)

Amour Du Tigre


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venusinchains
Posted: May 31 2006, 05:09 AM


Kinky Boot Beast
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QUOTE (AmourDuTigre @ May 24 2006, 10:16 PM)
laugh.gif Oh My God!!!  How could I?  I forgot to think of poor, abused in slash, Legolas!  And Gimli!

Indeed!

Ah, they were probably hiding in a corner of your mind doing deliciously unspeakable things to each other. Or was that my mind?

~~~

My version would likely be populated with Saturday Night Live comedians and the unlikely cartoon character or three. (The Ambiguously Gay Duo as Legolas and Gimli; Gilda Radner as Galadriel; Mr. Bill as Frodo; etc...)

I love your choices, btw (especially Pippin)! laugh.gif


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AmourDuTigre
Posted: May 31 2006, 07:19 AM


Hokuto's brother inlaw
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Hi Venusinchains!

I probably should not be on the computer now, but I couldn't sleep yet, and I am sooooo relaxed after a nice dinner (chicken cordon bleu...tuesday is diet cheat night by mutual agreement), nice shared bottle of wine, and really nice, uh well anyway, blush.gif here it goes...

I thought of some more roles...

Grima could be played by James Hetfield...oh wait, he IS Grima! laugh.gif

Denithor could be played by a forgotten child star, the 'why am I old and why doesn't anyone remember me' Mason Reese... huh.gif

The Balrog could be played by Roseann Barr! (and be a damned fine one at that!)
BAWHAAHAAHAAHAA laugh.gif (wiping tears of laughter from eyes)

The singer Meatloaf could be Sauramin...He could do a heartfelt rendition of 'Paradise by the Palintir Light' and get sweat all over the damned thing, thus irritating Sauron... laugh.gif

JTT could play the role of a very young adolescent elflett...maybe snogging with Legolas, who could be teaching him all there is to know about archery (yea sure) tongue.gif

Macully Calkin and Little Leo could have been gratuitous elf or hobbit twinks that were written in the movie at various places just so that us slashers could write slash for them... tongue.gif

River Pheonix and Leif Garret could have been the (lovely) twins...Wait, Leif was really in the seventies...and kinda used up by the eighties...besides, they would had to have him rolling joints in all of his scenes...he always looked so stoned in his pub photos...

Hulk Hogan could have been the orc general that led the attack on Helms Deep...(After his steroid treatment)...they could save money on him...he wouldn't need a coustume or makeup...

And lastly, but definately not leastly...Lord Elrond could be played by none other than a slightly younger OZZY OSBOURN!!! His movie theme music could be a fantasia on Iron Man or Fairies Wear Boots!

All of the very best, (as I go to bed and actually, uh, sleep blush.gif )

Amour Du Tigre


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Adopted son of Greenleaf Goddess and Nesse
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jackets
Posted: Jun 26 2015, 01:36 AM


Ringwraith’s dangly bit


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Directed by
John Boorman

Written by
Terry Gilliam

Starring
Richard Harris....Gandalf
Vanessa Redgrave....Galadriel
Timothy Dalton....Aragorn
Lynda Carter....Arwen
Rutger Hauer....Boromir
Brian Blessed....Gimli
Val Kilmer....Faramir
Christopher Lambert....Legolas
David Bowie....Elrond
Christopher Lee....Saruman
Meryl Streep....Eowyn
Vincent Price....Wormtongue
Charlton Heston....Theoden
James Mason....Denethor
Robert Redford....Eomer
Frank Oz....Gollum
The Time Bandits....The Hobbits
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