Moving on from Loss



by Jan Sadler of PainSupport

www.painsupport.co.uk



Living with pain can have a huge impact on your life creating many different levels of feelings about what you have lost. Perhaps we face job, financial and status loss; there is also the potential loss of friendships and other relationships. And not only may we lose our previous way of life but we may lament the loss of our hoped-for future.



One of the most difficult feelings of loss is the loss of our identity, self-image and confidence. At the time when we need most support we may meet with criticism and even disbelief, so it's not surprising that we may experience low mood, anxiety, anger, isolation, loneliness, and other negative feelings - we want things to be the same as they were before. PainSupport unfortunately can't wave a magic wand and make that happen but we can show you ways to move forward. You need to know you are not alone, there are plenty of us on this same journey and we can share ideas and support one another to get through these negative events and feelings and build a new fulfilling life. Here are some creative and constructive starting points to help you on your way.



Feelings First: Allow yourself to feel and express your feelings, in writing or out aloud, for what you have lost. It's normal to feel fearful, angry, sad and unhappy. Express your feelings of loss, and then begin to move on to finding ways forward.



Healthcare: Establish a good relationship with a supportive health care team, including your doctor, a support group, friends, counsellor, therapists, etc. Find out all you can about your condition and be pro-active in your treatment. This will help regain a sense of control and boost your self-esteem.



Activities: Set reasonable, and realistic, goals for yourself. Adapt and modify what you do and look for new activities to fulfil yourself. Include plenty of fun!



Communication: Keep lines of communication open with partners, friends and family members to avoid resentments building up. Think about the best way for everyone's needs to be met as far as possible. Use the PainSupport Contact Club and/or Discussion Forum to look for some new friends who will understand your situation.



Body and mind: Value your own company, nurture and build your confidence and self-esteem. Listen to your body as it really will tell you what it needs. Do things that you know are good for you. Follow a healthy diet, pace your activities so you don't overdo things, take gentle exercise and appropriate rest. Take time to enjoy pampering and nurturing yourself.



Make peace with your pain: Let go of others' expectations. Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't think of your pain as an enemy, perhaps regarded it as your fellow traveller with needs of its own. Rather than resist your pain, see if you can accept and flow with it, taking care of it.



By taking on even one of the above ideas you are on the right track. There is no right or wrong way to win through, but all of the above ideas will certainly help to give you a more content, peaceful, useful and fulfilling life.



Moving on from loss isn't a "do it once and you're done" task, but more of a continuous undertaking. Feelings of loss and sorrow will arise from time to time because of circumstances you encounter or because of a change in your condition, but the way through will be very similar. The underlying idea is to express your emotions, accept what has been lost and then to focus on positive and constructive ways to help yourself to forge a new and different, and possibly even more fulfilling, life than before.

Always remember your self-worth is not based on your physical limitations. You are much MORE than your pain.