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The feeling that i was a victim didn't go away and stay away with a 4th or 5th step.
Would give it to God in 7 over and over but this feeling would come back time and time again.
The psychologists agreed i was a victim of some pretty rotten physical and emotional abuse and said that i probably would never work past it and that would have to learn to cope and live with it.
The preachers said give it to God.
The AAers said that If i kept forgiving others, giving to others, and working with others - that eventually it would go away.
5 years into AA, a miracle happened.
was in a small south Georgia town attending a meeting. There were only a few people there and it was one of those meetings where i wasn't getting anything from the 4-5 people in this hick town meeting. But as the ole sponsor said, If you ain't gettin' - give. so i was trying to give...
Then as we talked about forgiveness and victimhood something happened:
There was a guy there in a wheelchair who said "I'm glad I am at this meeting because I have been working on the same things - you see 30+ years ago when I was 10 my Daddy was drunk and poured gasoline on my Momma and set her on fire; I tried to stop him and have been in this wheel chair since."
At that moment, i realized that if this fellow in the wheelchair could forgive his Daddy and lose his feelings of victimhood - then by golly, my stuff was just a paper cut in comparison - just a little burnt toast.
Those AAers were right, going to meetings, giving when i wasn't getting, and trying to help others was the way out of that victimhood sickness. i was just using the victimhood to give myself a free pass for my imbedded feelings of unforgiveness and don't have to work on me'isms'.
since that day - have not once had the feelings of victimhood. However, have had to work on the Man in the Glass a heck of a lot more...
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Victims Never Get Well, Inside Job
