A little bird took my boyfriend!, (After Uncertainties) TAG:Jean Grey

[Jubilee]

Jubilee stormed up to Jean Grey's door with her iPod in her ears. A song she'd heard a few months before constantly on the radio, Please Don't Leave Me, by P!nk, playing into her earbuds. It was a depressing song and she hadn't liked it the first time she'd heard it - before she'd had a boyfriend. Now she needed to talk to her friend, her former teammate, and one of her role models. Because Tom had mentioned his inability to help the Phoenix before he flew off as a dragon, hiding his heart behind a sheath of ice that was more than physical.

She'd been working hard on controlling her powers, and was glad she'd controlled her temper enough to not blow the Lake House (her one-time sanctuary) to smithereens. As it was she was having trouble reasoning with herself that it was enough to slam her fist against the door with all her might rather than just blow up the handle with plasma and storm in.

[Jean Grey]

In Jean's room there was a peace that usually never existed, mainly due to the fact that the lady telepath was meditating on a daily basis, like Wolverine, or even Archangel did their daily Danger Room sessions. Meditation was the best approach for her.

She was sitting on the bed with her eyes closed, when she sensed...pain? And it wasn't the physical kind, it was deeper. Even worse was that she could also sense the rage behind it and of course knew just who its source was. Jubilee... Images of that unfortunate session flooded into her mind, thus upsetting the peace that filled it mere seconds before. She even remembered the look of disappointment that filled Jubilee's eyes when she came in to see her friend Frost, though they were obviously more than that, as he lay bandaged in the med lab.

Then came the loud knock on the door.

Opening under Jean's telekinetic influence, the red head remained seated on the bed as she looked at her friend. Her face revealed her concern, as she could feel Jubilee's emotions even stronger now.

"Jubes, please...come in. Did...something happen?"

Jean spoke telepathically.

[Jubilee]

Jubilee pulled the earbuds out of her ears and stared at Jean, walking into the room, a mixture of pain and fury etched on her features. She wanted to do something. To pull Scott away from Jean the way that Jean had pulled Tom away from her. Her voice was hard and anything but her normal perky self. Somehow, when she was like this, the slacker in her disappeared and her not-inconsequential intelligence shined through. This, combined with the fact that her fists were tight and yet she was not sparking, was enough of a devastating show of her capability to control her powers that it should have sent most people reeling. Though, of course, Jean, being her close friend and (possibly former) confidante, had seen it before.

When Jubilation Lee had something on her mind, she spoke it, sometimes a little too candidly. Between that and her penchant for getting into reckless danger? Sometimes her temper was a bigger enemy than the Juggernaut. Alone, it was unconquerable, but with the other X-Men she'd started to get over it. She'd felt safe with Frost. She'd felt normal, for the first time ever in her life when she was in his arms, just listening to his heartbeat. And now, Jean Grey stood before her, talking into her head and asking if something was wrong?

"You've got a mouth, use it. And you also have a lot of nerve, asking me if something's happened, when you probably know exactly what happened! Frost broke up with me because he was so afraid that he couldn't help you when the Phoenix broke out. Because he got hurt, and you almost killed him! He broke up with me because of you!"

She couldn't help but burst into tears, slumping to the floor and hugging her knees, hiding her face from Jean. Now, she was starting to spark, around her fingertips, just barely.

[Jean Grey]

To say that Jean was expecting Jubilee to be angry the next time they spoke would have been an understatement; but this kind of anger wasn't something she was expecting. From the girl's first words, already she knew that things would only get worse before they, hopefully, got better, so the door closed in an attempt to give the two some privacy.

Everyone knew about Jubilee's temper and how easy it was for her to lose control of her powers once she was upset like she clearly was at the moment, so even as Jean took the verbal bashing, she was sure to pay attention for any signs of sparks. She knew all too well about the consequences of losing control: case and point- Frost. There was silence for a moment after Jubilee spoke, with Jean mainly staring at someone she still considered to be her friend, trying to find the right words. The problem was...there really wasn't any right or wrong words; only the truth.

"You have no idea...how much I wish I could erase the latter part of that day. How much I wish it was all a dream and that I was strong enough to control...it. Tom got hurt because of me, I know that Jubilee; there hasn't been a day that I've woken up and not hate myself for the events that happened in the Danger Room that day. And who's problem do you think that is, hm? It's mine because I'm the one that has to live with the guilt! I'm the one that has to live with my cur-" Jean stopped herself when her voice rose and before she could call her powers what they appeared to be recently, a curse. There were no tears today, but instead a certain pain existed in her eyes.

Standing when Jubilee slumped to the floor in tears, Jean did what came instinctively to her and went over. She lowered herself to the floor, sitting beside her distraught friend regardless of the spark evident around her fingertips. That's when the conversation she and Frost had in the earlier part of the same day he was hurt ran through her mind. Tom had his uncertainties about everything, including why the X-Men do what we do even before we entered that room, but it's not my place to tell. So Jean did what only she and a real friend would: she took the blame knowing Jubes needed to vent.

"This may not mean anything to you right now, but I really am sorry. You have no idea how much." The words were said softly as her eyes looked towards the balcony because as much as there was a need to reach out to her, there was a fear that doing so would only push her further away.

[Jubilee]

"Not as sorry as I am..."

She knew Jean was sorry, that wasn't ever in question. She understood exactly where Jean was right now. Kitty saved her life, but Jean and the Professor had pulled her sorry butt back from the brink of totally losing her mind. But, if their situations had been reversed, if she'd lost her control in a fight with Scott and nearly killed him, would he have abandoned Jean? No. But then again, no one seemed to be as conflicted as Frost. Even when she lost control, it was only her darkest fear that made her even ask the professor whether she'd be kicked out. Granted, when you hit rock bottom, it was your darkest fears that seemed biggest and worst on your mind, right? But if there was anybody that could help Frost right now, well... how 'bout the one that started this whole thing?

"And don't even start on your 'curse'. You think you're cursed? Everybody takes pity on you and tries to help you. When you freak out they say it wasn't your fault. If I lose it, if I snap again, they all go, 'oh, she's bright and perky Jubilee, we can just keep pushing things to make her snap, and she'll bounce back! Guys with flamethrowers killing people she should be protecting? No problem! Crazed lunatic machines that killed her family? Doesn't even matter! Lose her boyfriend because some damn bird doesn't like him? That's cool!' Well, one of these days I'm not going to be able to take it anymore! I just want to feel normal! I want to be happy, I want to have a boyfriend who says he loves me but isn't sure what love is when it doesn't mean sex! I want someone where I can just collapse into his arms and be myself! I'm not a hero, I'm just a kid!"

Jubilee was sparking in random directions, tears streaming down her face. Honestly, each of the fireworks were barely enough to cause pain, though it was only by virtue of keeping it insulated that her iPod and earbuds had avoided catastrophic explosion. However, it was an impressive light show, and certainly proved - she'd learned to control herself since Muir Island. Sure, she'd lost a lot of her innocence, and her happiness came at times fewer and farther between than it had before. But she was still at some points Jubilee. And being with Frost, even for a while, had left her wandering around the mansion, goofy and grinning. She had been back to the person she wanted to be.

And here she was in Jean Grey's room, arms wrapped around her knees, crying like a little kid. She wanted to be someone better than this. She wanted to be happier than this. She wanted to go smack Frost upside the head and tell him that he was the best thing that had ever happened to her and what the hell was he thinking running off on her like that. And she wanted to punch Jean - not for hurting Frost, but for this casual pity and the fact that she was doing nothing whatsoever to stop Tom from making the worst decision of his life.

Suddenly, she looked up, pressing her lips together and speaking a little too softly for it to be comforting. "You actually want to help me? Either get that man I love back here, or kill me. One or the other. I don't care anymore."

She did care, actually. She cared a lot, and knew that what she was saying would only get Jean more worried. But it would make the point. She could help him. And she would help him - if he asked. Why did he have to be so... tight-lipped? What had happened in his past to shut his heart away?

Jubilee was now determined to find out, and to save him. Most likely from himself. She stared at Jean, her pain and anguish hidden behind a burning determination, the like of which hadn't been seen on her face in a while. It was a discomforting look, and one that had gotten the perky Asian chick in trouble a few too many times.

[Jean Grey]

Jean was unsure of just what was going to happen as she sat beside Jubilee, which was saying a lot for a telepath. What was certain was her pain. Being able to sense it, in a way it was like she was experiencing it with her, though of course only Jubilee could feel it on that intimate level due to the relationship she shared with Frost.

Then she started the comparisons and a hurt Jean could only look at her. Was that really how she felt? It wasn't 'pity' that caused the professor and the X-Men to try to help her, it was love. The kind of love that only a family could give. She would have said something then had Jubilee not broken down towards the end, and against her better judgment, she was taken into a warm embrace. The sparks from Jubilee were being blocked by a thin telekinetic barrier that Jean kept close to her body in an attempt to maintain the embrace for as long as she would let her.

"No one's asking you to be a hero Jubilee; no one's expecting you to be one. We're all just human. You just need to be you...because that's your greatest strength, whether you can see it now or not."

Although filled with wisdom, the words were one of those, do as I say not as I do scenarios. After all, the recent events with Frost and her nightmares were causing her to question just who she really was.

What caused the embrace to be broken however, were Jubilee's final words. She hated to hear her talk like that, even if it was the pain talking. And the look that followed...

"Please...don't do anything on impulse; and definitely not for the wrong reasons," was Jean's telepathic plea, but she had seen that look before and also knew just how determined Jubilation Lee could be.

[Jubilee]

Jubilee looked at Jean, the telepathic message like a splash of cold water on her face. Most of what she'd said, she hadn't meant. It wasn't pity that made her rush down to the infirmary to see Tom and Jean, to make sure they were both in one piece. It was love. Different kinds of love, sure. Tom was her... lover, and Jean was like a big sister/surrogate mother/aunt. But seeing that their unintended conflict (for which neither seemed to actually blame the other) was tearing apart her happy life, she had to take it out on someone. Who, other than Jean, could she have run to? Scott would have given her the 'stiff upper lip' speech. The Professor would say that 'we cannot change the people around us, we can only act as we feel is right'. Logan and Remy would both say something about there being more fish in the sea. And how could she tell Piotr or Warren that one of their Potentials was having that kind of doubt? The burden they'd laid on her shoulders to serve under him as a Cadet and to aid him in his leadership was...impossible to bear.

"Yeah...you're right, I guess. But, something, or someone inside you caused this. I don't know how the hell to get him back. I need your help."

She thought about and looked down, then looked back at Jean. "And you're wrong, by the way. Logan asked me to be a hero. His hero. And if I can be a hero to Wolverine, after all that's happened, after killing people, dammit, I can be a hero to my boyfriend. I just need to...I saw into him once. Just once. And I love him. I need him, and I know he needs me. He just...doesn't understand. And if you want to start acting on what you say, why don't you go tell Thomas Anderson not to 'do anything on impulse; and definitely not for the wrong reasons', huh?"

She was still firm, but she wasn't acting irrationally. She was breathing normally and her sparks had died down as she stared into Jean's eyes. It was an honest question - why wasn't she getting involved in the fallout of her own actions? It had hurt three people, or more, that she cared about - or said she did. What was holding Marvel Girl, Jean Grey, bearer of the Phoenix Force, who'd once come back from the dead, back from acting like a woman?