Last Stop: This Town, Tiátlien, Asai, Noe?

[azureye]

((Went ahead and posted this since I had it written... but when Teak gets back, if she wants to change the Noe-running-away-with-Asai-and-Tiátlien thing, I can certainly edit the post :P ))

It'd been a few days since Tiátlien and his companions had fled from the Arcanes, and he'd barely spoken a word. He wasn't a mute, but his words were startlingly sparse for someone who was normally vivacious and bubbly as Tiát. A mirthless "good morning" here, a soft suggestion of "let's rest here," a trite observation like "it's going to rain," and that was all.

He hadn't been sleeping well, despite being exhausted all the time. Most of his waking hours were spent hunting for whatever scraps of food he could find — he was the least injured out of the trio, and felt an obligation to protect them because of it. They'd gotten lucky and discovered half of a deer carcass to feast upon, a day or two after their flight — a rare, truly hearty meal in their newfound diet of rabbits and small prey.

What were Asai and Noe thinking and feeling? Tiátlien couldn't tell; he couldn't look at either them for long without feeling a raw, uncontrollable, aching sorrow. They were to be a pack, all of them! But no more. Tater was dead, and who knew about the others? Tiátlien didn't know, and right now, it was all he could do to help keep the three of them alive. Because these two friends were all he had left — Asai, Noe, and his pile of broken ambitions.

He'd been too overzealous, too hasty, too much gallantry and spunk. These past few days, he'd been forced to consider himself in a new light, ponder the way he'd been living for the past two seasons — and based on his sullen mood, one could discern that he didn't like what he'd been doing.

"Ladies," he announced softly as they stepped through a slightly sunken area in the meadow, "let us... rest here, a while, if we may." The sun was still bright, but Tiátlien felt tired, bone tired. He fell onto his haunches, his glassy eyes staring at nothing for a few minutes. Then, at last, he murmured, "M'lady Noe, what knowledge do you have of the Alpha Pack that you could impart to me? I'd be grateful."

What was Tiátlien thinking? The question must've sounded strange to the other two wolves, if for no other reason than he'd just spoken more words than he had since the Arcanes had attacked. Lifting his head, he turned to look at Asai and Noe levelly, and in a voice that was husky with disuse, he added an explanation: "I believe..." A pause as he breathed in deep. "I believe I cannot afford to live as a loner for much longer."

[Lhyriad]

Several days after the encounter with the Arcanes, Asai's wound was healing up nicely but painfully. She couldn't sit down anymore but had to lay on her side if she felt like resting. It was going to scar, anyone could see that, but this didn't disturb her. She'd never had a scar before, so perhaps it would be an interesting experience. However, she despised the fact that she couldn't hunt. Uselessness was not something she was accustomed to, and it didn't suit her in the slightest. Boredom often drove her to think, for there wasn't much else to do with Tiatlien so unusually quiet. And whenever she had time to think, her thoughts went to Tater. She hadn't known him for very long, but they'd spent a winter together. If they hadn't been friends, they'd been companions of a sort, and it hurt terribly that her thoughts of him right before he died hadn't been very nice. That she would never know him better. That a wolf she knew had died before her eyes and she'd been powerless to do anything. And if she was hurting, Asai could only imagine what Noe was going through. Asai's pain was minimal compared to hers. She saw it in the white she-wolf's eyes everyday and longed to summon suitable words of comfort, but she knew none. And poor Tiat. Asai had never seen him look so... lifeless. He barely tended to his wounds, only to Asai's and Noe's. He hunted when he could, which made Asai feel horribly guilty. He had to try three times as hard to make sure we were fed, causing his wounds to heal even slower. Again, she always felt the need to say something, anything, to wipe the grief from their faces, but she choked on air. His nightmares disturbed her. Every night they grew worse, and he got less and less sleep. The sight of him twitching in his slumber never failed to remind her of another wolf doing the same thing... Her father. Her mouth would run dry, and she would begin to panic until she managed to turn her mind to another topic, like how white the moon was that night. Still, sometimes, she would gather up the courage to scoot closer to Tiat and ever so carefully press her back to his, hoping to soothe away his bad dreams. For a few minutes, he'd quiet, but then began to toss and turn once more. Whenever this occurred, Asai, who feared waking him, would move away, disappointed in her efforts. She worried about Demo a lot, partly for Noe's sake. Even if he didn't mean to her what she did to him, he was one of Noe's best friends. Asai would ask herself questions like: What happened to him after they left? Was he hurt? Worse? Looking for them? And then Ruusk, too. She'd liked the she-wolf and had hoped to become better friends with her. Did she run like Tiat told her to? They weren't questions Asai could answer or even guess at. The half-eaten deer Tiat found had been a blessing. He'd tried to get Asai and Noe to eat first, but Asai, a little annoyed, only stared at him stubbornly until he started eating with a sigh, and then she joined him. They'd entered a vast meadow this morning, and Asai had seen several rabbits from a distance but could only stare and glower at them. She limped steadily after Tiat and Noe, concentrating on her footing. The long grass, she'd discovered earlier, could hide holes which caused you to lose your footing. She looked up, however, when Tiat came to a halt in a dip in the land, his head hanging. "Ladies, let us... rest here, a while, if we may." Grateful for the break, Asai sank wearily into the grass, all but disappearing in it, and rolled onto her uninjured side. The meadow and its flowers would have been lovely at any other time, but right then, with such a pall hanging over them, it might as well have been non-existent. "M'lady Noe, what knowledge do you have of the Alpha Pack that you could impart to me? I'd be grateful." He paused for a moment, then continued. "I believe... I believe I cannot afford to live as a loner for much longer." Asai could only stare at him for a moment, processing his words through a fuzzy, tired mind. Then she sat up so quickly, she could both hear and feel her flank rip somewhere. She choked on her first words at the pain, but it did nothing to make her rethink them. "You want to join a pack?" she spat without raising her voice. But then her tone changed to one of hurt and betrayal. "Why? What's so good about them? Did you not see what the last pack we came across did to T-- him?" She didn't have the heart to mention Tater's name in front of Noe. "Why should this Alpha pack be any different? What does a pack have that you don't have right now? Is it the food? Once we get better, I'll catch you guys as many rabbits as you want. Just don't aba--" She cut herself off confusedly and shook her head, sighing. "I just don't understand," she murmured fiercely. She looked up at him, frowning, something she didn't do very often.

[Teak]

Noe had seen that there was no point to it, that the battle was hopeless and that she was close to passing out and being just another easy kill for the Arcanes. So she had run. She had always been and probably always would be nothing more than a lone wolf. The wolves she ran with were those that could run with her. Demolition could deal with his damn father on his own. While she had lost a lot of blood, Noe's actual wounds were very low in number, so physically she healed quite quickly. Emotionally, however, she was drawn. She could have used Tiatlien's bubbly side, but he seemed just as affected by Tater's death as the rest of them. Still, Noe greatly appreciated at least having a couple of her friends here, even though Demolition never did come back. Maybe the family he'd always trusted so foolishly finally ended what they'd started with him. Maybe he'd joined them. Noe didn't think about it, because Tater's death was painful enough. Noe moved through the days in a daze, mostly. She hardly realized the things she did, eating, sleeping, walking, answering questions. Mostly she just stared towards the mountains and remained quiet. It was what Tiatlien said today that made her falter. "M'lady Noe, what knowledge do you have of the Alpha Pack that you could impart to me? I'd be grateful." She looked to him suddenly, frustration over the surprise in her eyes. Noe considered him a long time, actually looking at him for the first time in weeks. He looked tired, and ready to lay his old bones down in an easier life. "I believe I cannot afford to live as a loner for much longer." Asai spoke up then, sounding hurt. Didn't she know that everyone left eventually? Well, she was young, Noe could see why she wouldn't know that. "I just don't understand." Noe turned her face to the warm sun and closed her eyes, breathing deep before she spoke. It was not with the monotone she had had for so long now, but with her own voice for the first time in a while. Though, there was hardly any of the kindness it had once previously held. "I know nothing of the Alpha Pack. Ruusk was from there. Demolition lived with them for a while. They are a strong pack with no place in the wars on this island, but I have never personally met them." Noe opened her eyes and looked at Tiatlien again, watching him unblinking for a long moment. "Don't be fooled. The pack life is physically less stressful, but in no way is it ever easier than being free."

[azureye]

Asai reacted to Tiátlien's statement with red-hot indignation, sputtering questions at him, begging for some kind of explanation. Tiátlien bore her anger stoically, his expression serene, as though his mind had been made up a long time ago. Yet Noe's words... those made Tiátlien's stomach uneasy. It wasn't what she said, but her tone — no kindness there, none. How changed they all were, Tiátlien realized. What did the good Lady Noe think of him now? He didn't know, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Still, he owed them an explanation, a reason, and so he turned to Asai first and murmured evenly, soothingly, "It is not the food that compels me to go to a pack, m'lady." Then, to Noe, he added, "I've no illusions about the difficulties of pack life. There is no easy thing, no easy thing under the heavens and upon the earth — all struggles, struggles, struggles. I know."

A pause. His eyes were faraway, momentarily, as he drew back memories of the past season. "What we had this winter was splendid, wondrous, glorious, some of the finest months I have spent on this fair earth. But —"

A sudden flash of anger lit upon Tiát's face — and with a cougarlike snarl, he muttered, "If those rogues had arrived even five minutes later —" Maybe then we could've fought them off. Because if they'd had five more minutes, they would've been a pack. But Tiátlien left this unsaid. It was mere speculation, after all.

"No matter," Tiátlien said, shaking his head, willing his anger to leave him. Raising his head higher, he spoke clearly: "I long to be of more use than this. I cannot defend, I cannot protect — anything. Not as I am now. Not without pack-strength. If I cannot defend even those around me, those whom I love — ach! what use am I?"

Tiátlien let his eyes flicker between Noe and Asai. He'd explained as best he could his feelings, his motives — though his words seemed, to his ears, unsatisfactory. Ah, the poet's dilemma — the eternal struggle for the correct words — and Tiát could not begin to find the words to describe the myriad thoughts that had been stewing darkly in his mind since their departure. "If either or both of you good ladies would come with me, I'd be honored. But I'll not compel you to do anything against your will. And I'll certainly not depart until you are healed well enough to go about without my aid." Facing the pair with solemn, wide, golden eyes, he stood, awaiting their replies.

This post has been edited by azureye on Sep 7 2009, 07:21 PM

[Lhyriad]

As Noe explained what she knew of the Alpha pack, which turned out be very little, Asai lay on her side trying to catch her breath and not looking at either of them. Her outburst had shaken her. She couldn't remember ever having snapped at anyone like that. She was hurt, yes, but it was selfish to unload such things on her friends. "It is not the food that compels me to go to a pack, m'lady," Tiat murmured. Shame scalded her face, and she turned her head. He could have at least been angry at her for being so unfair. That, she could have handled, not this, this numbness. He'd changed, they all had. What she wouldn't give to hear Noe's lively teasing or Tiat's eager words full of flowers and chivalry once more. She herself had changed. A week ago, the thought of snapping at the always-kind Tiatlien wouldn't have crossed her mind. And she asked herself why it wasn't a surprise that Tiat wanted to move on. All wolves moved on eventually. It just happened and there was nothing she could do about it. A sad prospect, but one that she'd accepted a long time ago. One that kept her going. Asai listened to Tiat's explanation, thinking while he spoke, and used the time to gain control of herself once more. She hadn't had to do so so completely in quite some time, but she managed, stuffing her foolish thoughts and emotions into the farthest corner of her mind. The pain in her side had worsened when she'd stood up so fast and made it difficult to think. She shoved that away too. She realized with a start at how prejudiced she was against packs now and frowned at herself. That wasn't fair. She couldn't just judge wolves based on the actions of others. It was wrong. She repeated this over and over, trying to convince herself, to no avail. Packs had power, and she didn't trust power, at least in this form. How could she know whether or not this Alpha pack was just a bunch of bullies like the Arcanes? On the other hand, she understood Tiat's desire for security. She looked at the fire in his eyes that flashed for a moment as he mentioned what could have been. Something clicked. She was reminded of the time Tiat had grabbed onto the idea of Noe being pregnant with a vengeance. He wouldn't be dissuaded from his fairy-tale assumptions, though he himself must have seen clearly that it wasn't possible. He was stubborn, and his head was full of romantic ideas, and Asai didn't fault him for it. But she saw now one of the reasons he wanted to join a pack so badly, besides security of health and friends. He'd been fired up about being a part of one, but the possibility had been cruelly stolen. He wanted a pack now, goddammit, and so he would have one. She couldn't pinpoint the reason for her smile, but it appeared anyway, a small, small smile, for just a fraction of a second. "If either or both of you good ladies would come with me, I'd be honored. But I'll not compel you to do anything against your will. And I'll certainly not depart until you are healed well enough to go about without my aid." Any amusement left her face as if a light had been flicked off. She didn't want the drama of a pack right now. It was too soon. But maybe... maybe after she'd recovered a bit more, both physically and mentally. Tater's dead face flashed behind her eyes. Or maybe not. For once, she didn't feel like planning ahead. Let come what may. She lifted her head wearily, looking like an old wolf. "Tiat, I'd like to apologize for my earlier behavior. It was... mean of me." She looked terribly disappointed in herself. "I'm sorry. You will hear no more protests from me against your leaving. And as to your proposal... I'll think about it," she said warily. She didn't want him to work up too much hope that she would soften.

[Teak]

"I long to be of more use than this. I cannot defend, I cannot protect — anything. Not as I am now. Not without pack-strength. If I cannot defend even those around me, those whom I love — ach! what use am I?" Noe's eyes were flat and resolved as she looked at Tiatlien. She held the same gaze for Asai. "You will hear no more protests from me against your leaving. And as to your proposal... I'll think about it." Noe sighed heavily and closed her eyes. Asai might have seemed reluctant, but it was there. They would both go to the pack. And there was nothing she could say that would change their minds. They had no use for her, so when their paths parted, there would be no problem - just as it was with Demolition. Noe held the pain from pinching into her expression. She might have argued with them another day, but what use was it to fight anymore? The world was against her, and the higher she waved her flag the easier it was for others to snap it off. Her half-tail was the perfect example for that. Noe snorted in a sour amusement to herself. "I will not join some pack," Noe said in a low, bored voice. She stood up, paying no heed to the pine needles and dirt that clung to her fur. "And, I have been well enough to go without your aid for quite some time now, Tiatlien." She turned to consider her next direction, and then realized grimly it did not matter. She looked back at the wolves with a touch of sadness in her eyes, though that was only for what they had already lost. Staying now would not keep anything good around - it had all gone the moment Noe had been forced to stomach her own insignificance on that winter day. "There is no point in standing up as if you will not eventually be crushed. You will both die alone one day, no matter who you loved or what pack you fought for." She let out a sharp, angry bark of a laugh. "You know what - the maggots that eat your flesh will be the closest relationship any wolf on this island ever actually has. Everything else is temporary and imaginary." With that, Noe did not look at them again, trotting off into the brush. They would leave her later or she would leave them now. It made no difference.

[azureye]

"You know what — the maggots that eat your flesh will be the closest relationship any wolf on this island ever actually has. Everything else is temporary and imaginary."

A low whine emanated from Tiátlien's throat the whole time Noe spoke, and when she turned away, his whine turned into a sudden, sharp, pitiful wail. "Noe, m'lady, speak not such dreadful thoughts! They are —" She was not listening; she didn't even pause or falter in her step, and Tiátlien felt his tongue go quite suddenly flat. Oh, how he wanted her to listen! He wanted, just this one time, for his pretty words to make a difference. If she'd stopped, he could've told her, in his own roundabout, curious way. It would've started with a story, maybe several stories, all kinds of tangents and jumbled thoughts, but given time, he could tell Noe, help make sense of this awful tragedy, make her see some fragmented shard of hope. But no, alas — not to be, not to be.

"LADY NOE!" he shouted in hoarse, inelegant desperation. A great chill seized Tiát as he realized how familiar this sensation was — the last time he'd been in a pack, he'd wanted so badly to make his pack listen, but he couldn't find the words and they wouldn't hear him.

Tiátlien's face clenched up in momentary, silent agony, and when he opened his eyes again, Noe was gone. Wordlessly, he turned to Asai, whose face likely mirrored his own — dumbstruck and deeply remorseful. At length, Tiátlien responded to Asai's earlier statement: "Oh, my dear, sweet lady Asai, your apology — that was rather unnecessary. Please..." a strange, strangled pause "...don't. And let's... ah. Let's stay hereabouts, and in the morning, I guess I'll turn toward the Alphas. Lady Noe was likely correct; I am deluding myself in thinking you good ladies are in dire need of my humble assistance."

There was an unhappy pause; Tiátlien clearly wanted to speak about more than strictly business, but it pained him. Still, it was like some painful medicine that had to be swallowed: something had to be said, and so he went on, muttering to Asai, or no one — it was difficult to tell. "Her ears are shut. She needs her knight — though my darkest heart wonders if even he would be enough, now. And Two! Oh, merciful heavens, she has no knight. This is the most wretched, the most awful state of affairs there ever was." Tiátlien sighed heavily, lying down in the grass as he spoke. Yet there was a dim fire in his eyes — contrary to whatever Asai thought, Tiátlien's desire to join a pack wasn't born of simple bullheaded determination to have a pack, any pack, or else. Next time a threat came around to try and seize those he loved and cherished, he wanted to be able to protect, to defend, to strike back.

"But I'm most glad you are here and well, m'lady Asai," he said quite suddenly. He still had that much — a dear friend, and the only other remnant of his beloved loner band whom was still with him. Tiátlien was the sort who counted his blessings; he couldn't be bleakhearted for long. Sighing contently, he sprawled in the grass and gave a crooked sort of grin. The day was lovely, at the very least — bright, beautiful, the picture of spring.

[Lhyriad]

Asai laid her head back in the warm grass, thinking the drama had abated for now. She was wrong. Horribly wrong. "I will not join some pack. And, I have been well enough to go without your aid for quite some time now, Tiatlien. " Opening her resting eyes at Noe's dispassionate tone, she saw her turn to leave. What? Now? It wasn't much of a surprise to see her leave, but she could at least stay long enough for goodbyes to be said couldn't she? Noe paused to look back, and Asai's ears pricked up. But her eyes said she hadn't changed her mind. They were sad. "There is no point in standing up as if you will not eventually be crushed. You will both die alone one day, no matter who you loved or what pack you fought for. You know what - the maggots that eat your flesh will be the closest relationship any wolf on this island ever actually has. Everything else is temporary and imaginary." Asai flinched at Noe's harsh words while Tiat cried, "Noe, m'lady, speak not such dreadful thoughts! They are —" But she was already leaving and did not stop to hear him out. Or say any sort of farewell. Asai didn't have it in her to yell after her, and she was afraid that if she raised her voice, she'd begin to cry. And there was no way in hell she'd do something like that. "LADY NOE!" The trees swallowed Noe up, and she was gone. Asai stared after her with bitter sadness. She'd always viewed the white she-wolf as a sort of older sister, and it pained her terribly to see her leave so abruptly. But it was one more thing that she couldn't change, so she accepted it, albeit reluctantly, and settled for just being sad. "Oh, my dear, sweet lady Asai, your apology — that was rather unnecessary. Please... don't. And let's... ah. Let's stay hereabouts, and in the morning, I guess I'll turn toward the Alphas. Lady Noe was likely correct; I am deluding myself in thinking you good ladies are in dire need of my humble assistance." She began to protest that yes, her apology had been quite necessary, when she heard his next words. When had Noe suggested that? She thought back. It seemed as if an eternity had passed. And, I have been well enough to go without your aid for quite some time now, Tiatlien. Oh. A flare of righteous anger welled up in Asai's kind, little heart. How ungrateful Noe had been! Tiat had nursed both of them when they'd been weak. He'd made sure that they ate when he could catch something. What right did she have to throw such dismissive words at him? With a heave, she pushed to her feet and managed to stay upright. He seemed surprised by her sudden movement. Her blue eyes flared with cold fire. "Don't you dare say such a thing and belittle yourself. I probably would've died without you here, and Noe would have fared terribly, at least. You aren't worthless!" She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Don't let anyone tell you you're worthless. And I wish I could tell you different, but the only way I'd catch anything right now is if it's fat and old." She attempted a smile. Tiat's mouth twitched half-heartedly at her attempt at a joke, but he remained silent. He didn't believe her, not completely. The pause drew out. She wasn't usually one to fill a silence, but she did now. "I wish Noe had stayed a little longer, at least to say goodbye," she murmured. This prompted him to mutter to himself. "Her ears are shut. She needs her knight — though my darkest heart wonders if even he would be enough, now. And Two! Oh, merciful heavens, she has no knight. This is the most wretched, the most awful state of affairs there ever was." This seemed to depress him further, and he lay down as he spoke. Asai, again, couldn't think of words with which to comfort him, so she followed his example. Careful of the reopened wound on her side, she laid down close to Tiat while being sure to give him his space. Blood seeped slowly from her flank, and she licked it absently. "But I'm most glad you are here and well, m'lady Asai." She was so startled by his comment that her tongue paused mid-lick, and she looked quite comical for a few seconds. Tiat grinned. Unaffected, she gave him a rare smile. "I'm glad you're here too, Tiat. You're a good friend." She leaned forward to nose his ear in a friendly, affectionate manner before curling up for sleep. Solitude was creeping up on her again, one wolf at a time. And for the first time, she had the urge to run from it, to put in the effort of racing it and winning. But she didn't know if she could. She'd never tried. She glanced at Tiat, the only friend she had left, with determination in her eyes. Well, she'd never a lost a race before, why start now?

This post has been edited by Lhyriad on Sep 14 2009, 10:13 PM

[Quiet]

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This post has been edited by Quiet on Oct 27 2009, 06:08 AM