Numbers stabbed with a talon thumbnail of taut irritation, she waits for the unsuspecting manwhore to respond.

.

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Unfamiliar number. A moment of consideration. He answers, despite suspicions that it's someone selling something he's not buying.

" ...yeah? "

"Hi!"

An arch chirpiness followed by a long, sneering smear of an inquiry.

"This is Braaaage. Right?"

CONNECTING TO RENEE

A sizable pause, wary hesitation.

" Yeah... Who's this? "

"It's the Free Advice Bot. And I have some free advice— hey! I know! Why don't you stay the fuck away from Edie."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

A long pause, spent pulling the phone away from his ear and eyeing it with skepticism. He returns it to his ear, vaguely suspecting a prank.

" What? "

A harsh, deep, frantic scoff that barely restrains itself to a sound of mostly breath.

"You think your stupid, cutesy, talk-show-host shoulder-touching-through-text-message grovelling is going to get you somewhere. It isn't!"

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Another pause, spent looking around the room, waiting for the punchline.

" I'm sure what you just said makes sense on some level, but... Who is this? "

A tinny trill of sarcastic laughter.

"Oh, yes, actually, your dry and unmoved disposition— I change my mind. It's so stoic and refreshing. Like the way you think you can make her just spring back onto your dick by just standing around and existing with a slight slouch."

A low, frustrated growl that turns into a dark rumble of laughter.

"Why can't you go do something else." (The sound of struggling, beleaguered pleading.)

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Pausing, sitting, releasing a puff of air that could, perhaps, be a breathy laugh.

" Are you... I don't know who you are. I don't know how you know Edie, or how well you know Edie, but as far as I know, she doesn't spring onto anyone's dick, or any other part of their anatomy. Unless she wants to, I guess, but you'd have to take that up with Edie. "

A rude, sharp, guttural noise.

" Oh, stop talking like you know her so. Well. "

A slightly demonic, heavy release of breath at a distance from the receiver, implying the exasperated tip back of her head.

" Christ, if all of you would just go away for one day, it wouldn't be like this, it would be so much easier, but you have to hang around like fucking fruit flies all the time. "

CONNECTING TO RENEE

A pause, the first indication of irritation.

" I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't know if I want to know what you're talking about, because as far as I know, you could be Edie's mentally unstable stalker who's forgotten to take her prescription medication. "

"Fuck you!"

The sound of something being thrown and landing a few meters away.

"Don't give me your morally superior, rational bullshit. Don't think it's hard to pull this act off. Anyone could do it. There are people like you everywhere, why can't you just stay with each other!"

CONNECTING TO RENEE

The quirk of a brow and a moment of regret, followed by a feeling of justification.

" Thanks for pointing that out. "

A pause.

" If it makes you feel any better - and I have no idea why I'd want to, but let's run with it - you seem to have gotten the wrong idea about me and Edie. "

(Mocking him.) "'I think you have the wrong idea about me and Edie.'"

(A scornful, jagged snort.)

"Really. Why don't you tell me. Why don't you tell me what your profound and complex feelings for Edie are. Feelings that don't revolve around ridiculous and base genital jokes."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Draws a deep breath.

" We're friends. "

"Si, si." (Falsely light and blase.) "Do all your friendships with women revolve around your prick?"

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Holds his breath for a second, contemplating hanging up.

" Either you tell me your name, or I hang up. "

(Combatively, with sudden venom.) "It's Renee. Renee Fallon. R-e-n-e-e, no accent mark, Fallon. F-a-l-l-o-n. Are you happy?"

(Taunting.)

"Call the police. Call them. Tell them I harassed you."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

A moment to consider the name. Matching it up with any past mentions.

" -absentmindedly- I'll pass. "

(A derisive snort.)

"Good. Fine. I don't care."

(A pause, then another spiteful dare.)

"Go ahead and cry to Edie. Pretend you know everything."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

A slightly exasperated sigh, followed by a calming pause.

" You're just full of good suggestions, aren't you? "

(A flat, low noise— unimpressed, but not entirely effortlessly.)

"You aren't cute."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

Immediate response.

" No, I'm adorable. "

(About .67ths as immediate as Brage.)

"Like anal warts."

CONNECTING TO RENEE

" Or beads. "

A pause.

" In any case, whatever your problem is, it doesn't seem to me like it's my problem. It might be Edie's problem, I don't know, you'll have to take that up with her. "

"If you don't want it to be your problem, then find some way to keep yourself busy. Go knock up a teenager."

(With this last suggestion, she hangs up.)