Post Your Poetry, Give it your best shot...

[Mstar]

I shall start with a sonnet. In theatre class (I'm in high school) we have to write a journal entry to a quote every day, and the following is my reponse to, "It is vital to believe in your ability to succeed absolutely and unequivocally. (Michael York)"

Lord help, I'm going to sound like Disney,
Or Dr. Phil, or some self-help book,
Telling you that to succeed, you must believe,
And that it's what's inside, not how you look.
Haven't we heard that crap too many times?
In grade school we were told that every day.
Well I am tired of being fed that line-
I, for one, refuse to be a cliché.
It's all well and good for you to believe,
But really it takes more than that to succeed.

[lelumarie]

It does take more than that...
Often this kind of "believe it, achieve it" attitude leads to children feeling that they are entitled to things that they haven't worked for just because they "believe" that they are entitled to said things....

As for the 'not how you look but who you are' that is also a tricky statement they give you.... not necessarily true...
the first thing that people notice is obviously how you look--thus, they are judging you before you open your mouth--it is only later they will judge who you are inside... (really, they shouldn't be judging you at all, but let's be honest, everyone does it)
also, an example: i just got a job where the woman was livid about 'you must DRESS for SUCCESS' as if clothing has anything to do with actual abilities...

/endrant

_________________________
Oh, and Mstar, do you mind if we move this to the poetry posting section instead of the poetry discussion area?
(the section called "write it out" is where I mean...)

Not that it truly matters the location, as long as the posts keep coming... heh...

(it is just that the OCD is telling me to ask this )

[Mstar]

Oh, I didn't know that there was a poetry posting section already!

Stupid me!

[lelumarie]

Noway, not stupid at all!!

the title for it is kinda... not poetry-ie hehe

[miss_elisha]

I have no idea where this came from (okay, that's not entirely true--it came from me hearing the word "million" in a Chris Isaak song on my way home), as it has nothing to do with anything, and I'm not really a big poet-type person. But, as I bothered to type it out and have nothing better to do with it, here it is.



A million times I loved with you

A million times I said



A million times I nurtured you

A million times I fed



A million times I hurt for you

A million times I bled



A million times I wrote to you

A million times I read



A million times I spoke to you

A million times I lied



A million times I looked at you

A million times I cried



A million times I let you go

A million times I sighed



But only once I walked away

And a million times I died

[Cassandra Stone]

Oo, neato!


Right now I'm in the middle of a heavy-duty poetry unit in English and this thought popped into my head in the middle of class. Because my teacher is all 'flowers and sunshine' about poetry, I figured I needed a more discerning audience. Never tried my hand at poetry before, and I'd like to hear some feedback, if at all possible!

Thankies muchly,
Emily

No Tomorrow

Lost in a sea
Of familiar faces,
worn-out places,
empty spaces.

I stand alone and scream:
"Where am I?
Why are you passing me by?
Please don't let me die!"

Here I am,
In a pool of sorrow,
my life is hollow,
No tomorrow,
No tomorrow.

I see a man turn and
He says to me:
"No, it can't be!
But I see . . .

You know I stood there
At your funeral site,
From morning to night,
From darkness to light.

I watched your mother
and your brothers crying,
your father dying,
your husband denying.

And your daughter
standing by your headstone,
all alone,
her mama ain't coming home."

And I stood there
in a pool of sorrow,
my life was hollow,
there's no tomorrow,
no tomorrow.

So the man,
he just went on his way,
and as night turned to day,
I just faded away.

The man's words
ringing loud in my head
Made me see red,
reminded me I was dead . . .

I stand deep
in a pool of sorrow
my life is hollow,
my life is over

And not even the night
can borrow,
time from tomorrow,
there's no tomorrow.

[lelumarie]

Emily,

Were you inspired by the song "Mad World" (originally by Tears for Fears, but covered by Gary Jules and also used in Donnie Darko)
I am just curious... (The reason I ask about this, is that it is a common technique of teachers to require use of familiar and favorite "other resources" (such as other ppl's artwork, songs, poems, etc.) by piecing these "influences" into a new piece that you create yourself. I am not at all implying you are 'copying' or any such idea--it is an obviously different thing... Just wondering about the assignment/teaching aspect--b/c English teaching's my degree. heh.)
Just in case, if it was on purpose or not, here are the lyrics for reference.

"Mad World"
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

The poem is pretty nice.
Personally, I like rhyming...
One thing though, is that the poem might be struggling with what you want to say because of such a strong desire to rhyme in every line.
The shorter rhymes/lines have a feel in places, of a SLAM poem; which is fine unless it wasn't your intent.

[fabi60]

Uh, oh, you got me,
First Haikus and now these things!
Stop me while you can!

*ahem* past the bad Haiku, I wrote this poem to express my dismay towards Thurday. (oh no there was a rhyme there!)

Thursdays, how I hate thee,
You fill my life with dread
and then deliver worse than I imagine.

I can't stand how busy you make me,
How you make me so tired at night.
You force me up, then push me down.

I don't mind each activity on its own,
But in one day? Not enough time!

Piano I can deal with,
Swimming I even enjoy,
Watching kids is even ok.

But do them all in one day,
and on top of school,
I can't do it! No way!

In November, with 1,667 words per day,
How can I do it all on a Thursday?

I want to lock myself away,
With a laptop and only a little internet,
And just write the day away.

But Thursday, you vile beast,
You force me out, you keep me from operating,
I can't get a thing done! There's do much to do.

*~*~*~*~*

It should be noted that I usually don't do line breaks, and things never do rhyme for me when I want them to. But I kind of just wrote this, and I was ok if it turned out more proseish, but it came out line breaks and even a few rhymes. Hmm...maybe I just shouldn't care about anything like that...nah!

Yeah, I don't usually write poetry. But I thought a few days ago that I'd give it a shot again, so I did, and this is like my second poem in a long time, so...yeah.

[fabi60]

Because I'm evil, I shall give you a poem, made of Haikus, about what...no idea, I will start with the idea of poetry. *evilgrin*

*~*~*~*

What creates a poem?
Is it rhyme, or meter, or what?
What about free verse?

Most poems have some rules,
Most of them I do not know.
Sonnets, Haikus, more?

Haiku poetry,
There are some fairly strict rules.
Syllable numbers.

First five syllables,
And then seven syllables,
Then five once again.

But then past the rules,
You can write what you would like.
Follow your desires.

Other rules escape.
I don't know any others.
Are there any more?

Other poems either,
I don't know their special rules.
Not that I can write.

Rhyming escapes me.
Haiku meter I can do.
Sadly, no others.

*~*~*~*

I apologize, that was terrible. I like Haikus though.

[lelumarie]

Walking out into the
Spring sunlight
makes me squint,
just like the first time
there was you.






(Don't judge; I was just bored.)