Theodore Simon's Funky Friday Night Adventure, Funny sub-title!

[Davey]

Hell, all I'm really good at is writing, so I figured I'd help out a bit, if only to satisfy the fan fic quotient. Just comment if you have time, kay folks?
***
Theodore Simons sighed as he stepped out on the front stoop of Frank Conniff Middle School, students like him running past him like a herd of crazy, Friday on the Minded cows. For it was Friday, the day they escaped the annoying buzz of their teachers's voice for two straight days, and that my friends is called the weekend.

Theodore, Teddy for short, wasn't exactly happy like the others, for unlike his fellow students, he wasn't very popular. His hair, fairly straight, hung just over his eyes like a black visor; it's a wonder he could see through it, it was quite thick. His school uniform was untucked, ruffled, wrinkled, and about a size too big for the boy, skinny boy he was.
Teddy was thirteen years old, and like most thirteen year olds, he was starved for attention. The problem was, there wasn't anything very interesting about the poor lad. His only real talents were writing and kick-boxing. And nunchuks. A strange combination for sure, but Teddy was a fan of kung-fu flicks and liked to write funny short stories. Its not like any of those talents made him friends, however. Nobody ever brings nunchaku to a fight, and his kind of humor, while different than most others, wasn't really accepted by the majority of the student faculty. Long story short, he was a Monty Python fan.

As Teddy began to make his way to the first step, a weekend of loneliness plaguing his thoughts, he suddenly looked up, hearing the soft, sweet, but somewhat firm voice of a female, and he instantly recognized it.

Girl: Hi Teddy!

Teddy froze. It was Mai Roberts, Korean-American student, popular female, and all around cutie pie of Frank Conniff Middle School. It goes without saying that Teddy had a crush on the girl, but like most of my characters, he could never outright tell her.
Teddy was in fact surprised that she'd singled him out and called to him. So surprised that Teddy pointed at himself as if to say "me?"

Mai: Yes you, silly, who else do you know named Teddy?

Teddy Ruxpin: I'm named Teddy.

Mai: But I wasn't talking to you.

Teddy Ruxpin: D'oh...

Mai: Anyway, Teddy, how are you?

Teddy: I'm, uh, I'm fine. Good.

Mai: That's great, what are you going to do this weekend?

Teddy thought it over in his head...Bruce Lee Marathon tonight, Sonny Chiba Marathon Saturday night, and a Sunday full of crying to himself.

Teddy: Um, nothing, nothing.

Mai: Oh, well if you're not busy, would you be willing to come to the library tomorrow? I'm doing a book report, and I know how good you are at that. I was wondering if you could help me?

Teddy almost fell over in shock. Keeping his composure, he finally spoke up.

Teddy: OF COURSE! OF COURSE I WOULD LIKE TO COME TO A PLACE THAT YOU ARE IN!

Mai giggled, thinking this was another one of Teddy's goofy jokes.

Mai: You're so funny, Teddy. See you tomorrow, okay?

Teddy: I suppose so...

Mai waved as she began to run off in her home's direction. Teddy began to follow her - he actually lived down the street from her, so don't go thinking he's a stalker of some sort. The walk basically went off without a hitch, except for when both were just a block from their homes, Teddy looked up the street, and saw two men burst out of a van, and pull Mai in.

Teddy: Huh. I wonder who those guys are. And why they're pulling Mai into a van. Maybe they're Mai's really overprotective aunt and uncle? No, of course not, they were both guys, and neither of them were Asian. Of course, they could be distant cousins that are really forceful and...

Mai: HELP ME, I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!

The van doors shut her screaming inside, as the van did an illegal u-turn (THE FIENDS) and roared up the street, in Teddy's direction. Teddy turned and began to watch the van drive away, a million thoughts rushing through his brain at once.

Teddy: Wait, what am I supposed to do? File a complaint, call Crime Stoppers, save her?

Teddy stopped. This was it! His big chance to be a real man in Mai's eyes...he was going to save her!
Without another word, Teddy gave chase upon the van, as Teddy's adventure began...

[Davey]

As it turns out, running after a van at top speed tired you out, especially when the running goes on for over a mile. Teddy didn't pretend to be a good cardio practitioner to begin with, but running for this long at this speed takes a lot out of you. Soon, Teddy began to feel the familiar, er, feeling, of his feet beginning to slow down, as the van began to disappear into the distance.

Teddy: Awww, I knew it, I'm low, I'm dirt, and useless, I'm pathetic, I'm no good, I'm...

The van soon screeched to a stop, and pulled into a nearby ware house.

Teddy: ...a very, very lucky boy.

Teddy used what was left of his energy to run to the warehouse. He was going to get a bit of rest, as there seemed to be no way inside.

Teddy: And I can only imagine what they're doing to her in there...torture...rape...making her watch the Greg Behrendt Show...

As a million terrible thoughts raced through Teddy's head, Teddy began to pace, trying to focus on a way to get inside. He then saw a brick, then looked up to a window.

Teddy: Deversion time...

Teddy picked up the brick, and hurled it through the window, quickly running off to hide behind a pole. The garage door to the warehouse flung open, as two men, both wearing ski masks and toting high caliber weapons, stepped out.

Guard 1: ...We can see you behind the pole, you idiot.

Teddy: Oh, crud buckets...

Teddy stepped out from behind the pole with his hands in the air, as the guards approached him.

Guard 2: Who are you supposed to be?

Teddy: Um...I know the girl that you took...

Guard 1: What, are you her boyfriend?

Teddy: Not....not really.

The guards looked between eachother, shrugged, and reached down to grab Teddy...when Teddy, acting on instincts he didn't really even know he had, dropped down, and kicked both feet out...catching both guards in their shins, causing them to topple over in pain. Teddy leapt to his feet, grabbed the guards's guns, and ran into the warehouse, quickly turning around to close the door.

Teddy: ...I so cannot believe I just did that.

Teddy disposed of the guns, literally, but depositing them into a nearby trashcan, and began a trek down a hallway of the warehouse, before stepping onto a long walk way that was somewhat high above the main floor of the building.
Down on the floor was one more guard, also holding a gun, and...MAI! Yes, it was Mai, tied to the chair, her mouth stuffed with a handkerchief and covered with tape. Even from this height, Teddy could tell that she'd been crying. Without pausing to think yet again, Teddy slung himself over the rails of the walkway, and rocketed downward at the guard.

Teddy: I CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO TAKE THIIIIIIIIS!

The guard looked up, thingyed an eyebrow, and casually stepped out of the way of Teddy, whom crashlanded face first into the floor. A garage door opened nearby, and the two guards stepped back into the warehouse.

Guard 3: Who's this kid?

Guard 1: He broke the window, and kicked our shins.

Guard 3: What should we do with him?

Guard 2: Pfft, leave the little idiot there, we have to get moving anyway.

The guards untied Mai from her chair, and began pulling her to the van, loading her back up inside; Mai screamed into her gag, hoping that Teddy would wake up to the sound of her voice and do SOMETHING. Unfortunate, as it wasn't to be, the doors slammed shut on her again, and the van roared off, leaving a very unconcious Teddy behind.