Random Insanity Killfest 13: Lit Fuse, [work in progress]

[NuclearCookout]

For those of you who are new to the RIK series, it is an irrational, insane, and ridiculously violent fantasy thrillride following the adventures of a team of mercenaries called the Random Insanity Union [based on a sub-site of Gamespot.com of the same name], which is located in a fortified base in Idaho. They carry out local and international missions for numerous reasons, mainly for profit, toppling a regime, or simple boredom. They have the unique ability to tap into a vast reservoir of power called The Insanity, allowing them to do things that are by far impossible otherwise. Coupled with the fact that they possess access to a nearly incalculable aggregate of weapons, they are considered to be the world’s most powerful organization. If one of them dies, they simply reappear somewhere else and return to whatever they were doing. The cast of characters changes depending on the story. Sometimes a character leaves for no reason, and sometimes a new character joins in.

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Demon Turkey as.........Turk
Aaaaarrrrggggg as........Arg
Bruin4ever1520 as.......Bruin
Nuttabutta as...............Nutta
Howardthegreat as.......Howard
Antsman as..................Ants
Korn91313 as............. Korn
ff7fan2 as.....................Fan
Nuclear Cookout as.....Nuke
Android_M as..............Roid
Supermetroidfan as......Super
Gamefreak315 as........Freak
Magicmo as.................Mo
Superspeed04 as.........Speed
HungryHomer111 as...Homer
d51man as....................Fiftyone
5150flip as...................Flip
Hungry_Bunny as........HB
glass_flame as..............Glass
Hoogomoogo as..........Hoogo
Aquamantor as............Aqua
Chandler99 as.............Ler
Gin_Tama as...............Gin
PenguinPaladin...........Penguin

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Random Insanity Killfest 13: Lit Fuse

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Upon a lush tree branch in a serene Idaho meadow chirps a diminutive sparrow; its avian song heralding the approach of the morning sun. Dew glistens on a small sea of grass, and the silence is broken only by the hooves of two deer. As the sparrow spreads its wings in preparation for flight, it is blown apart by a one-hundred-fifty-five millimeter artillery slug. At the helm of the large war instrument which fired the projectile are HB and Fan, who high-five each other with beaming smiles, and set the meadow ablaze with flamethrowers shortly thereafter.

Two months have passed since the end of Random Insanity Killfest 12. World War Seven continues to rage, and Aqua has been searching Austria high and low for Hoogo, who has dropped off the grid completely.

“Ler...Ler...you are...starting to get on my nerves,” says Mo, reading a comic book while trying to ignore Ler, who is batting him on the head with a flyswatter.

Ler responds, “It‘s so much fun, though. Seriously, I’m getting so much amusem-...” but is cut short when he is hit by one of Hoogo’s cow-swatters, being wielded by Turk, with the force of a large hyperbaric explosive, splattering him like a cherry gelatin-filled water balloon all over the large entertainment room.

Arg, who is reading an issue of Torture Monthly, drops the magazine and wipes the blood and bone fragments off his face. He looks at the floor with a deceptively cheerful expression, “Seeing the pain and death of people never ceases to bring me a smile.” He then looks up at Turk with a much darker expression and continues, “However, I cannot allow the interruption of my reading to go unpunished.” He promptly unsheathes a flint dagger and leaps at Turk from across the room, flying through the air like an irate chimpanzee. Moments before impact, Turk attempts to block Arg’s trajectory with Hoogo's cow-swatter , but Arg quickly bifurcates it with his ridiculously-sharp knife. Turk gasps before rapidly grabbing Ants and using him as a screaming meatshield. The knife slashes his suicide vest, detonating it, and sending them and the people within the blast radius sailing across the room.


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Copyright of NuclearCookout

[I Eat People]

I am pleased. New writing style i noticed.

[NuclearCookout]

So begins another Random Insanity brawl. The high-intensity fighting, slightly measurable on the Richter Scale, lasts for three days straight, and after the final skull-cracking blow of a frying pan is dealt upon Howard, the group finally rests and turns their attention to the oversized television while gorging on a variety of snacks. They watch the news for a while, though they see nothing unexpected or unusual. World War Seven is still going strong, Fiji and Grand Teton continue to be overrun by carnivorous grass, and Texas has conquered two other states, adding to its already growing territory.

Their attention is quickly caught by a newsflash. A strange monster has been terrorizing a region in Austria, and people have reported seeing half-eaten trees, cow bones, and human toenails all across the afflicted area. Additionally, a strange young man wearing a trench coat and drink-hat had been seen raiding local candy stores; not for the candy, but for their colorful plastic candy-holding bags and scented business cards.

One name comes to everyone’s mind: Hoogo.

“How is Aqua taking so long to find him?” Bruin asks the question while gnawing on a hot wing. “With his level of Insanity, he should‘ve found him by now.”

Super looks at him with a mildly confused mien. “Hoogo‘s Insanity levels rival Aqua‘s very closely. It‘s possible he‘s hiding his presence.”

“An interesting concept.” Bruin rubs his chin with intrigue. “Also, The Game.”

After collectively shouting “I lost,” the entire group shoots Bruin with various automatic weapons, reducing him to an unrecognizable burnt stain on the floor and walls.

“I hate that meme with such a passion.” Fiftyone scowls, and to whom all nod their agreement.

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Copyright of NuclearCookout

[AquaMantor]

YES! I have found this place again and am reading Random Insanity Killfest! /bookmark

[I Eat People]

*Eats*

[I Eat People]

I NEEDS THIS FINISHED. I WAIT FOR NO LONGER. *spears with a Q*

[NuclearCookout]

I was actually working on the plotline yesterday. Got a few more paragraphs written as well. Expect a new post soon(ish).

[I Eat People]

YAY! GLEE! *jumps off of cliff in happiness*

[NuclearCookout]

Twelve minutes pass before boredom begins to set in again, and Howard, who has the TV remote firmly within his grasp, looks over to Zgierz in confusion. “Dude, did you leave the stovetop on after making taquitos?”

The former Council of the Hand member looks around in a rather sheepish manner. “Oh...uh, nnnooooo.”

“Then why is it on fire?”

Zgierz looks over the back of the couch toward the kitchen and immediately notices the flames. Astonished, he races over with a fire extinguisher and uses it to beat the flames into submission rather than spraying them with it. The extinguisher explodes, sending its contents all over the place and launching Zgierz into a refrigerator.

Penguin chuckles heartily while observing the unfolding chaos. “Keep going! I think the fire might be about to give u-...WHY IS THERE A KITTEN sitting ON MY KNEE?”

“Oh, that‘s mine.” Arg approaches Penguin and grabs the small feline by its scruff, then cradles it in his arms and sits back down. “Yes, this is Krasnogvardeyskoye. Vardie for short. He’s named after my favorite Russian city.”

Roid blinks in astonishment. “You actually have a...favorite Russian city? Of what significance is it?”

Arg smiles cheerfully and reclines in the cushy seat, stroking the purring kitten while it lays contentedly on his lap. “Ah, good old Krasnogvardeyskoye. I remember that event like it was yesterday. All the screams, all the madness. So many people running around in their blind panic like headless chickens. I had recently acquired a high-capacity watergun and filled it with pizza grease and a special form of the unstable element Darmstadtium. The result was entertaining beyond measure.”

An awkward silence follows, and those who are listening begin giving him looks suggesting that they are anticipating more of the story. Arg neglects to finish his recollection, and instead whispers something into Vardie’s ear and subsequently tosses him onto Howard’s lap.

Howard looks down at the sickeningly cute feline with a smirk, but his joy turns to horror as the cat sprints for the remote control, grabs it in its mouth, and darts back to Arg’s lap.

“ARG!”

Arg looks at Howard with an expression of pure hatred. “Howie, do NOT, and I mean DO NOT, lecture me on who owns the remote control here.”

Howard’s expression hardens. “Uh, excuse me, but...I kinda DO own it.”

“WRONG.” Arg stands up from his seat, and Vardie promptly hops upon his head and angrily arches his back.

Howard stands as well. “I bought that remote from someone who sell remotes. It is MINE. The power to change the channels is MINE. Give. It. Back.”

“Ha, no. See, I loaned you the money to buy it at the remote control selling place from the remote control seller. Remember?”

“Yes, and I paid you back.”

“Lol, no you didn‘t.”

“I did too. I paid you in quetzals.”

Arg‘s anger increases. “WHAT on a toasted bagel is a QUETZAL? Don‘t just assume I‘ll accept anything you give me. It only makes you look dumber than you already are.”

At that point, those watching head down to the lower areas of the base to watch television in the mess hall.

“You do NOT speak to yuor leader in such a disrespectful manner, or else you will DIE.”

“I cannot listen to a so-called LEADER who misspells ‘YOUR‘.”

“YOU CAN‘T MISSPELL SPEECH.”

“YOU JUST DID.”

“OH, THAT‘S IT.” Howard purses his lips and irascibly stomps his foot. “BY MY PROVERBIAL CAPS-LOCK, MY ANGER HAS BEEN AWAKENED. ARG, YOU MUST DIE.”

Before they can come to blows, the shriek of multiple jet engines is heard outside preceding a loud explosion. Howard and Arg are sent to the floor, and those in the mess hall are shaken.

Turk spills his mug of soup as a result of the jolt from the blast, then looks toward an open door leading into a hallway. “Hoogo, stop playing with Nuke‘s subwoofers! You know how dangerous hardstyle is with those!”

Nuke looks away from his plate of toasted bagels and turns to Turk with an eyebrow raised. “Turk, Hoogo is in Austria....we think. Whatever the case, he isn‘t here. Besides, you know what happens to people who mess with my room‘s sound system without my presence.”

“Their mass is promptly crushed down to the size of a sugar cube by the gravitic effects of your defense staplers.”

“Correct...except for the part about the defense staplers. Where...where did that come from?”

Turk takes a bite of a sandwich and shrugs. “I dunno.”

Back in the entertainment room, Howard and Arg get back to their feet and, without saying anything, venture to a window. Awestruck, they see the flaming wreckage of a large passenger jet strewn across small flat area leading to an adjacent valley. Part of a wing can be seen near the entrance of the headquarters, riddled with bullet holes from the base’s automated defenses.

“Ok, our autocannons took down another jet. This pleases me.”

Howard shakes his head. “No, Arg, I recalibrated them to avoid passenger jets and other non-threatening aircraft, at least until they come within an obviously intrusive range. The jet must‘ve been going down beforehand.”

“I see.”

“And th-...” Howard is cut short when Arg slams his face into the bullet- and explosive-proof window—the pure force behind the attack cracking it slightly—then grabs him and chucks him straight through the window and outside, where he carves a short gash in the ground from the great momentum.

Arg leaps through the now open window and approaches Howard, intent on making many new craters with his body. However, his attention is drawn to part of the jet’s burning fuselage nearby, which appears to be rocking side to side in an unexpected manner. He decides to leave Howard alone and investigate.

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Copyright of NuclearCookout

[I Eat People]

I SENSE SUSPENSE! I SENSE MEGATRON INSIDE THAT ENGINE@@!!3!

[AquaMantor]

*grabs Hoogo and starts violently smashing his face into the wall as he speaks* BY MY PROVERBIAL CAPS LOCK! I THOUGHT THAT THAT MISSPELLING WAS ACCIDENTAL!

[I Eat People]

YOUR AN ACCIDENT......in peru that is.