Well, I'm depressed. I have no interest in doing anything really. And I'm not myself.

My mother, the crazy alcoholic that she is, is really getting to me. I can normally tolerate the abuse, but now? I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I think about just ending it. I mean, my dreams are broken and my hopes are shattered. And this isn't me! I don't think this way!

One night, when my mother was screaming at me, I cried myself to sleep as usual. But I had this intense hatred of myself...and for her. I looked at my arm and I bit it...hard. It hurt so badly, but I couldn't let go. I knew that I needed to, but I just couldn't. It left a huge bruise and hurt really bad. I'm scared of what I did. I never lose control. I never give in to her. But that night I did. Could I do it again?

I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to lose control. I don't want to be depressed. I just want to be a happy, normal fifteen year old. Why can't my mother just leave? I'm always so strong, but after fifteen years, I just don't know if I can make it. I've come so far, but...it seems like the future's too far away...

Anyway, thanks for reading.