chuunin jutsu, leaf

Chuunin -
Name:Ha-Hassha (Leaf Catapult)
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Forest
Description:The user gathers chakra and pulls it through leaves on the floor and using the leaves catapult the user and friends over long distances.

Name:Nokogiri (Saw)
Type: Taijutsu
Element: Forest
Description:The user throws a punch and overwelms his arm with chakra and tricking his brain into repeat his movement uncontrolably. later in life the ninja appears jittery and twitches.
( i shall do a post for each so sorry for double posting)

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Zeekage entered the small room where the head of jutsu department rested,asllep on the desk.Zeekage poked the head once, twice...three time..."What do you want!!!" he shouted as waking up.
"oh sorry sir i just wanted to know if you could teach me the Ha-Hassha technique..."Zeekage said nervously.
"Ok so you want to know a chuunin rank leaf exclusive no?"
"yes sir."Zeekage said.
"ok follow me i didn't know you were chuunin know"said the head happily.zeekage followed the man into the training room where he started to spread lots of leaves on the floor."Ok Zeekage i want you to throw chakra out of your feet so it propelles you up into the air!"
"ok sir"zeekage prepared himself and tried the technique...Zeekage was still there but the leaves were no longer around him they were spread all over the training ground. "ok Zeekage im going to say this once and only once...MORE CHAKRA!!!"
"ok sir"zeekage tried again empty his chakra stores as much as he could into his legs.bang he was off a big hole left in the floor and zeekage was slowly sliding down the wall he had crashed into."Good Zeekage but next time dont over do it and make sure theres nothing in your way..."
"yes sir!"

Too short and poorly written, fix up and add a few more key elements to learning the jutsus.

eh key elements ive done what the description says unless you put more description into it then i cant lengthen it and youre meant to help not just point out mistakes!

Okay I'll tell you right now that it has no flare or good draw in wording. Also, the grammer and puncuations are a mess. Please read a book and see how it's done. If your excuse is you've seen many do it like you or you always do it like that. Then think again because you really need to learn how to rp decently. Not,

That is just pitiful, watch! I'll do this only once but I'll fix it up in my next post and show you a good example of your story, then you may edit like so and be approved by someone else other then me.

Zeekage entered the small room where the head of jutsu department laid flat on his face snoring loudly. Zeekage poked his head once, then twice.

"What do you want!" He sprung his head up in an alarming way.

"Oh sorry sir! I just wanted to know if you could teach me the Ha-Hassha technique..."Zeekage said a bit startled and nervous, Zeekage was thinking about how a slacker like this guy could teach him and even be stronger then him.

"Okay? So you want to learn the Chuunin required jutsu right?"

"yes sir."Zeekage said bowing in respect of his superior.

"Okay follow me, I didn't know you were chuunin now." The teacher said abruptly, he scooted away from his desk and filed the papers and books that laid around him. He scooted the the chair in and left off with Zeekage, they soon found themselves in a room that was scattered with leaves.

"Ok Zeekage i want you to mold chakra around your feet so it can build up and when released at a high pressure it propels you up into the air!"

"Okay sir!" Zeekage prepared himself and tried the technique. He held the seal of the tiger with his hands to concentrate and build up easier chakra. He felt his feet get really heavy and chakra was leaking away from him. In panic, he released it quick, but sadly for him it was a dud. Zeekage was still there but the leaves were no longer around him they were spread all over the training ground.

"Okay Zeekage im going to say this once and only once...MORE CHAKRA!" The teacher rose his arm up as if he was giving a long pep talk to build up Zeekage's confidence. He knew Zeekage had the potential to do it but just needed to be pushed.

"Okay sir!" Zeekage shouted as he was filled with determination and more confidence from before. He felt the chakra he had in his circulatory system start to circulate to his heels and bawls of his feet. Zeekage closed his eyes as he thought of pure concentration in two spots. He locked his feet in place and made sure there were no leaks of chakra escaping from his feet. His eyes opened quickly as a instinct in his mind told him it was time. He let go of all holds and sprung up into the air as if he was punched by the legendary Sannin Tsunade. He broke out of the roof of the training room and landed in a near by grove of trees laughing. He got up smiling, happy that he learned a new jutsu.

"Good Zeekage, but next time don't over do it and make sure there's nothing in your way." The teacher said giving him a thumbs up and a smile that seemed to sparkle.

"Yes sir!" Zeekage said smiling back.

This post has been edited by Jin on Oct 6 2007, 12:50 PM

okay thanks now i see the difference clearly.i get on the next one.

Okay! I'll approve the one I did!

APPROVED!

you can't approve your own things... and please use the emoticon... that makes

or

anyway...

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this rp was more of a lesson, and you only rp'd to shwo him so neither of you get anything for this topic besides the fun and joy...

- thanks for being understanding Jin...

This post has been edited by Fact on Oct 6 2007, 03:17 PM

I don't understand. I believe he understood where I was going with it and he should get his well deserved jutsu.

Thx for understanding Fact!

um... fine HE gets the jutsu... but not you... ...i wanted to be fair and not give you both anyhting since he wrote the core and you added in detail... so w.e. ...

Lol I know, I didn't ever want it I was just helping him, I already have it .

please move these topics to the right spot... I believe you have mod powers in the academy related topics...