Vincent X: Greetings everyone!
Vincent X: My name is Marik!
Vincent X: I mean, Vincent.
Zeromark: Don't make me put you back in the box.
Vincent X: Actually my name is Creepy Mokuba!
Zeromark: GUARDS! SIEZE HIM!
Vincent X: Oh curse me and my creepy adorable mouth!
Vincent X: Anyway.
Zeromark: It's another Sonic Fic.
Vincent X: From an author I'm very familiar with!
Vincent X: In fact I got one of his fics banned for plagiarism!
Zeromark: Seriously, I doubt that Sonic Team anticipated this much fanwank when they wrote the very basic plot of Blue Hedgehogs move fast.
Vincent X: I wonder what Yuji Naka thinks about these.
Zeromark: "Join the Please, please, please get a life foundation!"
Vincent X: Yeah.
Vincent X: Anyway; this one is...
Zeromark: So, it's a Sonic corssover with...
Zeromark: Oh god.
Zeromark: I can't do it.
Vincent X: TERMINATOR!
Zeromark: I can't. The third and fourth movies sucked, but damn it, I respect that series.
Vincent X: Hasta la vista, good writing.
Zeromark: ...You're gonna be full of Arnold puns today, aren't you.
Vincent X: Cool party!
Zeromark: *Baps you with a stick*
Vincent X: Let's kick some fic!
Zeromark: Our author is?
Vincent X: JerichoRaccoon941
Vincent X: Who originally went with the name Neo Termintor
Vincent X: Terminator.
Vincent X: I call him Raccoon Terminator.
Zeromark: So, he's a Canaanite furry born in 941 AD?
Vincent X: Either that or the Wrestler Chris Jericho became a furry.
Zeromark: And the the story title?
Vincent X: Terminator: Sonic Chaos
Vincent X: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUH DUN!
Zeromark: GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY, I'M OUT
Vincent X: *Plays Terminator theme*
Zeromark: Does this mean a nuke is gonna be dropped on Mobius?
Vincent X: No fate but what we make. This guy decided his fate was to write awful stories.
Zeromark: Let's just get this over with.
“Chapter 01: No Fate But What We Make
It was a bright day in Los Angeles for Sonic the Hedgehog, whom along with his friends Miles "Tails" Prower, and Knuckles the Echidna, who stood next to the entrance to the Los Angeles Freeway, with Extreme Gear in each others' hands. Knuckles then asked: "Remind me again Sonic, why are we here at the L.A. Speedway?""
Vincent X: Sonic: Because the writer sucks.
Zeromark: L.A?...What happened to Mobius?
Vincent X: Also what the hell is "Extreme Gear?"
Zeromark: Equipment made in the 90's.
Zeromark: WHEN EVERYTHING WAS EXTREME
Vincent X: Extreeeeeeme!
Vincent X: Sonic X-treme!
Zeromark: Stop that.
Vincent X: That was a real game.
Vincent X: Kinda.
"Because, the Babylon Rogues want a Highway battle, and since they happened to be in town, I figure that this will be an interesting race." Sonic replied.
Not soon after, the sight of Jet the Hawk was seen charging straight towards them, along with Wave the Swallow and Storm the Albatross by his side. They soon dismounted their boards and Jet walked up to Sonic. "Well, Sonic, today's gonna be the day! The race of all races! Whoever can get from one side of town to the next earns the title of 'Fastest Thing Alive'!"
Vincent X: The who?
Zeromark: Oh, good lord, are there more Sonic characters?
Vincent X: Wait, I think they're from Sonic Riders.
Zeromark: Also, ...trios? Oh, god this is Sonic Heroes!
Vincent X: Aka the crappy racing game no one liked.
Vincent X: Gotta go fast!
"Yeah, yeah, keep on tryin' Jet, because nobody is faster than me!" Sonic replied.
Zeromark: No wonder Amy hates you now. ZING!
Vincent X: I bet Amy could say the same.
Vincent X: Ba-dum tish!
Wave then looked down on Tails and said: "Well, Shorty, let's hope your gear designs can match mine!"
"Wait and see." replied Tails.
Vincent X: Wave Swallows.
Zeromark: And lo, Tails balls decided to drop that moment, and he decided not to give a fuck, and walked away from this crappy fic and game series.
Vincent X: We can only hope.
Zeromark: Seriously, Japan, I know you have a fetish for giving grown men women's voices and all, but when it comes from anthromoprhs, it's creepy.
Vincent X: Well Tails is supposed to be a kid.
Storm then walked up to Knuckles and said: "Let's do this! After this, you and I will rumble!"
"Try me on that freeway." Knuckles said sternly.
They all soon lined up at the edge of the Freeway, and Sonic then said, "You do realize that the LAPD will chase us, Jet?"
Zeromark: Is this author about to go down a very painful route I think he is?
Vincent X: Oh god is this connected to his crappy Sonic Street Racer story? Because if it then I'm even more scared.
Zeromark: "Try me?"
Vincent X: That one involved furry sex.
Zeromark: Am I the only one who thin-...wat
Zeromark: So, Sonic Team was willing to admit it's characters have sex, beyond Amy's creepy fangirlism?
Vincent X: Don't ask.
Vincent X: Just don't ask.
Zeromark: I don't think I want to.
Vincent X: What?
Vincent X: No this was this guy's fic.
Zeromark: Oh, thank god.
Vincent X: Moving on.
Jet cockily replied: "I've outran cops all over the world, these guys will be no different."
"Yeah, they can't fight a hoverboard with those clunky things they call police interceptors." Wave added. They watched the traffic light like a light at a raceway, and when it turned green, the race was on!
Zeromark: Cause breaking the law is cool, kids!
Vincent X: Breaking the law! Breaking the law! Breaking the law!
Zeromark: And Vincent makes a Judge Dredd joke in 3, 2
Vincent X: I AM THE LAW!
Vincent X: LAAAAAAAAAW!
Team Sonic and the Babylon Rogues barely scored five miles when they heard 3 helicopters flying overhead. "Two news boys and one cop chop at 6 o'clock!" Jet shouted as they all glanced at the choppers."
Zeromark: AMRAAM MISSLES LOCKED ON TARGET.
Vincent X: Here comes the boom?
Soon the ominous sound of police sirens was heard far behind. "Here comes the cavalry!" Knuckles shouted as the cruisers closed in. The two groups had the advantage over the Police as the traffic grew heavier, as the small and tiny boards maneuvered easily around the cars on the freeway. The Police though had no luck trying to ram them with their cruisers. Jet and Sonic were enjoying themselves until one officer drew his gun and opened fire. "WHOA!" Jet shouted, "These guys must be really mad now everyone!"
Vincent X: Since when to police shoot at street racers?
Zeromark: And in other news today, 3 officers and 5 innocent people were injured, some severely in car wrecks when six WORTHLESS FIC CHARACTERS DECIDED TO VIOLATE SPEED LAWS AND PUBLIC SAFETY
Vincent X: YOU BETRAYED THE LAW!
Soon other police officers begun drawing and opening fire, and Storm responded by turning and smashing the police cruiser behind him directly in the front and made it flip over and a spectacular pile up soon followed. "Nice one Storm!" Wave said, and Storm replied: "You're welcome!"
Zeromark: ...Make that Murder One, instead of Reckless endangerment.
Vincent X: Oh how I missed this guy's messes of text that he believes are action scenes.
Vincent X: Seriously; it's like the fic threw up.
Zeromark: Okay, seriously!
Zeromark: I understand the Sonic games are about speed.
Zeromark: I really do.
Vincent X: Meanwhile the fics are about people DOING speed.
Zeromark: But even when Sonic races in urban enviroments, he doesn't kill innocent people!
Zeromark: Maybe Robotnik, but not Sonic.
Vincent X: Ahem.
Vincent X: LOGIC DOES NOT EXIST WITHIN THESE WALLS!
They were having fun and were almost at the home stretch when suddenly they heard more gunfire, only this time it was from a small white van being chased by a large semi. "What's the rush?" Sonic asked himself, and then decided to put a stop to it. "Sorry Jet, duty before titles!" and he raced off to get at the semi.
Vincent X: Sonic: Sorry Jet, we'll have to endanger civilians later!
Zeromark: Nevermind that you just injured or killed several innocent people, when a random semi, is chasing a random unmarked white van, that takes precedence.
Vincent X: Of course.
Zeromark: Vincent, would you care to set this line up, Seto Kaiba style?
Zeromark: Our author says about cops, and civilans,
Vincent X: Looks like the rules...just got screwed.
Zeromark: Not what I was going for, but it'll work.
Vincent X: Screw the rules I'm a Blue Hedgehog?
Zeromark: More like, Screw cops and innocent people, there's an unmarked van!
"Hey wait! I'm not letting you have all the glory!" and Jet followed. Sonic rode up and saw a woman in the car firing a handgun at the semi, whose driver was firing a submachine gun back. Sonic peered into the truck and saw a man with multiple holes in the face.
Zeromark: Rode on what....I thought they were runing.
Zeromark: *checks* oh, they're on boards. ...This ain't Back to the Future II. GO BACK TO RUNNING.
Vincent X: They were on the hoverboards.
Vincent X: Screw the running they have hoverboards!
Zeromark: A man with multiple holes in the face.
Zeromark: A deadman, more likely.
Vincent X: Such as a mouth, nostrils, eye sockets.
Vincent X: Deadman driving.
"Hey there!" Sonic shouted, and then to his surprise, the man turned and Sonic saw half a face, the other half had metal and a red eye. He trained his submachine gun on Sonic, who managed to get out of the way as the man fired.
Zeromark: Vincent, I can't....believe it.
Vincent X: UUUuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.
Zeromark: So, apparently, a terminator robot is more important then the innocent cops and civilians.
Vincent X: Well this is where the "plot" is.
Vincent X: And I use that term loosely.
"What was that?" Sonic asked himself. Jet, who had come up the other side, saw the metal part and soon he was shot at, but missed. Sonic then proceeded to slash a tire with his Spin Dash attack, he managed to take out some of the semi's tires, and made it skid out of control.
Vincent X: I'm sorry I blinked, what happened?
Zeromark: And then semi crashed, in a POPULATED CITY, and hurt more people.
Vincent X: Screw they people they have...no morals?
Zeromark: More or less.
Jet then created a wind gust with his board that managed to knock over the truck on its side and trapped the man under it. Then the car stopped and the woman came out and pumped her remaining rounds into the fuel tanks and blew up the truck. Sonic and Jet were speechless and even when the others caught up to the scene, there was shock and disbelief. Sonic then asked: "Are you OK?"
Vincent X: She's...SUPER THANKS FOR ASKING! ALL THINGS CONSIDERED SHE COULDN'T BE BETTER SHE MUST SAAAAAY!
Zeromark: “Are you okay.”
Zeromark: ...Pulitzer wrothy writing.
Vincent X: Well this is the guy who shoved Sonic characters into the Star Wars Ep 4 script with no changes to the plot and called it a fan fic.
The woman looked and said, "Yes….Thank you." Then a young man came out of the car, and gazed upon Sonic and the Babylon Rogues. Then Jet's beak dropped open and he said, "Hey! You're Sarah Connor!"
Zeromark: Why would he know that?
Vincent X: Logic has no place within this fic!
Zeromark: Sarah spent all of her time trying to go unnoticed by the authorities.
Vincent X: Sonic: Come with me if you want to be annoyed.
Zeromark: She'd occasionally make terrorist attacks on Cyberdyne to prevent Judgement day, but other than that, she stays under the radar
Vincent X: LOLZ
Zeromark: HOW WOULD A CRAPPY SONIC CHARACTER EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS
Vincent X: Do I have repeat how logic has no place within this fic?
Sonic then said "Sarah Connor?" "Oh yeah! You're that woman who has been on the run from the Feds."
Vincent X: Of course!
Zeromark: I CAN ONLY BE PUSHED SO FAR.
Zeromark: ADMIN DOGGY LIMIT BREAK
Vincent X: Down boy! *shoots tranq*
Vincent X: Now if you can be a good boy and finish the chapter without freaking out you'll get a doggy treat.
Vincent X: ZM...WAAAAAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
Then the young man said, "And you're…you're Sonic the Hedgehog, right? I'm John Connor."
"That's me! The one and the only!"
Sarah then said "Thank you…Come on John, let's go."
Vincent X: God I hope he doesn't try to write a romance between Sonic and Sarah Connor.
Zeromark: ...Why must you remind me of the necro-furry at the end of Sonic 06?
Vincent X: Because it's fun.
Then Tails ran up and asked, "Hey, are you OK?"
"I'm fine." Sarah replied, and both of them got into the car and left quickly.
Then Sonic checked his PDA and said, "Oh no! We have to meet Amy and Cream downtown! Sorry Jet, gotta run!"
Vincent X: And thus that scene was...ENTIRELY POINTLESS.
Vincent X: Like this fic.
Vincent X: Like this author's life.
Zeromark: Why is it that my biggest question is where he would keep that PDA...
Vincent X: I don't think we want to know.
"Hey! You owe me for this!" Jet shouted as they headed downtown.
"Where's Sonic?" Amy grumbled at the café on Hollywood Blvd, "He was supposed to be here 2 minutes ago!"
"Calm down Amy!" Cream said, "You know him and those Rogue guys, they race to the limit."
Zeromark: ...Owe him, what exactly?
Vincent X: Heh, Cream.
Zeromark: Another race?
Vincent X: Heh, Cream.
Zeromark: Funds for their legal defense funds?
Zeromark: EXPLAIN FIC.
Vincent X: Heh, Cram.
Vincent X: Cream.
Vincent X: Cramming Cream.
Zeromark: You have a one-track mind.
Vincent X: Did you just say sixty nine?
Vincent X: That's what she said!
"Chao." said Cheese. Soon, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and the Babylon Rogues arrived on the scene.
"Sorry we're late Amy, but…"
"IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" Amy screamed.
Vincent X: IF YOU COULDN'T TELL THAT MEANS AMY IS SHOUTING BECAUSE ALL TERRIBLE AUTHORS USE ALL FUCKING CAPS TO SHOW SCREAMING!
Vincent X: BY THE WAY; WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY!? I DO NOT CARE FOR IT!
Vincent X: Wh-what?
"Chill out girlie!" Jet said, "Two minutes late and already you freak out! Jeez! That reminds of Wave in a way." Wave couldn't help but snarl at that remark.
"Wait!" Cream called, "Why are you guys late?"
"I'll tell ya…" Said Knuckles as they went to their table outside the café.
Vincent X: They're late! They're late! They're late for an important date!
Zeromark: Yes. That's exactly what we need in this fic.
Zeromark: MORE FANDOMS
Vincent X: I hate the Extreme Sonic Fans. I really do.
Vincent X: I bet this guy was one of the fucktards that complained that Sonic's legs were too long in Sonic 4.
"Wow, you guys saw Sarah Connor today? Why didn't you tell the Police?" Amy asked.
"Well, I don't think she was as crazy as the authorities made her out to be." Sonic replied.
Then, they were interrupted by the sound of "We meet again." they all looked up and there stood Sarah and John.
Zeromark: ...did we just transition?
Vincent X: How conveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenient!
Zeromark: LITERATURE, AUTHOR!
Zeromark: DO YOU USE IT!
Vincent X: Nope.
"Well, what are you doing here?" asked Tails.
Sarah replied: "We didn't have much time to talk, and I saw you guys were looking spooked about something, and I knew that you knew."
"Knew about what?" asked Storm.
Vincent X: I had assumed everyone had heard.
Zeromark: I swear if you make the joke I think you're going to make.
Vincent X: What you hadn't heard?
Vincent X: I just assumed everyone had heard.
Vincent X: Doggy? Doggy? Remember the bird...because the bird is the word doggy!
Vincent X: The bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word!
Zeromark: *seeths with rage*
Vincent X: Well don't you know about the bird!? Vincent's gonna tell you about the bird!
Vincent X: The bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word!
Zeromark: TEDDY BEAR SUNGGLE CAKES!
Vincent X: The bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word!
Vincent X: ...Wait what?
Zeromark: THAT'S IT! THIS WEBSITE DIES!
Vincent X: But that's not very nice.
Zeromark: OF COURSE NOT! I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF!
Vincent X: The bird?
Vincent X: I think I'll move away now. Good night everybody! *runs*
Zeromark: *ENERGY BEAM OF DOOM*
*one throughouly large explosion and cool down later*
Zeromark: What....just happened?
Vincent X: Explosions.
Vincent X: But you still haven't heard.
"About that Terminator." John answered.
"Terminator?" they all said, and Sarah shushed them. John and Sarah grabbed some chairs and sat down, and then told them about Skynet, the Terminators, and about Judgment Day.
"Man, that sounds pretty serious!" Sonic said after Sarah finished.
Zeromark: ...Of course. This has been another understatement.
Vincent X: It's the opposite of super special awesome.
"And to think, you guys just want to help everyone, but nobody wants to believe you…" Cream said sadly.
"Chao." Cheese said again.
"And that is why they want to….." "Sarah Connor?" said a voice that came from behind Sarah.
Vincent X: Love the spacing.
Zeromark: So is that last line...two people speaking or one?
Vincent X: Two, but poor writing has doomed it to obscurity.
They looked and saw the sight of Shadow the Hedgehog and Rouge the Bat. Shadow glared at Sarah and behind him were a large group of FBI Agents armed with pistols, shotguns, SMGs, and rifles. "You're under arrest." he said as he prepared to grab her, when Sonic stepped up and said, "Hold on a minute Shadow!"
Zeromark: ...Oh, God.
Zeromark: It's Darth Hedgehog and Slut the Bat.
Vincent X: Did I forget to mention how this guy likes to use EVERY Sonic character?
Zeromark: You did.
Vincent X: My bad.
Vincent X: I just hope Big the Cat doesn't show up.
Shadow looked up and said, "Back off Sonic! This doesn't concern you!"
"She's wanted lawbreaker, hon, and we finally got her!" said Rouge with much glee. But things soon went from bad to worse when an FBI Cruiser was crushed by a giant vehicle. Everyone looked up as the FBI Agents pointed their guns at the machine. "Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho!" There was the sight of Doctor Eggman laughing above.
Zeromark: ....God, damn it.
Vincent X: What is even going on?
Vincent X: This fic is just random things happening.
Zeromark: Might as well pull the big bad out of storage while we're at it.
Zeromark: Okay, kids, let's review in a sequence I like to call, Villain logic.
Zeromark: Vincent, you're going to be playing Doctor Robotnik.
Vincent X: Okay.
Vincent X: I suddenly want to shout how I hate that Hedgehog.
Zeromark: Doctor, you're a wanted man, accused of brutally abusing innocent creatures, turning them into robots, attempting to blow up the earth on occasion, and forgetting to pay your parking tickets!
Zeromark: Now, while your technology is certainly advanced, would you want to expose getting captured needlessly in public, with armed FBI officers, and a group of your strongest enemies?
Vincent X: Probably not; but I do hate that Hedgehog.
Zeromark: Oh, I'm sorry.
Vincent X: And I am the Eggman, that's what I am. I am the Eggman, I have the master plan.
Zeromark: The correct answer was, according to this fic's logic for your character, was Of course you do!
Zeromark: But, we do have a consolation prize, for you Doctor!
Vincent X: And that is?
Zeromark: You get to keep reading this fic!
Vincent X: Blast! I hate that writer!
"Eggman!" Sonic shouted as he prepared for battle.
"Well, Sonic! Fine day for your doom huh?" Eggman mocked.
"What have you got planned this time, Eggman?" Sonic shouted back. Eggman revealed the seven Chaos Emeralds and the Master Emerald.
Zeromark: And Knuckles fails in his guardian duty yet again.
Vincent X: Of course!
"No! Not the Master Emerald too!" Knuckles shouted in panic. Cream then noticed Sarah and John had fled the scene in the confusion, but that was the least of her concern, as Eggman announced: "I am going to use the power of the Emeralds to make my ultimate weapon operational! Soon this laser will decimate you all, and I will finally be rid of you Sonic!"
Zeromark: Why not kill them now?
Vincent X: Because that would make sense.
"In your dreams Eggman!" Sonic replied.
"We'll see!" replied Eggman as he pushed a button which activated the machine. All the civilians, FBI Agents, LAPD Officers, and SWAT Officers backed off to let Sonic sort this out, but before Sonic could make his move, something unusual happened.
Zeromark: YOU HAVE GUNS
Vincent X: The fic began to make sense?
Zeromark: HE HAS NO COCKPIT PROTECTION
Zeromark: FIRE, DAMN YOU!
Vincent X: Loooogiiiiic.
Zeromark: I'M GOING TO EVICERATE THIS AUTHOR'S COMPUTER, AND USE IT'S DESCERCRATED'S CASE AS A STORAGE BOX FOR THIS AUTHOR'S SKULL!
Vincent X: What?
Zeromark: I'M GONNA RIP HIS HEAD OFF!
Vincent X: Oh
Vincent X: No.
Vincent X: Down boy!
Vincent X: Nyeeeeh!
Zeromark: THIS IS THE END, JERICHORACCOON941! I'M GOING TO FIND YOU AND PUT ALL MY POWER INTO DESTROYING YOUR SHIT! NOW PERISH, WITH YOUR SHITTY ASS FANFIC!
Vincent X: I'm fine with it.
"Doctor," said Bocoe, "The machine is overloading!"
"Yes!" added Decoe, "There is something funny happening to the Chaos Emeralds!"
"What!" shouted Eggman, "What is happening…" but before he could say more, there was a large bright light that appeared out of the machine, and encompassed Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Cheese, Shadow, Rouge, the Babylon Rogues, and Dr. Eggman's posse. Sonic shouted, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" But then he blacked out as the light became blinding.
Vincent X: Robotnik has a posse?
Zeromark: ...Oh god.
Zeromark: It's Scratch and Grounder.
Vincent X: Or at least the Sonic X versions.
Zeromark: GET TO DE CHOPPAH!
Zeromark: So, that's the first chapter.
Vincent X: And what a chapter it was.
Zeromark: And I think we're done referencing better comedy series.
Vincent X: To be honest that's about on par with the rest of his crap.
Zeromark: Hey, you're willing to read it.
Vincent X: And thank god he wasn't using the Sat AM version of Sonic.
Vincent X: Hey according to one of the replying author's it was really nine people riffing on his fic.
Zeromark: Yeah, I have to admit, using canon Sonic game characters is somehow better.
Vincent X: Mainly since that version of Sonic doesn't spout annoying catchphrases.
Vincent X: He just gets romance scenes with human princesses...
Zeromark: Yes and no.
Vincent X: Wait...which is worse?
Zeromark: American Dragon fanfics.
Vincent X: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Vincent X: American Dragon Rape Fic! RAAAAAH!
Vincent X: FUCK ALL OF YOU!
Zeromark: *ducks* Well, folks. THat's all the time we have.
Vincent X: DAMN YOU ALL TO PUSS SPEWING HELL!
Zeromark: Oh, shit who gave him a firearm?
Vincent X: I'M GONNA SHOOT EVERYONE!
Zeromark: See you next time, provided we survive that long!
Vincent X: AAAAAAAAH!
Vincent X: *bang*