Brad: Well crap.
Sam: This is gonna suck isn’t it?
Lauren: Oh yeah.
Zack: Just as bad as, if not worse than, part one.
Lauren: What the?
Sam: …SPELLING MOTHER FUCKER!
When I was coming home I from school for the summer, I saw a strange creature I said “What the hell are you?” It said “Help me I’m hurt badly and I need medical attention now.” So I helped it and repeated “What the heck are you?” and it said “A dragon with the power to control the seasons.” I almost said “the F word” but I stopped myself.
Brad: What the hell?
Zack: I…I have no idea.
“I need a place to live in.” said the dragon “a big place” the dragon is extremely large so I asked “Can you fly?” and the dragon responded “Yes I can but my wings are damaged badly so I cant.”
Lauren: Thus negating the whole, “yes” part.
When I saw his wings, they were trashed and I wrapped his wings with as many bandages as I could get, after I finished wrapping his wings his stomach growled I guessed he was hungry and I had to steal about 5,000 pounds of food which was tough to get but I got it.
Sam: Though we will never know how.
Now that the dragon is full I hacked a satellite and found a cave in the Rocky Mountains I took a plane to Colorado and took a car to the location, of course I had a laptop with a wireless card and a digital camera.
All 4: OF COURSE!
I sent pictures of the cave; then I measured it took notes then went home and measured the dragon. He is 60,000 feet long and 9,000 feet wide.
Zack: But his dick is three sizes too small.
The cave is 200,000 feet high and 20,000 feet wide. He was delighted to have a home, as a reward he taught me the “Instant Transmission”,
Sam: Insert Zelda “item get” sound here.
I of course went with him to the cave.
All 4: OF COURSE!
Somehow someone followed me and saw the dragon. I detected the spy and deleted what the spy saw and transported her home.
Lauren: Wait what?
Brad: What just happened?
The dragon is safe for now but I hope no one finds him because the world will probably put him in a cage which I will have to break him out of and find a new home for him…or I could just cloak the cave from radar, sonar and satellite.
NOW A DAY
Zack: Now a spelling test.
I now visit my dragon often by using the “Instant Transmission” technique he taught me. He’s certainly getting bigger the last time I measured him he was 60,000 feet long and 9,000 feet wide, but now he is at least 120,000 feet long and 18,000 feet wide I’m guessing he had too much to eat because of his moaning.
Brad: Either that or he was jacking it.
Sam: There’s a scary thought.
After I gave him an anti acid reflex tablet then he was fine. Then I weighed him I said, “Holy shit!” because he weighs 900,000,000,000,000,000 tons. That amazing weight made me say the “S” word.
All 4: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Zack: …DRAGONS ON MOTORCYCLES!
Lauren: HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON MOTORCYCLES!
He is the heaviest creature on the planet since the dinosaurs walked the planet.
Brad: DINOSAURS ON MOTORCYCLES!
I checked the chamber where his puts the bones of his meal and again I said “Holy shit!” because the chamber was full of bones, some were still wet with blood.
Sam: BONES ON MOTORCYCLES!
Then I checked the entrance to his home the entrance was a tight fit for him when he wants to go hunt or swim. I watched him walk around and each step he takes it’s like thunder and his belly makes a sloshing sound like he was full of water and his belly is also very soft and I guessed he was getting overweight. I presume his wings fully healed and I told him to fly around and he did with some trouble.
All 4: FLYING ON MOTORCYCLES!
THE RACE AGAINST TIME
All 4: RACING ON MOTORCYCLES!
Lauren: Wait, that one makes sense.
Zack: Making sense on motorcycles!
I told him to exercise but he told me it was the food then he clutched his enormous belly like he was in massive pain I tried to see what was wrong with him but he told me it was nothing. When I came back the next day I brought a sonic probe and hooked it up to my laptop and scanned his belly and to my surprise I said “shit, your pregnant with about 6,000 eggs.”
Brad: You have a vagina!
Zack: VAGINAS ON MOTORCYCLES!
He said “So that’s what was hurting me so bad.” I asked him how he became pregnant and he said “I don’t know how I got this large fucking thing, but I hate it.” I was shocked to actually hear him say the (F word) for the first time.
Lauren: FUCKING ON MOTORCYCLES!
Zack: FUCKING VAGINAS ON MOTORCYCLES!
Sam: Wait what?
Then he cried out in pain and I saw why because his belly grew about 60 feet bigger and I checked again and there were more 3,000 more eggs. I knew if he had any more eggs he would die because of the pressure of the eggs would crush his internal organs I had to do something fast in order to save him. I used my “Instant Transmission Technique” and got a surgical team and their equipment for an operation at first they didn’t believe me until I showed them the eggs which were killing him.
Lauren: They opened his Egg Vagina!
Zack: On motorcycles!
Brad: Egg Vaginas on motorcycles!
Sam: Dragon eggs on motorcycles!
I told them he is very important to the planet because if he dies the planet will be thrown into complete chaos so they started the surgery but he didn’t want to get knocked out but I told him not to worry they are here to help you but he didn’t believe that then he had the same sharp pain and his belly grew another 60 feet and he saw it and finally agreed and allowed them to knock him out but the light was extremely poor so I took them and my dragon to a hospital to do the operation and I waited in the waiting room pacing around looking at the clock.
Sam: Run on sentences on motorcycles!
After about 19 hours of waiting the nurse told me he will be fine I was so glad and I asked her how long will he be in the recovery room for and she said “about 3 years.” And I said in surprise “Three Years!” “Shit! I can’t wait that long by then he would be discovered and put into a cage and I won’t let them do that to him.” Then another nurse came and said “It fully healed in just an hour!” Then I said quietly so no one could hear me “Good boy.”
Zack: Boys on motorcycles!
To my surprise he was walking around probably getting rid of the knock out gas when he spotted me and said “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” I sighed and said “Let’s go home.” Then a ring master saw me and my dragon and pulled out a shotgun and pointed it at me and said “Hand over the dragon or I’ll shoot.”
Lauren: Shotguns on motorcycles!
And I said “Kiss my ass you fucking asshole!” the ring master was surprised that I said the “f word” and called him an asshole and the ring master pulled the trigger but the shot hit the wall because I was too fast for a bullet and I got behind him and pulled out my shotgun and pointed it at his head at point-blank range and said “leave my dragon alone, ok?” the ring mater said “never.”
Sam: GHOST RINGS!
Brad: GHOST MASTERS!
I sighed again and said “So be it.” And pulled the trigger the ring master’s head was vaporized and I put my shotgun away and used “Instant Transmission” to teleport out of there and my dragon was safe again and I had to tell the police I had a reason to kill the ring master then the police told me they were after the ringmaster for 19 years and they told me he had an illegal circus which had mythical creatures who were treated with cruelty.
Lauren: GHOST RINGMASTERS ON MOTORCYCLES!
THE EFFORT TO PURIFY THE ROGUE DRAGONS
Brad: What is going on?
Sam: I have no idea.
I got a reward of $60,000,000,000,000,000
Lauren: That’s not a real amount!
I was amazed that I became a hero and the news crew was there to but out of the corner of my eye I saw some orphans watching though the window and I walked over to them they were scared until I gave them about $1,000 and told them to “go find a home where you will never be harmed again because I’ll be there to protect you.”
Lauren: Wait what?
They did, the parents there were alcoholics and were treating them cruelly so I went with them and found all the alcohol and destroyed it and arrested the drunk bustards and took the orphans to see my dragon they were scared at first but then played with him until the orphans were exhausted and I found a shelter for them.
Zack: What the fuck is going on!?
Then my dragon needed some calcium right when I was going to throw away all those bones when back for another hand full the bones were gone and I found him patting his enormous belly and I didn’t know he ate the bones when I told to move aside when I heard the rattle of the bones in his belly I said “you just ate the bones didn’t you?” and he said “no I didn’t.” he was lying to me so I said “Nice try but you have to try harder than that to make me believe you.” He said “dammit.” I said very calmly “the bones you ate will give you calcium.” He ate about 90,000,000,000,000 tons of bones and he got a little fatter but at least he’s not pregnant.
Brad: ...Pregnant dragons on motorcycles!
Zack: As long as the babies don’t look like this…
Lauren: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? THAT’S HIDEOUS!
Brad: You are now BANNED from bringing images!
Sam: Ugh…I’m gonna puke.
He’s now forging three swords which will allow me to weaken dragon clans but when I fuse the three swords to allow me to capture dragon clans. The three swords names are: Unity, Duty and Destiny but when I fuse the three swords I get the Virtue Sword which allows me to capture dragon clans.
Lauren: You…oh god that image is still haunting me.
Zack: I am evil Zack! Bwahahaha!
He also made a device that will capture rogue dragons and bring them to the good side. Some of the rogue dragons are enormous and some are extremely fat and hungry. I then asked the rogue dragons why they rebelled against the humans and they said “Humans have used and abused us so we ate them and we will destroy humanity and rule the planet.” I asked “Who did that to you?” and they said “A gang did this to us but now we will eat everyone on the planet and no one can stop us.” I said “Oh really” then I pulled out the Virtue Sword and struck a rogue dragon with lighting fast swipes of the sword and to them it looked like I didn’t move until one of the rogue dragons collapsed onto the floor.
Sam: Wait what just happened?
Sam: STOP THAT!
Lauren: I thought we banned you from doing that!
Brad: It was me!
Sam: Ugh…Zack and Brad already sinned enough.
Lauren: I feel nauseous.
My dragon saw me move that fast before and he could see me strike with falcon accuracy the other rogue dragons were not afraid until I struck down one of their comrades then they lost their nerve and they surrendered. I told them “Don’t do that again or I will not hesitate to kill you all right.” And they said in a squeak “yes.” I then said “Where is this gang that made you rebel?” and they said “We don’t know.” I pulled out my sword again and they said “In Chicago.”
Zack: It’s a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark…and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Brad: Hit it.
Then I said “where in Chicago is the gang?” they said nothing and I repeated “where in Chicago is the gang?!” again they said nothing and I picked one up and slammed him into a wall and said “Answer me” “Answer me damn you!”
Lauren: Or I’ll kill you and then you won’t answer me anyway!
The one I had pinned up against the wall ate me then I did something I would completely regret.
Sam: Being digested?
I transformed into a “Super Sayin” and burst out of the dragon’s belly covered in blood and when I turned back to look at the dragon his belly was wide open I felt awful about what I did. I told my dragon “I want to be alone for some time, okay?” my dragon understood perfectly that I needed to be alone for awhile.
Brad: …What the fuck?
Sam: Oh dear lord.
Other 3: FUCK YOU ZACK!
THE PURIFIYING OF MY HEART
Lauren: How about the evacuating of my stomach? Ugh…
I went to China and told a wise priest what I did. He told me in order to purify my heart I would have to go to hell and kill a dragon demon named Le-Hung-Doe who was cursing China for 5,000 years.
I asked where the gate to hell was and he told me “I don’t know, but use your spirit to find the gate to the underworld.” I thanked him and I did use my spirit and I found it but before I entered a servant stopped me and said “the priest wants me to give this to you for slaying the demon.” It was a sword called Shing-Shingo which was used to slay the demon before. I found out the sword was supposed to put the demon to sleep for a 1,000 years. I said “this won’t help me at all” so I pulled the Virtue Sword and used my speed and accuracy to try to kill the bastard but it didn’t leave a scratch “Oh Shit!” I said I then remembered the servant told me that the Shing-Shingo is the only sword which could pierce the demons tough scales I muttered “let’s try this.” I then used the sword fusion on the Virtue Sword and the Shing-Shingo I got the Legendary Demon Killer and with one slash I killed the demon.
Sam: Well obviously.
I was covered in blood but when I emerged from the underworld all of China was there waiting for me, when I finally emerged all of China cheered and the priest said “You have stopped the curse you are a hero in the next 1,000 years.” I said “Um Id hate to burst your bubble but I killed It.” And the priest said “You did what?!” “I killed it.” The priest said “you started a Yin-Yang War and you will fight alone with no weapons.”
Zack: Wait what?
Lauren: I have no idea.
When the priest took the sword I was holding but right when he touched it, it electrocuted him. I was surprised that The Shing-Shingo became part of The Virtue Sword. After I used my new powerful sword against a one-hundred demons I killed them with one swipe I then decided to call it “Tetsiga” because it can kill 100 demons with one swipe. I returned home after one year passed my dragon was happy that I returned home after a long time I told him the whole story and he said “I’ll help out in this war.” I said “no thanks I have a very powerful sword, Tetsiga which can kill 100 demons in one swipe.” He didn’t believe me but when I was going to show him I got calls from all over the world except China.
Brad: What the hell is going on?
Sam: I have no idea.
I smiled my psycho smile my dragon knew I was going to go to war. I started to leave the cave when my dragon blocked my path I said “What the hell are you doing? I need to save the world.” And my dragon said “you are not going out there alone.” I said “all right you can help but if it gets sticky, get the fuck out of there.”
Zack: I’m pretty sure the sticky comes when you get the fuck IN there.
And he said “cool I’ll get reinforcements.” Right before I could speak a demon called Kekanu called me and said “in 10 days come to the city at dusk so the war can begin.” I said “there are too many people around; let’s fight at the wastelands okay?” Kekanu agreed with me. So I told my family I was to fight in a war that will decide the fate of the planet that will start in10 days at dusk. My parents begged me not to go but I told them “I have to go because I started the war and I will be the one to end the war.” I trained in a chamber called “The Hyperbolic Time Chamber” with the Tetsiga to try to learn some techniques before I go to war. In the Hyperbolic Time Chamber a day is a year. I stayed in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber for the 10 days, which means I trained for 10 years in there.
Sam: Uh…what just happened?
VincentX: That’s from Dragon Ball Z.
Lauren: And the crap comes full circle.
THE YIN-YANG WAR BEGINS
Brad: Blacks vs. Whites?
Zack: We now apologize to…everyone.
On the final day
Lauren: God put his foot up your ass.
I emerged stronger than before, also I obtained all the Super Sayin stages, of course when I emerged I was in Super Sayin form
All 4: OF COURSE!
my dragon could sense my power level he was scared out of his mind he told me “Get back or I will kill you.” I said in slang “You would hurt sing-song brother?” he could not believe his ears and said “Blade? Is that you?” I said “of course dummy who else would have called a you sing-song brother?”
Zack: I…I don’t even know what that is.
he said nothing and I said “Lets go open a can of whop-ass.”
Brad: So they’re gonna beat up Italians?
Lauren: Offending EVERYONE.
My dragon agreed. Now it is the time to fight we went to the wastelands and there stood Kekanu he said “good you have come to fight, well, aren’t we going to start?” I said “Yeah, let’s go!” before I knew it he had an entire army of demons behind him. I said to myself “its time to use my new skills.” I pulled Tetsiga from its scabbard and focused my power in to its blade and then I swiped he laughed and said “is that the best you can do?” in a mocking voice and I said “No, this is what I can do you, ugly son of a b****!”
Lauren: Why is he censoring “bitch?” I really don’t get it.
then waves of energy shot out of the blade killing half of the army, Kekanu got scared out of his wits. I told him “surrender or I will kill the rest of your fucking army”
Sam: I don’t either, especially when he says the word “fuck” one sentence later.
Kekanu sent the rest of his army at me but right when I was ready to strike he cast a paralyzing spell on me, I yelled “You fucking piece of shit, I’ll kill you for this!”
Lauren: And then he says that…I am so confused.
he just laughed. Then just out of the blue smacked him and sent him flying into a cliff. I said “What the…?” when I looked where Kekanu stood I saw a dragon standing in his place I sensed that power before. I yelled “Season bringer! What happened to you? You look stronger.” Season bringer said
Brad: Who is that?
“of course I look stronger because I did some training.” I asked “where did you train?” he said “The Other world.” I screamed “YOU WENT TO THE OTHER WORLD WITHOUT ME KNOWING!”
Zack: THE NEXT DIMENSION!
Season bringer said “Chill down Blade, we have a mission, don’t we?” I said coolly “Yea, we do but I want you to get everyone on the planet to lend me their energy, OK?” Season Bringer said “all right, I will.”
Sam: I’m lost.
Brad: I wonder if that’s an existing character.
Zack: To the web!
Lauren: *snicker* Well first it tries to correct you by asking for Keanu Reeves…then it just lists references to this fic.
When Kekanu recovered from the surprise attack I told Season Bringer to go and he did, I turned with rage to Kekanu I said in a deep scary voice “Let’s finish this.” Before he could strike with his claws I powered up to Super Sayin stage 4.
Sam: Oh great.
Kekanu transformed to his demon form, we were evenly matched in power then we started fighting. The blows could be felt across the planet; Season Bringer could sense the fight going on, Season Bringer completed his mission. He told me he completed the mission. I delivered a devastating blow to the face, stunning him for a few seconds I then called for the energy the planet gave me the energy to go to the ultimate Super Sayin stage: stage 5,
Zack: Wait what?
VincentX: Uh…that doesn’t exist.
Lauren: Oh yes it does.
Sam: What is it then?
Lauren: It’s this…
Sam: FUCK WHY DID I ASK!?
I then focused my energy that I would destroy Kekanu and his army and that would end the war in just one blow, I did The Wind Scar technique and destroyed Kekanu and his army. I wasted a lot of energy performing the Wind Scar in Super Sayin stage 5; I lay exhausted I was lucky to have Season Bringer bring me home.
Brad: I have no idea what just happened…baby Arnold traumatized me.
I slept for 3 weeks then when I finally woke up,
Zack: Baby Arnold appeared!
there was a victory party waiting for me. I was surprised that Season Bringer planed the party for me I said “you planed the party for me didn’t you?” he just said yes I said “come here” in a playful voice giving him a nuge
All 4: GAY!
then pain shot up my whole body, I screamed out in pain, I had to be taken to the hospital because I broke every bone and pulled all the tendons in my body during the fight. I had to spend a year in the hospital in order to recover fully.
Zack: Hi, that’s not random.
While in the hospital I snuck out one in awhile to go train but I would get caught and strapped in to bed.
When I fully recovered, I had Season Bringer brought me to the Other World and we both trained there for a year. Then we decided to become one of earth’s great guardians but we couldn’t because the guardians saw what we did but they did let us become Holy Warriors. We were allowed to protect the planet from demons, aliens, space pirates and mainly…. Idiots. We got to train for as long as we want.
Lauren: I’m lost.
All 4: DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
Sometimes if we were in a good mood (which we weren’t in at all) we would let some aliens though like the Protoss though to make peace if not…well you get the idea.
Sam: Hold up…that’s Starcraft.
Brad: Oh god.
An enemy alien race called Zerg almost got though but Season Bringer and I destroyed their attack force and set them home with their fucking tails between their legs I then got a transmission from a different planet.
Zack: Their “fucking tails between their legs?” Yeah, that’s not sexual at all.
I studied a map and traced it to the planet Char, the Zerg Home world I said “God dammit, who the hell would send me a fucking transmission at this time?” when I answered it, a woman stood there. She said in a bug like voice “hello Blade.” I said in a low angered voice “Kerrigan.” Kerrigan said “I bring bad news.” I said “cant you see I’m busy right now so leave me alone.” But right when I was going to cut the transmission Season bringer stopped me and said “let’s hear what she has to say” I yelled in anger “DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS? SHE’S THE QUEEN OF BLADES AND SHE ALMOST MADE ME HER FUCKING SLAVE!”
Lauren: LET MY PEOPLE GO!
Season bringer said “chill Blade, Kerrigan continue.” I couldn’t believe Season bringer would talk to that b****!
Zack: Okay I REALLY want to know why bitch keeps getting censored.
Kerrigan continued “there is a new Overmind growing on Char.” I yelled “WHAT?!, you can’t be serious the Overmind was killed by the dark templar.” She said “listen go to Char and kill it.” I said “how can I kill the fucking thing when I don’t have any dark templar powers?” she said “you do but you don’t know how to use them yet, go to Sakura and ask for the dark templar to help you” I said “how can I get to Sakura without a ship with slip space or cold sleep?” she stared at me and she pointed to some dog tags in a glass case behind me I told her “so there dog tags from the ----- then I smiled my psycho smile because I had to steal an alien ship that the C.I.A. had in Area 51.
Brad: What just happened?
Sam: Things that only the nut job who wrote this understands.
I asked the army”where is Area 51?” they said “sorry kid but no is allowed in Area 51” I was ticked at that and yelled “I HAVE TO STOP AN INVASION FROM HAPPENING AND I CANT GET A STAR SHIP TO GET TO MY DESTANATION, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?!”
Zack: Now allow me to continue SHOUTING AT RANDOM!
the army knew what I was talking about and blind folded me and took me there. There were some scientists working on the ship. I examined the ship, I said “Nice, it has blasters, I like that.” The scientists were surprised at what I said; of course Season bringer came too. One of the scientists said “the ship is very small only two people can fly it, you need a co pilot” then I pointed in Season bringers direction he looked at Season bringer and said “he a friend?” I said “no, he’s my co pilot.” The scientist said “what, he’s your co pilot?” I said “yea, so what more do you want?”
Lauren: A coherent plot?
then the scientist said “alright he can be your co pilot, do you know how to fly that thing?” I said “of course I know how to fly the god damn thing, what did you expect? I have piloted mechs, Gundams, huge robots and many others.”
Zack: Oh god.
The scientist were surprised that I piloted all those things and said “I believe you can fly that thing” and I said “….just give me the damn keys.” Season bringer and I were off to learn about my dark templar powers. Right when we got there it was hard to breathe on the planet but we trained in the depths of a black hole for about a year. So we were ready. After a few minutes we were breathing normally and we set out but when we found the dark templar camp we had to get in without getting killed. I transformed to Super Sayjin stage 2 and Season bringer transformed to his extremely strong form
Zack: Extremely strong form?
and we walked up to one of their watch towers and called up “hey, I’m looking for Zeritul, do you know where he is? The guards laughed and yelled “no human cannot enter.” I used my speed to get up to one of the towers and stood on the rail with only my toes on it and said “If you let us in we wont kill you, OK?” they just squeaked “Yes.” And they let us in and I learned how to use my dark templar powers. Now I can finally kill the god damn fucking Overmind.
Brad: My brain hurts.
Lauren: Overdose imminent.
I tried to contact Kerrigan but instead I saw a big ugly eye and I heard it say in a deep freaky voice that said “I am finally complete now I can control the swarm.”
Sam: Mommy why is the eye talking?
I knew that voice I said “shit, I’m too late it is complete and Kerrigain is… No, I failed to save Kerrigain from becoming a slave to the Overmind.” season bringer said “it’s all right we didn’t know the Overmind grew that quickly.” I said “ok, let’s think of a plan to kill the Overmind.” Season bringer said “reinforcements?” that triggered something in my mind and I said “we need an army of predators to help out.” Season bringer yelled “ARE YOU CRAZY? THE PREDATORS WONT ALLY WITH A HUMAN!” I said “chill Season bringer, I can tell them it is an emergency and they will help.”
Brad: Dude…chill and smoke ‘em up.
“I don’t trust them” said Season bringer “neither do I, but are you seeing me complaining?” Season bringer said “no, but we need an army of some sort.” Then Zeritul walked up to me and asked “what’s going on?” I answered “the Overmind is back and wants revenge on the dark templar” Zeritul said “so it’s back, we will help you but our leader is gone.” I said “I’ll try to find your leader.”
Zack: I have no idea what is going on.
Lauren: I think that’s our catchphrase for this fic.
Zeritul said “alright I will assemble as many dark templar as I can to help fight.” Then I got another transmission that had a bad connection, it was a very old friend named Takanuva: the toa of light he said “the toa will help you fight but we can’t get to where you are”
Brad: Use the Force dude!
I asked the dark templar to build a warp gate and I asked Takanuva to tell the toa to build a warp gate and tried to open a portal from Sakura to Mata Nui and it worked, all seven toa were on the planet Sakura
Sam: Aka the panty shot planet.
Sam: Sakura from Street Fighter.
Sam: School girl and karate girl, short skirt, it flaps around and shows her underwear.
Lauren: …right, I’m going to hit you now.
Sam: Fair enough.
then the portal began to spit Zerglings out and I yelled “SHUT THE WARP GATE!” and the portal faded away stopping the Zerglings. After we killed the Zerglings I told the Toa about the mission. The toa understood the mission but I needed backup just in case we were going to get overrun. Then I tried a different frequency to try and gain the Toa Metru to help fight and the toa metru got there too, I told them the whole story and they understood the mission. We then used a Protoss shuttle to get to Char.
Zack: How about you take the explanation car to get us to WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?
THE SLAGHTER OF THE ZERG
Sam: As opposed to the SLAUGHTER which would have done something.
After we landed I made sure the landing site wasn’t in the middle of the Hive
Lauren: …Oh god no, if it’s the group from Teen Titans I’m gonna hurt someone.
but we weren’t. We were about 3miles away from the Zerg Hive Cluster.
Lauren: Oh thank god.
I said “we are out numbered 50 against 2 billion.”
Zack: And that’s no good!
I told the toa to stay near the shuttle just in case we are going to get our selves killed. I said to Season bringer “I go Super Sayin stage 2 while you go-“before I could finish he went Super Sayin. I was surprised and told him quietly “how did you go Super Sayin in such a short time?” He answered “while you were in the hospital I did some training and I triggered something in me that made me transform.” I said “okay two Super Sayins against 2 billion Zerg…
Sam: Shortest battle ever.
lets go show the Overmind who’s boss, ready Season bringer?” he said “yea, lets go” we both charged in energy blazing.
Lauren: Overpowered much?
There was no way the Overmind could know what was going on, we killed every goddamn Zerg that was guarding the Overmind, the only thing that was in our way was Kerrigain. I told Season bringer this is my duty to ether free her or kill her. I knocked her out and told Season Bringer to get her as far away as you can. I then went Super Sayin stage 5,
Sam: Wait that…NO DON’T!
then I said “IT’S TIME TO DIE YOU UGLY SON-OF-A-B****!
Lauren: Again, why is BITCH censored!?
And with that I used my dark templar powers combined with my Super Sayin powers to perform my “Wind Scar” technique to vaporize the goddamn fucking, piece of shit Overmind.
Lauren: Seriously! Why do you censor BITCH when you say stuff like that!?
The blast vaporized the ugly son-of –a-b****, but the celebetes were left so we both took care of them with ease. I finally decided to blow the fucking planet up, but season bringer stopped me.
Sam: Oh this is just dumb.
THE AWAKING OF THE ICE EMERALDS
Zack: The sleeping of the readers.
I actually had fun killing the Zerg so did season bringer. I later found out I’m a half-breed (no wonder I could smell a moron a mile away).
Brad: Wait what?
I’m half Sayin, half wolf, which makes me extremely dangerous if you got on my bad side.
Sam: So you’re a space monkey dog…right.
I found out I go into a frenzy by the taste of blood, which is one reason not to tick me off because you will ether see a super Sayin or a wolf who is in a frenzy. Some people try to get me scared by trying to threaten me, but that fails when I go into my wolf form or go super Sayin, which scares the shit out of them because they are facing a ruthless killer who has just gone into a frenzy.
I have earned the codenames “The Angel of Death” and “The God of Destruction” because I truly deserve those names for the amount of kills in 2 months.
Zack: How about The Fucking Moron?
Sam: Actually The Untalented Writer is more appropriate.
Lauren: How about The Psychotic Nutjob?
Brad: How about…BABY ARNOLD!
Not even god and Satin can stop me,
Zack: However SATAN can kick your ass.
which is kind of cool not having to worry about getting punished by god because you can strike back at him.
Sam: Hi, that’s not overpowered at all.
I just met a demon who petty killed everyone off when I wasn’t alive. Season bringer is still keeping the seasons in balance as always. When I went to the Artic, I felt a lot stronger than normal, like I was one with the ice; I found a secret wolf pack hidden in an extinct volcano while I there.
Brad: As well as some great weed.
While I was there I felt strange, like my body wanted to shatter and a strange mark appeared on my face, I was going to ask what was going on, but right before I spoke every one of them bowed down to me. I thought “what the fuck is going on here?”
Lauren: Funny, that’s what we’ve been asking throughout this entire story.
I think the leader of the pack recognized the mark on my face, he said “the guardian has returned!” I said “what are you talking about, I have no connection here what so ever” he said “come with me, I want to show you something.” And I did, before I knew it we were in a huge chamber with a huge gem on a shrine. I was amazed yet curious about the gem.
I asked “what is that thing and why is it so big?” he told me “that is the master ice emerald, only the guardian can touch it, go ahead touch it” I did, when I did I felt a lot of energy surging into me, something came out of me and from that I blacked out. When I woke up I was in a bed bandaged up.
Zack: Oh god I hope they didn’t rape him while he was sleeping.
After that I wanted to see why my hand was bandaged up, I took the bandages off and screamed “HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MARK?” every one came in and saw that I had a golden burn mark on my hand. Later the elder came in and was holding seven small gems that I thought were pieces of the Master ice emerald.
Brad: Wait…are those the Chaos Emeralds?
Sam: Oh god no…
I apologized for shattering it until he told me “these were hidden in your body and these are the ice emeralds which allow you to go super.” I said in confusion “super?” “Yes super, it can make you even stronger than you are now.” I said “if I go super as a super Sayin, what will happen?” he said “you might lose control of your body.” I said, sarcastically “I’ve gotta try it someday” he screamed “YOU JOKE ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THE ICE EMERALDS!”
Lauren: Woa…fucking psycho.
I said coolly “hey, I laugh at the dangers, do you know why?” he shrugged; I said “you haven’t seen me go Super Sayin stage 5 yet, and that’s fun, because just a little wave of my hand can destroy half the planet.” At that he backed up a few feet from fear I think, or wanting me to show him.
Zack: Yes, he wanted to see you blow up the planet…so he took two steps back. Right.
Lauren: Who was that again?
Sam: Do you really care?
Before I could show him there was an explosion, both the elder and I ran out of his den to see what was going on and guess who we found, if you guessed Kekanu your right,
Brad: YOU ARE WINNER! HAH! HAH! HAH!
the ugly son-of a b**** is back and very pissed off, I would be if that happened to me.
Zack: Yeah, I’d be pissed if I was in this fic too.
I sensed he was a hell lot stronger from when I kicked his ass. I also smelled a lot of humans which sucks. I remembered how I killed him before, and I went Super Sayin stage 5 again and started to prepare to strike with the Wind Scar but I couldn’t do it because something was holding me back, like an inner demon.
Zack: You mean…
Sam: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!
Zack: I didn’t do it that time!
The elder screamed something to me that sounded like “you can’t kill him that way, use the emeralds!” I tried but I couldn’t, I yelled back “how can I kill him if I can’t use them” suddenly I remembered I must do it in front of the master ice emerald.
Brad: Wait what?
Sam: Do it?
Zack: Do it to it?
Lauren: DON’T YOU EVER QUOTE THAT!
Brad: Mondo-Ugly dude.
Sam: DAMN RIGHT “OW!”
KEKANU’S DEFEAT AGAIN AND BLADE’S INSANITY
Zack: Oh like anything in this fic could be considered “sane.”
I of course couldn’t resist to insult him “Slow think Kekanu, old-bone and bogfoot!”
Lauren: WHAT THE FUCK!?
that made him come after me, when we reached the chamber that held the master ice emerald, he almost hit it but when he got close, it fried him, I had to try my luck again in touching it and the ice emeralds started to glow and I felt my powers growing. I finally struck him and my arm was right though his chest and I was holding his heart.
All 4: KANO WINS! FATALITY!
I had finally killed him, when I emerged from the chamber my right arm was covered in blood and I dragged his body behind me, the humans saw what a big mistake they made by trying to kill me. My hair is pure white and my eyes were bluish- greenish and my aura is silver.
Zack: *Silver* IT’S NO USE!
Season bringer sensed my transformation and came to see what happened; I swear he has shaking in major fear when he saw me.
Sam: What about Lieutenant Terror?
Lauren: Or General Fright?
I yelled “Who else wants to die? If you don’t too bad, so sad!”
Zack: Wait what?
and I killed all the humans in the area.
Brad: Well, sucks to be them.
I ran out of energy and went back to normal when I looked up there were bodies and blood everywhere. I asked “what happened?” the elder told me the whole story of what happened.
Lauren: Because he magically survived.
I realized I couldn’t control myself when I was in that state.
Sam: Gee, ya think?
Later I tried to transform but I couldn’t, I swore in frustration the next thing I know something landed on me.
Brad: Please tell me it was the words “THE END!”
Lauren: Wait what?
When I got ready to kill whatever landed on me I found a hedgehog about my size staring at me. I asked “who are you? And why are you my size?” he didn’t respond, I asked again he finally said “Spin the hedgehog” my mouth dropped wide open,
Brad: Sonic’s cousin?
Zack: Yeah, because that series needs MORE characters.
I said “Spin, you mean, your the one who helped me get out of that trap?” “Yep, that was me” I asked “how’d you get here?” he said “a portal opened and I fell in, and now I’m here.”
Sam: Wow, thanks for that in-depth explanation.
I told him “I opened that portal by accident, when I transformed my power probably caused a small tear in the Time, Space Continuum that caused you to arrive here in this time.” Spin was amazed that I knew about the Time, Space Continuum, he asked “how do know this?” I replied “a little two-tailed fox told me.” he said something under his breath that sounded like “Tails, you idiot.”
Brad: Uh oh, don’t insult Tails or his Butt Buddy Bakuda will COME for you!
Zack: Try and say that three times fast.
Sam: Oh god.
I told Spin I needed to know that to be able to go from dimension to another without damaging the fabric of time. I told him in my I’m going to do something crazy tone of voice “I’m just getting ready to give an enemy a little payback.” He said “not Dr. Eggman.” I told him “I’m not after him, you idiot, I’m after the dark gods, because I was a slave to them.”
Zack: Glad we missed that part.
He said nothing, I sighed and said “will you help me discover the power of these emeralds?” when I showed him he was wondering how I got them. He agreed to help me and I took him to the hyperbolic time chamber and spent two years in there. When we emerged I knew how to use them. I decided to upgrade the ice emeralds and I did. The ice emeralds are now super ice emeralds, which makes me go hyper.
Lauren: Right, whatever.
When I got the hang of going hyper, I decided to go Super Sayin, when I did he wasn’t impressed so I went Super Sayin stage 5, which scared him.
Brad: Well we’re scared of it too because…
Lauren: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!
I told him I’m going to try my luck and go hyper as a Super Sayin stage 5 in the hyperbolic time chamber, when I did I trained a bit to know what kind of power I was dealing with, every step I took created a crater so I hovered when I left the time chamber. I told Spin I can’t create the portal because with this power, I could destroy the fiber of time. I was ready to give chaos a whole new meaning of the word “Overkill” putting it lightly. While I was in there I discovered I have the destructive “Angel Arm” ability.
Sam: Thank you Trigun.
I shot it once in the chamber and damn it’s dangerous to anyone in front and the one who is using it. I had to tell season bringer what I was doing, he screamed “WHAT ARE NUTS?
Zack: They’re these things that squirrels and chipmunks eat.
YOUR’RE CHALLENGING CHAOS ALONE!” I said “yep, that right alone.” He was in disbelief that I would fight alone without him. He gave me that “can I come too?” look which always makes me say yes, I did he was excited and impatient to fight an extremely old enemy of mine. I told Spin to open the portal, he did, I told him to close the portal when I give the order, and his response was “Eggs” I punched him for that. I finally went though the portal with season bringer.
Brad: I have no idea what’s going on.
CONFRONTING CHAOS FOR THE FINAL TIME
Lauren: When did he do it the first time?
I said “location reached, facing Chaos, battle routine set, Execute!” season bringer said “um, this isn’t battle network.”
Zack: Wait what?
I said “lets just get started.” When I pulled Tetsiga from its scabbard it didn’t transform, I tried a different sword called Tetsume and it did something I’ve never seen it do before, it transformed and glowed with an intense aura.
Sam: Seriously, what the hell is going on?
The dark gods sent hordes of demons at me but when I slashed them with it they got destroyed. I realized Tetsume is the chaos killer, with it I went Super Sayin stage 6,
Brad: Wait what!?
Sam: What is that!?
Zack: BOW BEFORE SATAN’S BABY!
Lauren: OH WHAT THE FUCK!
Brad: Holy shit.
Sam: Oh my god.
and then I went Hyper, which scared me for I don’t know what’s was going to happen, when I used it, when I did The Eye of Terror wasn’t damaged, I then did my Angel Arm in my ultimate form, the shot was devastating because, I believe it almost destroyed the fucking eye of terror. I was helping the Imperial Guards and settling a score with chaos for making me kill all those people when I didn’t want to. Someone came out of the eye of terror; it was my corrupted form holding the Slayer of Souls, the chaos sword of a Dark God.
THE FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK
Lauren: I have no idea what is going on.
I pulled Tetsume out and fought him in a one on one match to the death; I used the Wind Scar combined with my power to deliver a destructive slash which could destroy the universe. The blast did kill him for the 900th time and destroyed the Slayer of Souls but I made sure he won’t recover so I used Judgment and chose his fate. My decision was to send him to Hell and I did. I had to finish the destruction of the Eye of Terror. I made sure I did with angel arm with the energy that was gathered from around the universe and used my energy as well.
Zack: And then you farted and died.
DISTRUCTION OF CHAOS
Sam: As opposed to the DESTRUCTION, which might make some damn sense.
I yelled “THIS IS IT CHAOS, YOUR TIME HAS FINALLY RUN OUT, NOW DIE YOU GOD DAMN, UGLY MOTHER FUCKER, SON-OF-A-B****, PIECE OF SHIT, OH YEA GO TO HELL YOU UGLY B******!”
Brad: Now allow me to continue SHOUTING AT RANDOM!
I released the blast, aiming straight into the heart of the warp. Season bringer told me to flee before the blast detonates; I told him “No, I will stay here to make sure it is truly gone.” He fled to Pluto, and watched the explosion. He sensed me before the blast detonated and after the explosion he lost my signal and screamed “NOOOOO!” and he started crying “Blade, why’d you have to die!”
Lauren: Wait did the main character die?
Zack: We can only hope.
THE REBIRTH OF BLADE
All 4: FUCK YOU!
5 years later
He told everyone that I died in honor trying to end a threat. Everyone came to my funeral;
Zack: And proceeded to BEAT YOUR CORPSE!
season bringer was about to say his goodbyes to me when I appeared right behind him everyone was ether gasping in amazement or fear, I gave the be quiet signal and said “whose funeral is this?” he said “it’s Blade’s he’s dead.“ I said “OH, REALLY”.
All 4: Really, really.
when I said that he jumped about five feet when he turned around I was standing right behind him, and said “it looks like you’ve just seen a ghost” because his face was shocked to see me. He screamed punching me straight in the face, “YOU ASSHOLE! YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLED BY THE BLAST!” I shrugged and he asked “How’d you escape the blast?” I told him “angel grabbed me before the blast hit me and brought me up to heaven to tend my wounds from the battle against my corrupted self.”
He didn’t believe me until I pointed in the direction of a guy wearing a white cloak with a halo over his head. Season bringer gasped in amazement. I later told season bringer I was given the job of the judge in heaven.
EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AGAIN…
Lauren: Nothing in this fic is normal.
Life continued as normal except when I had to do my job, which is both fun and boring, but hey I don’t care as long as I can stay on Earth. I’m allowed to go to Hell and do some sparring with my corrupted side, and do some pranks while I’m there. I sometimes go to where the Eye of Terror once was, and I sit on a planet close to it and remember the fight that made history. I visit the Emperor once in a while to hangout and teach the Space Marines some of my fighting skills.
Zack: Space Marines?
Brad: I really don’t want to know.
I visit Mata Nui and Metru Nui, when I get there I’m greeted happily by Toa and Matorin alike, they still have the warp gate they built which is still functional. They use it to come to this world when they want to see me or just to have fun. I did not know what’s going to happen to me, but I don’t like it…
Sam: OH THANK GOD THIS PART IS OVER!