If there's something bad
In the fan fic world…
Who ya gonna call?
If there's a terrible fic
And it has misspelled words…
Who ya gonna call?
We ain't afraid of no fics!
We ain't afraid of no fics!
If there’re line breaks
running through the fic
Who can ya call?
If there’s a bunch of jokes
Made about your fic…
GUESS WHO IT IS!
*The camera pans into the condo with the eight Riffers.*
Jess: I’m beyond scared. Usually a new one of these means he’s found something even worse than the last story and I don’t think that’s possible.
Trent: Don’t tempt fate.
Lauren: Okay, what’re we riffing on?
VincentX: *EVIL GRIN*
Zack: Oh shit.
Mike: We’re in trouble.
Sam: Big trouble.
Brad: HUGE trouble.
VincentX: I’m sure the original four remember TMNG by Jesus Luvs Everyone right?
VincentX: Well it does have a sequel.
VincentX: Which only has four chapters so we’ll be hitting that once it’s complete. Today I have something special planned.
Jerry: Uh oh.
VincentX: …All eight of you are going to riff on that maniac’s giant profile.
*THE SCREEN LOWERS AND SCREAMS ENSUE*
Jesus Luvs Everyone
Zack: That name alone scares the crap out of me.
Author has written 28 stories for Kingdom Hearts, Ninja Turtles, Mortal Instruments, X-Men, and Transformers/Beast Wars.
Sam: And all of them with the quality of first grade fan fiction.
Mike: Oh dear god what?
Hello, What is Ur Name..don't tell...um...BOB!!
Brad: No, you crazy.
Jerry: You REALLY crazy.
GOOD PEOPLE OF EARTH...DON'T WORRY I HAVE COME 2 SAVE U...-Bam--got him in the head with a ball-...NEVERMIND!!
And yes, i do have the IQ of a...OOOO, SHINY!!
Jess: Oh dear god what the fuck is that?
Lauren: Uh…I think now would be a good time to remind everyone that we honestly believe this author is bi-polar.
I GOT A BUDDY ON FANFICTION...HER NAME IS 'Queen Cleopatra 2' or 'tiggerrocks'...go NOW, vist HER!! i CoManD U!!
Trent: I’ve got a middle finger for you to sit and spin on.
Jerry: I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts diddly dee!
HEY U, YEA U WITH THE FACE!
Sam: In yo face!
i guess that since u r looking at my page u want 2 no somethings about me and my stories, well here it is!!
Zack: Brace yourselves.
hey y'all thankz 4 looking at my page, read my fanfiction, and review them!! u better have!! I am a SERVE Zexion and Riku luver!! Zexion Rules de Schools!
Jess: What the hell is Zexion?
Lauren: …TO THE WEB!
Sam: This is gonna be scary.
Jerry: Oh it’s Kingdom Hearts.
Sam: Well that explains the Riku part too.
U r staring at a SERVE kingdom Hearts fan...go run and hide now!!
Mike: A what?
Brad: I’d run and hide for other reasons…mainly because you’re a psycho!
I go by the names Rin o Anaya! call me as u please! I was commonly known as S.S.M.together !
Trent: And at the mental institution you were known as that crazy chick.
Even when u can’t see him God is there! If u believe in God, c&p 2 ur profile.(WOOT!) I am a PROUD CHIRSTAIN!! and if u want 2 learn about God, Jesus, or the Bible...plz just PM and ask...that 1 little PM might change ur life 4ever!
Zack: Oh great, she’s preaching religion.
The greatest thing God has ever given to you is Love! He loves you, no matter what, so please return that love. He requires only that you love and believe in him, the two simplest things in the entire world.
Lauren: I’d love it if your keyboard rebelled against you.
Yes, I am a girl...and yes, I do obsess over Transformers...Your Point?!
Jess: …The point of a pencil, in your head.
My PrO. Rockz ur freakin' knee high socz off...and so READ IT!!
Mike: Knee high socks?
Sam: Okay we’re heading into the next section.
One day, I heard a voice say to me, "I love you, my daughter."
Jerry: I doubt you ever heard that.
I responsed, "I love you, my Father."
One sad day, I heard a voice say to me, "I love you, my daughter."
Through the tears I shed, I responded, "I love you, my Father."
One frightful day, I heard a voice say to me, "I love you, my daughter."
Through the fears I had, I responded, "I love you, my Father."
One joyous day, I heard a voice say to me, "I love you, my daughter."
And I responded, "I love you, My Father."
On the last day I lived, I heard a voice say to me, "I love you, my daughter."
I responded, "I love you, my Father."
And before the Throne of Heaven, I saw the wonderful being that spoke to me, and he said, "I have and forever always love you, my daughter."
I smiled and looked up at him, responding, "Throughout my life, my Heavenly Father, I have always loved you."
No matter what happens in you life, God will always love you. You may cry or be afraid, but God will always love you. You are his creation, his child, do not forget that. He will and forever always, Love YOU!
Jess: Put your helmet back on.
what sites i am on:
Brad: Wait what?
Jerry: NO ONE USE THAT!
Jerry: It’s a real site.
Lauren: …do I even want to know?
Jerry: You REALLY don’t want to know.
Mike: Let’s take his word for it and move on.
Gaiaonline.com- Anaya_of_Wolves, Fox_Fire_Dance
Here is the link to my TMNG OC's that I drew...http://anaya-of-wolves.deviantart.com/gallery/#TMNG
Lauren: Oh fuck you we are NOT clicking on that.
Trent: I’d be scared.
lso...i made some gaia avis. in the forms of some of my fanfic. OC's...so yeah...check it out to see maybe what they look like...but they are excat, but close enough!http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/?mode=view&post_id=27661781
Jess: Yeah no.
OMG...I LUV THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!! YES, I LUV THEM!! I JUST GOT BACK N2 AN OLD HABIT!! I LUV THEM...AND SO DOES MY CUZS...OR THEY DID!!
Sam: If you like them then why did you write a god awful fan fic based on them?
WELL...some things i think about...mostly TMNT!! ok...the birth order of the turtles...ok...every1 knows leo is the oldest and mikey is the youngest...but who is in the middle...ok...i think this is how it goes...Leo, Raph, Donni, and Mikey! y? because raph is closer 2 leo and donnie has that child side like miky...and that is NOT pairing them 2gether...ewww...i hate that! i really don't like yuri, yaoi, or incest! ewww...anywho...OH...1 more thing...u no wat would have made an AWESOME...tmnt movie or seasons...if they became human! wouldn't that b awesome...u no it is awesome!
Lauren: My brain just imploded.
Zack: I think the internet just imploded.
Brad: Ritalin, for the love of god take some.
More Than Meets the Eyes!
Robots in Disguise!
Jerry: …Uh, right.
Transformers. Yes, I am now admitting that I am addicted to large, smexy robots...SO SUE ME!(not really!)
Jess: Damn, I wanted to.
I can't help it! I mean, who wouldn't love giant, transforming, smexy cars who can tranform into robots that kick butt, and can have 'WTF?!' moments...SERIOUSLY!! I have to many favorites but to name a few...Optimus Prime, Jazz, Prowl, Ironhide, Ratchet, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Blaster, Skywarp, Thundercracker, Soundwave, Jetfire, Jetstorm, and Wheeljack!
They are just so AWESOME!!
Sam: Dear god she is on crack.
Here is the link to my deviantART where I have drawn Transformers stuff...http://anaya-of-wolves.deviantart.com/gallery/#Transformers
Mike: Yeah we won’t be going there.
LITTLE THING ABOUT MOI!!
Jerry: You’re insane?
Brad: You’re on drugs?
Lauren: You need to be on drugs?
1.)I am not normal girl!
Zack: Understatement of the year.
2.)i don't want 2 grow uP!
Trent: Are you a Toys R Us kid?
3.)u tell me 2 grow up...i WILL slap u!
All 8: GROW UP! BRING IT!
4.)u call me emo or goth...and u will regret that!
All 8: EMOOOOOOOOOOO! PSYCHOOOOOOO!
5.)i have thought the sand was TASTEY...then i DiDn'T thinK thAt lAteR
Jerry: By sand she means cocaine.
6.)flamers hate i...YODA!!
Zack: We ain’t flamin’ we be riffin’ mon!
7.)calling me random will get u 10 BONUS POINTS
Sam: You’re not random, you’re completely insane.
8.)and u guess it...BLAH!!
9.)I HISS...at u!
Mike: We riff on you.
10.)i WANT/LUV DaRk BlUe hair!
11.)i WANT/LUV HaZeL eyes!
Jerry: …uh…that’s scary sounding.
12.)i should B working ON my FANFICS., but I ain't!
All 8: THANK GOD!
I hoped u learned something 2DAY!!
Trent: We didn’t so much as learn as much as just confirm that you’re a psychopath.
here are my favs.!!
Jess: I’m scared.
Some things -coughrandomcough- I like(ain't in no order)
CATS, SlEePiNg, TigerS, WoLVes, CoOL WeatheR, Saying "PEACE OUT GIRL SCOUT!",
Lauren: Eat shit you twit.
Cheese, Cheese Pizza, Tennis, Chess...hahahahah NOT!!, Fireworks, Red&Black...call me goth 1 more time,
All 8: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
COKE, MOUTAIN DEW, M.D CODE RED, Sarcasm (..genuis), my babies
Jess: Please tell me she doesn’t have kids.
Jerry: Oh dear god I hope not.
...my jeans...duh, S-U-G-A-R...SUGAR!, STAYING UP TILL THE FREAKIN' WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING ON THE COMPUTER, KingDom HeArts Baby!!, nice REVIEWS!!, Also saying "wholly cow, it's...", sWiMMing...just keep swimming...just keep swimmin,
Trent: Please drown.
PoCkeY..WHERE?!, My Best Buddies...that if they vanished i would die!!, talkin' like a southern...wait..I AM 1...HAHAHAHAHA!!, SAYING 'BLAH' IS WAT I DO BABY BOO!
Fav. People: GOD, JESUS, Riku, Zexion, Pete Wentz, Criss Angel, Optimus Prime, Jazz, Prowl, Ironhide, and Ratchet!!
Lauren: Wow, that’s the most random list ever.
Sam: Yeah, never thought I’d see God, Jesus and Riku from Kingdom Hearts on the same list.
Animals: Scooby Doo,
Zack: He’s a cartoon character!
Brad: RU RO!
All Big Cats, Wolves, Dragons, Phoenixs, Hippocampos,
Mike: Does she mean hippocampus?
Brad: Isn’t that a part of the brain?
Sam: Yeah, one that she doesn’t use.
Griffens, Foxes, Pandas, Ravens, Otters, Penguins, thunderbirds,
Zack: Those aren’t real!
and Polar Bears!!
TV. Shows: Mind Freak(Criss Angel rocks ur soxs off), Naruto, Inu Yasha, Bleach, Law and Order CI and SVU, CSI Las Vegas, TRANSFORMERS!!
Fav. Video games: Kingdom Hearts; Pokemon Leaf Green, Fire Red, Ruby, Saphire, Emerld, Diamond, and Pearl; Guitar Hero 2 and 3; Transformers!
Trent: Yeah I bet you like Heroin Hero too.
Fav. Web sites: GAIAONLINE.COM, FanFiction.net(of course),
All 8: OF COURSE!
Stardoll.com(my account is lorinallison1(and that is not my name it is my cuzs and don't ask y it is that)), TokyoPop.com!
Brad: As well as that site that Jerry told us not to go to.
Fav. Anime: Inu Yasha, Bleach, Naruto, Death Note, Sailor Moon, Mermaid Melody, Tokyo Mew Mew
Jess: Oh dear god could you be any more girly?
Fav. Singers/Bands: Utada Hikaru!! Linkin Park, Spur 58, Building 429, Relient K, Simple Plan, Evanescense, Fall Out Boy, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and All American Rejets!!
Jess: Ask a stupid question…
Things, Stuff, People...blah, I don't like:
Fakers, Poser, fake ugly tans, people who critize and flame...just get a life people!, English..i mean the launage and grammar!,
Sam: Gee, you hate grammar? I couldn’t tell.
MaTh, PimpleS...y did God make them!, Stereotypes..we ain't all the same people!!, Getting up early in the freakin' moring...like at 6-8...rawr!!, MosquitO bItEs, Being wrong...i am not!...u R!, Being ridiculed..hey no1 laugh!!, Thinking too much...brain hurts!
Zack: Yeah, I hear when you’re a complete idiot thinking can hurt.
All 8: OH SHIT!
Optimus Prime-"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."
Jerry: *Megatron* Well they had better stay out of my way!
Optimus Prime-"One shall stand, One shall fall."
Jess: Please let this author fall…off a cliff.
Sideswipe-"I don't break rules, I just bend them - a lot."
Sam: Kind of like how this nut’s brain bends the laws of reality.
Jazz-"Do it with style or don't bother doing it."
Zack: YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!
WheelJack-"Never do what your enemy expects you to do."
Mike: Unless they’re expecting you to not do what you normally do.
Brad: But if they’re expecting you to do what you don’t normally do but then predict that you’ll do what you normally do then what do you do?
Acree-"Looks are always deceiving."
Lauren: Not in the case of your profile.
"It's the Mortal Cup, Jace. Not the MORTAL TOILET BOWL!"-Isabella, City of Bones (the Mortal Instruments)
Jerry: I really don’t want to know what that is.
Jess: What the quote is or where it’s from?
-Slaps- Jace:"What the H was that for?!" Clary:"The other 10 percent."-City of Bones
Sam: Quotes out of context, I love them.
Clary:"What are you doing in here?" Jace:"'Here' as in your bedroom, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose on this planet?"-City of Bones
Jerry: Why are we here?
Sam: Well that’s the big question isn’t it? I mean, why ARE we here. Is it a big cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a god? I don’t know man, but it keeps me up at night.
Jerry: I meant why are we here in this canyon!
Clary Fray defines eBay:"A mythical place of great magical power."-City of Bones
Mike: eBay is mythical?
"Magic is a dark and elemenal force. Not just a lot of crystalballs and talking goldfish."-Jace, City of Bones
Zack: Claus from American Dad?
"Well, you'll have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission. Look, Jammies."-Jace, City of Bones
Luke:"Jesus!" Simon"Actually, no it's me. Although I'm been told the resemblance is startling!"-City of Bones
All 8: LAMEST JOKE EVER!
"Shut it will ya"-Inu Yasha.
Jerry: …Oh yeah, there’s one of the great quotes of our time. Fuck stuff like “I have a dream,” this bullcrap line is where it’s at!
"It's a Leaporadon, Charlie!" "A magical Leaporadon." (Charlie the Unicorn)
"Sit boy!" (Kagome from Inuyasha)
Trent: …Suck me off girl.
Trent: I REGRET NOTHING!
Got it memorized? (Axel from KH)
Run, Run Away-Demyx(from KH)
Mike: Run Forest run!
"A password?...(5 minutes later)...oh u mean a code!"-King (Slow) Mickey(from KH)
"Fear me, I am the box ghost!"-Danny Phatom
Brad: Okay we’re only stopping for the good ones from now on.
"Follow the spiders...y couldn't have been follow the butterflies!"-Ron from Harry Potter and the COS
"Ok, I'm gonna sing the Doom song now. Doom doom doom doo doo doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doo doo doom doom doom doo doom doom doo doom doo doo doom..."~Gir, Invader Zim
"I gettin' nothin' for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy are mad, I gettin' nothin' for Christmas, Cause I ain't been nothin' but Bad!"-a singing Christmas Squirrel
"The only bill you don't have to pay is Atention!"-Fuzzy, a DJ
YOUR A GIRL?! - Sora, Kingdom Hearts
Lauren: …Uh…where do you even go with that?
"My peanut!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"Why is the rum always gone..." (stumbles) "...Oh, that's why." Jack Sparrow, POTC 2
"This is the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow." -POTC 1 (It's kind of obvious who the quoter is...)
"I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 2
"NOBODY MOVE! Dropped me brain..." -Hallucinated fishy Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"Love, that is a dinghy. My vessel is magnificent, and fierce, and huge-ish, and... gone... why is it gone?!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"Shoo." -Jack Sparrow (to a rock), POTC 3
"Oi! My pistol!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"Now we're being followed by rocks... never heard that one before." -Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"We must fight... to run away." -Jack Sparrow, POTC 3
"You may kill me but you may never insult me! Who am I?" (Beckett gets confused) "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" -POTC 3, (Quoter is Jack, duh!)
"Bugger, bugger, bugger, BUGGER!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 2
"If you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." -Jack Sparrow, POTC 1
"Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly…stupid." -Jack Sparrow, POTC 1
"A wedding?! I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 1
"Stop blowing holes in my ship!" -Jack Sparrow, POTC 1
"You're really weird." -Willy Wonka, Charlie and Chocolate Factory (New one)
Jerry: I hear that was a real quote from someone to Johnny Depp.
"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (New one)
"Good morning, starshine! The earth says 'hello'!" -Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (New one)
"I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!" -Willy Wonka (after Violet turns to a giant blueberry), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
"It's a big blue-ish green man... with a strange-looking goatee... I'm guessing that's significant." (Hugs said statue) -Riley Poole, National Treasue
"Look...stairs." -Riley Poole (crying in a good way), National Treasure
"When are we gonna get there? I'm hungry. This car smells weird." -Riley Poole, National Treasure
"There's my tax dollars at work coming to arrest me." -Riley Poole, National Treasure: Book of Secrets
"Do us a favor... I know it's difficult for you... but please, stay here, and try not to do anything... stupid." Jack Sparrow, POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl
"I want to fix that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."Ron Weasly, Harry Potter four: Goblet of Fire
Brad: Dear god that is way too many quotes that suck.
qoutes from me and my friends:
All 8: OH SHIT!
"Shoo...go away!"- me swating an invisible bug on arm
Lauren: I hear that’s the first sign of drug withdrawal.
"Asia, what the -bleep- r we on?!"- me "I dont no!"-Asia
Mike: Oh god she does do drugs.
"When happiness is gone, find chocolate!"- my sis.
Jerry: When sanity is gone, call the men in white coats.
"Wholly cow, my cookie tastes like cookie dough!"- my sis.
Sam: I’m guessing she’s…special.
"Who says u can't get drunk off of apple juice!"- my sis.
Brad: Oh god.
"I GOT HIGH OFF OF SHARPIES!"- me
Jess: That doesn’t surprise me.
Dang roaches"-my friend Magg. and then she hits Amb. and hides her food
"Oh guess what...i forgot now!"-me
Trent: Short term memory loss, crack will do that.
"why do u look sad and down?"-me "Cause i got to look up 2 u!"-Meg. my friend being a doughhead.
Brad: I doubt the validity of your friends.
"Flying Animal Cracker Jutsu!"-my made up jutsu (WOOT GO ME!)
Sam: Oh go away.
"How do u out swim a gator?" "How?" "Swim faster than the guy next 2 u!"-my mom told me that one!
Lauren: Yeah, because that joke hasn’t been done a thousand times.
"Don't ask stupid and obvious questions or u get stupid and obvious answers!"-from me being really bored
Jerry: So we shouldn’t ask if you’re completely insane and on drugs?
"Smile, it makes people wonder what u been up 2!"-my mom
"We have met the krazy and random people, and they say 'Hi'!"-me and Amb.
Mike: Aka they looked in a mirror.
You know if you are a BIG Transformer fan (or TransFan) if you:
Zack: Transsexual fan?
(I typed this...but you can borrow it!)
Sam: Yeah we won’t be doing that.
1.) Find yourself calling every semi that you see (regardless the color) 'OPTIMUS PRIME'!!
Trent: I believe that’s called being insane.
2.) You find yourself repeating slang terms from Transformes! (slag, frag, glitch...etc.)
Zack: Oh frag you.
3.) When you hear a word remotely similar to an Autobot or Decpticon name...you yell the name out! (bee...'BUMBLEBEE'!)
Brad: Thank god I don’t do that.
4.) You can name all the Autobots and/or Decpticons!
Jerry: I can’t even do that.
Jerry: Well most of them but not all.
5.) Quotes from any continutiy are used in your daily life! ('Son of a Retro-Rat'!)
Jess: Dear god I hope not.
6.) Your dream car happens to be an alt-mode of a Transformer!
Lauren: Hehe, yeah right.
7.) Drawing and/or writing fanfictions of Transformers takes up 60 percent of your daily activities!
Zack: That’s just creepy.
8.) You dream about Transformers five days in a row!
Zack: That’s even creepier.
9.) All your daydreams relate to Transformers one way or another!
Mike: Time to see a therapist!
10.) You are afraid of everything police car you see because of Barricade, then realize that it could Prowl, and you try to chase after it, screaming 'Prowl!'
Jess: And then they arrest you for disrupting the peace.
11.) And finally, you get into an arguement with your best friend since grade school because she is a Decpticon and/or Autobot and you are an Autobot and/or Decpticon!
Jerry: Oh thank god not.
Jesus Luvs Everyone(S.S.M.together) made up stuff!!
Trent: Bleach is a good energy drink?
ME MADE THEM UP...NOT U!!
but...u es aloud 2 copy them...
Sam: Don’t worry, we won’t.
If u bought kingdom hearts and could not pronounce the names of Sora, Kairi, or Riku, c&p this!
Jerry: Well considering they said the names out loud…
If u thought it was fun to have a pinecone war and then regret thinking of it later, c&p this!
Brad: Brain damage, it happens.
If u ever wonder how Demyx got in2 the Org. 13, copy and paste this into ur profile!!
Mike: English, it’s a dead language.
If some1 has told u 'Grow Up!' and u then yelled 'NNOO!!' really loud in their face, c+p this!
If you know that Barney is evil and should die, copy and paste this on ur page!!
Lauren: Actually I just think you’re evil.
If you have ever played a game of tic-tac-toe with yourself and lost, copy and paste this!!
Brad: Yeah, because that makes sense.
If you have ever notice that Rock Lee and Gai-sensei look excatly alike, copy and paste this!!
Jess: I could care less.
If u know that it does not take 30 SECONDS TO MARS but that it is a name of a band, c&p this!!
If you think those kids should stop chasing Lucky and go buy their own LUCKY CHARMS, c&p this!!
Lauren: Actually I just think the Trix Rabbit should be able to eat that damn cereal.
If u have ever hit ur toe on the couch, cussed out serval words, and then call the couch stupid, copy and paste this!
Jerry: …I will not admit to that.
Brad: You just did.
If u ever drawn an emu and then said to ur friends "Look, i drew an emo!" copy and paste this!
Jess: I’m sure people have looked at you and gone, “Look, an emo!”
If u ever thought, after storm, that the ground was flat & hard, but then u step n it and u r up to ur knees n mud, c&p this!(and this did happen to me & it took 2 ppl 2 get me out!)
Both: THAT NEVER HAPPENED!
If u just hit ur head on a random book, waited five second, and then ask "why did i hit myself?", copy and paste this!
Zack: That explains a lot.
If u think that wearing animal fur is just wrong...and the only thing that God put animals on the earth 4 was 4 food and 2 b respected...c&p this!
Mike: I think you’re an animal, but I won’t eat or respect you.
If u ever looked at the wall 4 a very long time...then saw words appear on the wall...c&p this!
If u ever admit doing the Darth Vadar 'breathing' thing, C&P this!
Trent: Uh, who hasn’t done that as a joke?
PUT THIS ON UR PRO. IF U THINK THAT 'THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS' SERIES SHOULD BE MADE N2 MOVIES!!
Zack: I don’t even know what that is.
Jerry: Nor do I wish to find out.
put this on ur pro. if u want a arrogant, charming, and twisted shadowhunter instead of a vampire!!
Lauren: A what?
If u support Jace Wayland and his sarcastic rule of the world, copy and paste this!
Jess: Who the hell is that?
I scream, You scream, We all scream for STARSCREAM!!
Mike: I scream for the mental hospital to come and take you away.
People listed below are the people I am a beta reader for:
(if you wish, I could beta read anything you need...just PM me first.)
Smile Life Away
Brad: Those poor, unfortunate bastards.
Ok, I am starting to run out of idea on fanfictions
Jerry: Because you had such great ones to begin with.
and decided to start doing commissions and fanfic.-trades. They will be one-shots, and all you need to do is just give me a prompt. A random prompt or something based on real life events. It is all fine with me. I am open to everyone, but there are a few things that I you need to know first.
Mike: Holy crap that was proper English.
Jess: She took the green pill.
1.) The only fandoms that I do (and/or know much about) are Transformers, TMNT, Mortal Instruments, Harry Potter, and Narnia!
Trent: Thank god for that.
2.) I will not do anything above PG-13 fluff…I am sorry, but smut, sticky, and anything that would scare young children is not something I write about.
Jerry: Your profile is scarier than Resident Evil.
3.) I am very flexible on the pairings…but some pairings I do not like. Then again, I didn’t list ALL the pairings I like…there is too many.
Brad: Apparently you don’t like the pairing involving you and a straight jacket.
Sam: Oh shit did she actually list these?
All 8: AAAAAAH!
Zack: I’m scared.
Zack: That could’ve been worse.
Trent: What the hell is that?
Jerry: TO THE WEEEEB!
Sam: Oh, they’re children’s books.
Brad: Rock on I guess.
Mike: Uh oh.
Jess: Could’ve been worse.
Alice in Wonderland:
Trent: Wait what?
Also, if you do commission me or trade fanfics. with me, a couple things you need to keep in mind as well. The fanfic.s won’t come in the next hour or so. I will have to think about it and work on it (I do have my own fanficitions and school and a life!),
Zack: Bull, you have no life.
but I will get it back anywhere from 2 days to a week. Also, as a sort-of ‘payment’ I will require you to first to review four of my stories. This DOESN’T MEAN 4 review for one story…it means one review per one fanfictions for four fanfictions. Also, the review can’t be flame or criticism…help tips are fine, but criticism is not.
Jess: Aka “Don’t tell me I suck.” Loser.
IF YOU WANT TO COMMISION ME OR TRADE…PLEASE GIVE ME A PM!!
Mike: Trust me, we won’t.
You Know You're From Louisiana If...
Jerry: Your girlfriend has the same last name as you?
you think that crawfish is a direct gift from the Good Lord to us.
you save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfishboils
Trent: I think homeless people do that.
You can properly pronounce Lafayette, Bossier, Natchitoches, Opelousas, Shongaloo, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, and you know that New Orleans doesn't have a long "e" sound anywhere in it.
Zack: Then you might be; a red neck.
you have ever had a crawfish boil, fish fry, etc outside during a hurricane warning.
Jerry: What goes “glub, glub, glub, yee haw!?”
Jerry: A New Orleans resident in their living room.
you cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
Trent: I think anyone could be accused of doing that.
someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
Mike: See that’s just called being insane.
a Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab Truck is
Sam: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
you know everything goes better with Tony's or Tabasco.
Jerry: What’s the difference between a Red Neck and a Mexican?
Brad: I’m scared to ask…but what?
Jerry: The busted truck on the Mexican’s lawn runs.
You are 100 Louisianan if you have ever had this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
all the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, insect, or mammal.
Sam: Okay we are not riffing on all of these. We’re just commenting on the worst ones.
the local newspaper covers national and international news on one page, but requires six pages for local gossip and sports.
you know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
you know whether another Louisianian is from New Orleans, North Louisiana, or South Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
Zack: Why? Because of the lack of teeth due to inbreeding?
you describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.
fried catfish is the other white meat.
you reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads.
your ancestors are buried above the ground.
Trent: That makes no sense.
you sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means.
you don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
you believe that purple, green, and gold look good together.- you will even eat things those colors.
your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
you know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
no matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
Jerry: I hear people from other countries say that when they come here.
your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.
your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
you know what it means for food to come 'dressed'.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
Sam: Oh dear god.
You have flood insurance.
Zack: Well that’s a necessity.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
“Onced” and “twiced” are words.
Mike: Sure they are.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Jess: And for some people, a house.
Mike: MY HOME!
“Fixinto” is one word.
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave the place unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
Brad: I believe those last two are just called being an idiot.
You know what "cow tipping" is.
Jerry: We’re goin’ cow tipping! When we get real tripping!
Cow tipping! It’s worth the beer we’re missin’!
Cow tipping! After a football game!
Cow tipping! It’s a redneck’s last fun game!
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. "What kinda coke you want?"
You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday
You find 100 degrees F "a little warm."
Jerry: Florida is like that too.
You didnt know what "counties" were until you moved but you knew what "parishes" were.
if you mama ever said, "Imma slap the day-lights outcha.
If you or someone has ever muttered the phase, "Can I axe you somethin"
If u never say take, always bring
"can ya bring this over to the neighbor's house?"
"yeah. do ya want me to bring in back after?"
Zack: What the hell?
You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.
Jess: I think she ate the yellow ones.
Your grandparents are called "Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?
Sam: English, in the South it’s a joke.
You like your rice and politics dirty.
...and it's not go, it's GEAUX!
Mike: Sure it is.
here are some random stuff...
Jess: Oh like the rest of this hasn’t been random as hell.
No more shall we tolerate flamers that flame for stupid reasons such as for pairings, who wrote the story, and just because they can! C&p this into ur profile if u want 2 join the organization called "Stop Flamers Now!"
Trent: We don’t flame, we riff.
If you think Transformers is the BEST THING since freedom of speech(scratch that...since BREATHING), copy and paste this in your profile and add your name to the list, Firefly95, JasiaVoorhees, autobot leader 101, Lexi2luv, Shizuka Taiyou, and ME...JESUS LUVS EVERYONE!!
Zack: Oh dear god.
95 of the kids out there r concerned with being popular and fitting in. If u're part of the 5 who rn't, c&p and add ur name: Jesus Luvs Everyone(S.S.M. Together), AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, GaurdianChocobo, Ninja-fox-chan
Jerry: Meanwhile you’re all “fitting in” with each other.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if some1 called them a freak. If u're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was ur first clue?", c&p and add ur name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001, Emeraldman, ShadedHope, Orgaization of 13 Ninjas, Kaiora, HeartFlare05, RoxRox, Forgotten in Darkness, Jesus Luvs Everyone
Mike: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.
Sam: Dear god those names are scary.
If u have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell&hit ur head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than u were before, c&p and add ur name: Jesus Luvs Everyone(S.S.M.together), SlightlyBroken, Katerina, Gaara ish my sexeh beast, SlytherinXprincessX16, XxSandVillageGirlxX
Trent: I hear that’s the first sign of a mental breakdown.
If u've been on the computer 4 hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, c&p, and add ur name: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, xnarutoxrocksx,SakuraUchiha101, SakuraHarunoKinomoto, Storm Midnight, Jesus Luvs Everyone(S.S.M.together)
Jerry: Only by force.
If u think flamers should get a life and find a story they do like, c&p and add ur name:kenshinroks2111, kingdomheartslovah, Unown To You, Oathkeepera, Kaiora, FallenAngel Kit, Jesus Luvs Everyone(S.S.M.together)
Lauren: I think you need to get a life.
If you know you can fly, no matter what the laws of physics state, copy and paste this to your profile then add your name to the list: Wind Crystal, ChrisGrey, MewMewFerret, MewBleuberri, ANProductions, ANMProductions, Jesus Luvs Everyone
Jess: Oh god.
98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If u're 1 of the 2 who hasn't, c&p this!
Jerry: Ninety eight percent of people on fanfiction.net can’t spell worth shit. If you’re one of the two percent who can…you’re lying.
92 of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool 2 breathe anymore. c&p if u're part of the 8 that would b laughing ur butt off.
Studies show 92 of teenagers have moved 2 rap. The 8 that stayed with rock, c&p this!
Jerry: I believe that’s called Harlem.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If u could read that put it in your profile
Trent: Uh…that’s scary.
Jess: Very much so.
EMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing u could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when )m U m( was ur hero
and 'D a D' was the boy u were gonna marry?
when ur W0RST ENEMiES were ur siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all u wanted 2 do
WAS GROW UP?
Put This In Ur Profile If U're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old U R Now
Lauren: Remember when writing like that was funny? Yeah, we grew out of that too.
This story is about a little girl that was abused. If u care about it, c&p it to ur profile.
Brad: Wait what?
My name is sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
Jerry: …PFFFT HAHAHAHA!
Dear Mr. Jesus, I just had to write to you
Something really scared me, when I saw it on the news
A story 'bout a little girl beaten black and blue
Jesus, thought I'd take this right to you
Dear Mr. Jesus, I don't understand
Why they took her mom and dad away
I know that they don't mean to hit with wild and angry hands
Tell them just how big they are I pray
Zack: Wait…why is that funny?
Jerry: No Holds Barred Radio, it makes shit like this funny.
Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way 2 treat people. 2 prove that we r all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold ur hand up 2 a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up 2. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when u get right down to it. If u are against racism, c&p
All 8: EVERYONE’S A LITTLE BIT RACIST!
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses r geese, then y rn't two moose meese, or when 2 foots r feet, why rn't 2 footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If u're random and proud of it, c&p this!
Brad: No, I’m random, you’re on Quaaludes.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when u start dancing in Walmart to its chessy music. Crazy is when u laugh uncontrolable at ur own jokes. Crazy is when u stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks u what is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when u have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when ur favorite song comes on. Crazy is when u do or say a completely random thing, like "Do u ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with urself. Crazy is when u type up all ur favorite sayings, print them off and tape them 2 ur wall, just 4 something 2 do. Crazy is when u memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Naruto(or almost, at least). Crazy is when u fill up the tab seperators in ur binders with doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Naruto related thing u can think of about Naruto or the Naruto characters. Crazy is when u can open up a Naruto manga and no exactly which part u're at by reading 1 bubble. Crazy is when u laugh when nothing's funny. Crazy is when u have OGD(Obsessive Gaara Disorder). Crazy is when u crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!". Crazy is when u forget what u're saying in the middle of a sentence. Crazy is when u take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it. If u're crazy, c&p and add something crazy u've done!
Trent: Oh my fucking god.
If you think Jeff Dunham is hysterical, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile.
Lauren: …That scares me.
If you think the Coa-Coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
Jerry: You’re ripping off the Nostalgia Critic, he remembers it because you don’t have to.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
Zack: I just wanted some of your fucking cereal.
If you have music in your soul, copy this into your profile.
If u think Org. XII is the best bad guys and girl EVER, c&p this into ur profile!
Lauren: What the fuck?
If u're in LOVE with a Org. 13 person, c&p this into ur profile!!(Zexion RULES)
Mike: Dear god where’s a straight jacket?
If u r aware that so many people nowadays pretend 2 b someone they're not, c&p into ur pro.
If at 1 time u misspelled o 4got how 2 spell a word less than 4 letters, c&p this onto ur pro.
Sam: Maybe when I was in kindergarten.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
All 8: WE WANT TO SLAP YOU!
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.
If u sigh at the fact that cause ur profile is so long there is little chance some1 would actually take the time and read it, c&p this onto ur pro.
Mike: That one makes sense.
If you belive PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy and paste this into ur profile!
Sam: Oh god no.
If u ever hear voices inside ur head, copy and paste this into ur profile!
Brad: That doesn’t surprise me.
If u know the voices are real, copy and paste this into ur profile!
Jerry: I used to be insane, but we’re okay now.
If u sometimes-coughalwayscough-talk 2 urself, copy and paste this into ur profile!
My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, copy this into your profile!
Zack: I think you’re insane because your best friend is your right hand.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
Brad: Like what drugs are you on?
If you have ever wondered why you exist and/or why your name is what it is then c& p this to your profile
If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.
Zack: I have schizophrenia and so do I.
If some people see you as dark and other see you as bright copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been called emo before copy and paste this into your profile.
Lauren: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.
If u hate girly-girls or people who think that they r everything, c&p this into your profile.
If you have ever been called a baka before copy and paste this into your profile.
Zack: I don’t even know what that means…nor do I want to.
If u have ever shouted out the first thing that comes 2 mind, and then gotten glared at, c&p 2 ur pro.
Jess: Again, that doesn’t surprise anyone.
Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.
Jerry: Haven’t you heard?
Jerry: Because I thought everyone had heard.
Sam: Heard what…
Trent: SAM NO!
Jerry: Well everybody's heard about the bird!
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word!
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word!
Sam: Oh god!
Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.
Mike: Yeah you need to remove that.
Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.
Jess: You might need to start.
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
Zack: Why do you think we do these?
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If u have ever said something that has nothing 2 do with the current conversation, c&p this into ur profile.
All 8: I WAS FROZEN TODAY!
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Trent: That doesn’t surprise me.
If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal, copy this in your profile!
Jerry: *Abridged Nappa* But Vegeta…Trix are for kiiiids!
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
Brad: Because your profile needs to be longer.
If u ever forgotten what u were talking about in a conversation c&p this into ur profile.
If you want to learn Japanese, copy and paste this into your profile.
Jerry: Just to play Japan-Only RPGs…SEGA SATURN!
If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.
Zack: Yeah I try not to think about things like that.
Trent: Norman is a male, you were pulling his dick.
If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.
If u know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into ur profile.
Jerry: Yeah, they’re an EMO BAND!
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile
All 8: BAKUDA!
If u took the time to read all of these (and u usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you just hate flamers period, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a clutz like me, copy and past this into your profile.
If you think KH is the best game EVER, copy and past this onto your file.
If u think that all problems can be solved with a flamethrower, copy and paste this into ur profile
Sam: Okay that scares me.
If u have ever zoned out 4 more than 5 consecutive minutes, copy this into ur profile. (Every day.)
If you have your own little world, c&p this into ur profile.(Of course I do!...Doesn't everyone?)
Mike: That REALLY doesn’t surprise me.
if you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are one of the very few who hate country music, copy this into your profile.
Jess: Very few? I thought the majority of the planet hated country.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.
Brad: Where’s the one that says, “If you think Jesus Luvs Everyone is a psycho paste this into your profile?”
What I wish I’ve known sooner: C&p this 2 ur profile and add something 2 the list!
Sam: How to spell?
Zack: Holy crap there’s more.
• Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking.
Mike: Like taking the chance of possibly losing sanity by reading your profile.
• Don't show off driving, if you want to race go to Indianapolis.
Brad: Someone got a speeding ticket.
• Excuses never please anyone but the person giving them.
All 8: WELL EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS!
• Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Jerry: One shall stand, one shall fall!
• There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
Sam: I don’t know, I know of a great shortcut to get to the Thai Restaurant in Clairemont.
• Don't let what others think decide who you are.
Jess: Exactly, if you’re gonna become a loser like this chick, do it all by yourself!
• Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Zack: Well if you’re alone you might be standing in the wrong spot.
• You can know someone better in a moment of honesty than you ever can in a lifetime of lies.
Trent: Gee, anymore obvious statements?
• Don't let your life wait for other people.
Brad: Nope, let other people wait for your life.
• Dropping a cellular phone in a bathtub full of water kinda will kill the phone.
Jerry: People breathe air.
• Your mother will find out if you dye your hair purple.
Lauren: Eyes see things.
• Don't ever fall in love with someone more than 1,000 miles away, it usually doesn't work.
Brad: Well if their dick is one thousand miles long it might.
Jess: …Oh dear god.
Brad: That’s what she said.
• If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!
Zack: If you cut yourself you bleed.
• If u fall on ur friends rollerblades and end up with a huge scar on ur leg from falling, don't use the same friends rollerblades again when u have brand new pants on!
Mike: If you know how to spell…do it.
• What does not kill you will ultimately make you stronger.
Zack: Unless it results in you being paralyzed.
• Speaking in public gets easier with practice.
Trent: Not for everyone.
• Don't do cheers off a diving board.
Jess: Where’s the one that says you can’t breathe underwater?
• Ten years from now or sometimes even next year) what we freak out about or r embarrassed by won't matter.
Jerry: Unless it’s that tattoo of a penis on your face that won’t come off.
• Zits always pop up when you really can't afford for them to pop up.
Mike: Teenage logic.
• When in doubt, duck. When certain don't bother, cuz you're already screwed.
Sam: God I hope she ducks at the wrong time.
• If ur teacher tells u to quit talking after a test or he'll give u a zero for the test grade, he means it. Really.
Brad: Uh…no shit.
• Sometimes smart people can do very, very stupid things.
All 8: DUH!
• Nothing is ever too good to be true.
Sam: Except for that e-mail from Nigeria that says, “YOU HAVE WON!”
• Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
• U REALLY should do what needs 2 b done NOW, and not later. Procrastination is the easiest way, but not the most profitable.
Zack: Correct spelling is good.
• If your intuition is telling you not to do something, then don't. Your intuition is not stupid!!
• If he doesn't respect you, he's not worth any of your time.
• Sticking things up your nose isn't the smartest idea in the world!
Lauren: Something tells me you speak from experience.
• You can't light fireworks in the basement and not get caught.
• Hair is flammable. VERY flammable.
• Never ever trust your friend with a scissors against your hair.
• White cats/dogs don't mix with black clothes.
Sam: I’m sure you have plenty of black clothes too.
• Someday you will look back on this and it will all seem funny.
Mike: Maybe our comments but not your profile.
• You never know when you're making a memory.
• If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine.
• If you allow others to laugh with you, you'll be GREAT!
Jerry: Frosted Flakes! They’re GRRRRRRRRRREAT!
• Kissing is the most fun thing. Dancing is almost as fun.
• Chose your friends carefully, you are what they are.
• There r 2 kinds of people in this world...those that play hopscotch and sing in the shower, and those that lie alone at night with tears in their eyes. Everyone has a choice as 2 which we want 2 b...and everyone is a little of both.
• Milk crates make boring pets.
• Never pierce your belly button in the dark...or with a safety pin.
• Never, ever, EVER let someone of the opposite sex make you compromise your standards. Never.
Mike: Unless you’re gay, then just don’t believe anything anyone tells you.
• Truly anything is possible when you follow your heart. The sky is no longer the limit.
• God doesn't make junk.
Brad: No, only crappy writers do.
• Mistakes...we all make them. Sometimes if we're lucky, an eraser will do the trick, we can rub it across the page, wipe away the dust, and all that's left of our careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge. But some mistakes can't b erased, no matter how old or young we r.
• When u're 14 and don't even have ur temps don't try driving...especially when all ur friends r around watching.
Zack: When you want people to think you’re smart, spell words correctly.
• Dance like no one is watching.
• Write like no one is gonna read your words.
Jerry: That explains a lot.
• BE YOURSELF. It's hard to be someone else anyway.
• Don't say something you wouldn't want your parents, God, or your crush to hear.
Trent: I shot a man just to watch him die.
• Even b4 u say sry(volunteer or otherwise), think about how u would feel in their shoes. THEN u can properly say sry
• Never jump over a hurdle without experience or supervision, It hurts! - Mist Lionshade
Mike: Uh…maybe if you’re an idiot.
• If u yell at ur older(male) sibling , but u don’t physically fight with him, u're scared of him. If he yells at u, but doesn't physically fight with u, he is a wimp and u have the right 2 call him a girl. - Light Mischief
• Kicking a jerk in the Achilles tendon will make them shut up. -Assassination-By-Rin
• Flushing toilet paper down the toilet while it's still attached 2 the roll is a good way 2 relieve stress. But it may clog the toilet. -Assassination-By-Rin
• Fire crakers r not fun 2 watch, when they r blowing up under ur chair!-S.S.M.together, that really did happen 2 me and it hurt!
Sam: I have a feeling it’s people like this idiot that make it so we have laws regarding fireworks.
• Never amit that u have a problem, cause sometimes ur friends like u the way u r, krazy and random!-S.S.M.together
EVER WONDER where we are headed...?
Jess: You need to be headed to the loony bin.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Zack: It’s called biology, fail it sometime but learn that.
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Trent: That’s a good question.
Lauren: A lady never tells.
Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Brad: Because psychics are full of shit?
Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
Sam: Yeah, because I’ve never heard that one before.
Why Doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Jerry: Again, old joke.
Why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows 98?
Jess: Gee, I wonder how old that joke is?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Zack: Because Dawn is fucking awesome.
Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'Broker'?
Mike: Because he doesn’t keep that money.
Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
Lauren: Because you touch yourself at night.
Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?
Jerry: Your mom.
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Zack: It’s the lord, Noah.
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Brad: Why does your grammar suck?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Jess: Because your mom touches herself at night.
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Zack: Because your dad touches himself at night.
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Trent: Because you fail.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
All 8: YES.
Why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?
Jerry: *George Carlin* Somehow I just can’t get hungry at a place called the Terminal Snack Bar. But if you’ve ever eaten there, you know it’s an appropriate title.
Why do etty, bitty, little paper cuts hurt so FREAKIN' much?
Trent: Because your parents touch you at night.
Lauren: Okay that was wrong.
If they put warning labels on everything, why don't they put warning labels on warning labels?
Zack: Because no one is THAT stupid…well, maybe Bakuda.
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
Jess: I think you and people like Raccoon Terminator and Bakuda are proof enough of that.
On a Myer hairdryer:
'Do not use while sleeping'.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
Sam: Okay that’s kinda funny.
On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
Brad: OF COURSE!
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
'Directions: Use like regular soap'.
(And that would be how??)
Mike: Rub it on your skin.
Zack: Sensually and slowly.
On some frozen dinners:
'Serving suggestion: Defrost'.
(But, it's just a suggestion).
Jerry: I haven’t seen that.
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
'Do not turn upside down'.
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
Trent: Right, someone should’ve written that on you when you were a baby.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating'.
(And you thought??...)
Lauren: I’ve seen those.
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body'.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
Brad: Try it.
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
Jerry: *Nostalgia Critic* Because when they’re not trying to operate heavy machinery with their BUTT CHEEKS, I bet they’re doing stupid shit like this!
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
'Warning: May cause drowsiness'.
(And...I'm taking this becaus