In the not-too-distant future --
Next Sunday A.D. --
There sat the powerless Jerry,
Not too different from you or me.
He kicked back and watched movies,
Just like a normal young man.
He did a good job saving the world,
But his writer got tired
And decided to have some fun!

I’ll send him cheesy fan fics,
The worst I can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind he can't control
When the fan fics begin or end (la-la-la)
Because I used those special parts
To send his Fanteenstic friends (and a robot!)

Hero Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)
Cambot! (Pan left!)
Lauren! (Hi, girl!)
Sam Summers! (What a cool guy!)
BRAAAAD! (He's a wisecracker.)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
and other science facts (la la la),
Well remember that they’re just at home
And you should really just relax
For Fanteenstic Fan Fic Theater 3000!"

*Cambot floats into the condo as the four friends are hiding behind the couch*

VincentX: Uh…what’re you four doing?
Jerry: If we can’t see the screen then we can’t read the stories!
VincentX: *face palms* Okay what if we do a little switching out for this one.
Sam: How so?
VincentX: Well you have three of four counterparts that haven’t participated, and a fourth who did a good job last time.
Brad: Hey I like that idea.
Lauren: So are you going to randomly switch us out for each part?
VincentX: Yep, and through the power of…well plot holes, you’ll be instantly caught up on anything you didn’t read.
Sam: Great; all the mental scars and none of the reading.
VincentX: You four will start off together though.
Lauren: Alright, that’s fair.
Jerry: So what’s today’s crapfest?
VincentX: It’s a crossover.
Sam: I’m already scared.
VincentX: Teen Titans and Ranma ½.
Brad: We’re screwed.
VincentX: It’s called “The Titans and the Lost Boy” by Lathis.
Brad: Well, here we go again!

*The screen lowers as the four friends sit on the couch.*

The Titans and the Lost Boy - Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Case
Chapter 1

Lauren: Um…shouldn’t the Chapter number go first?
Sam: Starting off bad.

Okay, hopefully you read this, because it's pretty important.

Jerry: Is it you apologizing for writing this?

As far as the Teen Titans are concerned, this story takes place directly after the end of the second season of teen titans, after Tara and before Brother Blood makes his first appearance. It replaces Deception and everything that comes after it.

Brad: Well at least he’s establishing when this takes place.
Jerry: Despite the fact that it’s Terra and not Tara…

As far as Ranma goes, this series takes place 'before' the Saffron incident, roughly around Chapter 33 or so. So pretty much everyone is present now, and all of the major event have happened, 'except' for the Saffron incident. I'm also freely using Anime and OAV episodes as well, as there is some good stuff in there.

Jerry: Not much though.

Now, Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

Sam: Actually we’ll probably be hating more than tolerating.
Lauren: Don’t be hatin’.

--

Robin would be the first, though most reluctant, to admit that things weren’t exactly progressing as he had hoped on this mission.

Jerry: That doesn’t make much sense.

Only a scant few hours ago, he and his friends were lounging in the tower watching some cheesy kung fu flick Beast Boy had dug out of his closet.
Now they were lost in the depths of China no less and minus one T-Ship to get them home.

Sam: Sucks to be them.

A massive granite fist interrupted the small Titan’s musings, nearly taking his head with it.

Lauren: Uh, that came out of left field.

‘Oh yeah.’ To add to their luck, they were also stuck in the middle of a battle with the animated pile of rubble affectionately known as Cinderblock.

Brad: Affectionately? Dear god.

Folding nearly ninety degrees backwards before he even realized he was acting, his instincts removed his body from the destructive limb’s path. Despite the fact that the attack missed by a good five inches, the tearing winds assaulted his ears and nearly dropped him to the ground.

Jerry: So Cinderblock farted?

Not only was the gigantic golem currently giving them a hard time, it had been on top of them nearly the instant they landed; literally on top of them, in fact.

Lauren: I didn’t need or want to know that.

Cinderblock was also the reason they were now without a means of transportation. As soon as the T-Ship had landed, a looming black shadow blotting out the sun had been their only warning before the behemoth had landed dead center of the vehicle.

Lauren: Oh, my bad.

Robin’s backwards dodge flowed into an effortless back flip and carried him well clear of Cinderblocks immediate range. He continued to back off several more feet, to make sense of the ensuing chaos.

Brad: Bah he’s not that tough. *grins*
Sam: Oh ha, ha, very funny.

The living statue’s stone bulk had torn through the ship like tissue paper. If Beast Boy hadn’t turned into something small enough to avoid the wreckage . . . well, Beast Boy was a lot less sturdy than the ship.
He quickly flipped to the side to avoid a hastily deflected Star Bolt, raising his titanium lined cape to protect himself from both the heat of the projectile and the resulting explosion of earth behind him.

Jerry: Wait, since when does Robin have a titanium lined cape?
Lauren: Since the author said so.

That minor threat avoided, Robin began to assess the situation once again.
They were in the in the Qinghai province of China, that much he knew. In the distance he could see the peaks of a vast mountain range, the Bayanlanka, or something like that; he’d only glanced at the map. They were in the rapidly widening clearing of a bamboo forest. The trees that were still standing shook violently from mere proximity to the brutal battle.

Sam: If they fall into the cursed springs I don’t think I’ll be able to stop laughing.

Starfire and Raven were both in the air, green and black energies blazing. Both females still looked shaken from the near miss. Neither of them had been hurt, but it must have been a tremendous shock to them, just how close Beast Boy had come to getting crushed. Indeed, he’d been worried for a few moments himself, before the green titan had miraculously reappeared, clinging to Cinderblock’s face, and already cracking wise. It was a good thing, too; he had no idea how he would be able to live with himself if his decision to come here had gotten one of his teammates killed . . .

Brad: Oh, hello drama.

Feeling an uncharacteristic need for visual confirmation, Robin quickly scanned the clearing for the youngest Titan. Beast Boy was leaning against a large bamboo shoot at the edge of the clearing, catching his breath. The green youth might have vanished against the sea of green if not for his dark purple and black jumpsuit he wore. A moment later, the emerald shape changer pushed off from the bamboo, morphing himself into a bucking green bull to charge back into the fray.

Lauren: Yeah, because if this guy can tear through a metal ship then obviously a bull can take him down.

Cyborg took advantage of Beast Boy’s charge. As the Granite Behemoth spun to meet the changeling’s reckless charge, Cyborg surged forward himself, slamming his titanium fist into Cinderblock’s exposed back with a burst of white and blue sonic energy. The strike exploded in a cacophony of fury powerful enough to send the giant stumbling forward-

Jerry: And onto Beast Boy, crushing him like a grape.

Right into the ebony horns of the charging bull.

Jerry: That too.

The sound of keratin striking granite rang throughout the forest as Beast Boy slammed his lowered bovine cranium into Cinderblock’s knees. Combined with the force of Cyborg’s devastating punch, the stone monstrosity actually flipped over the bull and through the air before slamming to its back on the ground. The shockwave from the impact nearly knocked Robin off his feet again.
“BOOYAH! No one uses my baby as a door mat and gets away with it!” yelled the metallic titan, pumping his fists in the air.

Lauren: That sounds so morbid out of context.

“Heehee, the victory is ours!” giggled the floating Tamaranian. Starfire slowly floated down from her bird’s eye view of the battle to land by the masked titan’s side.

Jerry: *Stewie voice* Victory is mine!

Robin was not so quick to celebrate their victory yet, though. He stepped back quickly, bringing his arms up defensively before him. “He’s not done yet, everyone get back, quick!”
Unfortunately Beast Boy’s enthusiastic attack had left him stunned and sitting on his butt only a few scant feet from the collapsed creature. The shape shifter’s head was reeling and his eyes swirled madly from the force of the impact.

Sam: Oh yay, goofy anime effects.

“Uh. . . I think I dislocated my brain guys,” blurted out the emerald changeling.

Brad: Wow; that was a really stupid line.

Seeing the rather precarious position that Beast Boy was in, Cyborg sprinted forward to help his disoriented friend.
“Move it Grass Stain, before the nickname becomes reality!”

Lauren: Grass Stain?
Jerry: Better than Skid Mark.

--

Beast Boy shook his head, finally stopping the mad (and stomach churning) spin of the world around him.

Sam: Why was there a line break there?

The first thing his tenuous grasp on reality revealed was Cyborg running towards him. He wasn’t quite sure why that was; however, he got a clue quickly enough. The far, far too loud grinding of stone on stone only several feet to his rear drew his attention like a magnet.
A squeal of fear escaped his lips as he turned his head to see Cinderblock rising to its feet a short distance behind him. And he was still sitting on his butt!

Brad: I don’t want to know anything about your butt.

Like an answer to an unspoken prayer, a salvo of green Star Bolts and several bamboo poles cloaked in black energy slammed into the monster’s face, giving Cyborg the time to grab the shape changer’s arm and pull him to safety.
“Good hustle on that tackle BB, just gotta work on that follow through man,” offered Cyborg, a smirk forming on his face.

Jerry: The sad part is the dialogue isn’t much better in the show…well, in the bad episodes that is.

“You know it, Dude! I just need something with a harder head next time,” he replied, giving his friend the thumbs up.
“Something with a thicker skull than you normally have? Does such an animal exist? And if so, should we pity it?” came a wry remark from behind them.

Sam: Ooh, burn!

Both turned to see Raven floating towards them.
“Heh, good one, Rae!” chuckled Cyborg.

Brad: Is this really the most appropriate thing to be doing when a giant walking piece of sidewalk is trying to kill you?

Annoyance crossed Beast Boy’s features for a moment, before he shrugged and laughed as well. “That was almost a joke, Raven, who knew you had it in you?”
Raven smirked vindictively at the jade Titan. “My attempts will always be funnier than your actual jokes.”

Sam: Burn! Burn man, burned. You just got burned!
Jerry: Shut up, your armor’s pink.

She then turned to glare at Cyborg.
“And don’t. Call. Me. Rae! Or I’ll personally redecorate my room with your parts, understood?” The dark teen bit off each word with livid abandon.

Lauren: Woa, testy aren’t we?

Beast Boy looked to Cyborg, who looked back to Beast Boy. For a moment, they held their collective ground . . . for a moment. Then both were retreating to the tumultuous battle with Cinderblock.
After all, even a raging monolith wasn’t nearly as frightful as Raven could be at times.

Jerry: Yeah I can see how an enemy trying to kill you is less scary than one of your friends.

--

Raven shook her hooded head in amusement as the two young men fled from her mock wrath.

Brad: What is with these random line breaks?

A moment later, she once more levitated over the raging melee. She lamented the battlefield which had been chosen for them. Normally a forest offered a variety of useful weapons for her to use against her opponents. Unfortunately, the same could not be said concerning the sea of bamboo that surrounded them.

Lauren: Sucks to be you.

As it was she was not fighting at her full potential. For the most part she was relegated to using the relatively flimsy bamboo shoots to distract the golem so it couldn’t hurt her companions. And despite the fact that he had just turned tail and run from her, she was certain that Cyborg would have some choice words for her if she used the merrily burning wreckage of the T-Ship as projectiles, only to damage them even worse.

Sam: Yeah I can see how getting killed and leaving the burning wreckage to, well, burn, is a better option.

A flash of green drew her attention to the side. Starfire was beside her now, having just unleashed a powerful optic blast at the living statue below them. How effective it was, who could really say?
“Our opponent is most resilient is he not, friend Raven?” asked the floating alien.
Raven could only nod in agreement. “He does seem to be lasting longer than usual. Of course, I don’t exactly have much to work with here and Robin lost a lot of his equipment getting out of the ship.”

Jerry: I was going to mention how they never have this much trouble with him in the show.

The two young women looked down to the bird in question. Even without his discs and birdarangs he was doing well. His staff was out and flashing in an intricate dance of steel and stone. To her side, Starfire winced as Robin narrowly dodged a haymaker from Cinderblock; only to cheer enthusiastically as the masked Titan recovered instantly to flip onto the golem’s wrist and begin running up the length of its arm.

Lauren: Well how about you help him!?

When he reached Cinderblock’s shoulder, he lashed out with his staff in an elaborate string off attacks. The report of titanium staff against granite skull rang out with all of the reckless fury of an automatic rifle.

Brad: I really doubt that.

The massive beast reeled from the blows, stumbling back and desperately waving its limbs to dislodge its unwanted passenger. Robin nimbly leapt from its shoulder to land several yards away. Just in time, as well, as a second later the blue energy of Cyborg’s sonic cannon blasted into Cinderblock’s face with all of its acoustical wrath.

Jerry: Uh…what?

Already unbalanced, the giant once again teetered, crashing to its back in a massive cloud of dust and debris. Almost immediately, it began pulling itself from the crater created from its own monolithic weight.

Lauren: Why is it we never get a story with GOOD fight scenes?
Sam: Because then we wouldn’t be reading it.
Lauren: Ah.

“Titans, we’re not doing enough damage. We need to combine our attacks!” yelled out their young leader.
Robin then ran over to Beast Boy’s side. “You and I will ram him at the same time; that should put him off his feet long enough for them to put him down, got it?”

Brad: Not exactly a hard concept to grasp.

Beast Boy nodded eagerly. “No problemo, Robin, this overgrown garden gnome is goin down!”

Jerry: What is with these stupid nicknames and insults?

Robin turned to the other three “You guys got it? When he’s off balance, hit him with everything you’ve got at the same time!”
“Preferably after I’m out of the way, too, don’t forget that part,” added a nervous sounding Beast Boy.

Lauren: No, I thought killing you and him was the right thing to do.

Raven’s eyes rolled even as Starfire and Cyborg nodded in the affirmative.

Lauren: See Raven agrees that line was stupid.

The vigilante and the changeling leapt into the air at the same time. Robin’s leap flowed into a powerful flying kick, while Beast Boy’s form swelled obscenely into that of a four hundred pound gorilla in mid flight-

Jerry: And then he did the Donkey Kong.

With a startling speed for something so large, Cinderblock lashed out; snagging the two heroes from of the air with a single motion. The collision was tremendous, knocking the air out of both titans even as the giant stumbled, however, Cinderblock did not fall this time, and quickly pulled the pair into a crushing bear hug.

Brad: Oh my god how long is this fight?

“No!” The voices of the three free Titans mingled into one as they cried their distress.
Instantly, Cyborg shot forward and grabbed Cinderblock’s left arm. Simultaneously, Starfire latched on to the beast’s right arm. With their tremendous strength the duo strained to uncurl the golem’s deadly grip.
Thinking quickly, Raven flew up in front of the beast. As carefully as she could, she focused her power and summoned forth an ebony cloak of energy to surround her friends; both to protect them and pull them free when Starfire and Cyborg had created enough space.

Sam: This is the most boring action scene ever.
Jerry: Ahem.
Sam: Oh right, forgot about Sonic Meets Star Wars…and the other ones.

The ear splitting sounds of stone grinding and steel squealing were deafening as the two strongest titans pitted their might against the unnatural concrete behemoth.
Like the opening of a rusted gate, its arms slowly began to separate. Cyborg and Starfire strained in the contest of muscle, arms shaking, veins popping and sweat drenching their faces.

Jerry: Gee, there’s a lovely image.

Raven floated closer to get a better mental hold on her friends. She could feel Cinderblock’s hold on them begin to loosen, and she attempted to pull them free.
“Raven, get back!”

All 4: Get back mutha fucka you don’t know me like that!

It was choked out by their gasping leader and was all the warning she got before Cinderblock burst into action. Suddenly, the beast’s arms swept apart forcefully. Starfire and Cyborg both were launched to separate ends of the clearing, as all of their efforts were suddenly turned against them. Robin and Beast Boy, both wrapped in the black shroud of her power, shot upwards, the force that was holding them unexpectedly vanishing.

Brad: Wait what just happened?

All of this happened so fast Raven could only gasp as she suddenly found herself floating approximately six feet in front of an enormous, enraged and unencumbered Cinderblock. The giant’s fist, still reared back from throwing off the Tamaranian, shot forward towards her. The scream of its passage through the air was all she could hear as the massive stone appendage came to fill her vision.

Sam: Well she’s dead.

And then her world exploded spectacularly to black.

Sam: Really dead.

--

Brad: Or we could get another line break.

Starfire’s abrupt and undesired flight to the distant end of the clearing had been most distressing. One moment, she had been straining with all of her might to move the giant’s arm, when suddenly it had obliged her. Fortunately, or unfortunately, her back had slammed with excruciating brutality into the unyielding hull of one of the remaining sections of the smashed T-Ship.

Lauren: Really? This lame fight is still going?

Time seemed to slow down as she took in the scene before her. Cinderblock was standing at the center of the clearing, both arms held out behind it from its forceful ejection of its passengers. Some thirty feet above it were Robin and Beast Boy, Raven’s dark energy just beginning to dissipate.
And there, floating directly in front of the frightfully enraged Cinderblock, a look of helpless shock on her face, was her dear friend Raven.

Jerry: Uh, did this just jump back a few seconds?

Starfire tried to stand, to go help her friend, but the pain in her back flared like a small sun. She instantly collapsed back against the uncomfortably warm steel of the T-Ship, yet, despite the pain she strived to move forward, her hand reaching out with wild desperation. In her heart, though, she knew there was nothing she could do. . .

Sam: DRAMA!

Reflected in her jade eyes, Cinderblock’s stony fist began to swing forward, slowly and inexorably, like the watching of a catastrophic locomotive collision.
Then, time once again resumed its normal flow. Robin and Beast Boy began to fall to the earth, helpless anger burning in their eyes. They had seen exactly what she had, and were just as helpless to stop it. Fighting the flaring pain in her spine, Starfire leaned forward, brilliant emerald energy building in her eyes-

Jerry: LAZER GUNN!

But she was too slow. Cinderblock’s fist flashed forward, so very fast now. Raven had only enough time to cross her arms in a pathetic attempt at defense.
In a flash of black energy, Cinderblock’s strike crushed into the dark titan with a sound that would haunt Starfire’s dreams for years to come. The unbelievable power of the attack launched the Gothic Titan into the air, a violet tipped bullet flying far beyond the tree line and out of sight.

Sam: Oh…maybe she really is dead.
Brad: Damn…beaten by concrete.

“Raven!”
“No!”
“Raauuggh!”

Lauren: BOLD LETTERING!
Jerry: Starfire’s going Super Saiyan.

The stabbing pain lancing through the Tamaranian’s back melted away to nothing in an instant. Before she even realized what she was doing, Starfire was flying forward, leaving a flaming trail of scorched earth in her wake. She crossed the clearing in the blink of an eye, reaching the murderous Cinderblock at the same moment that Robin and Beast Boy descended from their own flights.
The sound of their combined fury rang across the countryside.

Brad: And then!?

--

Sam: Line break!

The young man knocked aside yet another shrubbery which dared to block his path. With a sigh of exhaustion he stopped walking. Drawing a weary arm across his brow to remove any sweat, the youth took in his surroundings.

Lauren: Oh I’m sorry I think we started reading a different story here.

It was obvious to him that he was lost, yet again. Not that that was anything new to the wandering teen. Being lost wasn’t really an emergency for him, more of a lifestyle really.

Jerry: I know who this is.
Sam: I bet Raven crashes into him.

It still sucked though.
“The world is a dark and lonely place,” muttered the lost boy. Hardly an original thought for him, but he liked to verbally reassure himself of how terrible his life was every once in a while, if only to hear a human voice.
And the last few weeks had been some of the worst of his life, making his little diatribe feel that much truer. Of course, anyone that knew him would scoff; after all he was always saying that the past few weeks were the worst weeks of his life.

Brad: This is, kinda well written…but it’s BORING.
Lauren: Yeah, it’s got creative vocabulary and good spelling and grammar…but there’s nothing interesting in it.

This time he really meant it.
But then, losing, irrevocably, his one true love, the girl whom he had given his heart to, was bound to put him in a lousy mood, he guessed.

Sam: He realized that cute girl was really Ranma again.

He briefly shook his head, hoping to derail his current and depressing train of thought. His flailing black follicles revealed an unusual yellow and black bandana holding his hair out of his eyes, or attempting too at any rate. He had more immediate concerns than dwelling on the past anyway, no matter how painful.

Brad: Like the body of the goth chick flying at him at full speed?

Item one on that list, of course, was the fact that he was currently lost in a forest. . . . either that or he had gotten turned around in the panda exhibit at the zoo again. Damn designers making the habitat so realistic. If he hadn’t noticed that it was the same panda he kept walking past, he’d probably still be there.
As it was, it had been an embarrassing conversation he ended up having with the panda’s keeper.

Lauren: We don’t need to know this. Just move the damn plot ahead!

Well he was pretty sure he wasn’t in the zoo this time. And since he was surrounded by bamboo that narrowed down where he could be. It seemed pretty certain he was in China, again, and lost, as usual. Really, this country had caused him nothing but misery, in one form or another. At least it didn’t look like it was going to rain.
Suddenly the wanderer cocked an ear to the air. A strange sound caught his attention. It wasn’t the natural sounds that he had lived with and grown accustomed to for most of his life and stood out like a sour note. Strangely, it was a very familiar noise and he recognized it almost immediately.

Jerry: Raven crashing through trees?

It was the sound of a human body falling from a high altitude.

Jerry: I was right!

He took a quick moment to reflect on the fact that he should so intimately know that sound and chalked it up to being slightly worrying.
Turning his eyes skyward revealed only a green canopy. He needed to get above the trees quickly if he wanted to have any chance at helping whoever it was that was falling.
The unusually talented youth cleared the tops of the trees and witnessed the beautiful majesty of the cloudless sapphire sky hanging over him.

Lauren: There is no purpose in these descriptions.

He hardly had time to appreciate it, though, as he quickly spied the target of his search: a blue, gray and black form hurtling through the air. Whoever the person was, they were on the descent and would crash into the trees in another few seconds and then the ground a second or so after that.

All 4: DUH!

Unfortunately it seemed that the figure would overshoot his position if he didn’t do anything.
A quick scan of the bamboo below him revealed his only option.

Brad: BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

He landed gracefully on the top of one of the shoots below him. The ball of his foot rested precariously on the shoot while his toes clung to the sides, his other leg he pulled tightly up to his chest for balance. He then exploded into motion, skillfully running from tree to tree, desperately trying to get beneath the falling form.

Jerry: Crouching filler; hidden plot.

Just as the figure looked to be out of reach he gave one final push, leaping from the last tree. Shooting out like an arrow he just managed to catch the cape - ‘Huh, who wears a cape?’ - of the person. Not wanting to snap their neck like a twig, he used the cape to gently pull the figure close enough so that he could wrap his free arm around the figure’s waist and draw them to his chest before he inevitably succumbed to gravity.

Sam: Aka fell.

He landed easily from the free fall, though he did feel a slight strain in his knees. While his unknowing passenger felt nearly weightless in his arms, he forgot that he was still wearing his backpack and umbrella strapped to his back and that weight combined with the long fall was a bit much even for his legs.

Brad: That first sentence was the only thing we needed.

Ignoring the pain, a feat he was more than used to, he took in the condition of the person whom he had just saved.
Well, it was obviously a girl; the leotard really didn’t leave much to the imagination, that was for sure.

Lauren: Perv.

He shuddered briefly, he sure hoped she wasn’t as mentally unbalanced as the other girl he knew that ran around in a leotard all the time.

Jerry: Thank goodness she’s not.
Sam: Oh god that would be painful.
Lauren: I’m missing something aren’t I?
Brad: Me too.
Sam: Believe me, unless the character in question shows up, you’re better off not knowing.

Other than that, she seemed to be pretty cute.

Lauren: …So you’re looking past the slut-tastic style? Wow, I’m impressed.

She had purple hair. . . an Amazon maybe? He might even be close to their village. The unusual young woman also had a gem stuck to her forehead. For some reason it struck a memory, something he heard once in his wanderings. Chakra? Or something like that. It wasn’t really his specialty; he only really worked with chi himself. It did make her look more exotic, though.

Brad: Oh god he’s got a stiffy.
Lauren: Definitely.

The gray skin was a little worrying. She didn’t feel dead, or anything, and people turned blue when they weren’t breathing . . . or so he’d heard, anyway. Maybe she was sick, or something? Still her breathing was steady and normal, so asides from being unconscious, she seemed to be fine.

Jerry: Yeah, aside from not being awake she’s just peachy!
Sam: I swear that was a line from the Justice League fic.
Jerry: I think you’re right.
Sam: That’s not a good sign then.

Satisfied that she wasn’t in any danger, he took a more analytical look. She had good muscle tone and obviously kept in shape. She might even be a martial artist like himself; come to think of it, he hadn’t had a good spar in quite awhile.

Lauren: Oh god this is getting creepy.

His eyes suddenly widened in shock, not for anything he saw, but for what he sensed.
The young man prided himself on being a powerful martial artist and he had long since learned to harness his chi to enhance his skills. Another ability he had developed, almost as a byproduct, was the ability to sense the chi in others. It was a very useful ability, heck, he had gotten so used to it that he rarely registered it consciously anymore.

Jerry: Now it’s Ranma Ball Z!

However, after holding this girl for a few moments, his senses had kicked into overdrive. Her chi was definitely not human. In fact the only thing he remembered having chi that felt like this was that damned Oni. And this girl felt vastly stronger than the demon that had possessed everyone all those months ago.
A strange sensation began crawling its way up his spine.

All 4: BONER!

He was pretty certain it was fear, as alien as that concept was to him; it had been awhile since he had felt it and quite frankly, he was usually too stubborn to let something like being totally outclassed stop him from attacking someone.
However this deceptively attractive young woman filled his heart with a cold dread unlike anything he had ever felt before . . .

Sam: Is this going anywhere?

Another strange sensation begged his attention. He found his eyes drawn up from the girl’s body - where he had been staring, but not really staring . . . sort of . . . he wasn’t sure how the whole chi sensing thing worked, to her face.

Lauren: Yeah, you were sensing her body, uh huh. And by sensing you mean staring at her chest.

Or, more importantly, to her eyes. The young woman’s eyes which had opened while he was looking elsewhere.

Jerry: Uh oh, he got caught staring at the goods!

Her violet orbs held him in place with frightening intensity, and probably anger. . . demons were usually angry about stuff.
And he seriously doubted she was going let him off easy just because he helped her out.

Brad: Yeah because staring at a girl’s boobs offsets saving her life.
Lauren: …not even gonna comment on that.

--

Sam: LINE BREAK!

Mmmmm . . . the dark Titan felt the bonds of sleep loosening from her. It was a very odd sensation, and slightly worrying, as she had no recollection of actually going to sleep. Hmm, something else was registering as odd, as well. She couldn’t feel the familiar weight of her blankets resting across her chest, yet she still felt warm . . . comfortably warm, actually and strangely, she felt safe as well. She was definitely lying on something, though. Whatever it was most certainly did not feel like her bed. Maybe she was in a chair? Whatever it was, it was warm, but felt very hard and unyielding.

Jerry: BONERIFIC!
Lauren: Oh god.

Maybe opening her eyes would reveal the answers to her quandary?

Brad: *face palms*

Slowly and reluctantly, the young Goth forced her eyes to open.
‘Yes.’ She was definitely still dreaming.
How else could she possibly explain the fact that she was currently being held in the arms of some strange man in the middle of a bamboo forest? Really, it made no sense whatsoever to her . . . though the bamboo ticked something in the back of her mind.

Sam: Did that hit make her half retarded or something?

She shook off the strange feeling for a moment to analyze the situation.

Jerry: I’m getting a flashback…
Sam: Yep.
Jerry: “Put me down…right…now!”
“Uh…why?”
“Three reasons…one…I need to kill Hawk…two…I need to kill you…and three…your hand is on my ass!”

The man. . . really not even that, he didn’t really look much older than her or the other Titans. He was definitely Asian, with sharp features. After that she noted his raven black hair, held up by a really tacky yellow and black headband. The teen seemed to like yellow since he wore a sleeveless t-shirt of the same color. Said t-shirt gave her a fair look at his arms and chest, definitely well muscled and nicely toned and. . . and. . . she broke off that line of thought. It had been bad enough when she had embarrassed herself so thoroughly over Aqualad.

Lauren: Oh great, now she’s getting lovesick.

The stranger’s mouth hung slightly open, taking in breath as if he had just exerted himself. Something else struck her as odd. He had fangs; not like Beast Boy’s, though, these were long canines, like from her vampire novels.

Sam: Great, Twilight references.

Interesting, she decided to file that fact away for later consideration.
Finally she noticed his eyes. They were a dark brown and his stare was intense. More like he was staring through her than at her.

Brad: Just get on with the plot!

Overall, if she were Starfire, she would say the Asian youth was . . . cute? Possibly even handsome. But she wasn’t Starfire, so she’d would just proceed with the minimalism that she was known for and say. . . nice. That seemed to sum it up.

Jerry: Stop it! This is boring, this is stupid!
Lauren: No, this…is…FILLER!

He wore a concerned look on his face, which was good in her opinion, but he did seem to be staring a bit much. Not quite feeling up to talking yet, she decided to stare at him until she got his attention . . . it usually worked on the other Titans after all.
It seemed to work in record time. As if sensing her look, the boy’s eyes refocused and slowly he turned his head to face her.

Sam: And by face her, he means he stares at her breasts more.

What wasn’t going quite as she had planned was the look of borderline terror which seemed to be spreading across his face as he finally turned to meet her gaze. The two gazed into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. Raven was almost beginning to feel the temptation to start blushing from his scrutiny. She decided to break the long silence and introduce herself to the nice imaginary man her subconscious had manufactured-
When suddenly he dropped her to the ground - hard.

Jerry: Hahaha!
Sam: Okay, that was funny!

Her eyes widened in shock and she let out a small grunt of pain as her tailbone collided jarringly with the ground.

Lauren: Aka her ass.

The man then leapt away from her, almost fifteen feet, horizontally, from standing still, and backwards nonetheless. She would have been impressed if she weren’t so annoyed that she had just been dropped on her bottom.
Slowly she stood up, gingerly rubbing her posterior. . .

Brad: Just say butt or ass; we know what it is.

‘Hey!’, come to think of it, her forearms were aching terribly as well, but why could that possibly be?
She decided to ignore that for the moment and focused her coldest glare on the inconsiderate oaf before her. She finally opened her mouth to speak.

Lauren: I will crush your balls!

--

The wandering martial artist watched the demon before him rise to its feet. He did feel a little bad about dropping her like that, but what could he say . . . he’d panicked. Still, she was putting on a pretty good show of being a normal girl.

Sam: What the hell!?

Heck, he was no demon expert, but he definitely knew a glare of female wrath when he saw one.
Jerry: Hanging around Akane will do that.

This demon really knew what it was doing. In fact her glare was more intimidating that most of the girls he already knew . . . Why did girls glare at him so much anyways? It’s not like he went out of his way to offend anyone, really.

Brad: Wrong place, wrong time…left hand.
Lauren: You speak from experience?
Brad: Maaaybe.

‘Yes’, he decided, ‘I am so going to die.’
Still, no one said he had to go down without a fight.
As Ranma was so fond of saying, he had never known when to quit. If he was going to go down, at the very least, he was going to make sure this admittedly pretty demon never forgot the name of Hibiki Ryouga.

Sam: So after about three pages of filler we finally get his name…brilliant.
Lauren: But you already knew his name.
Sam: It’s the principal of the thing.

--

Raven was ready to vent her frustrations on her dream companion. This dream was quickly losing its charm. Here she was, intrigued at finally having one of those “romantic” dreams that Starfire was always telling her about. Everything seemed to be in line with the Tamaranian’s stories; a handsome man (thankfully not Robin), a tender embrace, a concerned expression on his face-

Brad: A bad rhyme.

And then he’s dropped her, the look of concern melting into a mask of fear. This was a definite departure from her friend’s steamy dreams.
She briefly bemoaned the unfairness of it all.
She opened her mouth, ready to give the boy a stern talking to about how this dream was supposed to go when-

Jerry: GUTSMAN’S ASS! DUN, DUN!”

“Demon! Do you know that you face Hibiki Ryouga!”

Sam: Ah, going with the Japanese order of names.

‘Huh?’ That had been unexpected. Everything started buffeting her at once. How did he know she was half demon? Why was he getting ready to attack her? . . .Why were his shins tied in criss-crossing cords?

Lauren: Why is this story wasting so much time with meaningless questions?

Really, it made him look like a ballerina.

Brad: *chuckle*
Sam: Wow.

The young man then took an unfamiliar martial arts stance.
‘Hmm.’ Maybe this was one of Robin’s dreams and she had fallen into it? But then why would Robin be dreaming about hunky Asian men? Though, actually, that could explain a few things; she did wonder about their masked leader sometimes.

Jerry: Oh great a gay joke.

“Excuse me?” She decided to try to figure this out before things got out of hand.

Lauren: Well excuuuuuuse me ballerina boy!

Either the strange martial artist didn’t hear her, or he was ignoring her. He seemed to have gotten over his fear and had jumped directly into anger himself.
“I may not have anything to live for, Demon!” Well that was depressing; maybe he read the same books she did? “-But you won’t take my life without a fight! Your reign of terror ends here!”

Brad: Is this character always this stupid?
Jerry: Not all the time…but sometimes.

‘What?’ Reign of terror? Taking lives? What was this person thinking? That was the last time she watched one of Beast Boy’s movies before bed-
‘Wait just one moment!’ With all of the subtlety of a bursting dam, her memories of the past several hours poured forth into her consciousness: Beast Boy’s kung fu movie, following the H.I.V.E. ship, landing in China . . . fighting Cinderblock . . . a huge granite fist filling her vision . . .

Sam: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER! FILLER NIGHT!

This was no dream.

Jerry: You cannot escape the filler!

She gasped in shock, this was real and that Hibiki person was getting ready to fight her to the death because he thought she was a demon. She tried to yell out, tell him that this was all a misunderstanding, when the young man tightly crossed his arms across his chest.
“Shi Shi!” The strange words burst from the stranger’s lips, a pale azure orb of energy forming directly before his crossed forearms, as if summoned by the cryptic chant.

Jerry: Oh crap.
Sam: What?
Jerry: You’ll see.

And then Raven’s world dissolved into a swirling green void of pain.

Lauren: Yeah, because abuse to girls is just so entertaining.

--

Brad: Stop that!

Ryouga stared at the demon before him. She still hadn’t done anything, except perhaps quirk an eyebrow when he took his combat stance. She obviously didn’t feel threatened by him at all.
She had said something but it had been lost over the distance and the sound of his blood pounding in his ears. He needed to end this quickly. He knew that demons were usually all but immune to physical attack. He was going to have to use his only chi attack, an all or nothing strike to destroy the demon before it could raise its defenses.

Lauren: JUST GET ON WITH THIS!

Of course he knew that there was no way the Shi Shi Houkodan was powerful enough to destroy this demon. He was certain that he was going to die. The demon would probably fly straight to Nerima after it was done with him to begin killing all of his old friends in retaliation for this slight.
The feelings of depression and worthlessness spiraled around him, pulling him to new depths of despair.

Jerry: HOW LONG IS THIS CHAPTER!?

He almost smirked.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest, coalescing all of the pain, all of the heavy emotions which his soul into a physical manifestation of pure torment, a sphere of roiling spiritual power.

Brad: What the hell?
Jerry: It’s an attack he uses. Basically it’s a big beam of energy that is powered by depression.
Brad: Emo Ray?
Jerry: That’s one way of putting it.

He looked to the demon before him; she looked like she was about to say something, when suddenly a look of surprise crossed her features.
Damn! She sensed what he was doing! It was now or never!
“Shi Shi!!” He howled his mantra, focusing all of his concentration on the sphere before him. The orb took on a pale azure glow, becoming visible to the naked eye.
Once again he looked at the demon, preparing to utter the final word of his attack and unleash all of its devastating power upon her tiny frame-

Lauren: This just happened!

When suddenly she collapsed, holding her temples in apparent agony.

Sam: Uh, what?

‘Huh! What was going on?’ His concentration suddenly gone, the sphere of chi in front of him popped with all of the fury of a fragile soap bubble.
He stood straight and scratched his head in confusion. That was odd; usually people were only hurt by the Shi Shi Houkodan when he actually fired the orb at them. He’d never seen anyone drop just from seeing it before. The cloaked figure hardly looked like an evil demon now. She looked kind of like a normal girl. . . well as normal as you can get wearing a leotard outside of a gymnasium.

Brad: Not to mention the gray skin.

She also looked like a normal girl in a large amount of pain.
He stood there for several moments, shuffling from one foot to the other. True she was a demon; he could still feel her aura, even from fifteen feet away. However she looked like she could use help. And wasn’t it part of the martial artist’s code to help those in need?
With a heavy sigh, and against his better judgment, Ryouga walked over and knelt beside the violet haired young woman.

Jerry: BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

--

Sam: Oh god now we get her POV.

Raven’s world was pain. Not physical pain, though. No, physical pain she could have dealt with, she was more than used to that after years of fighting super-powered criminals.
No, Raven was drowning in a sea of emotional anguish. Despair, anger, hatred, it was like nothing she had ever experienced before.

Lauren: In other words it was worse than any of Beast Boys jokes.

Having so carefully controlled her own emotions for so long, she wasn’t accustomed to such overpowering feelings. And now things besieged her which she couldn’t even hope to control.
The dark colors swirled around her in a maelstrom. She felt loneliness, she knew the feeling well herself, but magnified far beyond her own controlled emotion. Then jealousy, a burning toxic feeling, of who she felt jealous she had no idea but it was as sharp as a razor to her sensitive psyche. Then a dozen other emotions, each powerful, all uncontrolled, and every one of them negative and destructive-

All 4: EMOOOOO!

Her descent into chaos was distracted by something. A presence touched her mind . . . no, wait; that was a physical sensation. A hand on the shoulder, that’s what it was. She latched onto the sensation, used it as an anchor to pull herself back into control.
Eventually she felt the emotions recede and begin to dissipate altogether. Other emotions began to take their place, faint by comparison. Concern, curiosity . . . embarrassment. After several more moments, she finally regained her equilibrium enough to open her eyes.

Brad: Naked!

She looked down to her shoulder. Lying across it was a hand. It was larger than her own and much darker, obviously tanned from being outdoors a great deal. The hand itself was rough and calloused, but felt soft and reassuring on her shoulder.
She looked up from the hand and once again locked eyes with the strange Asian martial artist. He seemed to be slightly embarrassed, like touching her shoulder was more intimate than he was used to, it was slightly amusing.

Lauren: Ew cooties!

“You know,” she began slowly, “I liked it better when I thought you were a dream.”
The strange teen looked down at her and blinked several times.

Sam: Oh god this is BAD!

--

Jerry: If this isn’t an actual scene change I’m gonna kill someone.

Cyborg finally found his way back to the clearing.

Brad: Crisis averted.

Damn sneaky stone monsters, throwing you around when you least expect it. He added another tally to his list of reasons to bust Cinderblock into construction materials, right below smashing his beautiful T-Ship.
A sigh escaped his lips; he hadn’t even had a chance to test the new turbo booster system he’d installed. He’d show Raven macho overcompensating when she was squashed like a pancake into her seat from the gee’s they’d be pulling then! Oh well, perchance to dream, and all that junk.

Brad: Bad fic, not averted.
Lauren: HOW LONG IS THIS FUCKING CHAPTER!?

As it was, something was different when he finally entered the clearing again. Granted Cinderblock was still there. And he was still fighting the titans, just like when Cyborg had been so rudely ejected.
However something seemed different this time around. Beast Boy, Robin and Starfire all looked pissed, damn pissed, really. Cinderblock looked a little worse off, a few cracks and craters had appeared since last he saw the creature.

Sam: That’s because he was hit by…
Jerry: He was struck by…
Both: A smooth criminal!

Something was missing, too . . . T-Ship still in pieces (Jerk was gonna pay for that!) Big monster still there . . . wait!
Where was Raven?
Things started to add up in his mind. Titans angry, Cinderblock damaged, Raven missing.

Lauren: Quote the Raven, nevermore.

Unfortunately the sums that were appearing in his head were not good. Something must have happened to Raven, and for everyone to be that mad, even Starfire, it must have been serious.

Jerry: Uh, Starfire got pissed plenty of times in the show.

“Rrraaahhhh!!” With a yell of fury, Cyborg reentered the fray, sonic cannon blazing.
No one hurt his friends.

Brad: No one?

No one.

Brad: Ah, thanks for clearing that up.
Lauren: Brad, stop conversing with the fic.

--

Jerry: LINE BREAK!

The odd pair sat across from each other. Ryouga sat with his legs crossed and leaning lightly against his large backpack. Raven, sitting in the lotus position, and staring intently. What the difference between sitting cross-legged and lotus position was, who could know, but that’s how they saw themselves sitting at any rate.

Sam: Oh my god this is BORING!

“Well I’d say the ‘you saving me’ thing was cancelled out by the ‘you trying to kill me’ thing,” started the gothic Titan. Ryouga had the good graces to look ashamed at her accusation.
“However, even though you thought I was a demon intent on your destruction . . .” She let the statement hang in the air, silently enjoying the way he squirmed under her scrutiny. “You did come to my aid again. So, I suppose a thank you is in order.”

Brad: Raven are you okay!?
Sam: Are you okay Raven!?

He looked up at her tentatively to respond, “It’s alright, really. It’s a martial artist’s duty to help people.”

Jerry: I thought it was to beat people up.

Raven quirked an eyebrow at that. “Robin never mentioned any martial artist code. But still, now that we’ve gotten past the awkward ‘attacking each other phase’ . . . My name is Raven.” She then extended one of her hands to the young man in greetings.
The man looked at her hand in confusion for a moment before shrugging and taking it.
“My name is –“

Lauren: What?
Sam: My name is…
Brad: Who?
Sam: My name is…

“-Hibiki Ryouga,

All 4: Will the real Ryoga please stand up?

yes, you mentioned that,” Raven interrupted with a smirk, “Do you always greet people by threatening them?”
Ryouga raised a hand behind his head and started rustling his hair in embarrassment. “Well. . . not always. . .,” he finished lamely.

Lauren: And limply.

Raven felt a smile rising in her and quashed it immediately. Slowly she rose.
“Well it’s been interesting meeting you Hibiki-“
“Ryouga,” he interrupted.
“Excuse me?”

All 4: WELL EXCUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS!

“Hibiki is my family name, it’s traditional in Japan to say that first. But you can call me Ryouga. Since you gave me your first name as well, it’s only proper.” He bowed slightly to her.

Brad: Thank you for that lesson on Japanese culture.

“Ah yes, it had slipped my mind. Again, thank you, Ryouga, but I must go. My friends are fighting a powerful criminal and they need my help.”
With that Raven began levitating and started to quickly fly back the way she came.

Jerry: Wait; I see where this is going.
Sam: Bakusai Tenketsu on Cinderblock?
Jerry: Yep.

A sound from her side drew her attention. She looked over. . . and nearly fell from the sky for lack of concentration. She was moving fairly quickly, but right beside her, keeping pace by jumping from branch to branch like some super powered squirrel, was Ryouga.

Lauren: Super powered squirrel?

Impressively, he didn’t really look like he was pushing himself too hard.
“Umm, what are you doing?” she asked calmly as the two raced along.
“Well, I don’t know much about much,” he started.

Jerry: I know what I know
I’ll sing what I said
We come and we go
That’s a thing that I keep
In the back of my head

Once again his hand moved through the hair at the back of his head. “But I do know a lot about fighting. And helping you and your friends out is the least I can do for hurting you.”
She considered telling him to turn back, but, then he wasn’t really slowing her down and it wasn’t like she and her friends couldn’t protect him when they got back to the fight. Frankly she couldn’t really see the harm and couldn’t gather the motivation to try to force the matter either.

Lauren: So fight now?

With a shrug she continued to fly on. As a calm finally settled across the quickly moving pair, a moment of curiosity struck her.

Brad: Nope, more exposition.

“How did you do that, anyway?” she asked obscurely.
He looked back at her. “Do what?”
“That emotional attack you used on me, how did you do that? Are you a psychic?”
His look changed from curiosity to confusion quickly. “Heh, that’s the first time anyone’s accused me of having any mental power.” He smirked self deprecatingly.

Sam: Ryoga, king of self esteem.

Then caught something.
“How did you know it was an emotion based attack? Not even Ranma figured that out that quickly,” he asked, somewhat surprised.

Brad: Goth chicks are cool that way.

She looked back, with a somewhat blasé expression. “Because it was an attack that affected my emotions. I’ve never been hit with such a powerful psychic attack before.”
His look of confusion only increased. He nearly missed the next branch completely and only after some scrambling was he able to get back in step with her.

Lauren: Smooth move ex-lax.

“Umm what do you mean? I didn’t even hit you with the Shi shi Houkodan; you collapsed before I even finished it.”
This time it was her turn to be confused. “What? You didn’t even finish the attack? Well what was it supposed to do then?”

Jerry: Uh, blow you up?

“Well, usually I focus my chi into a sphere, and then I throw the sphere at my opponent. It hits them like. . . like, well like a big fist of solid air, I guess. And that generally knocks most people out,” he explained.
“Hmm, that’s odd, that’s not what happened at all. . . wait, you said it was an emotion based technique, but what do emotions have to do with you smacking people around with balls of solid air?” she asked curiously.

Lauren: Oh my god why is there so much exposition!?
Sam: Ranma never had this much exposition.
Jerry: Neither did Teen Titans. This is like Dragon Ball Z caliber exposition here.

Ryouga considered this question a bit before answering. “Well, the Shi Shi Houkodan is powered by heavy chi. So to make my chi heavy enough I focus on my negative emotions like depression and loneliness and things like that. And then I project my heavy chi at my enemy. How did Ranma put it, ‘heavy heart, heavy chi’?”
Raven mulled that over in her mind. “So, basically you concentrate all of your negative feelings and then project them outwards?”

Brad: Has anyone else noticed how boring this is?

“Yeah I guess that’s pretty much it.”
Raven screeched to a stop, causing the following boy to completely lose his concentration and crash to the ground below. She floated down to where the, apparently undamaged, teen was getting to his feet.

Brad: What!? No! Keep going!

“So you mean to tell me that you can fire an energy blast that is based solely on your feelings of angst?”
Something about the question put Ryouga on the defensive. “Yeah, what of it?”

Lauren: It’s a Goth Chick’s dream come true!

This time a small smile formed on the gothic teens lips.
“I have a friend whom I think you simply must meet.”
And then, without another word, she flew off again.
Ryouga could only stare in wonder for a moment.

Jerry: And by “in wonder” he means “her ass.”
Sam: Oh of course.

Then he realized if he didn’t follow her now. . . he was going to end up lost and probably never see her again.

Lauren: Run Magellan run!

--

Beast Boy continued his rather futile efforts to vent his frustrations on the run amok destruction set beneath him. He could hardly remember the last time that anything had gotten him so angry, but seeing Raven smacked out over the forest like a human homerun, that had set him off something fierce.

Brad: Oh that’s just a great analogy too.

Of course, after nearly getting himself killed a few times, the changeling had quickly been forced to calm the heck down and start using his head again –

Lauren: The heck down?
Jerry: This thing is rated K+.
Lauren: That would explain it. Though I gotta say that Ryoga practically drooling over Raven was borderline.

‘Oops!’ He quickly morphed into a mongoose to avoid a wild swing of the golem’s bulky fist, then shifted into an elephant between its legs to throw Cinderblock off of its feet.

Jerry: I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose!

‘Heh. Score, it worked!’ And down goes the giant.

Brad: And boom goes the dynamite.

‘Ouch!’ Beast Boy quickly dove to the side, wincing in pained sympathy. That had looked extremely painful. Star Bolts should not go there . . . Ever!

Sam: …Gee, I wonder where…

Well, to be fair to the lovely Tamaranian, they were all pretty ticked, really. That jerk taking a cheap shot at Raven like that was so not cool. But it looked like Robin’s hunch was turning out to be right. Ever since it had taken out Raven, Cinderblock has been fighting on the defensive.

Jerry: Oh god; stop analyzing and just kill it!

‘Like he’s not trying to beat us, just delay us.’ Unfortunately it was working, which was only making the situation that much more annoying.
Turning into a gorilla, Beast Boy jumped on the exposed back of the gray behemoth. He struggled vainly to hold the monster still as Cyborg laid into it with his sonic cannon. He could see a few flakes of masonry float past him as the blue beam of solid sound tore into the villain’s stony hide.
Then he felt an overly large hand wrap around his arm. With a titanic surge, Cinderblock pulled him over its head and tossed him right at his cybernetic comrade-
As if that would work.

Brad: As if!
Jerry: Totally!
Lauren: Indeed.
Sam: Indubitably.

A quick change into an eagle and he soared up over his friend and circled back to face the animated inanimate object. Hmm if the clearing weren’t so small, he could do his famous whale drop . . . but he’d likely squash all his friends flat here.
Well, he might as well take advantage of his bird form while he was up here.

Lauren: If he looks down Starfire’s top I’m gonna laugh.

--

Cinderblock’s tiny mind was tightly wrapped around one single thought . . . ‘Delay the Titans’. As such, it had restrained itself greatly, not charging off in random directions trying to bury his enemies like an avalanche. It was a bit hard staying in one place just letting his enemies’ sting him continually like a nest of hornets.

Jerry: What!? No! Cinderblock doesn’t have inner thoughts damn it!

The beast was planning to reduce the number of titans remaining to three-
When something white and slimy splattered across his eyes, blinding him.

Brad: Did Beast Boy just do what I think he did?
Sam: …and the fic has reached a new low.

--
Raven could clearly hear the sounds of combat now. Still, as eager as she was to rejoin her friends, she still found herself to be somewhat confused by her current companion. Ryouga seemed to have all of the classic signs of chronic depression; she boggled slightly, he had literally become so depressed that he could use it as a weapon. Did that even make sense?

Lauren: We don’t care. Kill the monster, and then figure it out.

And yet the boy she saw before her looked healthy and strong, he even joked with her and went out of his way to help her.

Jerry: He’s not depressed…just bi-polar.

Really, she had expected someone with that much emotional baggage to be more . . . well more like her she supposed. Withdrawn, pale, reserved, but this strange teen seemed to have no emotional restraint whatsoever.
Well, it was a puzzle for another day; she could see the clearing ahead of her now. Bursts of blue and green energy were already visible between the foliage. She silently flew into the clearing and heard Ryouga land close beside her.

Brad: Good, now go and do that voo doo that you do so well!

Things looked to be very hectic. Cinderblock looked damaged, a rarity indeed, and her friends were attacking with righteous fury . . . well, more righteous fury than usual in Starfire’s case.

Lauren: They have fury!

It struck her. They must have thought she was seriously hurt, or worse. She supposed it was natural considering how close Beast Boy had gotten to being hurt earlier. Still, if she hadn’t gotten that shield in front of her just before Cinderblock’s last hit connected, well, she’d have had a lot more than sore forearms.
Instead of falling on Ryouga she might have been raining on him.

Sam: There’s a pretty thought.

She shivered slightly at the macabre image in her head.

Jerry: Ditto.

“Stay back, we’ll handle this monster,” she ordered Ryouga. She started to float forward to join her friends when she heard a soft chuckle coming from behind her.
She turned slowly to see Ryouga chuckling to himself. With a little practice, and a lot of credit, it might have been called an evil chuckle. However it was ruined when he folded over and started laughing out loud.

Sam: Yep, Bakusai Tenketsu.
Jerry: We called it!
Brad: The what?
Jerry: The fic will explain it but to put it bluntly; it’s an attack that shatters anything.
Brad: Ah, I get it.

In fact his laugh was loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the clearing, even Cinderblock’s. Raven felt everyone’s eyes on her now. She felt a little warm inside at the relieved and joyous gazes from her friends. Then their gazes moved over to the martial artist beside her and became questioning.
Ryouga straightened up, shaking his head and wiping a tear from his eye. A few last chuckles escaped his lips.

Lauren: Okay stop laughing and kill it.

“Who is this guy?” muttered Cyborg to the green changeling standing beside him.
“A whacko from the looks of it, but what’s he doin with Raven?” answered Beast Boy.
Robin’s eye mask narrowed as the Asian stranger started walking towards Cinderblock, a smile on his face and a spring in his step.

Brad: Yeah…that’s not stupid at all.

Starfire floated to land beside Raven and gave her a quick, non-bone-crushing hug. “It is glorious to see you return to us unharmed, Raven. But who is your companion and why does he make with the laughing of the mentally destabilized?” asked the concerned alien.

Jerry: *NC/Komodo voice* I’m off my bi-polar depression pills…OO HEE HEHEE…aaah…

Raven could only shake her head. “It’s a long story, but we better save him before he gets himself killed.”

--

Sam: STOP THAT!

Ryouga concentrated on following the girl in front of him. He knew if he didn’t keep her in sight he’d likely get lost almost instantly. Luckily she seemed to be a fan of moving in straight lines so he wasn’t having too much trouble.

Brad: Wait what? STOP REWINDING!

He could hear the sound of combat ahead of him now. Several moments later, their destination was in sight. The bamboo opened wide before them, revealing a massive, recently created clearing absolutely filled with destruction. Raven landed at the outer edge of the carnage and he landed just behind her to take in the scene.
Okay . . . the scene was pretty strange, even for him

Jerry: You fought a guy named Pantyhose Taro who turned into a giant bull with wings and an eel’s tail and THIS is considered weird?

There were five figures in the clearing already. The one that stood out most was, of course, the twelve foot tall stone monster.
Things didn’t get much more normal from there. Floating above the monster was a very tall girl with orange skin and flaming red hair. Not to mention jade beams of energy were shooting from her eyes.
Next there was a large, dark skinned person, well at least it seemed so, since most of the man seemed to be covered in some form of metallic armor.

Lauren: Wow, I guess he was trying to be PC with that…but just call him black, it’s less racist that way.

Then there was the small boy with the green skin and purple jumpsuit. The pointed ears were a bit strange too. Cool fangs, though.
Finally, there was the most normal looking one of the group. Which wasn’t saying much, really. He was a small teen, wearing a mask, spandex and a cape. The way he moved seemed to show he had a bit of training in the martial arts, but Ryouga couldn’t really be sure how good he was without seeing him in action. Still, meeting another martial artist was always a fun prospect.

Sam: STOP WITH THE STALLING! JUST GO!

Really, though, there was far too much skintight clothing in this clearing for his comfort.

Brad: Even on the girls?

Judging by everyone’s reaction to them entering the clearing, it was fairly obvious that the latter four were Raven’s friends and the large stone monster was not. Not that that really surprised him in retrospect.
Then suddenly it hit him.
He couldn’t stop himself; he started chuckling quietly.
Oh, to hell with it, this was too funny. He started laughing till he was nearly folded over. At least until the silence from the clearing caught his attention. He looked up slightly to see everyone looking at him strangely.

Jerry: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

‘Oops’ He didn’t want everyone thinking he was crazy now.

All 4: Too late.

Then, with a confident step, he started towards the giant stone monster at the center of the clearing.

--

Sam: GOD DAMN IT STOP THAT!

Robin reeled in shock from Raven’s miraculous return, not to mention the laughing stranger that had appeared with her. There was definitely something different about this person.
The masked vigilante instantly picked up on the teen’s Japanese features, but the rest of his outfit didn’t seem to match. He was wearing a yellow muscle shirt, which was pretty roughed up. It seemed to match the oddly patterned headband the boy wore, though. On his back was a large backpack, with a delicate looking ornamental bamboo umbrella lying across the top.

Brad: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER!
All 4: FILLER NIGHT!
Brad: WE HAVE TO DESCRIBE EVERY STUPID THING JUST RIGHT!

The two things that really caught the detective’s attention were much closer to the ground. On the stranger’s feet were a pair of light slippers, the same style that kung fu practitioners were famed for wearing. The most telling things, though, were the criss-crossing straps tied around the youth’s shins. While most people would think them to be like what a ballerina wore, Robin knew better. His mentor had long ago taught him about the Shaolin Monks of China, whom also tied cords around their shins in that very manner.

Brad: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER!
All 4: FILLER NIGHT!
Brad: WE HAVE TO DESCRIBE EVERY STUPID THING JUST RIGHT!

On closer inspection Robin noticed the other boy was also wearing black bracers around his wrists. So without ever seeing him move or fight, and despite the discrepancy of Japanese features and Chinese clothing, Robin already knew the boy was a martial artist. A slight tingle of excitement ran down the young titan’s spine.

Sam: BONER!

He very rarely got a chance to fight actual martial artists. Most of the people he fought were either street fighters or just relied entirely on their super powers to fight.

Jerry: RANMA VS STREET FIGHTER!

The prospect of matching himself against another person that was dedicated solely to the perfection of his skills (one that wasn’t a psychopath like Slade, anyway) was interesting to say the least. He might even be able to learn a few new tricks for their next bad guy of the week.

Lauren: Uh, giant rock monster behind you!

Now he just had to figure out how to get rid of Cinderblock so he could start plotting a reason to spar with this guy.
‘Huh, wait a sec . . .’
Whoever he was, the martial artist besides Raven had stopped laughing and started moving towards the mammoth beast towering over the clearing.
Robin started forward. “Wait, Stop! You don’t know what you’re up against!”

Jerry: Yes he does so just shut up and watch.

In his peripheral vision, Robin saw the other Titans moving forward to intercept as well.
Then the stranger looked back in his direction . . . And smiled.
The smile was so full of confidence and humor that Robin was stopped in his tracks. Slightly confused, but curious now, he waved a hand and signaled the other Titans to stop. Reluctantly they obeyed his order, staring at both him and the apparently suicidal teen standing before the granite behemoth.

Jerry and Sam: BAKUTSAI TENKETSU!

Then the Japanese boy said something to Cinderblock. Robin cocked an ear but couldn’t quite make it out.
Whatever it was, Cinderblock didn’t seem impressed. The massive monster raised a stone arm high into the air, getting ready to squash the annoyance before it.
Robin quickly pulled out his staff and prepared to throw it to distract the beast, when something completely incomprehensible happened.

Jerry and Sam: BAKUTSAI TENKETSU!

The boy yelled something in Japanese, Back eye ten keys? Whatever that meant.

Jerry and Sam: WE CALLED IT!

And then, against all common sense and logic, he did the last thing that Robin expected anyone to do. . . ever.
He poked Cinderblock.

Jerry and Sam: YOU PREDICTABLE BASTARD!

--

Lauren: That was obviously gonna happen too.

Ryouga smirked evilly as he stood before the massive beast. This thing was a heck of a lot bigger than Lime ever was. And way more imposing to boot. He chuckled quietly to himself; he’d never been less afraid of something in his entire life. He almost laughed again, despite his attempts to be serious.

All 4: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER! FILLER RHYMES!
EVERY STUPID SCENE NEEDS TO BE DONE TWO TIMES!

Staring up into the monstrosity’s eyes he couldn’t resist making a little pre fight banter.
“I don’t suppose you’ve ever been to China before, have you?”
The monster glared at him, not appearing to understand him but probably still too confused to try to squash him quite yet.

All 4: GET ON WITH IT!

Ryouga shrugged slightly. “Well I guess you’ve never heard of the Chinese Amazons before, either. A pity, really, because if you had, you’d understand what’s about to happen to you.”
Whether it understood him or not, he couldn’t tell. He could tell it was tired of his chatter as it raised one of its large igneous arms to smash him.
A quick glance revealed the point he had seen earlier when he entered the clearing. This was almost unsporting really, but then this thing did try to kill Raven. And attacking women was the most dishonorable thing you could do.

Lauren: At least he has good morals…when he’s not ogling Raven.

The creature’s movements turned to molasses as Ryouga brought all of his focus onto that one point. It was a glowing beacon to his eyes, drawing his attention like a moth to a flame. With deliberate speed he drew back his right arm and extended his index finger. He then willed all of his energy into his hand; he could feel it flowing down his arm like a river, funneling to a single point at the very end of his extended finger.
“BAKUSAI TENKETSU!”

Jerry and Sam: HAH!

His roar shattered the silence of the forest and his arm shot forward with unstoppable force. His finger slammed into the concrete hide of the beast and he felt it dig in slightly from the impact, small flakes of stone flying.
Then he took a step back, folded his arms. . .
And waited.

Brad: Is it over?

--

All 4: FUUUCK YOUUU!

Beast Boy had seen many strange things in his life. In fact he was pretty sure that was some kind of understatement of an epic scope. He had also had the privilege of meeting some very brave people in his day as well. But he had never seen a person walk up to a twelve foot tall granite killing machine and poke it in the stomach before.
And then the crazy freak just stood back and folded his arm like he was waiting for the bus!
This dude was soo awesome! Totally out of his mind, but . . . but man he’d never seen anything like it before. Even Cinderblock looked confused.

All 4: GET ON WITH IT! STOP STALLING WITH FILLER YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

Well it did for a moment, now it looked mad and was getting ready to crush Raven’s new friend into a fine paste. The giant stood to its full height, its fist so high up that Beast Boy was worried low flying planes might hit it.
And the guy was Still. Just. Standing there! The smile never left the guy’s face and he looked about as concerned as a cat watching a mouse.
Well, because of Robin’s orders they were all too far away to help him now. That fist was gonna come down like a. . . well like one of those space rock things with all the cool fire and stuff. And then the guy would be paste.

Brad: THAT’S A METEOR YOU DUMBASS!

Then, as he had predicted, Cinderblock began its strike. Beast Boy heard the high-pitched whistle of the air angrily resisting the bulky limb’s passage. His attention was focused on the scene before him, but in his peripheral vision he could see his teammate’s reactions.
Robin’s eye mask was wider than he’d ever seen it before, but he didn’t even have anything to throw now. Cyborg was watching with morbid fascination. . . kinda like he was he guessed. Starfire had already covered her eyes with her hands and was looking away . . . that was probably a good idea actually.

All 4: STOP STALLING! THIS ISN’T SUSPENSEFUL IT’S BORING!

Raven - Raven looked like she was doing something. Her eyes were glowing and that weird black stuff was around her hands, even across the clearing his keen ears could pick up her muttering her magic words.
He sure hoped whatever she was doing worked.
Really, he’d forgotten his Gallagher rain tarp at the tower . . . Okay, nasty imagery there.

Sam: Wow…didn’t need that image.

A loud crack brought him back into focus. Beast Boy took in the scene before him and tried to figure it out. Cinderblock’s fist had stopped only halfway to its target. And now the massive creature was reeling back.
‘What the heck?’
All across Cinderblock’s massive frame, small cracks began to form – Ouch . . . That one wasn’t so small, Cinderblock’s face was split vertically now by a nasty fissure.

Brad: GET ON WITH IT!

The creature swung its arms violently, chunks of stone flying. Then it curled up, all the time the cracks spreading, connecting and deepening.
The stranger just stood there smiling.
Then Beast Boy’s world exploded into gray.

All 4: Finally!

--

All 4: NO!

Cinderblock’s massive frame convulsed and cracked, then, as if it had swallowed a dozen sticks of dynamite . . .
Cinderblock exploded!
The blast deafened all the Titans and shrapnel from the explosion pelted them all.
Robin swept his cape in front of himself; he could feel the chunks of stone bouncing off the titanium fiber and knew he’d be bruised tomorrow.

Jerry: Ugh, finally.

Cyborg raised his titanium arms to cover his vulnerable face. The sound of gravel hitting steel sounded off like he was standing in front of a firing squad.
Beast Boy wasn’t even able to hold his footing. The shockwave from the blast picked up his small elfin form and tossed him out of the clearing.
Raven, who luckily was already concentrating on using her powers, was able to quickly pull together a shield of ebon energy to protect herself from the blast and the ensuing hail storm.

Lauren: This is so boring.

Starfire withstood the force of the blast easily, her alien strength and toughness protecting her. However, thinking fast she brought her hands forward and generated the largest star bolt she was capable of in such a short time and held it in front of herself. The heat of her emerald energy vaporized all of the debris coming her way leaving the Tamaranian titan totally unscathed.

Sam: Oh of course.

The same could not be said for the forest. Bamboo trees were shredded in every direction, shoots tipped over and canopy just gone. The clearing had easily doubled in size in the last fraction of a second.
And when the smoke cleared; there, standing in the center of the clearing, looking none the worse for wear, stood Ryouga Hibiki.

Brad: Who then said, YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY!
Jerry: You’ve been struck by!
All 4: A SMOOTH CRIMINAL!

--

Ryouga idly brushed some of the rubble from his shoulder. Curiously he noticed several small tears in his shirt. He fingered one of the tears absently.
That had easily been the more intense blast that his Bakusai Tenketsu technique had caused, startlingly intense, really. Usually his clothing wasn’t affected anymore than he was. As it was he felt what could be the beginnings of a few bumps and bruises across his body. However his conditioning from the Bakusai Tenketsu training protected him from any real harm . . . as usual.

Lauren: Good, he’s fine; now move on.

He turned to find Raven in the mess he had created, just to make sure she was alright of course. He only got about halfway when he suddenly found himself swarmed by three of the people he had seen in the clearing earlier.
“How did you do that, Dawg!” yelled the large one.

Brad: Hi, that’s not racist.

“You are undamaged, is that correct, Raven’s new friend?” the girl with the flaming red hair asked. He could hear real concern in her voice and it made him feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.
The small framed boy wearing the mask approached Ryouga, but addressed Raven. “So, Raven, why don’t you introduce your new friend to us?”

Jerry: Yeah this is Stary McDumbass.

“Yeah, Rae, you don’t usually bring strange men home with you, this is a momentous event,” chortled Beast Boy, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively in the dark titan’s direction.

Sam: Wow, that was insulting and rude.

Ryouga’s face blushed red in embarrassment at the comment and he started twiddling his thumbs spouting half formed denials. Unfortunately the display only caused Starfire to giggle in amusement, embarrassing him further.
Raven responded to Beast Boys immature antics by glaring at him until, with a squeak, the changeling dived behind Cyborg’s titanium frame. She then turned to face her more serious teammates. “This is Hibiki Ryouga, he saved me after Cinderblock sent me flying over the jungle,” she stated with absolutely zero aplomb.

Jerry: Aplomb? Who TALKS LIKE THAT!?

Ryouga puffed up a bit at the light praise and happy looks he was receiving from her four friends. He wasn’t usually the center of attention . . . well not in a good way, anyway.
The small green boy snickered. “Dude, that must have been some catch, are you, like, some kinda super outfielder or something?” he asked jokingly.
Cyborg laughed a bit at the joke while Ryouga just looked confused.

Lauren: I gotta go with Ryoga’s reaction here.

Raven continued like Beast Boy hadn’t spoken. “Of course right after saving me he attempted to kill me.” She wore a sly smirk on her features now.
Ryouga cringed as he suddenly felt the scowls of four angry teens. Yeah, that seemed more like normal now. “Um heh heh heh, about that . . .” He desperately tried to find an explanation that would get him out of this unscathed. Unfortunately he was drawing a blank . . . he really couldn’t work under pressure at all!

Sam: …boring.

Fortunately, Raven came to his rescue. “Don’t worry, though, it was all a misunderstanding and we resolved it without any incidents. After that we made our way here and you know the rest.”
Cyborg, sounding a bit confused, had to ask, “Wait a sec, Man, you mean you-“ He pointed at Ryouga. “save her, and then you attack her? What’s up with that, did you change your mind or something?”

Jerry: *NC/Komodo voice* I’m off my bi-polar depression pills…OO HEE HEHEE…aaah…

Ryouga was a little confused at some of the pretty obvious gaps in Raven’s story, but if she didn’t want to mention the part about the Shi Shi Houkodan he wouldn’t either.
“Well, I guess she startled me a bit. I mean I was pretty distracted by having to get over the trees to catch her and then landing safely, so I didn’t notice her aura until she was already waking up,” Ryouga replied to Cyborg’s question.
Starfire nodded knowingly, even as all of the males present looked all the more confused

Brad: Is this plot ever going to go anywhere?

“You sensed that Raven’s Chakra is much more predominating than is common amongst members of your species. I have only started my own research with Raven, but I have noticed the large differences between the auras of each of my friends. It is most glorious to be able to sense such things,” exclaimed the Tamaranian.

Brad: I’ll take that as a “no.”

Silently Ryouga mouthed the words, ‘member of your species’, to himself for a moment before filing it away for later. Then he raised a hand to the back of his head unconsciously.
“I don’t know that much about Chakras or anything. I just sensed her chi . . . um, Raven has . . . different chi then I normally sense from people, even other strong martial artists. It just shocked me for a moment and I acted on instinct,” explained the Lost Boy.

Lauren: So anyone see the football game yesterday?
Brad: I missed it.
Jerry: I caught the end of it.
Sam: You watch football?
Jerry: Nothing else was on.

Ryouga wasn’t sure whether or not Raven’s friends knew about her demonic heritage or not, but they seemed to like her, and he trusted Raven, so he saw no need to make a fuss over it.
Beast Boy nodded in sympathy. “Yeah, I know what you mean. My instinct is always to run whenever I see Raven.”
He proved his point by ducking back behind the laughing Cyborg to avoid another of Raven’s glares. Starfire rolled her eyes at her young friend’s antics, as if anyone would run from such a dear friend as Raven.
He proved his point by ducking back behind the laughing Cyborg to avoid another of Raven’s glares. Starfire rolled her eyes at her young friend’s antics, as if anyone would run from such a dear friend as Raven.

Brad: So any good movies coming out?
Jerry: Iron Man 2! Woo!
Lauren: I’m guessing you’re excited then.

Robin extended a hand to Ryouga. “Well, for saving Raven and for helping us out here, you have our thanks, Ryouga. If you’re ever in Jump city, look us up, we live in the Giant T.” The Titan’s young leader wore an amused smirk.
“Yeah, Dawg, you were great back there, um whatever it was you did back there, anyway, Man,” added Cyborg.
“Yeah, Dudes, we’ve finally beat Cinderblock so we can head home and get some grub. How sweet it is!” exclaimed the happy green elf.

Sam: I hear the economy is supposed to start getting better.
Jerry: I hope so.

Starfire looked slightly confused. “But, Beast Boy, our reason for traveling to this continental mass was to do the following of the H.I.V.E. vessel. Would it not make sense that the H.I.V.E. operatives would have more nefarious purposes in mind than simply laying an ambush for us?”
Beast Boy’s shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Starfire is right, now that we’ve taken care of the distraction we need to find out what they could possibly be after in such a remote area of China,” stated Robin.

Jerry: Oh, it’s the plot.
Sam: There’s a plot?

The connection of the words ‘Remote’ and ‘China’ sparked a sense of dread in the lost boy’s mind. Knowing just how abysmal his own luck was, there was really only one place he could imagine they could be thinking about.
“Um, you said we’re in China, right? Do you happen to know where in China we are?” asked the martial artist hesitantly.
Robin answered the seemingly random question. “We’re in the Qinghai province, near the Bayanlanka mountains, I think.”

Lauren: Yeah…because everyone knows where that is.

“The Byankala Mountain Range?” Ryouga cut him off insistently.
“Yes, that is the name inscribed upon the navigational charts,” supplied the orange haired female helpfully.
Instantly, Ryouga’s darkest fears were confirmed. He knew exactly why the Titan’s quarry was in China. A single word escaped his lips-
“Jusenkyo.”

Jerry: I foresee zany antics!

Cyborg smiled brightly. “You know where they’re goin? That’s great, you can give us directions!”
. . . Ryouga felt himself die a little inside.

Sam: I had that feeling after reading TMNG.

*The screen rises*

Lauren: HOLY SHIT THE CHAPTER IS OVER!
VincentX: Yeah, I didn’t realize how long these are so I’m gonna cut off one chapter at a time rather than two.
All 4: THANK YOU!
VincentX: Stay tuned people, next part we do some switching!

((So yeah, each of these chapters is so damn long they're going to be split into two posts.))

VincentX: And we’re baaack!
Lauren: Unfortunately.
Sam: So who is going and who is staying?
VincentX: You’ll find out in three…two…one…*snaps fingers*
*Sam and Lauren disappear and are replaced with Zack and Jess*
Jess: Oh hell no.
Zack: Oh this will be…interesting.
Brad: Interesting is an understatement.
Jerry: Welcome to our hell.

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy - The Fickleness of Fate
Chapter 2

Jess: The Crappiness of this Fic would be a better chapter title.

Let me interject with the rather cliched disclaimer here. I don't own Ranma 1/2, or the Teen Titans. Don't worry about annoying original characters, either. If I can't write a story merging two such diverse and rich universes without injecting my own inane characters to fill specific roles, then I might as well give up before I even begin.

Brad: You should’ve done that anyway.

Now, Enjoy if you Will, Tolerate if you won't.

Zack: Anyone here named Will?

--

Jerry: LINE BREAK OF DOOM!

It was times like this that Raven was annoyed with her empathic abilities. Normally she only sensed powerful emotions from people in extreme situations. For the most part, it was something which she tuned out unless she thought it might help her teammates.

Jess: Oh great an emotionally unstable female character; real original.

Ryouga’s emotions, however, buffeted her like a strong wind. And that was from his normal emotional state. His more powerful feelings threatened to bowl her over at times. She supposed it had to do with his unusual chi technique. After focusing and expelling his negative chi for so long it seemed like he was unconsciously projecting his emotions all the time now.

Brad: I think that’s called manliness.
Jess: Or emo.
Brad: That too.

Case in point. Right after Cyborg asked for directions Raven was assaulted by an array of powerful sensations from the wandering martial artist. Embarrassment, shame, he also seemed slightly angry as well, but she felt it wasn’t directed at any of them. Was he angry with himself for some reason?

Jerry: Yep; mainly because he couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag.

Really, Ryouga was easier to read than Starfire, and she tended to say whatever was on her mind at the time. Idly, she wondered if she had finally found someone who was a worse liar than Beast Boy.

Zack: Or at least someone less interesting.

Now he was rustling the hair at the back of his head again. It was an obvious nervous tick, but it did make him look kind of cute – she quickly broke off that line of thought. All of these powerful emotions were throwing her off. She would need to meditate long and hard when they finally returned home to regain her center.

Jess: *face palms* Have all the female characters in the fics you’ve read been like this?
Jerry: More or less.
Brad: Yeah, you should’ve seen Wonder Woman in the Justice League fic…ugh.

“Heh heh, well you see. . . I think I got a little turned around with all the running and catching and fighting, um, so I’m not exactly sure which way it is now,” replied the extremely nervous Ryouga.
She could clearly tell that something was bothering the youth. Judging by the fact that she found him wandering in the middle of nowhere and combined with his reaction to Cyborg’s question, it was fairly obvious that he was lost and just didn’t want to admit it.

Zack: Has anything actually happened yet?
Jerry: I don’t think so.

Typical male.

Brad: Ouch.

Still considering how much he was stuttering it hardly took an empath to see he was lying. Only a complete moron could fall for that story.
“It’s okay, Dude, that blast was intense, man. I still don’t know what’s going on,” offered Beast Boy helpfully.

Jess: I think that proves her point.

Well, she had pretty much asked for that.

Jess: And the fic agrees!

She rolled her eyes. Starfire and Robin were doing the same; Starfire hiding a giggle while Robin was suppressing a groan.

Jerry: How could you tell that Robin was rolling his eyes? You never see his pupils.

Still there was no need to reveal Ryouga’s deception; it would only embarrass him further. Now, how to change the subject?
”Don’t worry, Ryouga. Starfire and Raven can fly up and survey the area. If you can just tell us what this Jusenkyo is, then they will know what to look for,” explained Robin.
Robin amazed her from time to time. Without any of her gifts, he had already deduced the lost boy’s plight and was already one step ahead of her in resolving the problem. The relief that she felt from Ryouga was almost palpable. However, mere moments later, the relief melted into a strange foreboding feeling.

Zack: Uh…could she maybe turn that off so the plot could move forward faster?
Brad: Don’t count on it.

Ryouga began slowly, speaking in an ominous tone, “Jusenkyo, known as the ‘Cursed Training Grounds’ –“
“Training grounds? What kind of training goes on there?” The masked Titan interrupted the story.

Jerry: The stupid kind.

Starfire and Beast Boy loudly shushed the inquisitive teen. Raven decided to take Cyborg’s approach and simply glare at him until he submitted.
Sheepishly, Robin shrugged and motioned for Ryouga to continue.
Ryouga spent a moment, apparently trying to get back in the mood she guessed. He did seem a bit over dramatic to her.

Brad: Filler!
Jess: Useless information!

“Jusenkyo, the cursed training grounds, are also known as the Springs of Sorrow. No one that ventures to that evil place ever leaves unchanged.” He paused for dramatic effect.

Zack: Stop…*pauses*
Jerry: Za…
Zack: That!
Jerry: …*chuckles*

Starfire especially seemed to be enthralled by his story. Or maybe it was just his voice; it did have a deep sonorous quality to it.
“This cursed training ground lies within a mist shrouded valley buried deeply within the Byankala Mountain Range. Dotting the entire floor of this valley lie hundreds of small springs, bamboo growing from many of them.” Again he was interrupted. This time by the raised hand of her Tamaranian friend.
At least she was polite about it. Ryouga, obviously enjoying playing the story teller, nodded for her to ask her question.

Jess: Oh god.

“Why is this valley littered with small tension filled coils of metal? Are these springs naturally occurring in this climate of your planet? And why are they so filled with sorrow?”

Jerry: You know, in the show Starfire’s naivety is funny…here it’s just boring.

Ryouga stared at her in utter incomprehension. Raven could see Starfire begin to blush, realizing that what she said must have been wrong somehow.
Thankfully Cyborg came to the rescue. “Naw, Star, it’s cool. In this case a spring refers to a small body of water, like a little pond or something.” He looked to Ryouga for confirmation and got a nod in reply.
“Ah, I see now. I am still coming to terms with your language’s propensity for using a singular word for multiple definitions.” Starfire smiled in a slightly embarrassed manner. “But that does not explain why these springs are so sorrowful.”

Jess: How about you let him finish you ditz.

Ryouga smiled kindly at the red haired beauty. “Don’t worry, I’m almost to that part, so it will be explained soon.” He then settled back into his story telling position.
“Now the reason it is known as a training ground is because of the bamboo shoots I mentioned earlier. Martial artists would often travel to Jusenkyo to train by battling upon these bamboo stalks which rose out of the pools. Many felt this was a good way to train balance and control and those that couldn’t keep up would fall into the springs below and get a good soaking.”

Brad: But then something bad happened.

Robins eyes widened in excitement. He was likely imagining a battle running atop a valley nettled with bamboo.
“This is the true terror of the Springs of Sorrow. You see, each of these springs contain a powerful and unique curse. Any person unfortunate to fall into one of them receives the tragic curse of that pool. Many people’s lives have been destroyed forever by this accursed place.” Ryouga’s voice was low as he solemnly stated this last fact.

Zack: I’m guessing he knows this first hand?
Jerry: He turns into a little pig.
Jess: Hahahaha!

Beast Boy’s face was lit up with excitement; this probably reminded him of his cheesy old movies. Cyborg, on the other hand, looked as skeptical as one could get. She would have shared his view, except the feelings she was sensing from Ryouga were so intense. As crazy as it sounded, Ryouga believed his own story with every fiber of his being. And apparently the story wasn’t over as the Japanese martial artist continued.
“Legend has it that over centuries past, many creatures and people met their untimely ends drowning in the springs, the power of Jusenkyo pulling them to their dooms,” he orated ominously.

Brad: And there they are forced to read the Sonic Meets Star Wars Trilogy!

Starfire gasped in shock. Raven thought the story was just getting interesting. Between the grim legend and the emotional content that Ryouga put into it, this was easily turning into one of the more enjoyable stories that she had heard.

Jess: EMO!

“Now who so ever falls into one of the springs takes on the form of whatever poor creature drowned in that pool.”
Hmm, now that was interesting. While cursing people with different forms wasn’t that uncommon in the sorcerous world, she’d never heard of a curse being passed on by a pool of water before. Still she could see why he thought it was so terrible now. It was like some kind of curse lottery, hundreds of different springs, each with its own curse. There was no telling what a person could be cursed to turn into.

Jerry: There are some dumb ones too.

Cyborg remained skeptical however. “So these ‘cursed springs’ -” He curled his fingers to mimic the quotations. “- Magically transform a person into anything that drowned in that pool forever?”
Ryouga shifted nervously for a moment. “Not. . . exactly, the curse is reversible. If you douse the cursed victim with hot water, they revert to their true form. However anytime that person is splashed with cold water after that, they are changed back into their cursed forms. As far as I know there is no permanent cure to a Jusenkyo curse.” The young man sounded especially sad about his last revelation.

Jess: Sucks to be you.

Beast Boy looked incredulous. “What? That’s weak, man! A curse that you can turn off and on with a quick shower?” Come to think of it, it did sound slightly bizarre, a curse controlled by the temperature of water? Who designed this curse? “That’s not a curse, that’s like, an annoyance at best, man, pfft!”
Raven was shocked by the waves of anger she felt pouring out from Ryouga. His face twisted into a mask of rage as he suddenly unleashed on the unsuspecting shape shifter.

Brad: Kill him!

“This curse is not an annoyance! It’s the most terrible thing that could ever happen to anyone!! Do you have any idea of the hell I’ve –“ His jaw clicked shut audibly as he realized what he was saying.

Zack: *Ryoga voice* I’m so mad I have to speak in italics and bold!

Well, that explained his apparently intimate knowledge of the cursed springs.
“Whoa, Dawg, calm down. Beast Boy didn’t mean nothing by it.” Cyborg smoothly interposed himself between the lost boy and the now cowering Beast Boy.

Jess: Wow that’s racist.
Jerry: Yep.

Starfire looked somewhat worried, though Raven wasn’t quite sure about what.
Robin simply watched with narrowed eye mask. She was certain that he had picked up on Ryouga’s slip, so she doubted that he was angry about the wanderer’s outburst. Raven knew a thing or two about being cursed herself, so she knew what a touchy subject it could be to have someone trivialize your pain.
Ryouga appeared to be trying to retrace his words and find a way to get away from the topic of the curse he almost certainly possessed.

Brad: Run!

“I – I’m sorry Beast Boy, I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that . . . that I’ve heard of some of the people this has happened to, and how much they’ve suffered because of it,” Ryouga mumbled in apology. His head hung low in shame and his dark hair covered his eyes completely.

Jess: Yeah, real believable jackass.

As far as cover-ups went, it was pretty lame, but at the same time, it was somewhat refreshing to meet someone for whom deception was so difficult.

Jess: See, the fic agrees.

After dealing with super villains like Slade for so long, one began to question everything and everyone around them for fear of being deceived.
Beast Boy seemed to recover from his fear rather quickly. “Naw, I’m sorry, Ryouga, I don’t really think before I talk, sometimes,” he offered with a goofy smile.
“Don’t you mean all the time?” Raven chuckled to herself quietly. She simply couldn’t resist such an easy set up . . . maybe she would feel bad for it later.

Zack: Oooh BURN!

Probably not, though.
Beast Boy razzed her, but then laughed it off. Thankfully, Ryouga picked up on his good mood and started to relax as well.
Seeing that things were calming down, Robin decided to get things underway. “Okay, Starfire, Raven, now that we know what we’re looking for, you two fly recon in the direction of the mountains. Report in with your communicators every fifteen minutes regardless of whether you find something or not.”

Brad: *Robin voice* And definitely let us know if you start lezzing out!
*SLAP*
Brad: Ow…
Jess: That’s one for you.

He then turned to Beast Boy. “Beast Boy, I need you to find Cinderblocks scent. Whoever came here brought him with them to distract us. If we can follow his trail back to their ship then we have a starting point to start tracking the real criminals here.”

Zack: Scent? He’s a giant walking piece of concrete. What scent would he have?

Cyborg and Ryouga nodded. It was a sound plan; there was no telling if they’d be able to spot a ‘mist shrouded valley’ from the air, so having a back up plan made sense.
“Robin, I’m practically bathing in Cinderblocks stink.

Jerry: I really didn’t need to know that.

This’ll be easier than following the trail that Starfire’s last attempt at cooking left when we had to chase it though the tower!” joked the green teenager.
Starfire hmph’d in annoyance at Beast Boy then took to the air. Raven took one last glance at the enigmatic young man that had joined them this strange day, then took to the air after her friend.

Jess: She’s got a crush on him.
Brad: Well duh.

--

Beast Boy morphed back to his elfin self. Really, in retrospect it seemed a little silly thinking they’d need his fine bloodhound sense of smell to follow Cinderblock’s trail. The guy was literally a walking disaster area; almost as soon as they left the clearing the path of destruction the creature had created became pretty obvious.

Jerry: Obviously.

He moved to walk besides his best bud, Cyborg. Ahead of them were Robin and Ryouga, chatting up a storm. Almost immediately after the girls had taken off, their fearless leader had latched onto the newbie and started drilling him about crazy kung fu techniques.

Jess: Ho-Yay!

Which was totally bogus, cuz Beast Boy totally wanted to hear some of the guy’s crazy kung fu action stories.

Zack: Yow, you know it’s bad when the fic’s descriptions adopt the characters’ styles of dialogue.

He figured that Ryouga probably had tons of cool duels and epic battles fighting super martial arts bad guys. But nooo, Robin had to know all about his ‘fighting style’ and lame stuff like that.
And he was pretty sure that the last time Raven reported in, he heard Starfire giggling in the background. Obviously they were doing the whole girl talk thing and obviously having more fun than he was at the moment.

Jerry: You obviously don’t know Raven very well.

He was almost tempted to go fly after them, but Robin said they might need his nose. That and it wasn’t like he could talk to them when he was flying anyway.
“So, Cy. What do ya think Starfire and Raven are talking about? Star sounded pretty giddy when they reported in,” asked the bored changeling.
Cyborg looked at him incredulously with his human eye.
“BB, do you not know anything about girls?”

Brad: They were totally braiding each others’ hair and talking about boys.

Beast Boy simply shrugged.
Cyborg let out a sigh. “It’s obvious they’re talking about the kung fu kid up there.”
“Robin?”
“No, you dope, the new kung fu kid. Girls are like, hardwired or something to talk about guys. Remember how they were after they met Aqualad?” asked Cyborg.

Jess: Urge to punch, rising.

Beast Boy shuddered. “Yeah, they were goin on about him for like a week after he left. You’d think they’d never seen a guy before, sheesh!”
“Yeah, but I bet this is the first time that Raven’s ever been saved by a knight in shining armor. I bet you they’re goin’ on about how brave he is and how handsome.” Cyborg clasped his hands together and held them up to his cheek in a mockingly feminine gesture.

Jess: URGE TO HURT! RISING!
*Other 3 lean away*

Beast Boy laughed out loud at that. He quickly held up his hand and started kissing it. “Heh, yeah, Raven’s probly all, ‘Oh, Ryouga, what a man’ -mua mua mua-.” He finished making lame kissing noises.

Zack: Wow, stupid and immature; what a great combo!

Both teens started chuckling at that image. A gleam filled Cyborg’s eyes. “You do, of course, realize what this means, don’t you, BB?”
“What would that be, Dude?”

Brad: That they don’t find either of you interesting or attractive?

“We have to do everything in our power to find humiliating stuff about Raven and show it to Ryouga up there. It is our duty as Titans . . . no, as men, to embarrass our friend as much as possible in front of her new boyfriend,” whispered the metallic titan to his elfin companion.

Jerry: Wow, Cyborg’s an asshole.

“Dude, we are so on the same page here! No matter how terrible her revenge may be, it’ll totally be worth it,” he replied conspiratorially.
The two then begin to snicker malevolently.

Zack: I don’t like where this is going.
Jess: I could say that about the entire fic.

--

Robin couldn’t remember the last time he had been this excited.

Jess: HO-YAY!

Ryouga was a virtual walking encyclopedia of martial arts. Even more amazing, according to Ryouga, there was actually a host of martial artists he knew, some that were so skilled that they made even Ryouga seem like an amateur.
Some of the things he had told Robin had sounded like pure fantasy, not even Beast Boy’s kung fu movies had things that far fetched. But then, he had already proved some of it to be true. The ‘Bakusai Tenketsu’ he had called it, or the Blasting Point Technique if Robin’s Japanese was up to par.

Jerry: Breaking Point but whatever.

Such a powerful technique, to be able to destroy inanimate objects with a simple touch. And Ryouga had said it wasn’t even the most powerful technique which he personally knew. Heck, even the martial artist’s training regimen sounded too intense to be true.
Robin was well known, almost infamous really, for pushing himself in training. He had a burning need to be the best and hated losing more than most might consider healthy. His friends often said he was being anal training so much.

Jess: HO-YAY!

But if what Ryouga said was true, Robin’s most intense sessions would only be a light warm up for him. True, Ryouga did have the advantage, he literally lived for the art, all he did was travel and train. Robin had a large number of responsibilities, as well as other skills that he needed to hone as well. But still he found himself a little envious of the other boy’s talents.

Brad: As well as the size of his “umbrella.”

Of course he hadn’t actually seen Ryouga fight, yet, just blow up Cinderblock.

Zack: Which topped your entire team that couldn’t take him out or even keep him down for a minute.

Thus, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure how good he was. Which was probably why he was so eager to spar with him, if only once before they headed back to Jump City. The Japanese youth seemed to radiate a sense of inner power, like he was supremely confident in his fighting abilities.
It was everything else he seemed to be nervous about. Really, this guy was so easy to read Robin was starting to wonder if he was raised by wolves or something. Ryouga obviously had a number of secrets that he was struggling to keep.

Jerry: Obviously.

Robin knew a thing or two about keeping secrets. In fact most of his life was wrapped in secrecy, even from his closest friends. Probably an unfortunate side effect of hanging around certain Gothamites for too long.

Brad: Obvious Batman reference.

Still he got the feeling that none of Ryouga’s secrets concerned them, so he didn’t feel the need to pry.
“Then I stood up from under the rubble and said ‘That felt like a babies kick!’ Heh, you should have seen his face after that.” Ryouga was telling him about a battle with an old enemy of his. That was a pretty good line, too.

Jess: No it wasn’t.

Yes, Robin was not going to leave China without fighting Ryouga at least once.

Zack: Robin needs to work on his priorities.

--

Starfire was basking in the feeling of the sun upon her skin. Truly she did enjoy it when Robin sent her on these reconnaissance missions. And the scenery was simply beautiful to behold. Soaring mountains, flowing rivers and emerald forests, it was all so breathtaking. She flew higher, relishing the feeling of the wind as it brushed through her fiery locks.

Jess: *face palms*

And best of all, she was able to share this wonderful moment with her precious friend, Raven.

Jerry: LES-YAY!
Jess: New contest. Let’s see if there’s more Les-Yay or Ho-Yay.
Jerry: You’re on.

They so rarely had the opportunity to do such things together. Her smile widened even further. Even more superb was the fact that she would be able to initiate the girl talk with Raven about the unusual boy that had followed her to the clearing.
Starfire giggled in giddy joy. To only meet a boy for a few moments and already having him follow her into dangerous situations. Raven was obviously more appealing than she considered herself to be. Of course, Starfire had always told her she was beautiful, but now she might start to get the point.

Jerry: Les-Yay!
Brad: That’s 3 Ho-Yays and 2 Les-Yays so far.

Starfire would not stand for any of her friends to have such baseless self-esteem problems.
She opened her mouth to ask her question –
“No, Starfire, I am not interested in Ryouga in anyway . . . whatsoever,” came a dry statement from her violet eyed companion.

Zack: She’d rather have you.

Starfire looked at Raven in shock.
“But, Raven, I did not make any inquiries as to your opinions concerning Ryouga.”
Raven looked back at her blandly.
“No, but you were obviously thinking about it.”

Jess: And thinking is a horrible crime!

Starfire blushed hotly and twiddled her fingers. How did Raven always know these things? Well, she certainly was not going to let such a rare opportunity slip between her fingers. There was obviously more going on here than her friend was letting on.
“But, Raven, did he not save your life? Not only that, but he also followed you into battle afterwards. Did those actions not alter your opinion of him, even slightly?” she asked her friend earnestly.

Brad: Probably.

Raven seemed to weigh her arguments in her mind carefully. “He did save me, but then he did call me a demon,” she glowered.
Starfire giggled at that. “Perhaps, but you do not seem truly angered by that.”
Raven smirked weakly. “I suppose not . . . there is something else that happened between us . . . something I didn’t mention around the others, but perhaps you might understand it better.”

Jess: Uh-oh.

Starfire felt her eyes widen to the size of saucers. Something had occurred between Raven and Ryouga! Something she did not feel comfortable telling the others? Hmm, her friend did not seem injured and her clothing were not in any sort of disarray, so it could not have been anything violent.

Brad: Uh…
Zack: Woa now.
Jerry: No need to go that way.
Jess: Just stop now before you hurt yourself.

A slow, sneaky smile grew across her orange lips.
“Really, friend Raven, I would not have considered it possible for you to be so forward with someone whom you had only recently made acquaintances.” She loaded the sentence with as much innuendo as was possible. Which for her was not a lot, but it still had the desired effect.

Jess: Again, stop that train of thought right now.

Raven’s face went beet red and she nearly fell from the sky, choking out half formed protests. She decided to take pity on her friend and flew over to steady Raven while she regained her composure.
She was ready for the intense glare that Raven aimed her way. She responded with the most innocent look she could muster.
“I would expect something like that from Beast Boy, not from you, Starfire.”

Brad: Yeah, he’s the pervert.

”Truly I am sorry; I could not oppose the temptation. But I must say that I am confused. If not that, then what else could have transpired between the two of you?” she asked with genuine concern.
Beast Boy was right; Raven could be very fun to tease from time to time.
Raven glared at her for another moment before moving on. “I told the others that there was a small misunderstanding between Ryouga and I, but that nothing came from it. That wasn’t entirely true.”

Jerry: Now their minds are linked and they will most likely end up together!

Starfire gasped, this was the most interesting gossip she had heard in some time.
“Something unusual did happen. For a short time after I awoke, I was somewhat confused and unsure as to what was happening. Ryouga, however, was quickly putting the situation together in his head. Unfortunately for me, he got the picture completely wrong.” Raven smiled wryly.
“He sensed my spiritual energy and immediately thought I was a demon, not a difficult mistake to make I suppose. But while I was still unfocused, he prepared to attack me using an unusual energy attack.”

Zack: He dropped his pants.

Hmm so the human martial artist was also capable of discharging energy, how exotic.

Jess: Oh god!
Jerry: So wrong!

“Ironically enough it was his buildup to the attack which hurt me, he never used the actual attack itself,” Raven stated calmly.
“What? The Ryouga person hurt you?” Starfire could feel the emerald energy build up within her as her righteous fury began to boil over. Her hands and eyes were already blazing with the roiling plasma. “We must go punish him for what he did!”

Brad: Woa! Down girl!
Zack: Must be that time of the month.
*Slap*
Zack: I regret nothing!

She felt a calming hand on her arm. She turned to see Raven, a small smile on her lips.

Jerry: Les-Yay!
Jess: …barely but I’ll let it count.
Brad: Now tied, three to three!

“No, Starfire, he didn’t actually hurt me. I just wasn’t prepared for what happened. You see, Ryouga told me that to perform his energy attack he needs to focus on certain emotions to make it work,” she explained.
That was interesting, so his powers were based upon emotions as well. Perhaps he was a Tamaranian long lost?
“Really? Then his powers are like my own, how fascinating!” she said excitedly.

Jerry: *Spock voice* Fascinating.

Raven shook her head in a small arc. “Not exactly. You said you used ‘righteous fury’ to create your Star Bolts, correct?”

Zack: Righteous fury?

Starfire nodded.

Zack: Whatever.

“Well, Ryouga is almost entirely the opposite; he focuses on depression and a host of other negative emotions to fuel his abilities. He says he does it to generate ‘Heavy Chi’,” Raven stated gravely.
This caused the Tamaranian to gasp loudly in shock.
“But that is terrible! No one should dwell on such harmful feelings; it is unhealthy! I am saddened to know that he is suffering so.” She knew the intensity of the emotions she felt when she used the abilities of her Tamaranian heritage. True, her feelings were naturally more intense than a human’s, but if the depression Ryouga felt was nearly as powerful as the feelings she felt when she flew, or used her Star Bolts . . .

All 4: EMOOOO!

She nearly felt like crying just thinking about it.

Jess: Whiney bitch.

“You have no idea, Starfire. When he was gathering his attack I felt it . . . all of it. All of the emotions he was focusing on were projected outwards. I-I had never felt so much before. You know why I have to control my emotions right?” Raven asked.
She nodded; she still keenly remembered her crash course in the use of Raven’s power that the Puppet king had given her.
“I’ve always controlled my emotions, broken them down and kept them manageable. But for a few moments I was lost in the black hole of Ryouga’s angst. I nearly lost my control entirely. If - if Ryouga hadn’t helped me, then and there, I don’t know what would have happened,” admitted the dark teen shakily.

All 4: YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE EMO!

Starfire felt concern for her friend well up within her.
“But I thought you stated that he was attacking you, why would he then be helping you? This is . . . somewhat confusing.”
“I don’t know myself; I’m not even sure what happened, really. All I remember is being lost in emotions, some I didn’t even understand. Then the next thing I knew, I felt his hand on my shoulder. It allowed me to center myself and expel the foreign emotions. Then I saw him just kneeling there, just staring at me, his eyes filled with concern . . . I still don’t really understand what happened.”.

Zack: *Count voice* Two, two periods ah, ah, ah!

The Tamaranian felt honored that her friend would confide such a personal event to her. But she was still confused herself. However the mental picture that was starting to assemble in her mind brought a smile to her face.
“I believe that Ryouga has a benevolent nature. True, he thought you were a being of a malevolent nature and prepared to attack you, but despite that, when he saw you in peril he still came to your aid. Only a truly noble person would help one that he perceived to be his enemy,” she told her friend.

Jerry: That’s actually not outside his character. He’s probably the nicest guy in the show.

“Or extremely foolish,” Raven replied. “Still, I suppose we can give him the benefit of the doubt, for now at least.”
Starfire giggled happily.
“That is good. Now we can speak of matters of grave importance,” she stated with no small amount of excitement.
Raven raised an eyebrow questioningly. “And those matters would be?”

Brad: I’m scared to find out.

“Which adolescent male possesses the firmest Gluteus Maximus, Ryouga or Aqualad!?” she squealed girlishly.

Jess: She did not just say that.
Zack: Yep…she did.
Jerry: Wow.
Brad: I feel sick now.

Raven’s face burned so red she looked like she might combust.

Jess: I don’t blame her.

--

All 4: LINE BREAK OF PERIL!

Ryouga was doing his very best to cover up his shock. He knew he had seen some very strange things himself; some of it was a lot stranger than this group certainly. But when Beast Boy had suddenly transformed into a green dog right before his eyes . . .

Zack: Please no implying bestiality, for the love of god.

Well even a member of the Nerima Wrecking Crew had limits of belief.

Jerry: …Not even gonna comment.

He’d almost asked if they’d already been to Jusenkyo and somehow forgotten. That was quickly disproved when Beast Boy had changed back to normal without the use of any water at all. In fact in the past several hours the pointy-eared titan had changed into a wide variety of animals, some even he had never seen before on his travels.
Most of the times he hadn’t even changed for any real reason, it just seemed to be something he did at a whim.
And the large African-American, Cyborg.

Jess: It’s too late to act PC buddy.

It turned out that he wasn’t covered in metal, he practically was metal! Apparently he had been badly injured when he was younger and much of his body had to be replaced with machinery.
Ryouga wasn’t sure how he felt about that, really. And the fact that he wasn’t sure about that made him feel even worse. Cyborg seemed like a great guy, he was funny and – well - he was lively.

Brad: Racist.

On second thought, Ryouga knew exactly how he felt.
When Ranma had lost his strength to Happosai, he had fallen apart. He’d moped and cried and gone on about how hopeless he was. It was really kind of disgusting, Ryouga was just glad that Cologne offered to teach him that technique to win the duel.
Ranma might have his faults, but even Ryouga would admit that if the boy saw even the slightest chance of victory he would never give up.

Zack: That was random…

But Cyborg hadn’t just lost his strength. He had lost most of his body, and yet he was more vital and positive than most people Ryouga knew, himself included, really. Hmm and he supposed it was somewhat reassuring to know that medicine had advanced far enough that it could help him if he accidentally blew himself up learning some new and dangerous technique.

All 4: *face palms*

Still he mostly stayed close to the apparent leader of the group. Robin seemed to be a good person, too. A little uptight and he wore funny clothing, but then compared to some martial artists Ryouga had met, it didn’t really seem that strange.

Jess: Ho-Yay!
Jerry: Agreed.
Brad: 4 Ho to 3 Les.

And he was a martial artist as well. That meant they had something in common and it gave them something to talk about as they followed the trail through the forest. Though he wasn’t sure what they needed a dog’s nose for. Ryouga wouldn’t call himself a master tracker, but he was pretty sure most people would have been able to follow the long trail of large square tracks sunk at least an inch into the forest floor.

Jerry: This coming from the guy who took two weeks to get to an empty lot that was BEHIND HIS HOUSE.

Well, actually, after they had found the H.I.V.E. ship, it suddenly hadn’t seemed like a bad idea. Why bees would have a giant stone monster was beyond him, though.

Zack: Wow he’s dumb.

Anyway, after they had found the ship, they had started following three other sets of tracks. These ones were harder to follow.
It seemed they were following a very large man, who left deep tracks. A girl, her tracks were light and very hard to follow, even for him. The last set of tracks was the strangest, it looked like the large man and the girl had brought a large spider with them. It left very small tracks, but they punched deep holes into the soil.

Jerry: I know who two of those are; can’t remember the third.

Robin said their names were Jinx, Mammoth and Gizmo.

Jerry: Oh…thanks.

Americans had really strange names.

Brad: Wow, even more racism.

The trek hadn’t been particularly exciting. The two girls, Raven and Starfire, reported in every so often, looking for Jusenkyo from the air. He certainly hoped they didn’t fly over the springs, he didn’t trust Jusenkyo any farther than he could throw the entire mountain range.
As it was, he found himself listening to one of Beast Boy’s rather strange jokes when Robin’s communicator beeped.
“Robin, we’ve spotted a valley that matches Ryouga’s description. But more importantly we’ve also seen Jinx and her cohorts. We’re fairly sure that we’re high enough that they haven’t spotted us. From your location on our communicators I’d say that you’re only a few minutes from the edge of the forest and then you’ll be in sight of the valley.” Raven’s voice sounded through the small yellow device.

Zack: Death from above!

“Good job, you two. Circle back to our position but make sure you’re not spotted, we might be able to use the element of surprise on our side for once,” responded Robin. He put the device back in his belt.
“Okay guys, we’re almost there. Let’s head up to the edge of the forest and rendezvous with the girls. We’ll make a strategy after we’ve seen the lay of the land,” ordered Robin.
Ryouga nodded along with Cyborg and Beast Boy.
They picked up the pace and soon were jogging lightly to the edge of the forest. After only a few minutes they saw the trees begin to become sparser. They were definitely getting close to the edge of the forest.

Jerry: The plot is progressing this quickly?
Jess: Impressive.

Silently Raven and Starfire descended from the heavens before them and waited for them to catch up. Silently Ryouga was relieved to see that nothing bad had happened to them flying around Jusenkyo like that. He told himself that was the only reason he was glad to see them back, anyway.

Zack: That and he got an up-skirt look at Starfire.

Ryouga stopped short as the five teens met up and started talking quickly. Probably making strategies or something like that. Strategy was never really Ryouga’s strong point; he was more of a hands-on kind of berserker, letting his fists do the thinking most of the time.
In retrospect, it wasn’t really one of his better habits.

Brad: Uh duh!

He quietly circled around the self titled Titans and looked past the edge of the trees. A vast valley stretched out before him. It was filled with pools of water, bamboo shoots growing from them, some at strange angles.
Yup, that was Jusenkyo all right.

Jerry: Yup.
Zack: Yep.
Brad: Uh huh.

Farther down in the valley he could barely make out the three figures in the mist. One stood out easily, a large man, even taller than Cyborg. He stood besides a slim figure, he couldn’t make out any other details but it seemed likely that was the girl. And then there was the giant spider. It seemed to have four large legs and some kind of grotesque lump of a body at the center, maybe some kind of demon spider.
But who names their pet demon spider ‘Gizmo’, really, it went against all of the demon naming traditions that he knew.

Jess: As long as it’s not the Gremlin.

He couldn’t tell what they were doing, but the trio were near the center of the valley, surrounded by cursed springs for hundreds of meters in every direction. Did those poor fools even know the terrible danger they were in?
He let out a large sigh.
He couldn’t let his new friends go down there. If they started fighting in the very heart of Jusenkyo it would be a forgone conclusion that everyone would get cursed. As much as Beast Boy scoffed at the nature of the curses, Ryouga wouldn’t wish a Jusenkyo curse on anyone.

Zack: I bet they fall in.
Brad: Oh of course.

On the other hand, the people down in the valley now were likely planning on using the Jusenkyo water for some nefarious purpose. He certainly couldn’t think of any possible positive use for the cursed waters. He couldn’t just let them do whatever it was they were going to do and go on their way.
Well if they were patient, they could just wait here until the group was done; they did have to come back this way to get back to their ship after all . . . But then they’d likely have bottles of water with them and if a fight broke out then his friends would still likely be cursed.

Jess: So much for the plot moving.
Jerry: I jinxed it; my bad.

Really there was only one thing he could do.
But why did the right thing always seem like the dumbest thing to do sometimes?

Brad: Because you’re an idiot?

Deciding that explaining his decision to the five teens behind him would waste precious time, that and they would probably tear his arguments apart like tissue paper given the chance, he opted for the direct route.
“You five stay here, under no circumstances come down into the valley or you’ll get cursed,” he ordered the Titans.
Having said his piece, Ryouga began walking down the valley and into the heart of Jusenkyo.

Zack: Yeah, because they’re going to listen.

--

All 4: Don’t fear the reaper…fear the line break.

Jinx glared at the two morons with her. Why wouldn’t they shut up and take this seriously? She was so nervous she was bordering on open panic and they were joking around like this was just a normal mission.
Didn’t they feel the chaotic energies flowing all around them?! She had never felt so much magical power in one place in all of her life. Her limited training in magic couldn’t even tell her what was going on, just that they were in the middle of a veritable nexus of indescribable energies.
She hadn’t thought much of it when the Headmaster had first sent them out here. He only told them that he had heard interesting rumors about a group of springs in China, and then he’d sent them out to collect samples with only a vague warning not to go swimming.

Brad: Wow, real helpful.

‘Swimming? Hah!’ If Mammoth so much as even joked about splashing her, she was going to hex his spleen out his ears.

Jess: Graphic.

It was all she could do not to visibly tremble while she did her absolute best to stay as far away from every single pool as was humanly possible.
She didn’t know why the Headmaster had sent them out into the heart of China’s wilderness to bring him some spring water, but any curiosity she had felt on the trip here had died as soon as she had stepped foot into the valley.
Now she avidly did not want to know what this water did. Still, they were almost done. Gizmo was using some gadget he’d whipped up to suck up water from a bunch of different pools into little plastic jugs in his back pack and Mammoth had a few metal containers filled with the water strapped onto a bandoleer crossing his chest.

Jerry: Okay…going somewhere.

As long as they didn’t ask her to actually carry any of the water she’d be fine. She just wanted to be out of here. Her depressingly bad luck combined with the chaotic forces around her gave her an ominous feeling that something bad was already happening, not just going to happen.
“Are you two losers done yet? Sheesh I don’t know why I even work with you guys,” she spat out impatiently.

Jess: Because you’re an idiot?

“Listen, Crud Muncher, the Headmaster said not to get this stuff on us, so if you want us to collect the stinking water just shut up and let us work,” sneered Gizmo.
Mammoth let out a loud chortle of amusement and grabbed another cylinder from Gizmo.
Jinx felt her face heat up in anger and she let her eyes glow a molten pink to display her ire.

Brad: Watch out! She’ll transform you into a metro-sexual!

Gizmo obviously got the message because he quickly shut up and started moving to a much more distant pool.
Good thing, too, cuz there was no way she was willing to back up that threat here. She hardly wanted to breathe, let alone fight her idiotic partners over proper super villain decorum.

Zack: Alright.

“I only got room for three more, Giz; I think we can get outta here soon. This place gives me the creeps.” Mammoth’s voice boomed across the valley.
It seemed she wasn’t the only one to feel antsy about this place after all.
Finally, they were nearly done. She was pretty sure that if she stayed in this valley much longer she’d scream-
“Excuse me, miss.”
“AHHHHH!!” She nearly jumped out of her skin as a strange voice came from behind her. Literally she had actually only jumped a foot in the air and spun around to face behind her.

Jess: Thanks for confirming that she didn’t actually jump out of her skin because we never would’ve figured that one out.

“But would you happen to know the way to the Tendo Dojo?” A boy, probably around her age, asked the question. He appeared to be Asian and was holding a weird looking map in front of him. She couldn’t be certain but she was pretty sure the map said Tokyo on the top.

Jerry: Huh?

“Sheesh, kid! You nearly scared me to death there!” she yelled in frustration. The boy looked a bit sheepish and scratched the back of his head.
“I’m sorry about that, miss. You see, I’m a bit lost, and I’m looking for Nerima, do you know which way that is?” he asked again, quite politely.

Brad: So is this Ryoga?
Jerry: I’m assuming so…too bad it’s not telling us.

By now, Mammoth and Gizmo were coming up behind her, likely coming to see why she had screamed, well, like a girl.

Jerry: *Link voice* You swing that sword like a girl!
Jess: *Zelda voice* Ahem, I am a girl!
Jerry: *Link voice* Yes I’ve, uh, noticed.

“I have no idea where Nerima is, buddy, now get lost, we’re busy here,” she fumed at the lost boy.
She could hear her partners snickering behind her back. She desperately wanted to blast them both but decided to get rid of this strange boy first.
“Oh, I’ll only be a minute. Hey, do you at least know where Tokyo is? Nerima is in Tokyo, at least I’m pretty sure it is,” asked the annoying guy.

Zack: What kind of dumb-assed strategy is this?
Brad: I think you just answered your own question.

Wait a sec.

Jess: For what?

“You snot blasting idiot! You’re not even on the right land mass for Tokyo!” yelled Gizmo in disbelief.

Zack: That’s…really disgusting.

“Don’t you have any idea where you are?” she added. How could anyone get that lost?

Jerry: Yeah, it’s Ryoga.

The clueless look on the boys face turned into a sinister smirk. “Well unless I miss my guess, I’d say I’m at Jusenkyo, home of the cursed springs.”
‘Crap!’ Whoever this kid was, he knew where they were. He knew that the springs were cursed, too. That would explain the crazy amounts of magic she was feeling from them. Damnit, what kind of curse, though?
“Who the heck are you, buddy? And what do you want with us, you aren’t looking for any dojo!” she asked accusingly.
The stranger shrugged off his backpack and pulled off the red bamboo umbrella from its top. The pack made a strangely heavy thud when in hit the ground.

Jess: Oh, hello plot.

“My name is Hibiki Ryouga, and Jusenkyo is tragic enough without villains like you using it for evil. I won’t allow you to leave this valley with that accursed water,” he stated rather calmly considering he was facing three super villains.

Brad: That was really corny.

Mammoth slapped an oversized hand over his face. “What’s up with that? We can’t even pull something in the middle of a freakin jungle without stumbling over one of these super creeps!” he moaned.
Jinx couldn’t help but agree. “Do you super hero wannabe’s seriously have so little to do with your time that you chase us out into the middle of nowhere?” She looked him over again. “And I gotta say, the costume is pretty lack luster, yellow is so gaudy.”

Jess: Stop talking and fight!

Ryouga looked down at his shirt defensively and glared at her. “I don’t know what you mean about this super hero stuff, but my shirt is comfortable and functional!” he growled.

Zack: *Ryoga voice* As is my penis!

She wasn’t sure what part of that statement to argue about. Sure his clothing was obviously dated and any girl would be justified in teasing him about it. But then he didn’t seem to know what a super hero was and he wasn’t really dressed for the part either.
Jinx motioned for Mammoth and Gizmo to hold back for a moment. “What do you mean you’re not a super hero?” she inquired.
“What does ‘super hero’ even mean? I mean, I know what a hero is, but what’s a ‘super hero’ and why are you so obsessed about it?” asked the Asian teen.

Jerry: Wow, this is so pointless. Just FIGHT!

Gizmo butted in impatiently. “It’s one of you losers with super powers that run around fighting criminals all the time and being general all around goody two shoes that ruin our fun!” he yelled at the strange interloper.
Ryouga seemed confused at this statement. “Super powers? Fighting criminals all the time? That’s not really what I do; I’m just a wandering martial artist. Heh as for being a good guy, I’ve spent the last few years of my life hunting and trying to kill the one person who was the closest thing to a friend I’ve ever had.” His voice filled with pain at the last revelation.

Jess: I doubt they care.

Curious, she asked, “Well, then why are you here then? If you’re not a good guy then why not just let us finish up here and leave?”
“I may not be a good person, but I know what this water is capable of. You should drop the water and leave now, because if we fight here you’ll all find out why they call this place the Springs of Sorrow!” With that the belligerent youth took and unusual fighting stance, his umbrella held horizontally before him.

Jerry: My name is Guido Anchovy…I mean Ryoga Hibiki!

‘Double Crap!’

Jess: Hey now! You use the word “heck” over “hell” and you can’t say the direct word for Raven’s butt…but you use “crap?”
Brad: Talk about getting crap past the radar.

This was the last thing she wanted to do. She wracked her mind trying to find a way to diffuse the situation peacefully. Whoever this guy was, he knew a lot more about these springs than she did, and what ever they did, he was willing to fight all three of them by himself to stop them.
“You little Punk! You think you can beat the three of us!” She heard Mammoth yell behind her. She groaned as she felt him rush past her to attack Ryouga.

Zack: Yes, fighting good!

“Stop, you moron!” she yelled in vain

Jess: No! Don’t listen to her! Fight!

Ryouga seemed a little too confident for her comfort, which didn’t take much considering how uncomfortable the surroundings were making her. He smirked at Mammoth’s charge.
“Frankly, yes, but I don’t need to beat you. If you fight me here then Jusenkyo will defeat you for me.” The stranger answered Mammoths challenge cryptically.
Mammoth pulled back his arm and prepared to smash Ryouga to pieces with all his might.
Jinx watched the unfolding fight with amusement. This might be over faster than she thought. The idiot boy was just standing there, raising up his hand like he planned to catch Mammoth’s fist in his palm.

Jerry: Mammoth’s going down.

She looked away and covered her face to avoid the spray of gore.

Zack: Ew.
Brad: How is this rated K+?

--

All 4: THE LINE BREAK WILL END YOU!

Finally, Ryouga was back in his element. All of this talking and arguing lately had really been taxing his somewhat lacking social skills. But now the massive teen, Mammoth if he recalled, was charging to attack him.

Jerry: Good, fight now!

He chuckled. This would be too easy. Though Mammoth was extremely tall, he was nowhere as huge as Lime had been. And his movements showed only a minimum amount of skill in the Martial Arts, a brawler at best.
And that punch, really, he was telegraphing it so badly Ryouga could have sensed it coming wearing a blind fold and ear plugs.

Jess: Just get on with it!

Ryouga raised his hand to catch the incoming fist.
Sure, this guy was large, but no one was stronger than Ryouga Hibiki!

--

All 4: LINE BREAK OF DOOM!

Ryouga snapped back to consciousness.

Zack: Wait what?

‘Crap!’ He’d blacked out for a fraction of a second! It was impossible; Mammoth’s fist had slammed into his hand like a freight train. His palm didn’t even slow the giant’s fist as it continued on and slammed into his chest with the force of a wrecking ball.

Jerry: *Nelson voice* Ha ha!

‘I’ve never been hit so hard in my life!’
Ryouga noticed he was flying through the air. His trajectory was as straight as a bullet’s; looking down he could see his reflection flash by every few seconds as he flew over spring after spring.

Brad: Damn, that’s one hell of a punch.

Damn! He’d end up in a spring five seconds into the fight because he‘d underestimated his opponent, what a rookie mistake. He quickly took stock of his situation. Ahead of him, coming up was a patch of bamboo growing out of a particularly large pool.
He’d have to time this perfectly. . . and hope the bamboo held.

Jess: Or he’d fall in and we would continue to not care.

Time seemed to slow down as the bamboo approached him. He flipped in mid air, his feet now facing the plants. He hit the shoots lightly, quickly bending his knees and doing everything in his power to absorb the shock so the delicate plants didn’t snap like twigs. The bamboo gave under his weight, swaying back and then bending over.
Time was crawling by now. The bamboo was bent nearly ninety degrees with him perching on the stalk like an oversized bird. Looking down he saw his reflection in the pool slowly grow as the shoot continued to bend under his weight. He heard the ominous sounds of snapping wood coming from the center of the pool.

Zack: Wow this is boring.

‘Please let this work!’ He had no idea what pool this was if he fell in.
Then, miraculously, his descent stopped. His feet were less than a foot above the treacherous water, his toes curled in apprehension.
Slowly, almost ponderously, the bamboo shoot began to rise back up to its original position, carrying him with it. He would have sighed in relief but he was too busy focusing all of his attention on what was coming next.

Brad: Fly like a bird!

He vaguely remembered Ranma using this trick against him near the end of the blasting point duel. Cocky bastard; always coming up with tricks at the last minute.

Jerry: Hehe, cocky.
Jess: Oh god.

Time sped back up to normal as the bamboo unleashed all of its captured potential energy, rising up from the pool like an enormous bow unleashing an arrow. When it reached its peak Ryouga snapped his legs out straight, adding his considerable strength to the force of the bamboo’s spring like release.
He flew back across the valley, a green and yellow bolt of potential pain.

Zack: Look! Up in the sky!
Jess: It’s a bird!
Brad: It’s a plane!
Jerry: No! It’s a dumb anime character!

All of this happened so fast that he could see Mammoth still recovering from the destructive blow he had landed on Ryouga. The look of shock that began to form on the giant’s face was quite satisfying as Mammoth discerned Ryouga’s rapid return.
Ryouga let out his battle cry as his fist slammed across Mammoth’s jaw. This time it was the villain’s turn to go flying. The oversized teen did not seem to have Ryouga’s control in the air as he went smashing through several stands of bamboo. The lost boy gasped in shock, though, as the large boy landed with a thud between three pools.
‘Really?! What were the odds of that in Jusenkyo?’

Jess: Is this rhetorical or do you want numbers?

His musings were cut short as he heard a clicking and whirring sound off to the side.
Instinct took over and he was dodging even before he could tell why. His question was answered as red bursts of energy tore up the ground where he was standing only moments ago.
The perpetrator was the giant spider.

Jerry: *Donut voice* What like a spider? Get it off!

Wait, that was some freakishly tiny kid wearing some kind of fancy back pack. At this distance he could see the large legs were made of metal. What mostly drew his attention was the red glowing device that protruded from the top of the pack.
With a loud whining sound it unleashed another volley of crimson destruction.

Brad: So it shot period blood?
Jess: Oh god that’s gross!
Zack: Wow, that’s the worst comment yet.

Ryouga leapt, twirled and flipped around the blasts. They moved faster than arrows certainly, but he was far enough away that he could easily determine where they would land by the angle of the weapon and the sound it gave off before it launched any volley.
As confident as he was that he could keep up dodging for quite awhile, he really didn’t want to push his luck dancing around Jusenkyo. And more worryingly, Mammoth was already getting to his feet, rubbing his jaw like he wasn’t really hurt at all.

Jerry: He’s screwed.

What kind of monster was he?
. . . A slight twinge of irony ticked at Ryouga’s memory.
Luckily, their apparent leader, the girl with gray skin and colorful hair like Raven’s, hadn’t decided to do anything yet. Maybe she was smart enough to take his warnings about fighting here seriously.
Still, he was going to have to figure something out soon, if all three converged on him he was pretty certain they’d be able to take him down. There was no way he’d be able to fight at his full potential while taking care to avoid all the springs around him. The Bakusai Tenketsu was out, that was for sure.

Zack: Fo sho!

The laser fire ceased abruptly. The sudden silence gave him enough warning to dodge to the side as a small black boot flew through the air where his head used to be. It looked like the girl, Jinx, had decided to join the fight. She seemed to have some skill as far as fighting went.
The outfit though, and those stripped socks, what look was she going for? Wicked witch of the east?

Brad: Pfft.
Jerry: I think that’s the best joke so far.

She preferred a circular and flowing style of fighting, reminiscent of many kung fu styles. Jinx came at him with a series of quick swinging chops, almost pirouetting between the attacks. She finished with a fast backwards flip, snapping out a kick to his chin in mid air.
The girl was fast, but she was nowhere near Ranma’s level. He easily weaved around the strikes and leaned back just enough to let the kick miss he face by less than an inch. He didn’t even feel the need to block.

Jess: Wow, someone’s cocky.

He was almost tempted to let her hit him, just to test her skill against his toughened hide. However his chest still ached in a vivid testament to her partner’s impossible strength. That and her hands were starting to glow a bright hot pink. He had never seen a pink battle aura before, but wasn’t overly interested in finding out what it would do to him.

Brad: Like I said, it’ll turn you into a metro-sexual.

To the side, Mammoth was getting ready to reenter the fray as well. It was time to take the battle to the next level before things got messy. ‘Let’s see just see if this Jinx’s reflexes were as cat-like as her eyes.’
With a mighty leap, Ryouga launched himself over the incoming behemoth’s head and landed lightly on the top of one of the bamboo poles. He then reached out his arm and beckoned Jinx to join him with the classic waving of his fingers.

Jerry: CAN YA SA-MELLLLLAALALALA WHAT RYOGA IS COOKING!?

Mammoth looked around in confusion trying to find where he went.
Jinx seemed reluctant for a moment, but then her eyes lit up with determination. Using her large friend’s skull as a stepping-stone, Jinx double jumped up and landed on a bamboo shoot several feet away from him.

Jess: This can’t end well.

He chuckled to himself at the sight, so very much like Ranma. Her balance was perfect and she seemed quite comfortable up here atop the reeds.
And then, the lost boy heard the tell tale whine of Gizmo’s energy weapon burning to life once again. He nimbly leapt to another pole, avoiding a potentially devastating dunking as a flurry of red beams of light burnt his perch to ash in seconds.
‘That just wouldn’t do,’ he grumbled to himself. He removed several bandannas and started twirling them until they became black and yellow blurs.

Zack: Wait what?
Jerry: Attack from the show; they’re like boomerangs.
Zack: Okaaaay.

Jinx looked at him curiously before she began leaping from pole to pole approaching his position.
Mammoth just watched, not sure what to do.
The pink haired witch leveled a precise jump kick at him once again. Her attack was good and it took most of his attention to dodge it and still be able to land on another shoot.
So when he heard the whine of Gizmo’s laser, he released his bandannas at the sound without really looking.

Jess: Again, this won’t end well.

Ryouga landed carefully on another shoot. Jinx was apparently not as used to fighting atop bamboo. She hadn’t really planned on what she was going to do after her jump kick. As it was she just barely grabbed the shoot where Ryouga was just standing and flipped herself up.
They were both interrupted by a scream from below.
It was quickly followed by a splash. Ryouga winced at that sound.

Jerry: Uh Ooooooh!

While his first bandanna had indeed flown true and destroyed the laser, his other bandanna’s had not followed as closely as he had hoped. Two severed spider legs lying besides pool where the splash originated were a grim sign of where the unfortunate super genius had landed.
Mammoth roared out in anger. “You killed Gizmo! You’ll pay for that!”

Zack: *Stan voice* Oh my god! He killed Gizmo!
Jerry: *Kyle voice* You bastard!

With that Mammoth picked up a severed leg and swung it like a bat, smashing bamboo stalks left and right trying to get to Ryouga. Unfortunately, this included the one Jinx was currently perched on.

Brad: Wow, smooth move idiot.

“You moron!” she cried as she fell to the pool below her.

Jerry: Ryoga saves her.

Ryouga quailed internally, he didn’t mean to curse the midget boy and he certainly didn’t want to see a girl get cursed, villain or no. That Mammoth guy was an idiot, not even caring that he had endangered his other partner in order to avenge the first.
Ryouga felt his senses kick into hyper drive again. Time slowed once again, allowing him to take in everything around him. It was one of the things that separated the good martial artists from the truly great ones. Fighters like him, Ranma, as well as a number of others he knew, were able to shift their consciousness to a higher level during a fight. Making normal warriors appear to move in slow motion.
As it was Jinx was slowly falling towards the pool below. Mammoth was still swinging around that damn leg. He might kill the girl with it before she even had a chance to get cursed.

Jess: I think you’re right.

A plan sprang into his mind immediately, not terribly clever, but then that wasn’t really his style.
He flipped down and kicked off the bamboo shoot, hoping to reach the edge of the pool before Jinx hit the water. At the same time he swung out and launched his overly heavy umbrella at the flailing Mammoth. Even as heavy as it was and with his full strength behind it he doubted it would really hurt the massive youth. However he wasn’t aiming at Mammoth, so even a weak throw with no leverage like that should hopefully work.
He touched down on the bank of the pool - thankfully it didn’t collapse under him - and launched himself across the surface of the spring like an arrow.

Zack: RUN RYOGA RUN!

Distantly he heard the crunch of metal on metal. Good, the umbrella had hit where he wanted to and had enough power to destroy the metal.
Jinx loomed up before him, though some small miracle, he managed to catch her slight frame a fraction of a second before she splashed into the pool. Her boots cut tiny waves in the water’s surface as he carried them both to safety on the other side of the spring, splashing some of the water up worryingly towards them, but their clothing thankfully absorbed it.

Jerry: Called it!

They cleared the bank of the spring and he dug his hand into the earth, dragging them to a stop so they didn’t fly into the spring right next door.
Only then did he let out a sigh of relief.
Behind him he heard the dull thump of the spider leg and his umbrella hitting the ground.

Brad: The Matrix has you!

--

All 4: You’ve been hit by a Smooth Line Break!

Jinx had absolutely no idea what was happening anymore. She had just pulled herself back on top of the bamboo shoot when she had narrowly missed kicking the infuriately fast martial artist.
Then things just stopped making sense.

Jess: Just now?

The guy, Ryouga, had pulled off some of his stupid looking headbands and started swinging them around. Why he did that, she couldn’t figure out. Then Gizmo started firing off his little peashooter trying to hit the guy.

Brad: Oh great, another rewind.

Then, without looking, Ryouga threw the headbands at the diminutive genius. They flew like black and yellow discus right at Gizmo. The diminutive genius had managed to shoot one of them down, the tattered cloth floating to the ground softly.
The other two however, did the impossible. Somehow, the simple cloth headbands cut through Gizmo’s inventions like a knife through butter. The first one severed the laser cannon in a shower of sparks.
The second cut through two of the spider legs protruding from Gizmo’s backpack. The tiny villain only had enough time to yell and wave his arms around frantically before he lost balance and fell right into the center of the pool beside him.

Zack: And splash goes the Gizmo.

She never had a chance to see if he surfaced, because her mentally deficient partner started flailing around with one of the legs. The moron even smashed the pole she was standing on.
Everything after that was a blur of blue, green and brown-

Jerry: Someone puked.

Then she felt a heavy impact against her frame and she was flying horizontally rather than vertically. She looked down and saw her reflection in the pool for a fraction of a second before she was over ground again.
She was jarred again as her flight stopped with a sudden jerk. Then she was lifted several feet off the ground. She looked up to see that she was being held in the Japanese martial artist’s arms.
‘Hmm, this isn’t that bad, really,’ she thought to herself.

Jess: Oh god.

In the background she idly heard two heavy objects hit the ground.
Still, she’d have to turn in her Super Villain membership card if she passed up such a perfect opportunity. She looked up into his eyes. He was looking back, a strange mix of worry and apprehension on his face. Apparently he saw what was coming.

Brad: Ryoga go boom now.

She smiled wickedly and raised a single, pink glowing finger, and pointed it directly at his chest. All he could do was close his eyes and look away.
With a sizzling flash, the world dissolved into pink.

Zack: They’re Pinky and The Brain!

--

All 4: The line break is a lie!

Ryouga cracked open one of his eyes. Squinting he looked around.
‘Hmm, that was odd.’
. . . Nothing had happened.
He looked down at the girl in his arms, one of his eyebrows raised questioningly.
She looked back sheepishly and shrugged.
“That’s never happened to me before, I swear,” she said, almost in apology.

Jess: *snickers* Isn’t that usually what the guy says?

Ryouga rolled his eyes and dropped her on her butt.

Brad: Ah ha! He said it!
Zack: Hahaha!

--

All 4: Turn on your line break! Let it shine on me!

“Ouch! Jerk,” muttered Jinx as she got back to her feet.

Jerry: So says the one that tried to blast him.

Well that was it for her; somehow this guy had incapacitated at least one of her friends. What was worse, he seemed to be immune to her power. And he didn’t even look to be any worse for the encounter.
She looked around. There was still no sign of Gizmo anywhere. Jinx guessed that the poor little guy got pulled under by all of his electronic toys. Ironic, that. Absently she noticed there was a turtle crawling around the pool now.

Zack: He’s now turtley enough for the Turtle Club.

She looked over to where Mammoth had been only moments ago.
And her eye’s nearly bugged out of her skull!
Where had that Orangutan come from?

Brad: Pffft! Hahaha!
Jess: Oh god this is dumb!

Sitting around the simian were a number of objects. The first was the spider leg that Mammoth had been swinging around. The second was the red umbrella that Ryouga had been carrying.
She looked in disbelief. The end of the umbrella was impaled through one of the metal canisters that Mammoth had had strapped to his chest. One of the canisters that had been holding the water from the springs. The rest of the containers she noticed slowly slide into a nearby spring, the bandoleer still holding them together and pulling them all in.

Jerry: *Nelson voice* Ha ha!

Jinx felt an overpowering desire to cry.

Jess: Pull it together bitch!

Both of her friends were gone, their mission was failed, and the Headmaster was probably going to do terrible things to her when she got back.

Brad: Yeah that’s just a little disturbing.

And she didn’t even have her teammates to take the blame for her.
“I hope you’re happy now, mister,” she grumbled.

Jess: So now she’s stealing lines from Michelle from Full House?

He looked at her, somewhat confused.
She turned and glared at him, hands on her hips.

Zack: Uh oh, you’re gonna get it now!

“You ruined everything! My friends are gone! You messed up my mission and now the Headmaster is gonna tear me a new one!

Jerry: Yeah, didn’t need that image.

You might as well take me to jail now, at least I’d be safe there for a while,” she shouted furiously.
The boy seemed to feel bad at that, running his hand through his hair in embarrassment. Well, that was kind of different, good guys usually didn’t feel bad over foiling their schemes.
He looked up. “Um does that mean we’re done fighting then?” he asked hesitantly.

All 4: *slap foreheads*

She sighed. “What would be the point? You’re obviously a better fighter than me, and my power doesn’t seem to work on you. And there isn’t anything to fight over anyway; all the water that we collected is gone.”
She absently looked to the pool that nearly claimed her.
“Worst of all, you actually saved me! Me! Your enemy! Why did you do that?” she asked angrily.

Jerry: He has a conscience?

He started twirling his fingers before him. “Well it’s not right to fight girls, and I didn’t want to see you get cursed like your friends did. Honestly I didn’t really think about it, I just kind of did it,” he murmured quietly.
Didn’t like fighting girls? What a sexist. . . still it was kinda nice to know that chivalry wasn’t completely dead.

Jess: Uh…bi-polar much?

“Fine, whatever, just take me in already, I’m not in the mood to banter with you all day,” she uttered.
Ryouga smirked at that. “Take you in?” He waved an arm indicating the countryside around them. “In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re in the wilds of China; I don’t think there’s a jail within a few hundred miles in any direction.” He seemed to consider things for a moment.

Brad: He does have a point.

“Look, I only fought you guys because you were taking the water from here. But you can’t do that now, and your friends have already been punished enough. Look, how about you just go and we call things even,” he offered.
She considered this. It was a fairer deal than she usually got. She decided to accept his unusual offer.
“Okay, I can deal with that. You know, Ryouga; you’re way less of a loser than most of the hero types I know.”

Zack: Half-burn!

--

All 4: BURN THE LINE BREAK TO THE GROUND!

Ryouga wasn’t sure how to take that comment.

Jerry: Hah!

Still things seemed be settled now. Jinx started walking off towards the east . . . well he was pretty sure it was east. Come to think of it, which way were his friends in the forest? He really was turned around now.

Brad: Oh god.

He somehow thought it would be bad form if Jinx walked right into them on her way out after he had, in essence, let her escape.
He doubted the Titans would be too happy with him over that either, but sending Jinx to jail over this didn’t seem right.

Jess: Yeah, she only tried to kill you; no harm done…

Really, it wasn’t a crime to take water from a spring after all. What should be a crime is those bottled water companies that claim to use spring water. Bottled water had seemed like such a good idea until he nearly gagged on all the garbage that was floating in that one bottle he had bought.

Zack: Huh?

Spring water his tiny bacony ass.

Brad: Wow, didn’t need that image.
Jerry: Also, again, K+ rating why?

“Um, Jinx?”
She turned and looked at him expectantly.
“Shouldn’t you take your friends with you?” he asked.
One of her eyebrows rose up cutely, questioning his mental state.

Jess: She is now Spock I guess.

“Um, my friends are gone, Ryouga. You kinda killed them and all,” she shot back.
He looked at her strangely. “Killed them, what are you talking about? Your friends are right there.” He waved his arms pointing to the Orangutan and the turtle that were now looking at each other in confusion. The orangutan idly poked the turtle’s shell several times.

Brad: This is gonna be dumb.
Zack: “Gonna be?”
Brad: Okay, this is gonna be dumber.
Zack: That works.

Jinx looked at him like he was totally crazy now. “Are you serious?”
He shrugged. “They’re called the cursed springs, not the deadly springs of killing. They got cursed when they got splashed with the water.” He pointed to the turtle. “Your little friend there fell into the ‘spring of drowned painted turtle’. A tragic tale of a painted turtle that drowned in the spring eleven hundred years ago.”

Jerry: Wow, thanks for the history lesson.

He then pointed to the orangutan. “Your other friend, Mammoth, got splashed with water from the ‘spring of drowned orangutan’ . . . um, I’m not sure when it happened but I can assure you that it was a tragic tale as well.”
She smirked. “You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you? But how on earth does a turtle drown in a little pond like that?”

Jess: It was retarded?

He shrugged. “Hey, if an octopus can drown, then so can a turtle.”

Brad: *face palms* Oh god.

Obviously that wasn’t the answer she was looking for him as her mouth fell open in disbelief.

Zack: I can’t blame her.

He smiled. “Look, all you have to do is douse them with hot water and they’ll be back to normal. And you might want to take the long way back to your ship . . . um, I think I might have seen another group of people wearing clothes kind of like yours wandering through the forest.”
Jinx looked back at him strangely but seemed to accept what he said. He must have finally pushed her over her boundaries of rational thought and she was just going with it now. The pink haired girl walked over to the two animals. She gently picked up the turtle and took the orangutan’s hand. She then started leading them out of the valley.

Jess: Ugh…is this chapter over yet?

She looked back one last time.
“I have a feeling that we’ll meet again, Ryouga Hibiki,” she stated ominously.

Jess: Guess not.

Then the odd trio continued on her way.
One thing had him curious though. He just had to know.
“Hey! Jinx!” he yelled out to the retreating figure of the villainous teen.

Jerry: Oh god just let her leave so the chapter can end!

“What is it this time?” she yelled back in annoyance.
“What exactly was your pink energy attack thing supposed to do anyway?” he bellowed his question.
She yelled back her answer then turned and vanished into the mists of Jusenkyo.
“It was supposed to give you bad luck!”

Jerry: HAHAHA! GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!

Ryouga blinked.
She had tried to make his luck worse?
He couldn’t help himself; he started laughing as loud as he could.

Zack: Hahaha!

To think, that someone thought they could possibly make his luck any worse than it already was.
He nearly doubled over from laughing so hard; tears were rolling down his cheeks-

Brad: Wow, laughing at how pathetic he is; can you get any dumber?

Which is pretty much when the ground under his feet collapsed and he lost his balance completely.
The splash he made echoed throughout the entire valley.

All 4: *Nelson voice* HA HA!

*The screen rises*

Jess: Oh thank god that chapter is over.
Brad: Well at least it was better than the first one.
Jerry: This is true.
Zack: But what about the next one?

VincentX: *waves hands* It’s maaaaagic!
*Jess and Zack disappear and Sam and Lauren reappear while Jerry and Brad disappear and Trent and Mike appear where they were.*
Trent: Oh god not again.
Lauren: Crap!

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy – A Walk In The Park
Chapter 3

Mike: Sounds…exciting?

I don’t own Teen Titans or Ranma One Half.

Sam: And we are very thankful for that.

Just a few things to say here. As you may have noticed, I’ve been systematically, and stealthfully rewriting and replacing all of the chapters of TTLB. As such, I’m probably going to remove or change most of the Author’s notes as well.

Lauren: Wait, those were re-writes? So the first chapter was actually worse at one point?
Sam: I don’t think that’s possible.

Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t remember to thank Cylon One, who, up to this point, was still doing an excellent job of helping me find errors, as I hadn’t found a beta reader yet. There will be no debate on the rather trivial Elfin/Elven debate, though. It’s Elfin, so deal with it.

Trent: …Huh?

I will retain the next part, though, for posterity’s sake, as it ended up leading to one of the most important developments that would ever happen to my humble story.

Mike: The plot actually moves forward then?

“I have to say I was amazed to see Cap’n’Chryssalid actually read my story. The Learning Curve is one of my favorite series on the entire net. It’s kinda cool to see people that inspired me reading my work.”

Lauren: Oh god.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won’t

Sam: Actually we’ll riff.

--

All 4: Line breaks and you, tonight at 11.

Beast Boy sniffed the air again, but to no avail. He had lost the scent, it was as simple as that. With a frustrated growl he finally gave up and morphed back to his elfin form.

Mike: You just wanted an excuse to use that word to tick people off.

They had been searching the valley for over an hour, despite Ryouga’s warnings. However, they still could not find the aforementioned boy; it was like he had simply vanished. The only reason they knew they were even in the right place was the amount of destruction they had found.
A number of smoking holes, likely caused by Gizmo’s rather memorable laser cannon, were scattered around the pools and several deep furrows had been dug into the soft soil. Aside from that, shattered bamboo was about the worst of the debris littering the landscape, excepting a few metallic odds and ends. In retrospect, the level of damage was pretty mild compared to their usual romps in the city, but there wasn’t that much out here to wreck.

Trent: Therefore they didn’t care.

Cyborg had already stumbled across the lost boy’s overly large backpack. It lay discarded near the center of the battlefield. Several pools over, Robin had stumbled across Ryouga’s umbrella. Somehow, the seemingly delicate accoutrement had torn through the metal shell of some kind of container.
Beast Boy chuckled to himself in amusement. He was still recovering from the sheer hilarity of Robin’s first, and only, attempt to lift the deceptively fragile looking umbrella; their fearless leader had nearly given himself a hernia when he had tried to pick it up. They’d had to get Starfire to retrieve the darned thing for them, since Beast Boy wasn’t any more eager to throw his back out than Robin was.

Mike: Hernia means groin injury. Herniated Disc is back.

The Tamaranian had simply loved it, saying that it felt like a piece of home. She now had it lying across her shoulder in an incredibly cute fashion.

Lauren: Oh god.

Cyborg guessed the thing must have been made of depleted uranium or something to weigh as much as it did.

Sam: Depleted Uranium? Really?

It seemed pretty clear that the scientifically inclined Titan’s curiosity was piqued and that he wanted a closer look at the thing. However, the two of them agreed Starfire looked too cute twirling it around and that she could keep it for now.

Trent: Ugh, I’m gonna puke.

The only other things they had found were a few of Ryouga’s headbands - How many did that guy have and why was he dropping them, anyway? - and two of Gizmo’s spider legs.
‘Heh heh, looks like he didn’t have a leg to stand on after Ryouga was done with him.’

Sam: I’M NOT THAT BAD!
Trent: Yes, yes you are.
Sam: …Okay you’re right.

. . . Okay that sounded lame even in his own head.

Lauren: Wow, the fic is making fun of itself.
Mike: It’s stealing our job.

Off to the side, Robin knelt to the ground, his knee sinking slightly into the soft earth. The young detective in training was still trying to piece together what had occurred down here while they had been stuck waiting up in the forest. Unfortunately, it didn’t look like the guy was having much in the way of luck; heck, it looked like a lot of the battle hadn’t even taken place on the ground.

Sam: Crouching Tiger, Lost Ryoga.

Worst of all, Beast Boy still found himself confused over the scents. He could clearly make out four separate scents: Gizmo, Jinx, Mammoth and Ryouga. However, while Jinx’s scent trail was easy to follow, the other three had just vanished. He figured it might have had something to do with the pools, since Gizmo’s and Ryouga’s scents both ended at the edges of pools. Mammoth’s scent, on the other hand, had disappeared in the middle of a patch of earth between several pools.
A few other odd scents appeared, but he couldn’t identify them. All he knew for sure was that Jinx had walked out of the valley and escaped. Robin hadn’t exactly been pleased when he’d received that little tidbit of joy, but their stalwart young leader had told them that it was more important to find their missing friend than to chase after the lone villain.

Trent: Yeah, better to try and find the guy you just met five minutes ago rather than track down a super villain.

As if anyone would disagree with him on that.

Lauren: As if!
Sam: Totally!
Mike: Whatever.

The changeling then took a moment to surreptitiously glance over in Raven’s direction. Beast Boy was a little worried about the gothic female. To anyone that didn’t know her, she seemed to be acting normally, gliding from one pool to another, looking for any sign of their lost companion.

Lauren: But really she was horribly depressed because she couldn’t find the idiot she JUST MET FIVE SECONDS AGO!

He knew her just a little better than that, though. Her glide was a little more hasty than usual, her movements tense and hesitant to his sharp eyes. Even from the distance, his keen ears could make out the whispered sound of her breath. The usually calm, almost mechanical rhythm of her breathing had a tiny tremor in it that he couldn’t remember hearing before. Finally, during the quick flashes which he could actually see the young woman’s face, he could see her eyes hiding carefully concealed panic; the unusual violet of her cornea’s darted about quickly, the white’s of her eyes much more prevalent than was usual for her.

Trent: Lauren called it.
Lauren: HAH! I am the Queen of Predictions!
Mike: She’s modest too.

He was pretty sure she was blaming herself for Ryouga’s disappearance.

Sam: Yeah, because it was totally her fault that he made his own decisions.

His first instinct was to simply go over and tell her it wasn’t true - The wandering martial artist had known what he was doing when he came down here. He knew the risks of fighting around the cursed pools, yet did it anyway, because it was the right thing to do. Beast Boy was pretty sure that any of his friends would have done the same thing if they had been in Ryouga’s position - Unfortunately, he knew Raven would never listen to him, if only out of habit.

Mike: Standard practice.

‘One of the draw backs to always playing the clown,’ he thought sadly.

Trent: Send in…the clowns!

“Yo guys! Check this out!” Cyborg’s voice sounded across the valley.

Lauren: I found a 50 Cent CD yo!
Sam: Oh god.

Beast Boy followed the voice to find his friend standing beside one of the many pools. The cybernetic teen’s arm panel was open and it looked like he was scanning the pool. A moment later, Robin joined the two of them to look at the readout on Cyborg’s limb as well.
“Look at this.” Cyborg pointed to the small display screen on his arm.
Displayed on the screen was a three dimensional frame work. After a few moments Beast Boy figured out what he was looking at.

Trent: Cyborg’s looking up porn again.

“Dude, that’s-“
“It’s Gizmo’s backpack.” Robin’s authoritative voice cut him off. “Is Gizmo down there, Cyborg?”

Mike: You shouldn’t get Gizmo wet…

Cyborg shook his head. “No, Man, my scanners are only picking up the metal of his backpack, I’m not seeing any organic material down there. He must have ditched it when he went under so he wouldn’t drown.”

Sam: Great, now every time he speaks I hear it in the most stereotypical black guy tone ever.

Robin stroked a gloved knuckle down his chin as he considered what he had just heard.
“Cy, go over to the other pool, the one where Ryouga’s trail ends and scan that one.”
He then turned to Beast Boy as Cyborg left to scan the other pool.

Trent: *Robin voice* Go get us some coffee since you’re obviously useless doing anything else.

“Beast Boy, you said you checked this pool already yes?”
The shape shifter nodded in the affirmative. “You got it, Man. Gizmo go in, but Gizmo no come out.”

Mike: Beast Boy start to speak normally but then he lose all sense of grammar.

To further prove his point, Beast Boy pointed to the soft dirt surrounding the small pool of water. “Look, there aren’t even any human foot prints around the pool, even a midget like Gizmo would leave tracks in ground this muddy.”
“Good job, Beast Boy, that’s what I thought as well.”

Lauren: Thanks for confirming what I already knew; good boy!

Beast Boy basked slightly in the minor praise. It was more than he usually got.

Trent: Which was a boot in the ass.

“But that begs the question, if Gizmo went in but didn’t come out . . . then where is he?”

Sam: Dead, now move on.

Robin’s question seemed more rhetorical than pointed at Beast Boy, so he simply shrugged. However, almost by chance something caught his eye. All at once, things started to click together in his mind, two and two rushing madly together to form something vaguely resembling four.
“Dude, I think Ryouga wasn’t yankin our chains at all. Look there, Man.” He pointed emphatically to a small area at the edge of the pool they were examining.

Mike: I don’t want to know about people yanking your chain.

In the dirt were tiny tracks, clawing at the mud to escape the water’s surface. Robin might not know what they were, but Beast Boy had been a turtle enough times to know what their tracks looked like.

Sam: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!
Trent: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!
Mike: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!
Lauren: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!
All 4: HEROES IN A HALF SHELL! TURTLE POWER!

Robin looked at the tracks then back at him questioningly. “I don’t quite see where you’re going with this,” he stated simply.
“Dude, we’re totally overlooking the obvious. Ryouga said these springs turned you into whatever drowned in that spring, right? I know none of us really took him seriously, but what if he was telling the truth? Look here, Gizmo go in, Turtle come out! It’s totally like that Arhkam’s Shaver thing Raven is saying!” he blurted out his theory to his leader.

Trent: Arhkam’s Shaver?
Sam: No idea.

Robin seemed skeptical, but that wouldn’t stop Beast Boy now.

Lauren: Uh oh, EXPOSITION TIME!

“No, Man, check it out. Do you see any other turtle tracks goin’ into the pool? No! The only tracks around this pool are Gizmo’s spider leggy holes and these turtle tracks . . . I think that turtle was Gizmo. It also explains how his scent suddenly vanished!” Beast Boy was feeling pretty strongly about his insane sounding theory. It was pretty strange though, even for teenage super heroes that fought crazed super villains at least once a week.

Mike: Not really.

Robin’s eye mask narrowed as he started to take in the possibility that presented itself to him. He turned to Raven. “Raven, do you sense anything strange from these pools?”
Raven turned to face the two of them, her face looking strangely gaunt. “I haven’t sensed anything normal since I set foot in this valley. There’s definitely some form of strange energy field encompassing the whole of Jusenkyo. Actually, I’d be surprised if Jinx didn’t sense it as well, her powers are based on magic just like mine.”

Sam: No one expects the exposition!
Lauren: I did! Queen of Predictions strikes again! Bwahahahaha!

Before either of them even had the chance to ask her just what it was that she was talking about, Cyborg made his heroic return from the other pool, Starfire following him carefully. She now wore Ryouga’s backpack as well as his umbrella.

Trent: Accessorizing?

“I had to modify my sensors a bit, but yeah I found something at the bottom of the other pool, too. It looks like Ryouga’s clothes are down there, but no Ryouga. Wherever he is, Dawg is in his birthday suit,” he explained.

Mike: Thanks for that image.

Beast Boy chuckled as he saw the two girls’ faces go red at the thought of the lost boy running around in the buff.

Sam: *face palms*

Robin sighed. “Okay, as crazy as this sounds, I think Beast Boy is right. We have to go under the assumption that Ryouga fell into that pool and was cursed . . . again. Beast Boy, find out whatever kind of tracks he’s leaving now and follow them. We have to find him and change him back so we can find out what happened here.”
Everyone nodded and followed him over to the pool in question. It wasn’t too hard to find the tracks he was looking for in the soft soil between the pools. What the tracks were from was anyone’s guess, though. Whatever it was; it was smaller than a dog, but had little padded feet with tiny little claws. He couldn’t tell what kind of animal left those tracks, but now that he had the scent and the trail, he could follow them pretty easily.

Lauren: What did he originally turn into?
Sam: Pig.
Lauren: That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
Sam: Oh god I set that one up too.

Hey, maybe with all this tracking, his friends would start treating him with a little more respect. He’d pretty much cracked this case single handed, really.
“Yo Grass-stain, get your butt in gear, we don’t got all day!” grumbled his titanium coated comrade.

Trent: Now check out my bling-bling!
Mike: Oh no.

Beast Boy growled through his canine muzzle.
Or maybe not.

Sam: Gotta love that status quo.

--

All 4: Teenage Mutant Ninja Line Breaks!

Raven was having a terrible time trying to concentrate. The aura permeating the entire valley was oppressive in its intensity. She could barely maintain the concentration to even levitate the small distance above the ground that she already was.

Lauren: That and she’s lusting after Ryoga.

The energy was unfamiliar and she was almost certain it had a malevolent bent to it. She could almost feel the tendrils of dark power clawing at her, trying to lead her towards the pools themselves.

Trent: No tentacles please.

If Jinx felt this even half as keenly as she did, well, then her grudging respect for the sorceress would have to be raised a few notches. Anyone that would willingly stay in such proximity to these springs after sensing the forces at work here had to be either courageous or just plain crazy.
She idly wondered which one she was.

Mike: Little of column a; and a lot of column b.

One thing she was definitely sure about, though. She was not worried about Ryouga’s disappearance and she certainly didn’t feel responsible for it in any way. . . . Right.

Sam: Did the fic just disagree with her?

‘Damn it!’ Was Beast Boy following the lost boy’s trail or taking a siesta?

Lauren: K+ rating my ass.

She fought the urge to vocalize her frustration. Even the internal cursing was more than she usually indulged in, and it was beginning to worry her. She was tempted to just stop right there and begin meditating. The violet-eyed titan was starting to believe that she hadn’t totally recovered from her encounter with Ryouga’s Shi Shi Houkodan. She knew she had purged herself of his foreign emotions, but found herself worrying about any possible lingering effects his uncontrolled emotions might have had upon her own tightly regulated and segregated feelings.

Trent: Then she noticed that she was getting w…
Lauren: NO!

She needed her mirror, and judging by the anxiety she was just barely hiding from her friends, she needed it badly.

Mike: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most emo of all?

A surprising idea popped into her mind.
. . . What if she just let go, gave in to her emotions? What if she allowed herself to become like her friends, instead of just the creepy girl in her darkened room? The thought of being so free appealed to her. Free to love, to laugh, to get really angry at Beast Boy and his stupid pranks.

Lauren: I don’t like where this is going.
Sam: We seem to be saying that a lot.
Lauren: Gee, I wonder why.

It had potential; she already had someone she could try the first thing with. The lost boy was so exotic to her, she hardly knew him really, but he seemed so similar to her in some respects but totally opposite in others.

Trent: Love at first sight? Cliché number 1!
Mike: Just one?
Trent: I’m being generous.

The dichotomy intrigued her.

Sam: That’s not the only thing about him that stars with the letters D-I-C that intrigues her.

That and he seemed pretty starved for affection, so she doubted it would take too much to arouse his interest.

Lauren: Among other things.

She raised a delicate finger to her chin, contemplating the various novels she had read and the various methods that were used in them to seduce unsuspecting young travelers-

Trent: Hello little boy, would ya like some candy!?

Her reverie was interrupted bodily as she floated directly into an unyielding wall of orange and purple hues. Green eyes filled with compassion and worry gazed down at her from on high.

Lauren: Woa, trippy.

“Friend Raven, are you alright? You seem somewhat unfocused in your contemplations.”

Mike: Oh…so Starfire is the equivalent of acid here?

Her friend’s voice rang like sweet bells in the oppressive weight of Jusenkyo and the familiar sound stopped Raven in her tracks. ‘Alright? Of course she was alrigh-‘
What on Earth had she been thinking? Seducing Ryouga? Succumbing to her emotions? She knew what would happen if she did that. She knew very well why she could never let her emotions take control of her.

Trent: You’d become a normal person?

Raven felt the grass compact beneath her feet as she slowly lowered to the ground. She looked up to see Starfire still looking down at her in concern.
“Starfire. . . I’m not sure how I am right now . . . this place, it’s disrupting my concentration,” she uttered the half truth convincingly.

Lauren: And it’s; making me talk like…William Shatner.

The Tamaranian nodded in sympathy. “Do not worry, Raven; Beast Boy is diligently following the trail we have found. It appears that we are nearing the edge of the valley and you will not have to suffer for much longer,” she offered, warmth saturating her words.

Sam: That doesn’t seem physically possible.
Trent: Oh like anything else in this fic is.

The gothic teen simply nodded. This mission was really draining her, rather limited, emotional reserves already. If she was subjected to another uncontrolled emotion she felt she would probably scream-

Mike: Cue.

Raven nearly choked on her own tongue!

Mike: Sucks.

From literally out of nowhere, a cloud of intense anger and embarrassment had descended on her like a locust swarm
Apparently they had found Ryouga.

Lauren: Piggy?

She looked ahead to the origin of the powerful emotions. Within seconds, a figure appeared in the mists, slowly resolving itself into the athletic frame of their . . . well, their lost, Lost Boy.

Sam: So where’s Peter Pan?

He was walking with powerful strides, his face red and his features hard like granite. At least until he noticed them, anyway. The moment he did, all of the anger and embarrassment flowed out of him like a pricked balloon. His face lit up with relief when he saw them. She noticed his eyes seek her out and rest on her for a moment longer than on anyone else. The smile on his face seemed to be for her alone.

Trent: That’s great and all…but what the hell did he turn into?

But what was he wearing? It looked to be some drab green uniform, apparently owned by someone of a much larger girth than the current occupant. He still had his bandannas though, why he retained those but lost the rest of his clothing seemed slightly odd to her.

Lauren: Raven likes him without clothing.

Still the relief she felt seeing him alright blew all those unimportant details from her mind. She moved forward to get closer to the Japanese martial artist.
“Gaahhhh!!”

Mike: Scream.
Other 3: WAAAAH!

‘Ouch.’ Raven winced in sympathy as Starfire had apparently decided to introduce Ryouga to the fine art of the Tamaranian ‘hug’, at least that was what she called it.

Trent: Others call it the glomp of doom.

The poor boy’s face was turning blue and his arms stuck out at funny angles, his fingers making strange little gestures. Still, she didn’t hear any bones snapping or grinding together. The boy was tougher than he looked.
Beast Boy and Cyborg were laughing their pre-adolescent heads off at the scene.

Mike: Pre-Adolescent? They are adolescents.

She smirked a wry little smirk; Robin seemed to be somewhat less than happy, his eye mask narrowing to the point that she wondered if he could even see what was going on now.

Lauren: Somebody’s jealous that Ryoga’s getting glompage!

Really, she thought he would be used to this by now, Starfire hugged everyone, whether they wanted her to or not.
“It is joyous to see you unharmed, our good friend Ryouga!” beamed the beautiful alien girl. She then released her joyous hug on her unfortunate victim.
Ryouga’s remains collapsed to the ground.

Sam: And then he died. The End.

“Hahahaha! At least it was nice to see you unharmed, Dude!” Beast Boy choked out between his laughter. Beast Boy and Cyborg were leaning on each other for support now, they’re laughter filling the entire cursed training grounds.

Trent: Yeah someone who was just a second away from dying is hilarious.

Her wry smirk grew into a hesitant smile, that probably wasn’t the greeting their friend had been expecting. As everyone else continued to laugh or glare, she gracefully walked over and helped the unfortunate boy to his feet.
Starfire was blushing brightly now. “I am most apologetic, I was just ecstatic to see you intact. I am sometimes unawares as to my own strength to mass ratio on this planet.”

Mike: Glomp of Doom.

Ryouga looked at her for a moment, apparently trying to figure out exactly what she said. Then he shook his head and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.” Then silently, almost under his breath he muttered, “Now I know how Ranma feels every time he runs into Shampoo”

Lauren: Ranma has problems with hair care products?
Sam: That’s one way of putting it.

Raven had absolutely no idea what he meant by that. Still his words put her alien friend at ease, another set of giggles escaping her orange hued lips. Beast Boy, having finally recovered from his bout of laughter, chose that moment to run forward and grab Ryouga’s shoulders.

All 4: HO-YAY!

“Dude, you gotta tell us what spring you fell in. What do you turn into now?” he asked fervently.
“I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. TALK. ABOUT. IT!”

Sam: THERES…SOME…THING; OUT ON THE WING!

Ryouga somehow combined the tactics of yelling and biting off his words at the same time. And combined with the acidic glare he had just leveled at the small changeling . . . well, it almost appeared that the emerald teen had teleported behind Cyborg once more.
“Eeep!”
Cyborg looked behind him. “Uh-uh, Man, not this time. You don’t just run up to a guy and ask about his new curse and then expect me to cover your green butt.” The heavily built teen gracefully stepped aside revealing the cowering form behind him.

Lauren: Awe, trouble in paradise.

Robin shook his head in frustration. “Ok, that’s enough you guys. Ryouga, you need to tell us what went on here. It looks like Jinx managed to escape, and we need to know what she got away with.”
Ryouga nodded. “I’ll tell you what happened here . . .” He looked around nervously. “. . . Just, can we get out of here first? I’ve had enough of Jusenkyo to last several life times.”
Raven couldn’t have agreed more.

Trent: I’ve had enough of this fic to last infinite lifetimes.

--

All 4: Go Go Line Break Rangers!

Ryouga sighed. This day had started out so well, too. A little innocent wandering, saving a damsel in distress. And he had secretly enjoyed getting to show off his secret techniques to the five teens with him when he had destroyed that stone monster.

Mike: Uh, your techniques aren’t very secret if you display them to everyone.

He snickered to himself. Really, a stone monster running around this close to the Amazon village? It was only a matter of time before someone had come and blasted it to pieces, if only for the story they could tell the rest of the tribe.
Things had started to go downhill pretty fast after that.

Lauren: Like this fic…only without the starting off good part.

Going back to Jusenkyo, getting cursed again! It was too bad that Raven was so susceptible to his Shi Shi Houkodan; the mood he was in, he had a strong desire to let off a perfect version or two to blow off some steam.
He chuckled malevolently. He wondered how much seeing him do that would shock his new friends.

Sam: Meh.

And then there had been that big guy down in the valley. And Starfire for that matter? He hadn’t been hugged that powerfully since the last time he had ran into his mother. Was everyone outside of Nerima secretly stronger than him and just not telling?

Trent: Steroids, they’re everywhere.

Ryouga had always been proud of his incredible strength. Some people almost defined him by it. ‘Ranma was fast and Ryouga was strong’ He was a little shaken, actually, to suddenly meet not one, but two people that were mightier than him. He subtly glared at Cyborg out of the corner of his eye. Maybe even three, he’d seen enough movies to know that robots were usually a lot stronger than normal people.

Lauren: Is this going somewhere or did the plot stall again?

A sigh escaped his lips. He glanced at the small violet haired girl that walked beside him. He blushed slightly as she caught his eyes with her own and smirked. He smiled awkwardly then looked back ahead. Well, things weren’t all bad, he supposed.

Lauren: Engine is revving…

He had already told Robin and the others what had occurred back in Jusenkyo. Well, almost everything at any rate. Ryouga had explained the battle in great detail. Beast Boy’s eager expression had made the story telling a rewarding experience. He had glossed over a few bits: how freaked out he had been after Mammoth had hit him, how it had been an accident that he had sent Gizmo dropping into the pool.
And definitely how he had just let the three of them walk out of Jusenkyo freely.

Lauren: I think it’s going…

He had told them that Jinx’s blast had sent him flying and that that was how he had ended in the pool. He was pretty sure they believed him. After all, he was an excellent liar, having hid his secret from Akane for so long. That was the only reason that made sense, anyway, how else could he hide such a huge and well known secret from someone for so long if he was a terrible liar? That person would have to be pretty dense.

Sam: TOO SUBTLE!

Not Akane, though, she was the most intelligent and wonderful girl he had ever met . . .

Sam: Oh yeah, she’s a freakin’ genius…

He glanced to the side again . . . well, one of them, anyway.

Trent: Oh god…

Regardless, he told them that he had gotten rid of all the stolen water, so there was no reason to worry about them. That seemed to satisfy Robin. They may not have captured the villains, but at least their villainous plot had been foiled. And by proxy too.
After that, they had all been standing around, just outside of the boundaries of Jusenkyo. The Titans had no supplies and their vehicle had been smashed to pieces. Cyborg figured from what he had seen back in the clearing, it would take him weeks to repair the T-Ship. Sure the outer sections weren’t too bad off, but Beast Boy’s pod was smashed pretty badly.

Mike: So?

Ryouga knew that his back pack wouldn’t be able to sustain them all for that long. And he was pretty sure that hunting Pandas was pretty illegal, even way out here. Not that he could bring himself to hurt a panda anyway.

Trent: And that makes me a saaaaad panda!

Well, except Genma of course, but that went without saying.

All 4: Of course.

So, Ryouga had made the only suggestion that made any sense to him at the time.
Ranma had told him that the Amazon village was only a day’s walk away from Jusenkyo, after all.

Sam: Yeah I don’t like where this is going.

--

All 4: We’re just a regular everyday normal line break!

Jinx dropped the cursed turtle to the ground.
Really, trying to nestle up to her breasts like that! The little pervert was lucky he had a tough shell that was for sure.

Lauren: Uh…
Mike: Woa.
Trent: Wow that was…wow.
Sam: Hey now…uh…
All 4: You know, for kids!

They had finally made it back to their ship. And not a moment too soon in her opinion; Mammoth’s new odor was even more offensive than his original one. Not to mention Gizmo’s perverted antics.

Lauren: Teenage Mutant Pervert Turtles?

Sure she didn’t exactly have a lot to nuzzle up to, but a girl still had to have her pride.

Mike: Wow…that’s…
Sam: You know, for kids!
Trent: Holy crap that’s wrong.
Lauren: *blinks* I’m not even touching that one.

The pink haired witch swallowed nervously as she stared at the gaudy orange ship that sat silent on the ground before them. The entry hatch hung open invitingly, though ominously seemed like a more apt term at the moment.
‘Well, we’re here now,’ she mused. All they had to do was get in the ship and head back to base . . . and report their failure to the Headmaster.

Trent: Where he would, if the rising amount of getting crap past the radar of this fic continues; spank her ass repeatedly with a whip.
Sam: God I hope you’re wrong.

. . . She wondered if it was too late to go find Ryouga and beg him to take them to prison, any prison at all. She looked at her companions.
Maybe even a zoo would work.

Lauren: Or an insane asylum…

--

All 4: Transformers! Line Breaks in Disguise!

Ryouga idly played with the twisted remains of the metal canister that had been impaled on his trusty umbrella. The umbrella that he hadn’t gotten back yet. He tried to glare in Starfire’s direction, but failed utterly. It would be like glaring at Kasumi, he felt dirty just thinking about it.

Lauren: I feel dirty just reading this.

Still, she looked so happy spinning his umbrella around like a depleted uranium parasol. At the moment, she was posing cutely for Robin trying to get a reaction from the tightly wound titan leader.

Sam: That’s borderline Ho-Yay right there.
Mike: But only borderline.

His aborted glare melted into a smile. Even he could tell there was something going on between those two. And generally he didn’t notice anything unless it hit him with the force of a run away sports sedan. Fine, she could hold onto it . . . for now.

Trent: But soon! Very soon she will face the wrath of his umbrella! Ella! Ella!

He felt naked without it, though.

Mike: Didn’t need that image.

“Okay, I know I told you there was a village really close by, but there are some . . . things you might want to know about it before we get there,” he started slowly.
“Ryo, man, we’ve been walking for hours! I thought you said the place was close? I’m dying here,” whined the shape shifting Titan.

Lauren: Oh great…he’s doing his Sonic impression.
Sam: *shudders* There’s a scary thought.

The lost boy rolled his eyes. “It’s only a day’s walk from Jusenkyo, and we’ve even got a road to follow with signs that say ‘This way to Amazon village’.”
Even he couldn’t get lost like this . . .

Sam: Doubt that.

a second later he fought the urge to grab Raven’s cloak and hold on for dear life. Who was he kidding? If he weren’t surrounded at the four cardinal points by Titans, he’d probably be halfway back to Japan by now. Or Tahiti, but that wouldn’t be too bad; he loved the snow there.

Mike: Wait what?

Which was somewhat fitting, since it would be a cold day in hell before he admitted his directional problem to five youths with him. It was bad enough they knew he was cursed, if not what he was cursed to turn into.

Trent: Hell, we don’t even know what you turn into now.

“A whole day! Dude, that’s gonna take us forever to walk there!” Beast Boy continued to vocalize his opinion on the subject.

Sam and Lauren: Shut up Sonic!
Mike: That’s not Sonic…
Sam: Sorry, force of habit.

What was his problem? Only walking for a day was a short trip. Heck, Ryouga had lost track of how long he’d been on the road before Raven had landed in his arms. City living obviously made people weak . . . except for Starfire, anyway. He was still getting the kinks out from that hug.

Trent: Aka waiting for that stiffy to go away.

“Look, this village, well it’s a bit eccentric, and they have some strange rules that you should really know before we get there,” he continued, ignoring Beast Boy’s frivolous complaints.
Raven glared at Beast Boy for him and nodded for him to continue.
“Alright, okay, I’ve never actually been there before, but I know a lot of people that have. Apparently it’s really easy to get yourself in trouble if you don’t know what you’re doing. First off, the village is dominated by women; they call themselves the Joketsuzoku, uh, the ‘Tribe of Women Heroes’, I think is what it translates to. Kind of like a Chinese version of the Amazons, I guess . . .”

Mike: Be careful in Amazonia.
Trent: Death by Snu Snu!

He seemed to get mixed results from this. Raven looked like she wanted to argue about the term ‘Chinese Amazon’. Starfire seemed intrigued by the idea of a female run society. Beast Boy and Cyborg –

Sam: Got boners.

“Dude, are you serious? A whole village of ladies waitin for a visit from the B-man? Awesome!”

Lauren: Oh yeah, I bet they’ll just love you…

Yeah, they seemed excited for some reason . . . He almost felt sad for them.
“Um, yeah, whoever B-man is. Now listen, this part is important. The entire village trains in the martial arts, they’re literally obsessed with it. All the women in the village are fighters of one type or another. They’re led by a council of ancient old crones, be careful around them. They’ve each got hundreds of years of fighting skills and secret techniques up their sleeves.”
Well that seemed to get Robin’s attention.
“An entire village of people dedicated to training in the martial arts?” he asked. Ryouga could almost see the line of drool forming on the eager young fighter’s chin.

Trent: Uh…yeah.

He nodded with a smile on his face, even as he hid his resigned sigh. He felt bad for how disappointed Robin would be when they finally got to the village. They didn’t exactly believe in equal rights there, from what he understood and he doubted Robin’s fancy cape or spandex outfit would change their minds.

Lauren: Yeah because all us girls find yellow and green spandex hot…

Well maybe the spandex would . . . they were hundred year old ladies, after all, maybe a little free show would go a long way for them?

Mike: Bad image!

He shuddered slightly at that thought. Some prices were too high, no matter the knowledge one might gain.

Sam: Anti Ho-Yay!

“Yeah, but this is where things start to get strange.”
They all looked at him incredulously. ‘What? A village of Amazons in the middle of China wasn’t really that strange, was it?’
“They have two major laws that you absolutely have. To. Know before you set foot in the village,” he explained very specifically.

Trent: The first is don’t talk about Amazon Club. The second is that you don’t talk about Amazon Club.

He turned to regard Starfire and Raven directly. “The first law is the one that the two of you really have to worry about. Any outsider female that defeats an Amazon in combat will receive the ‘Kiss of Death’ and be hunted down to the ends of the earth and killed.”
“What?”
“That’s Nuts!”

Lauren: Ironic term there.

”Who makes up these rules?”
The three Titan males made their disbelief known quite vocally.
The two lovely females were far too shocked to say anything at all.
“You need to be really careful, too, because from what I hear, the Warriors here love to challenge anyone that comes into the village. So under no circumstances can you accept anyone’s challenge, got it?” he asked the both of them emphatically.

Mike: I think that’s pretty easy to get.

They numbly nodded in understanding. Their eyes were still wide in distress from the unexpected news.
“Good, now onto the second rule.” He looked over to the three angry males, still cursing under their breaths. “This one concerns you three – “
“Don’t worry Star; I won’t let any crazy Amazon challenge you to a fight!” Robin’s brave declaration made Starfire nearly melt with joy.

Trent: Aka get horny over Robin.

Ryouga slapped a hand to his face. ‘Hey, why was he hitting himself?’ He turned and swatted the Titan leader across the back of the head.
“Ouch! What was that for?” barked the young vigilante.
“You aren’t fighting anyone either, Robin! The second law states that any outsider male that defeats an Amazon is automatically married to the woman he just defeated!” he yelled out.

Lauren: …For some reason I just see that as an advertisement for spousal abuse.
Sam: Oh god, now I do too.

He wanted to make sure they got the point.
“M-m-marriage!”
“M-m-marriage!”

Mike: Stuttering is no joke.

Starfire and Beast Boy sounded in stereo. Their reactions after that varied greatly, though.
“Robin; marry some strange woman? I will not allow it!” The flame haired beauty began to pace furiously, her tirade dissolving into a language that Ryouga had never heard before.
Beast Boy fainted.

Trent: I think he’s gonna challenge someone.
Sam: I think you’re right.

--

All 4: Everybody was Line Break Fu Fighting!

Honestly, by that point, Cyborg didn’t really know what was going on anymore. He was pretty much just going with the flow of insanity. This was easily turning into one of the strangest situations he had ever found himself in. And not funny strange either, more of a disturbing strange kind of feeling.

Trent: It’s like reading this story!
Lauren: Actually it’s more like reading TMNG.

It wasn’t like he’d never seen magic before. A list formed in his mind: Mumbo Jumbo, the Puppet King, heck he’d spent an evening palling around in Raven’s mind with Beast Boy before.

Sam: Kinky.

But magic springs? Martial artists right out of BB’s movies? A whole village of Amazons that were just as likely to kill you as they were to marry you depending on your gender?
He needed to get back to his lab and start designing some cool new inventions to remind him that science still existed and that his precious laws of physics hadn’t abandoned him completely.

Mike: Good luck with that.

. . . Cyborg was starting to feel that sense of dread building up again.

Lauren: Oh no, it’s the plot!

They had spent the night beside the road. It had been a pretty nice rest; and they had amazed Ryouga with some of their own stories. He chuckled to himself; it was kind of ironic. The Lost Boy kept going on about how unbelievable their stories were and how amazing their adventures sounded.
What’s that saying? The grass is always greener?

Sam: Unless Beast Boy is in dog form around it.

When they had told Ryouga about Slade, Ryouga literally hadn’t believed them. That there was someone so purely evil didn’t make sense to the lost boy. The closest the lost boy had seen that could compare were a few spoiled princes kidnapping brides because they didn’t know any better. Well, that and some Ranma person that had apparently caused him to experience all kinds of hell.

Trent: There’s an imbalanced comparison.

But Ryouga admitted that not even Ranma was as bad as Slade . . . reluctantly.
That morning they had woken up pretty early, against BB’s wishes and had headed out immediately. And now the village was in finally in sight. It looked like a picture out of a history book. The architecture consisted of elegantly sloping roofs covered with brightly colored tiles topping solidly constructed homes. Some of the buildings were built in the unlikeliest of places, as well, one even rested on a raised cliff hanging over a dozen meters above the rest of the village. All around the village, tilled farmland could be seen, laborers and beasts of burdens tending to the many fields.

Mike: Stereotypes; they make the world go round.

Had a nice rustic feel to it.
Ryouga looked a bit nervous, though. He’d taken the point and was leading them up to the village gate. He told them he spoke the language. Strangely he didn’t seem confident that would help though.
From the distance Cyborg could just make out two figures, they looked to be standing guard over the gate. He zoomed in his cybernetic eye for a closer look.

Lauren: I bet he gets an up skirt peak.

An appreciative whistle escaped his lips.

Lauren: Called it!

“Ryouga, my man, you didn’t say what babes the girls here were.”
“What? Dude, let me see!” The changeling jumped on his back and started climbing over him, trying to pull out his ruby colored eye.

Trent: Uh…morbid much?

He grabbed the offending grass stain off his back. “BB, that’s my eye, you can’t just pop it out and look through it. You’ll just have to wait to see the smokin hot chicks up close,” he teased his small friend.
He pretended to focus in again and made a few wolf whistles to make his point further.

Mike: On behalf of all men I apologize for Cyborg’s actions.

“Aww, Cy, that’s no fair!” moaned Beast Boy.
Robin and Ryouga were shaking their heads in amusement while Starfire giggled at their antics. Raven just rolled her eyes
“Men are such pigs.”

Sam: Especially in Ryoga’s case.

Ooh, Ryouga really flinched at that one.

Lauren: Burned baby burned!

--

All 4: Another Line Break Hits the Dust!

Ryouga flinched - hard.

Lauren: That’s not all that was hard.

Really, there was no need for the guards to stick their spears that close to his face. He was currently doing his best to explain to them that his friends and him were lost travelers in need of a place to stay. He really wished he could remember if Cologne had spoken Cantonese or Mandarin, now. Stupid country and its multiple dialects.

All 4: Everyone’s a little bit racist, sometimes!

The guard on the left barked back at him harshly. The other guard quickly walked back into the village, probably going to get more things to stab them with. He wished these women wouldn’t talk so fast . . . wait he’d caught that.
Outsider dog had such a musical ring to it the way these women said it. Okay, they were speaking Mandarin. Knowledge in hand, he tried again, this time in the right language. It seemed to have a better effect; the guard lowered her spear slightly.

Lauren: How can he be such an idiot and yet learn a completely different language?
Sam: God’s way of compensating.

The guard, her vibrant azure hair glistening in the sun, then began asking him a series of mundane questions.
‘What was this? The Amazon customs desk?’

Mike: Passport please.

He heard the five colorfully clothed teens behind him begin to whisper amongst themselves.
“Man, I wish we could understand what they were sayin,” whispered Cyborg.
Robin squinted in concentration. “I think they’re speaking in Mandarin, but it’s way too fast for me to keep up.”
“Who cares, would you check out those girls walking around the village? It’s like a c-cup minimum in this place!” drooled Beast Boy. The boy then winced as Raven slapped him across the back of the head.

Lauren: DUDE! Does that K+ rating mean anything to you!? Or are you just a natural pervert!?
Trent: Wow, this went from really clean…to really perverted. Seriously, what is this guy’s problem?

“If only we had an interpreter so that we could understand their conversation,” lamented Starfire.
Ryouga tried to tune out their conversation; he was busy rustling through his backpack now. He was pretty sure he didn’t have any fresh fruit, but one could never be sure, and the pointy metal spears were quite insistent.

Sam: Oh god it is customs.

A sly look crept onto Beast Boy’s face. He slid over to Starfire and whispered conspiratorially. “Ya know, Star; there is one thing we could do to understand what’s going on.”

Mike: Uh…what’s he talking about?
Sam: No idea, Jerry’s the resident Teen Titan expert.

She looked at him innocently. “What would that be?”
He elbowed her and winked suggestively. “You could always do the same thing you did to Robin when you learned English. I bet Ryouga knows a whole lot of languages.” His voice was laced with innuendo, so much that even Starfire picked up on it.

Lauren: …I really don’t like where this is going.

Apparently he wasn’t whispering quietly enough.
Ryouga felt Robin’s aura heat up to furious proportions.

Sam: Ho-Yay!
Trent: Extreme Ho-Yay.

Curious as to what could have possibly caused the spike, he turned back to see what was happening.
For some reason, Starfire was blushing brightly, her lovely face buried in her hands. Cyborg, in stark contrast, was trying to contain an explosive bout of laughter . . . but was failing miserably. Raven and Robin had simply settled for glaring daggers at Beast Boy. Whatever the shape shifter had suggested, neither of them seemed too happy about the idea.

Trent: Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?

“I don’t think that would be appropriate, Beast Boy.” Raven’s voice possessed that icy calm that any male instinctively knew meant she was anything but icy, or calm.
Ryouga edged slightly closer to the spears, he felt somehow safer around them.
“Well well, for what reason does the Eternally Lost Boy grace our modest village with his presence? And such interesting people you have with you, Ryouga.”

Sam: Cologne.

The raspy, yet extremely familiar voice drew his attention back to the village gates. Surprise driving him, Ryouga spun around, not quite believing his ears. His eyes nearly bugged out at the sight that greeted him - there, perched carefully on her ancient staff as if all were right in the world was . . .
“Elder Cologne, what are you doing here?” he asked incredulously.

Sam: Uh, she lives there?

--

All 4: ALL YOUR LINE BREAK ARE BELONG TO US!

“Foolish boy, this is my home, why wouldn’t I be here?” Cologne felt the desire to bash the fool boy’s head with her cane, but decided it would be more interesting to learn about his new friends first. New faces almost always promised new stories. And these were some of the most unusual faces she had seen as far back as her memory served her.

Mike: Is this going anywhere?
Trent: Probably not.

Ryouga seemed to be considering her statement. Always a little slow that one, still he did have good potential.
“You know what I mean, Granny, why aren’t you in Nerima helping Shampoo to marry Ranma?” he asked.

Lauren: Doing what with who now?
Sam: Long story.

A logical enough question, she supposed.
“Some tribal business required my attention is all. That and I was getting a little tired of the childish antics that abound in Nerima. I thought a little vacation wouldn’t hurt.” She turned a large owlish eye to him and his companions. “Of course it seems that not two days after I leave the madness, the madness follows me home.” She chuckled good naturedly.
The lost boy rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. He was so easy to tease sometimes. The five children that were following him around seemed completely lost, however.

Trent: Like us.

Appropriate, considering whom they were with, really.
‘Oops.’ They were still speaking Chinese; these children looked like they might be American . . . On second thought, only two of them looked like they might be American. The other three refused to slide into any of the cultural characteristics she knew. That was interesting in and of itself.

All 4: Everyone’s a rittle bit lacist!

She hid an ancient smile. Yes, it seemed Ryouga had managed to stumble upon something very interesting here. Surprises were more valuable than gold when one had lived as long as she had.
She switched to English and began speaking fluently. “Well, boy, are you going to introduce your traveling companions or not?”

Lauren: This is kinda moving forward…

The lost boy changed languages flawlessly as well; a useful talent indeed, one her future son-in-law could use. “Of course, Granny, but I don’t suppose you could find us some place a little more comfortable than out here at spear point?” requested the fanged child.
“Hohoho, cheeky today aren’t we, boy? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you around Nerima for the last several weeks myself. Perhaps you have some interesting stories of your own, as well as interesting company?”

Mike: Stalling.

She absently waved away the remaining guard. The young woman scurried away as fast as her feet could carry her. She could see the five children behind Ryouga nearly melt with relief that they had found someone that could speak their language.
The ancient elder then turned and started bouncing in the direction of her home near the heart of the village.

Lauren: If she wasn’t ridiculously old then I’d call that as another perverted innuendo.

--

All 4: It’s Peanut Butter Line Break Time!

Things were going better than he had hoped. Robin gazed around, taking in the village that now surrounded him. Not only had they found a place to stay, somehow their impromptu guide had actually stumbled across someone he knew. Someone important as well, judging by the guard’s reaction. Definitely some good luck there.
The people of the village were deeply involved in various tasks all around him. Some people were transporting goods, some herding animals. He noticed some men cooking over open fires outside of their homes.

Trent: Making rice right?

What really drew his notice though, was the training. It seemed that every woman over ten years old and under, well, under a hundred according to Ryouga, were training.
A large area near the center of town was clear of any obstructions, save the lines and lines of women going through intricate katas. It looked to be a variant of Wu Shu, he thought, but with a large number of other styles mixed in.

Sam: No one expects the exposition!

Any people that weren’t working or training, they were watching said training. These people really were crazy about the Martial Arts.
Robin felt at home.

Mike: Gotham?

The woman they were following was unusual. She was obviously one of the elders that Ryouga had warned them about, but she was smaller than Gizmo. The way she was bouncing around on her staff like, though, it would have been funny if not for the absolute balance and control he knew it would take to accomplish. And she didn’t even look like she was thinking about it. In fact she was holding a conversation with Ryouga even as she led them to a larger two story building a few meters away from the training area.

Trent: So the plot moves with exposition?
Lauren: I guess it’s multi-tasking.

They finally arrived at the aforementioned domicile.
”Alright, line up so I can get a good look at you lot,” ordered the shrunken old crone.

All 4: Titans roll call!

Robin was about to balk at being ordered around, but noticed everyone else had already jumped into line beside him. Well she did have a pretty forceful voice for such an old lass . . .
The dull ‘thunk’ of wood colliding with wood came from his left side.
“Not you, idiot!”

Lauren: Wait what just happened?

To said left side, Ryouga gingerly rubbed the new bump on his head as he stepped out of the line and moved to stand beside the old lady. Grumbling all the way.
‘Wow.’ He hadn’t even seen the cane move. Granny’s got game.

Mike: Ugh.

The old woman then moved to stand, err, balance in front of him. She then glared at Ryouga.
”Well, introduce your friends, boy!” she demanded of him.
Ryouga grumbled again, somewhat good naturedly.
“This is Robin, he’s the leader of the Teen Titans.”
To the point, that was certain.

Trent: I’m lost.

“Robin, everyone, this is Elder Cologne, Matriarch of the Joketsuzoku.”
Matriarch? Ryouga did have friends in high places here. He heard various gasps from his friends as well.
Cologne pinned him with a critical gaze, then poked him several times with her staff.

Sam: And no; staff isn’t a euphemism.

“Hmm, you seem to have a little training in the Art, boy. A little under developed, but I see some potential in you,” she critiqued.
‘What? A little training?’ He’d trained under one of the greatest fighters on the planet for years and she just dismisses him like that?

Trent: Granny’s never met the Bat.

He must not have been hiding his annoyance very well as Cologne laughed.
“Calm down, boy, we don’t want your face sticking that way,” she joked. “What I meant to say, is that you seem to be a very good Martial Artist, considering how late in life you must have started training. In this village we usually start training shortly after we learn to walk, so it’s natural that you would be a little behind.”
‘Humph.’ Not great, but he guessed that made some sense.

Lauren: What is the point of this?
Mike: Filler.

“Maybe a few sessions with some of our middling students might help you see what I mean?” she offered.
Robin perked up at that. Hey, that was pretty much what he wanted. He could afford to swallow his pride if it meant learning a few new tricks.
He smiled widely. “That’d be great, we’re kinda stuck here for awhile as it is.”
She nodded. “Yes Ryouga here mentioned that your plane crashed. He said your large friend could fix it, so I’ll send some warriors to collect it later on. They could use the exercise anyway.” For some reason, the ancient master laughed loudly at that last statement.

Trent: Uh…alright.

Then Cologne moved down the line to Cyborg.

Sam: Oh god, here comes stereotype in a can.

--

All 4: This is Ground Control to Major Line Break.

‘Sweet!’

Trent: Dude! What’s mine say!?

The old lady was gonna send some people out to pick up the pieces of his baby. He didn’t know what she meant about that exercise remark, though. This village looked like it was the birth ground of the super model.

Lauren: Oh god.

No, Cyborg didn’t think he would mind spending a little time here as he repaired the T-Ship.
Uh-Oh, she was looking at him now. Her eyes were piercing like- well like something really pointy. Man, he was so nervous he was starting to think like BB.

Mike: Brain…dying…changing into team idiot.

Ryouga’s voice cut in.
“Granny, this is Cyborg,” he finished lamely.
Dawg wasn’t that good at introductions, was he?

Trent: Cy-doggie-dog yo!

He decided to throw in a little of the Cyborg charm before she gave him the same tongue-lashing she gave Robbie. He bowed deeply, sweeping his arm grandly before him.
“Allow me to introduce myself, my dear lady,” he started laying it on. Her chuckle sounded like the rustling of fallen leaves.

Sam: Idiot.

“My name is Cyborg, mechanical and technical genius, butt-kicking crime fighter and, of course, by far the most handsome of all the Teen Titans, at your service.” He ended with a flourish.

Mike: Wow…that was bad.
Lauren: I hope she hits him with the cane.

Starfire giggled at his theatrics while Beast Boy started protesting loudly.
”Dude, you are so not!”

All 4: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER! FILLER NIGHT!
WE HAVE TO GET EACH CHARACTER’S DUMB QUIRKS JUST RIGHT!

Raven and Cologne both seemed amused, chuckling vindictively at his antics and BB’s whining.
The old woman smiled conspiratorially and leaned in. “Don’t tell any of the other elders, but I’ve been thinking of installing a satellite dish. I’m not sure I trust my great grand daughter enough to think she’s actually taping all of my shows for me back in Japan,” she stage whispered to him.

Trent: What?
Lauren: That…didn’t make any sense.

‘Hah!’ This old lady was all right.

Sam: Great, the Fresh Prince of China…

“You got it, Granny, Cyborg can handle any of your installation and set up requirements,” he boasted, flexing one of his titanium arms.

Trent: INNUENDO!

Robin shook his head in disbelief beside him.
And Cologne moved on to the next person in the line.

All 4: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER! FILLER NIGHT!
THREE PAGES OF PLOT IS JUST TOO MUCH TONIGHT!

--

All 4: Cause this is line break! Line break night! Yeow!

Starfire bowed deeply to the woman before her.
“It is a great honor to be greeted by you, Honored Elder,” she spoke respectfully.
The old woman looked at her in surprise. Apparently she was not expecting such good manners from someone that traveled with Ryouga. Or maybe it was because she still had Ryouga’s umbrella delicately draped across her shoulder.

Sam: Oh right, that bad joke.

“My name is Koriand'r, though my friends simply refer to me as Starfire,” she continued politely.

Lauren: …huh?
Mike: Just smile and nod.

Beast Boy’s and Ryouga’s eyes bugged out at that. Beast Boy probably because he was surprised she was being so forthcoming and Ryouga because it was the first time he had heard it.
A smile formed on the old lady’s features.
“I do not mean to be rude to such a delightfully respectful young woman such as yourself, but are you aware that you are not human?” inquired Cologne.

All 4: EVERYONE’S A LITTLE BIT RACIST! TODAAAAY!

Starfire giggled cutely. “Of course. I am a Tamaranian and come from the planet Tamaran. I have come to this planet to learn more of your charming customs and peoples,” she answered matter of factly.
Ryouga looked positively pole-axed.

All 4: BONER!

“What?” he all but yelled.
Everyone looked at him incredulously.
“Um, dude, wasn’t it kind of obvious with the flying around and lasers shooting from her eyes and the orange skin and everything?” asked Beast Boy.

Trent: *Beavis voice* Heh, that chick has like, orange boobs.

“You mean, she’s an a-a-alien?” stuttered the lost boy.

All 4: FOR NO BAD WRITER CAN RESIST…THE EVIL OF THE FILLER!

Starfire giggled again. “You mean to say, friend Ryouga, that you believe in demons and curses, but that you find it hard to accept that there is life outside your solar system?” She punctuated her point by floating over the lost boy, her hands clasped behind her back.

Sam: He is an idiot.

The lost boy shrugged. “Well, I’ve dealt with demons and curses before, aliens are a bit out of my experience.”
Cologne laughed in fond amusement.
The irony was too much for the transient Tamaranian. That something as common place as dealing with alien races seemed like fantasy to Ryouga . . . It was too funny. Still giggling in amusement, Starfire then floated down to land before Cologne once more.

Lauren: Racism is so funny.

The lost boy shook off his shock quickly to let out his own bark of amused laughter. “Heh, anyway, I thought you’d really be interested in meeting Starfire, Cologne. She seems to have a lot in common with Shampoo, not to mention a killer grip.” He absently rubbed his arm.
The elder looked at him pointedly.
”And what do you mean by that, boy?” she asked.

Mike: He means she tore off his junk.

Starfire considered that for a moment. Why would Ryouga compare her to a hair care product? She chalked it up to linguistic coincidence. That seemed to happen quite often on this planet, it was so fascinating.

Sam: *Spock voice* Fascinating.
Lauren: Indeed.
Sam: Indubitably.

“I have done some research on the ancient cultures of this planet. If I recall, the Amazons were known as a warrior people. The people of Tamaran are also a warrior race, holding the art of battle in high regard,” she explained.
That seemed to catch the old woman’s interest. “Really, now? How interesting. Perhaps you and I shall have many fascinating conversations over your stay at our village?”
Starfire smiled brightly. She felt honored that the Matriarch of the village had taken such an interest in her.

All 4: LES-YAY!

Cologne moved to meet the next person in line.

Trent: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Lauren: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Sam: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Mike: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) Whoa!
All 4: Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time

--

All 4: Jump in de Line Break! Rock your body in time!

Beast Boy snickered quietly. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Ryouga didn’t believe in aliens. Man, that was funny. And the look on his face when Starfire told them, priceless.

Lauren: Wacky Spandex, $100.
Sam: T-Car, $500,000.
Mike: Hair gel, $50.
Trent: Look on your face when your new weird friend says he didn’t know of aliens? Priceless.

He wished he’d brought a camera . . . For a great number of reasons. His eyes were continually sliding back to the training area. Several dozen women were lined up, going through really fancy kung fu dances. His eyes glazed over slightly as he watched them moving around.

Trent: BONERIFIC!

So . . . much . . . bouncing.

Lauren: STOP THAT!

Apparently the designer of the brassiere had never graced this out of the way village. Not that he was complaining.

Mike: Oh god.

Oop, the old lady was looking at him now.

Sam: Moreso his raging stiffy.

“Hey there, Granny, you can call me Beast Boy,” he started energetically.
She raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“Your name is ‘Beast Boy’?” she inquired.

Trent: And I bet he’s hungry like the wolf.

“Heh, well, no, it’s my crime fighting name. I just think it sounds cooler than my real name, so I use it more often,” he explained quickly.
No need for everyone to figure out what his name was, the teasing would never end.
“And why do they call you ‘Beast Boy’, child?”

Sam: Because he drools like an animal?

“Oh, that’s easy,” he answered happily. He flexed a skinny arm, mimicking Cyborg. “Cuz I can do this!!”
With that he morphed into a large emerald tiger, Siberian of course, for effect.

All 4: Of course.

Ryouga rolled his eyes, looked like he was used to it now. The rest of his friends didn’t react at all. The old woman didn’t react nearly as much as he had hoped she would, either, just a slight widening of her eyes. Apparently it just wasn’t as easy to surprise hundred-year-old women as he thought. Hmm, actually it was probably for the best, what if he had given her a heart attack?

Lauren: Uh…we would’ve continued to question the K+ rating?

The rest of the village, on the other hand . . .
Men were screaming and running. The closest warriors had all grabbed their weapons and leapt to surround him and his friends. They were all yelling in Chinese, threats he supposed.

Sam: IT’S A MONSTER! KILL IT! KILL IT!
Trent: It’s not a monster it’s Beast Boy!
Sam: Oh it’s Beast Boy…
Both: KILL IT! KILL IT!

Okay, that wasn’t exactly the reaction he had hoped for.
Cologne cackled out loud as she watched her fellow Amazons scurry around because of his transformation. She quickly started calming the warriors and shooing them back to practice.
Beast Boy morphed back to his elfin form, blushing and kicking the dirt with his toes. “Sorry bout that, guess I shoulda warned ya, eh Granny?”.

Mike: I hate this character.
Lauren: Ditto…though Sonic was worse.

If she was mad at all, she hid it well. “Oh don’t worry about it, sonny. You’re quite the interesting one, aren’t you? I assume they wouldn’t call you ‘Beast’ boy if you were only capable of changing into a tiger, would they?” she asked, a smile gracing her withered features. At least he thought it was a smile, who could tell really?
“Oh yeah, I can do tons of animals, and a lot bigger than that. . . um but I think I’ll just let you take my word for that, don’t want anyone getting their pointy sticks in a bunch.” he boasted to the elder Amazon.

Sam: I guess using the term “panties in a bunch” would’ve been too much.

She nodded in understanding. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time for you to demonstrate your considerable talents under more . . . controlled conditions.”
He smirked. “Yeah, don’t wanna get shown up by the second most handsome Titan down there.” He pulled down an eyelid and stuck his tongue at Cyborg. Cyborg just rolled his eyes in response.

Trent: Wow, how mature.

Cologne chuckled to herself before moving to face the final person in the line.

Trent: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Lauren: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Sam: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you!
Mike: (Jump in de line, rock your body in time) Whoa!
All 4: Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time!

--

All 4: DAY-O! DAAAAY-O!
Line Break come and me want go home.

Raven rolled her eyes at Beast Boy’s shenanigans, again. Really, what did he expect would happen when he turned into a massive tiger in the middle of a back water village like this?

Lauren: He thinks ahead? Since when?

Still, this Elder Cologne fascinated her. She was obviously a woman of great station in this village, and if what Ryouga said was true, she was also a formidable warrior in her own right. And yet she didn’t act the part at all. If anything, she seemed more like an energetic grandmother playing with the children.
She was curious as to the history between Cologne and Ryouga as well, there seemed to be a lot there. He also seemed to be very comfortable in her presence, even though she seemed to have a penchant for smashing him across the skull with her walking stick. She also wanted to know why she had called him the eternally lost boy.

Mike: Goodbye plot.

Ryouga walked over to her side and faced the elder.
“Cologne, this is my friend, Raven. She’s an incredibly powerful sorceress, unlike anyone I’ve ever met before,” he explained.
She smiled slightly internally. It seemed she was worthy of a decent introduction in the lost boy’s eyes. Though she felt strangely like she was being introduced to his parents to see if they approved.

Trent: *face palms* This is so bad.

Wait a moment! That was the same expression which Ryouga had worn when he first saw her –

Sam: DUN, DUN, DUUUN!

The staff shot out, the speed it traveled at causing it to turn into a dark brown blur as it cut through the air.
Raven scarcely even had the time to squeeze her eyes shut and look away-
The sound of wood cracking and splintering came from somewhere in front of her.

Trent: Raven get’s beaten…wow, that’s new…Not.

. . . With great reluctance, Raven cracked open one eye. Standing before her, his back facing her and his arms outstretched, was Ryouga. His back was nearly brushing her nose he was so close to her. Her view was completely obstructed by the bulky green uniform he was wearing.
“What are you doing?” Roared the warrior at the old woman before him. His voice was nearly tearing from the raw anger and worry that it conveyed.

Sam: What are YOU doing!?
Trent: Watching the market recap, drinking an import!
Lauren: That is correct! That is correct!

That was a good question, what was she doing? Raven couldn’t tell since Ryouga was blocking her view. She looked to the side and saw her friends; they were all in various fighting stances and looked prepared to attack at any moment.
She poked her head around Ryouga’s broad shoulder to inspect the scene herself. . . .What she saw did not instill her with great confidence.

Mike: Evil old lady?

Cologne was standing on the ground in front of Ryouga. Her staff was held out before her, at nearly a forty five degree angle, stabbing directly into Ryouga’s chest. Actually, ‘directly into’ didn’t actually seem to be the case. The end of the staff was now a ruin of splinters and large cracks ran up the length of the ancient wood. The blasted end of the staff was now resting gently upon the torn uniform covering his chest.

Sam: Uh…okay…

She idly noticed the staff was at just the right height that, if Ryouga hadn’t been standing where he was, its tip would have been lodged in her throat.

Lauren: There’s a pretty thought.

She felt a little faint at that. She collapsed slightly, falling into Ryouga’s back for support and holding on tight. He had just saved her life . . . again.

Trent: Again!

--

All 4: Show me your line break…your line break.

He glared at the old woman, trying to combust her with his gaze alone as he awaited her answer to his question.
“Ryouga, you fool boy! You’ve brought a demon into our village!” spat the old woman. Anger suffused her voice as well.

Trent: The Devil Went Down to China.

‘Oh . . . that.’
The anger drained from him and embarrassment quickly filled the void. “Heh heh, um yeah, I should have known that if I had sensed it than you would have too,” he muttered silently.

Lauren: Idiot.

Starfire let out a gasp and stepped up beside him. “You believe Raven to be a demon as well?” she asked, the shock in her voice was evident.
Cologne looked at the girl confidently. “There is no believe about it, girl. Your supposed friend there has demonic energy flowing through her veins, and that is not my guess, it is over one hundred years of experience and three thousand years of Chinese Amazon history speaking,” she explained with authority.

Trent: IT’S OVER 3100!
Mike: *face palms*

Starfire turned back to face him. “Raven also confided in me that when the two of you first met, that you believed her to be a demon as well and attacked her.”
Ryouga nodded hesitantly. It appeared that Raven’s friends hadn’t known of her demonic heritage. He was starting to wonder how many people he was going to have to defend her against.

Sam: Uh she’s really strong…well besides against your emotion attacks and a 100 year old woman…but besides that she’s totally powerful.

“So, you knew that she was a demon and yet still you brought her into our village? Ryouga, you are a bigger fool than I thought!” she accused him angrily.
Robin, Beast Boy and Cyborg were all moving closer, confusion painted across their faces.

Lauren: Some rubbing alcohol will get that off.

Starfire seemed to be wavering between concern and confusion herself. “But if Ryouga and Cologne both recognized Raven’s energy as demonic, separately and without collusion, and Cologne claims previous experience, how can they both be wrong?” Her question seemed purely rhetorical; the poor girl seemed to be speaking to herself.
Cologne decided to answer it regardless. “Your friend is a demon, girl, and must be destroyed!”

Mike: It’s a monster! Kill it! Kill it!

Starfire gasped in denial. Robin, Beast Boy and Cyborg didn’t look confused now, they were preparing to attack Cologne and – and . . . .

All 4: And then?

“No!” he yelled out, stopping everyone in their tracks. He glared at Cologne again. “She’s not a demon, she’s-“

Trent: Who is he?

“A half demon,” the voice that came from behind him was barely audible, yet it cut through his rant like a knife through the very air itself.
All eyes were on Raven now.

Sam: Demonist.

Ryouga brushed Cologne’s staff away from his chest contemptuously and moved aside so the dark teen could speak. He kept an eye on the elder for any other tricks, though.
Raven took a step forward hesitantly. She looked up at him; he offered her his best reassuring smile. It seemed to work as she then looked over to her friends. Nothing but support and love graced their faces. All of the confusion and doubt that was there only moments ago was gone like it never was.

Mike: Confused now.
Lauren: Join the club.

Raven seemed to take heart at this and began speaking directly to Cologne. “I am a half demon, Elder Cologne. My mother was raped by a demon and I was the result.

Sam: You know, for kids!

However my mother escaped from him and found a sanctuary where she raised me. I am nothing like my father and have always done everything in my power to oppose him. If you cannot accept me for something which I had no control over, then I will leave. But if you attack me again, know that I will defend myself,” she finished, a defiant look in her eye as she stared down the Matriarch of the Amazons.

Trent: Yeah…right.

--

All 4: Everything you line break is wrong!

Cologne stared up into the defiant eyes of the half demon before her. Yes, her energy was indeed half human; her demonic aura was just so powerful that it masked it almost completely. Her mother raped by a demon, such a tragic tale, she deserved the sympathy of the Amazon tribe, not its scorn.

Lauren: You know, for kids!

Still, it explained much . . .
“Very well, young Raven. I formally apologize for my unseemly actions. As an apology I exempt you and all of your friends from the laws of our village, you are now all my pupils and under my protection,” she formally offered.

Mike: Okaaaay.

The girl seemed to deflate before her,

Trent: The implants burst.

leaning on her lovely alien friend for support. Cologne chuckled to herself, apparently there had been a bit more bluster than bite in that last speech. Still, a masterful bluff was just as worthy of praise as a perfect hand, both achieved the same result.
Ryouga and the three male Titans were ecstatic. Loudly whooping and clapping hands exuberantly.

Sam: Woo! Les-Yay!

She silently raised her opinion of the lost boy a few notches in her head. He had willingly stepped in front of her staff to protect the demonic girl. If she had focused anymore chi into that strike, not even his Bakusai Tenketsu toughed hide would have stopped it.
As it was she needed a new staff. She sighed; she had really liked that staff.

Mike: Symbolism.

The lad named Beast Boy jumped up beside the lost boy. “Dude, that was awesome! You, like, just let her stab you with her stick! And it totally exploded when it hit you. You are a rock, man!” he yelled excitedly. The changeling then playfully bounced his fist off of Ryouga’s chest-

Lauren: Ryoga yells in pain.

Instantly causing Ryouga to collapse to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Lauren: …Or that could happen.

Cologne chuckled malevolently this time, it looked like her staff fared better than she had thought-
Her attention was suddenly drawn away by the sound of something flying through the air. She looked to the side, just in time to see a clumsy male carrying a bucket of water had tripped over the lost boy’s discarded umbrella, sending said bucket flying into the air.

Sam: And onto Ryoga.

She sighed forlornly as the bucket and its content flew in the only direction they possibly could when a Jusenkyo cursed individual was in the vicinity.
At the familiar splash of water, though, her eyes widened in shock.
‘Well now, that was certainly new.’

Trent: *George Castanza voice* I WAS IN A POOL! I WAS IN A POOL!

*The screen rises*

Mike: Okay so the official Fan Fiction.net definition for a K+ rating is this:
“Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.”

Sam: Yeah, this guy is breaking the rules.
Trent: Oh yeah.
Lauren: REPORTING!

VincentX: So I reported the fic.
Lauren: Nice!
Trent: Let justice reign!
Sam: We still need to finish doing this though right?
VincentX: Unless it gets taken down, yes.
Mike: Damn.
VincentX: MAGIC! *snaps fingers*
*Mike and Sam disappear and are replaced by Jerry and Jess*
Jess: Ah crap.
Jerry: Reporting fics is fun!
Lauren: Finally a second female voice!
Trent: We’re in trouble.
Jerry: Oh yeah.

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy
I don’t own Teen Titans or Ranma one half.

Jerry: Thank god.

Bah! You don’t want to listen to my drivel; you want to read my story.

Jess: Actually we don’t want to do either.

Hope you enjoy this latest installment.

All 4: We won’t.

---

All 4: LINE BREAKS FROM OUTER SPACE!

The Jusenkyo Guide enjoyed another sip of his favorite brand of tea.

All 4: Everyone’s a rittle bit lacist!

He was dedicated to savoring every drop of the tea in the cup. He let out a sigh; that had been the last tea bag from his last shipment. And he wasn’t expecting another such shipment for at least a month. There were many draw backs to living in a supposedly mythical training ground deep in the wilderness of China.

Lauren: Wow…so engaging.

He got absolutely no cell phone service out here either. And satellite phones were prohibitively expensive.

Jess: What the hell does this have to do with anything?

He let the taste of his rapidly receding tea sooth his mind. The day had been a nightmare, like none he’d seen before. Several young fools had actually gotten into a battle, in the heart of Jusenkyo no less. He hadn’t dared go near the fight as it raged. Whoever they were, the martial arts they used were strange and destructive, not the usual aesthetic sparring wandering warriors usually engaged in.
When the fighting had finally ended and he felt confident enough, he had gone out to survey the damage. It was deplorable really, whole stands of bamboo smashed to pieces, dozens of divots burned or torn from the ground.

Trent: So? You’re a guide, not the freaking gardener.

There hadn’t really been much he could do. So he had come back to his shed and placed an order for some grass seed and some replacement bamboo. Things had to look good for the tourists after all.

Jerry: Uh…if this place is so dangerous…WHY IS IT SHOWN TO TOURISTS? Why not just blow it all up?
Lauren: Logic does not exist within these walls!

A scratching at his door caught his attention.
Hmm, a visitor? Hopefully it wasn’t one of those dangerous martial artists. He drained his cup of tea, lamenting having to drink the last of his beloved tea so quickly, and then rose to answer his door.

Jess: Avon calling!

The scratching came again as he crossed the room. The sound came from low to the ground. Apparently there was an animal at his door. But then it was not so unusual for his visitors to be animals, not considering the power of Jusenkyo.
He slowly opened the door and looked down.
“Ah, honored visitor, you have fallen into the Spring of Drowned Wombat, it is a –“

Trent: Cut off line?

---

All 4: LINE BREAKS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!

“- tragic tale of a Wombat that drowned some five hundred years ago.” said the rather portly Chinese guide.

Jerry: Why did you need a line break for that!?

Ryouga looked up at the guide from his position close to the ground. A wombat eh? He wasn’t even sure what that was. It didn’t sound to be nearly as tasty as a piglet; however it was by no means an improvement.

Lauren: Wait what?

The lost wombat’s temper was very close to its limit. He had been trying for nearly an hour to find his way back to Raven and her friends. It was only some kind of luck that he found this hut instead. It didn’t do anything to improve his mood though, the luck of finding the guides hut was far out-shadowed by his new curse. This new form was even worse than his other curse. Though not nearly as small, it was slow and the sun hurt his now overly sensitive eyes. If he had to guess, he would say this new curse was nocturnal. Nocturnal damnit!

Jess: What the hell is going on?
Trent: Time warp.

Jusenkyo had seen fit to increase the hell that he had experienced over the past several years.
He grunted to the guide as well as he could, he was fairly certain whatever animal this was, it wasn’t common in China, so the guide would know he was a curse victim.

Lauren: Yeah, because one of every animal from all over the world migrated to China just to drown themselves. I wonder if there’s a Spring of Drowned Koala; or maybe a Spring of Drowned Poodle!?

The guide appeared to understand his plight, stepping aside and motioning for wombat Ryouga to enter his small hut. “Please enter honored visitor, I shall heat some water for you.” With that the older man turned and entered the tiny kitchenette and began to prepare the water.
Ryouga growled slightly to himself as he waddled to the center of the room. Waddling, he reflected, was not a good way to travel; he was starting to feel motion sickness settling in from the new and unusual sensation. He stretched out on the floor and closed his beady eyes, hoping that stillness would ease his aching stomach and head.

Jerry: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER!
Jess: FILLER LIFE!
Both: WE HAVE TO SHOW FLASHBACKS FILLED WITH STRIFE!

Several minutes later he heard a kettle begin to whistle. He then opened his eyes to see the large Jusenkyo Guide coming towards him, a kettle hanging from one hand and his other hand covered in a pile of drab green fabric. The man then placed the fabric before him, ah it was one of the guides uniforms, and proceeded to pour the kettle of, thankfully not boiling, water over his furry body.

Trent: *Ryoga voice* I’M A FURRY!
Lauren: Oh god.

“Oh, it is you Honored visitor!” gasped the Chinese guide.
As soon as the lost boy once again had hands, he dressed himself in the over sized outfit. The guide may have been close to him in height, but their waist sizes were quite another story.
“Yes, it’s me again. Now I don’t suppose you could help me find the people I was traveling with before I ended up in that pool could you?” he growled in Chinese.

Jess: Everyone’s a little bit racist!

“Of course, it is no trouble. However I wonder if you would like to be cured first. You ran off so fast after you were nearly cooked last time that you never asked.” asked the guide.

Lauren: Wait what?

Ryouga glared hotly at the guide. Leave it to the fat man to remind Ryouga of one of the many terrifying attempts to render him suitable for human consumption. “I can’t imagine why!” he shouted at middle aged man before him.
The guide backed away from the hot headed martial artist. “Many apologies Honored visitor. I have several samples of Jusenkyo water stored away for just such occasions. Though usually people do not think to ask.” he stated.

Jerry: You’re kidding me.

Not that the guide appeared to offer the information up either, the lost boy grumbled to himself. “Fine, give me some boy water and let me get out of here.” his voice was trembling with frustration. Getting cursed again had ruined his mood, not even the prospect of a cure lifted his spirits.

Jess: Boy water? Yeah this won’t go well.

Probably because of all of the failed cures he and Ranma had both been subjected to before. One tended to get jaded over time, and Ryouga had never considered himself to be a particularly optimistic person to begin with.
The guide nodded and rushed over to a small chest stashed in the corner of the room. There was a large lock on the front and the entire box was covered in a thick layer of dust. Yes, the guide looked like he really helped a lot of Jusenkyo's victims, the lost boy mused, his thoughts dripping with sarcasm.

Lauren: Please don’t get that on the floor; cleaning it is a pain.

The guide pulled a key from an olive green pocket and unlocked the chest. After opening the chest, he reverently reached into the box and lifted out a wooden rack, sitting secure in the rack were several glass vials, corked and with tiny labels attached to the sides.
“YES!” the cursed boy yelled in joy. Seeing the cure actually before him and in his reach instantly changed his mood.

Trent: *Ryoga* Ha ha! I was skeptical until I saw vials of stuff I don’t know anything about!

Surprised by his sudden outburst, the Guide swung to face him, the vials swinging in a fast arc through the air.

Jerry: Yeah he’s screwed.

Ryouga nearly screamed; he just knew the vials were going to go flying through the air, smashing everywhere and cursing him further.

Jess: Uh, you could dodge.

Then sighed as the rack and its vials stopped neatly before the guide.
The guide didn’t look nearly as relieved as he did however. It only took Ryouga a moment to notice why.
The fluttering movement drew his eye to the ground, just as the last of the dried out and dusty labels floated to the ground.

Lauren: Oh god; you’re kidding me.
Jerry: The sad part is…this happens in the show almost all the damn time.

“NOOOOO!”

Trent: *Luke voice* THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!
Jerry: *Vader voice* And Princess Leia is your sister!
Trent: *Luke voice* No! That’s improbable!
Jerry: *Vader voice* And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!
Trent: *Luke voice* No that’s…highly unlikely.
Jerry: *Vader voice* Oh and the Force; well that’s just a bunch of microscopic organisms in your blood called mediclorians.
Trent: *Luke voice* You know if you’re not gonna take this seriously I’m gonna go.
Jerry: *Vader voice* And Ryoga will get cursed to turn into a blueberry!
Trent: *Luke voice* Yeah I don’t care anymore.
Jerry: *Vader voice* And Raven will become even more emo!
Trent: *Luke voice* Yeah…don’t care.
Jerry: *Vader voice* Beast Boy will urinate on Ryoga’s leg and he’ll change!
Trent: *Luke voice* What?
Jerry: *Vader voice* Robin will pleasure himself with a batarang!
Trent: *Luke voice* What is wrong with you?
Jerry: *Vader voice* I smoked a shit load of crack!
Trent: *Luke voice* …Yeah, I’m definitely going now.
Jess: Hahahaha!
Lauren: Nice!
All 4: ROBOT CHICKEN AND IMPROVISING OFF IT RULES!

---

All 4: Line breaks are people!

The guide sighed and walked over to the wooden rack. Said rack was now half empty, only six vials remained. Beside the rack were the six remaining labels, hopelessly mixed up.

Trent: Again, why did we need a line break for that?
Jess: And is this scene going anywhere?

The guide briefly considered putting food coloring into all of the pools, maybe a color coding system would be more effective. At the very least a tourist would be less likely to jump into a spring if it was a bright orange.

Lauren: LOGIC HAS NO PLACE WITHIN THESE WALLS!

They were outside his hut now. He’d be fixing the damage from the Spring of Drowned Elephant for weeks he was certain. Why had he even had that in his emergency supply to begin with? It wasn’t like he had many elephants coming to Jusenkyo.

Jerry: …What?

Spring of Drowned Otter, Spring of Drowned Field Mouse, Spring of Drowned Howler Monkey. The visitor had been very vocal about that particular curse. There had also been the Spring of Drowned Sturgeon, the boy had been pretty unhappy after the guide had changed him back. Being a fish out of water was not nearly as fun as it sounded.

Jess: It doesn’t sound fun at all.
Jerry: Woa, woa, WOA. Spring of Drowned STURGEON!? HOW DOES A FISH DROWN!?

He grabbed another vial at random. There were still six possibilities. Of course of the six only two were at all desirable. The controversial Spring of Drowned Girl water and the much preferred Spring of Drowned Boy water.
The guide made a silent prayer and went back over to the naked boy kneeling in the grass. The boy was beet red and practically vibrating with barely repressed rage.

Trent: Uh…
Jerry: Wow.
Lauren: MAN RAPE!

The guide could sympathize; going through curse after curse like this must have been both embarrassing and disturbing.
He didn’t dare tell the seething young man of the potential danger of the curses combining, it was very rare with most springs, but it was still a worry.
The youth’s eyes were tightly closed and his breathing was erratic and harsh.

Trent: BAD TOUCH!
Jerry: CALL 911!
Jess: LEAVE RYOGA ALONE!

With one last prayer, he closed his eyes and poured the vial over the lost boy’s head.

Lauren: Oh IG-88, who art in Cloud City; please make this filler end.

---

All 4: I hear line breaks in my head, they come to me they understand…they talk to me!

Ryouga felt the tingle pass over him that signaled the curse of Jusenkyo activating. Something was different this time though.
His hands squeezed his legs tightly. . . .

Jerry: OH GOD!

His hands!

Trent: OH GOD!

“Honored visitor, you are very lucky indeed, we have found the water from the Spring of Drowned Boy!” cheered the Guide before him.

Lauren: He’s like eight now isn’t he?

The wandering martial artist leapt to his feet in joy. Finally he was cured! No more pig, or wombat, or – or whatever the heck else he changed into.
He gave a manly shout of triumph!
-
-
-

Jess: I think Lauren’s right.

Oh, no, dread filled his mind.
Slowly he looked down.
“NOOOO!” he cried out, his voice several octaves higher than it was moments ago.

Jerry: *Young Ryoga voice* MAH DICK SHRUNK!
Trent: I WAS IN A POOL! I WAS IN A POOL!

---

Jess and Lauren: SAY THE LINE BREAK!

“And after that I changed back, got dressed and eventually found you.” uttered the lost boy, his voice slightly squeaky.
“HOHOHOHO!” Cologne’s aged cackle grated on Ryouga’s nerves. “Who would have imagined! The Spring of Drowned Boy was actually the Spring of Drowned Young Boy!” her laughter came again in great gales, if she had been on her staff, she likely would have fallen off.

Jess: He needed ALL THAT FUCKING FILLER JUST TO EXPLAIN THAT!? That could’ve been explained in just a couple sentences. You coulda just said “Oh shit, I turn into a kid now!” how fucking hard is that!?
Lauren: I hate this author.

Ryouga glared at the ancient warrior as harshly as he could. He stood before the Matriarch and the five titans, barely clad in the Guide’s loaned uniform. Where once it had nearly fit, with substantial help from a belt, now it felt like he was cloaked in a circus tent.
The pants had fallen off completely, which wasn’t as embarrassing as it would usually be since the heavy coat he was wearing easily reached the ground. As it was the coat hung off his left shoulder, making him look like a child that had wandered into his father’s closet. And what was worse, his bandanna hung around his neck, a vivid reminder of P-Chan.

Jerry: We don’t need to know this!
Trent: We also don’t want to know this!

His angry stare did not get the effect he had desired.
“You are so adorable!” shouted the fiery haired Tamaranian. She flew over and enveloped him in another hug. Luckily she appeared to be feeling merciful since she did not use even close to her full strength.

Lauren: This is so stupid.
Jess: This is easily the dumbest thing I have ever read.

He wasn’t sure how he would have handled it now.
Ryouga blushed hotly, struggling to pull the coat up onto his shoulder again so it would cover him fully. However Starfire’s hugging made it all but impossible. He noticed Cyborg and Beast Boy silently snickering at his predicament.
Oh yes, he would have vengeance. Those two would rue the day they laughed at Hibiki Ryouga!

Jerry: Rue the day? Who talks like that?

He sought out Raven and sent her an imploring look. Hopefully she would be able to extricate him.

Jess: Nope, she’s laughing like an idiot too.

Unfortunately she was talking to Robin. “He looks to be about eight years old now, give or take a year.” she estimated.

Jess: Or…just being stupid…

The masked vigilante nodded. “Still, it’s better than turning into a wombat.” Robin supplied.

Lauren: Oh god.

Ryouga fumed, but had to grudgingly agree. At least he was still human and male. Though it seemed he had just turned in one set of predators for another.

Trent: *blinks* Did…
Lauren: Wow.
Jerry: Uh…
Jess: NAMBLA references…
All 4: YOU KNOW, FOR KIDS!

Starfire had lifted him off the ground and started swinging him like a rag doll, cooing and giggling over how cute he was.
“Help!” he squeaked out. This time he managed to get the violet haired girls attention.

Lauren: Just kill him.

He also saw Robin start to quietly snicker at his situation.
Oh well, one more person to seek revenge on wasn’t that much.
“Starfire, I think Ryouga would like to change back to his normal form and get dressed, don’t you?” Raven asked her cuteness intoxicated friend.

Jess: I hear they have a pill for that.

Truly Raven was an angel; he would have to remember to do something especially nice for her in thanks for saving him from that fate worse than death.

Jerry: A half-devil angel.

“Now run along and get changed Jr.” she told him, patting him on the head and finally succumbing to a small fit of giggles herself.

Trent: Then again…

Damn women!

All 4: You know, for kids!

Obviously more vengeance was required.

All 4: Obviously.

---

All 4: Line breaks are for kids!

Robin shook his head ruefully as the rejuvenated lost boy scrambled into Cologne’s home, dragging his back pack behind him and trying desperately to keep the far too large coat from falling off completely.

Lauren: STOP DOING LINE BREAKS WHEN NOTHING HAPPENS YOU IDIOT!

As soon as the house door slammed Beast Boy and Cyborg burst into laughter. Raven and Starfire were still giggling amongst themselves.
At least Cologne seemed to have recovered her senses.

Jess: Yeah, now she had a camera out.

“Knock if off you two, I think Ryouga’s feeling bad enough already without you two laughing at him like that.” he barked at the offending male titans.

Trent: …He? Wait it was just from Cologne’s perspective.
Jerry: COLOGNE IS A MAN!

Starfire immediately stopped giggling and joined the tongue lashing. “You two should feel ashamed, laughing at our unfortunate friend so!” she scolded them.

Lauren: Bitch.

Raven looked askance at her orange skinned friend. “Um Starfire, I don’t exactly think your little display back their helped his self esteem any.” she muttered wryly.

Jess: Neither did yours you immature cunt.
Jerry: WOA!
Jess: What? It’s not like this MST is rated K+.
Jerry: This is true.

The Tamaranian blushed brightly and began twiddling her fingers cutely. “B-but, he was simply so cute! I could not help myself!”
Beast Boy waved his hand dismissively. “It’s no big deal dudes! Ryo’s cool, he knows we’re just having some fun. We’re all friends now, it’s not like he’s gonna hold a grudge because we laughed at him a bit.”

Jerry: Oh yes he will.

A loud sharp bark of laughter drew all of their attention to the ancient crone.
She looked at Beast Boy in disbelief. “You are aware that Ryouga once declared a blood feud over some lost bread and literally hounded his unfortunate victim from Japan to China and back again in his quest for vengeance?” she asked pointedly.

Trent: So he’s stupid AND persistent?

Cyborg jumped forward. “What? A blood feud over bread? You’re yankin our chains Granny!” he yelled.

Jerry: After the NAMBLA reference I don’t want to hear anything about you yanking your chain.

The elder shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? He’s a very sensitive boy, especially when it comes to his curse. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve all earned the lost boy’s ire.” She stated matter-of-factly.
Robin looked to each of his friends. Beast Boy was tugging his collar nervously. Cyborg didn’t seem to be taking Cologne’s warning seriously. Starfire looked like she was feeling bad about treating the lost boy like she had now. Raven remained unreadable.

Lauren: Like a book with no pages!

He didn’t really think the old woman was being serious himself. Besides, he still wanted to get that spar in with the other martial artist. He’d ask Ryouga after he got back from changing. That’d probably help the boy get his mind off of his curse.
He turned as he heard the house door open. Ryouga strode out, a teen once more and dressed in his usual clothing. An unusual smile was on the lost boy’s face. He stopped for a moment and stared at all of the people lined up outside the house.

Trent: *Ryoga voice* I’m gonna kill you…except for the women.
Jerry: *Hedley Lamar* You spare the women?
Trent: *Ryoga* Nope, we rape the shit out of ‘em!
*Double punch*
Trent: Ow.

Robin had the distinct feeling of being stalked by a predator.

Jess: NAMBLA!

“I think I’m going to do a bit of training, does anyone want to join me?” the question seemed simple enough.

Lauren: This can’t end well.

The reaction was immediate though.
“NO!”
“Um, no thanks”
”Nothankyougottago---“
His friends started vanishing like rats from a sinking ship.

Jerry: Wait what? HOW DOES THAT ANALOGY MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!? Now if you would’ve said they vanished like the upper class from the Titanic, then it would’ve made sense.
Jess: Wow; that was the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard, plain and simple.

Robin wasn’t a coward like them, and he certainly wasn’t afraid of Ryouga. Besides, he had just been planning to offer to train with the lost boy.

Lauren: Then who was the third one?

He matched stares with Ryouga for a moment longer.
On second though, he had arrangements to make back in Jump City, training could wait till later . . .
Way later.

Jerry: Way past cool?
*SLAP*
Lauren: YOU WILL NEVER QUOTE THAT CHARACTER EVER AGAIN!
Jerry: Sorry.

---

All 4: Line Breaks and Gentlemen!

Raven watched idly as her friends all left their separate ways. Ryouga left for the training area while the rest of her friends had scattered into the village. Of course that left her standing with the one remaining person there.

Jess: The old lady?

She stared at Cologne a little uncertainly.
“HOHOHO! Don’t fret girl, you’re in no danger from any in this village; you are under my personal protection now.” cackled to ancient woman.

Lauren: Kill them all.

Raven raised an eye brow at that.

Jerry: So Raven’s a Vulcan?

“Oh don’t be such a baby; I was simply startled by your demonic aura. You can’t blame a woman for being slightly cautious now can you?” Cologne asked, smirking widely.
“Excuse me for being a little shaken after someone tried to play pin cushion with my trachea Elder.” she replied, a bit more caustically than she intended.

Trent: That’s…specific.

Cologne looked back at her, the aged martial artists stare incredulous. “Are you serious girl? You were easily capable of defending yourself from my attack. Considering the amount of power I sense in you, the entire council of Elders would be hard pressed to defeat you.” she explained.
Was she being serious? Raven knew she was one of the more powerful of the Titans, but she highly doubted she would be able to battle a dozen ancient martial arts masters to a stand still. Even Robin often gave her trouble on the few occasions they were forced to fight each other.

Jess: We don’t care.

The Amazon Matriarch seemed to sense her doubt. “You don’t believe me do you? Let me ask you this, your friend said that Ryouga attacked you when the two of you first met, why do you think he did that?” she inquired.
“Obviously for the same reason you did, he believed I was a demon.” Raven replied, somewhat shortly.
“Yet you are unbruised, the lost boy has tremendous strength, I doubt you would have escaped unscathed if he had actually laid a hand on you. Judging by the way you flinched away from my attack, you are unused to the speed of higher tier martial artists, and while Ryouga is slower than my future son-in-law, he still possesses formidable speed.” Cologne extrapolated her take on the scenario.

All 4: NO ONE EXPECTS THE EXPOSITION!

Raven recalled the situation herself. “He didn’t attack me physically; he was preparing to use his energy attack, though I can’t remember what he called it.”
Cologne nodded, letting out a grunt of confirmation. “There you have it. The lost boy was planning on using the Shi Shi Houkodan, or the Lion Roar Shot. It is a desperation move, fed by his negative chi.” the old woman informed her.
She recognized the name now. But couldn’t see where the other woman was going with the conversation.

Lauren: That makes two of us.

“The boy did not attack you simply because you were a demon. Ryouga tends to fight in a somewhat berserk manner at times, however he never attacks those that cannot defend themselves. I believe that the reason he attacked so quickly was the same reason I did.” Cologne stated ominously.
Raven felt her curiosity grow. “If not for my heritage, than why would either of you have attacked me so viciously?” she asked.
“Fear child. When I sensed your aura, I was awed by its power. I knew instantly that you possessed the power to destroy myself and many others in the village if you so desired. I believe Ryouga sensed the same thing, why else would he attack with his ultimate technique unless he believed he was about to die?” Cologne’s voice was heavy as she conveyed her message.

Trent: Has anyone else noticed how boring this is?

“What? That makes no sense. He attacked a twelve foot golem without flinching. He marched down into the heart of Jusenkyo to battle three super villains that usually give all of the Titans combined a hard time. He did that without even giving us a chance to argue. How could he be afraid of me?” she asked fervently.
“Heh, a golem is nothing to one with Ryouga’s talents. As to the rest, Jusenkyo is a peril he already knows well, and your enemies, though likely powerful, are only mortal. Like many of his foolhardy friends, Ryouga fears no man. You, however, are much more than a mere mortal, your power is beyond the lost boys experience completely. Myself, I have only sensed one other being whose power over shadows you, the God-King of Phoenix Mountain. May none of us live in a time when he again rises from the ashes.” muttered the old Amazon.

Trent: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

“Now you’re not making any sense! I am just not that powerful!” Raven tried to explain to Cologne.
“You truly believe that your power is so limited?” she asked in disbelief.

Jess: Oh god…STOP TALKING AND MOVE THE FUCKING PLOT FORWARD!

“My powers are not limited, that is the whole problem, if I don’t control my powers completely bad things happen. The only limits on my powers are the ones that I place there myself.” the gothic titan clarified emphatically.
The bucket that had doused Ryouga exploded into splinters showering the ground where it had lay.

Lauren: Wha…WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?

Damn! She was slipping again; it was far past time that she started meditating. She wished she had brought her mirror with her now.

Jerry: I am so lost.

The aged Matriarch nodded in consideration. “I see; control is the key to your power. Tell me, what do you usually do to focus your mind?”
“Usually I meditate in the manner I was taught in Azerath.” She answered absently.
If the old woman knew of Azerath or not, she gave no sign. “Indeed, well I happen to be something of an expert in controlling my internal energies. I know many forms of mediation and I believe you might find some of them very helpful.” She offered.

Trent: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

“I doubt your forms would be useful to someone of my unique nature.” muttered the violet eyed youth.
“Bah, demonic chi is still chi, the principles are still inherently the same; these techniques would even work for your lovely alien companion if she was so inclined to meditations. Come, follow me.” With that the old woman turned and shuffled into her home.

Lauren: I have a cage to put you in!

Raven shrugged. Why not? It could never hurt to learn a few new tricks.

Jess: Famous last words.

---

Jerry: *Komodo voice* The Line Break cannot be destroyed! You can be destroyed! Your armies can be destroyed! But the Line Break cannot be destroyed!

Beast Boy was having the time of his life. Everywhere he turned there was another group of incredibly beautiful women, just waiting there to cloud his vision. Yes, this was going to be a good vacation.

Lauren: *face palms*

Hey now! He just got a ping off his radar. He turned to see a girl smiling at him. She looked like she was probably close to his age too.

Trent: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

She was definitely cute to boot. And her long hair was almost the same shade as his skin. Cool!

Trent: DIE IN A FIRE!

Time to show Cyborg which of the Titans was the real ladies man.

Jess: Oh god; please don’t.

He walked over to the fetching young lass. “Hey there pretty lady, I don’t suppose you wanna hang out with a genuine super hero do you?” he asked suavely. Well suavely for him at any rate.

Lauren: *bangs her head against the table*

She looked back slightly confused.
“Um, ya know? Walk around, show me the sights, maybe go for dinner later on?” he asked again.
She replied this time. Replied in Chinese, he had absolutely no idea what she was saying.

Jerry: SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH YOU FUCKING TOOL!
Trent: EVERYONE’S A LITTLE BIT RACIST!

Oh yeah! The whole Chinese speaking thing!

Jess: Okay you need to die now.

How was he going to pick up any of these achingly beautiful babes if he couldn’t speak the language!

Lauren: The same way you asked a question without a question mark.

Beast Boy almost felt like crying.

Jess: Let him cry!
Jerry: Till the tears fall down like rain!

---

Trent: All we hear is Line Break Ga Ga and Line Break Goo Goo.

Robin stared at his communicator with growing apprehension.
“Yo dawg! Wazzup!” Cyborg’s loud voice came from behind him.

Jerry: Wow that’s so wrong.
Lauren: Everyone’s a little bit racist…though some more than others.

He turned to face his friend. “We’re going to be here for several weeks at least while you fix the T-Ship. So I’m trying to arrange for someone to watch over the city while we’re away.” he told his cybernetic friend.
The larger boy nodded. “That makes sense. So how’s it going man, any takers?”

Jess: Nope, they all gave him the finger and told him to go screw himself with a batarang.

Robin shook his head sadly. “I’ve tried almost everyone that I’ve ever given out communicators to. Hotspot, Aqualad, I even tried Wildebeest.” he complained slightly.
“You said almost everyone, who’s left to go man?” asked his fellow titan.
“The only one I don’t want to ask” Robin muttered darkly under his breath.

Trent: Batman?

Cyborg stared at him with his human eye. “Whatever man, I’m getting ready to head out with the Girl Scout troop that Granny picked to grab the T-Ship. I wanna make sure they don’t forget anything out there that I might need.” he stated. The tall titan then turned and walked off to join a growing gathering of women.

Lauren: Who then ran from the Techno-Freak who spouted out stereotypical black phrases.

Well, at least that was one less thing he had to worry about. There was no way Cyborg would leave even the smallest circuit of his precious ship behind.
Really, and people called Robin anal.

Jerry: Again, a term we don’t want to hear.

Oh well, time to bite the bullet.
He lifted up his communicator yet again. The masked titan then took a deep breath and gathered all the false enthusiasm he could.
Click!

Lauren: Click, click, bloody click pancakes!

“Hey Speedy? I was wondering if you could do us a favor.”

Jess: Wait what?
Jerry: I’m confused.

---

Jess: Get back Line Break you don’t know me like that!

Starfire loved this village. It was so beautiful and everyone seemed to be so full of life here. All the people were so dedicated to the simple pursuit of living here, be it training, or simply doing the day to day chores.
Even the language they spoke was beautiful, so soft and flowing. She wished she could speak it herself. Then she could engage in discussions with the people she idly floated by. There was so much she wanted to learn about this place.

Trent: Learning about other cultures is good.

“Must you float everywhere you go girl? You’re worrying some of the men, they are somewhat skittish you know.” a voice rang out. It was soft and almost lyrical. Starfire turned to face the speaker.
The speaker was a tall woman, about Starfire’s own height. She was gorgeous, with flowing aqua hair and soft pale skin. She wore robes of a similar style to Cologne, though much tighter fitting and infinitely more flattering. She also held an ornately carved staff with her.

Lauren: Who?
Jerry: No idea.

“My apologies, I do not mean to frighten anyone. It is just that visiting your wonderful village has filled me with such boundless joy that I can scarcely stay on the ground.” she apologized. “May I also say that your mastery of the English language is most impeccable.” she complimented the lovely woman.

Jerry: Since when does Starfire know words like impeccable?

The woman delicately covered her mouth with a hand as she laughed quietly. “Well it would hardly be seemly if Cologne were the only Elder to speak multiple languages. My but you are a polite one aren’t you. You may call me Perfume, I know how you outsiders can be with pronunciation.” said the stately woman.

Jess: Everyone’s a little bit racist!

Starfire bowed properly. “Greetings Elder Perfume, it is an honor to speak to you. Um, however . . . you seem . . . very young to be an elder such as Cologne.” she replied.

Trent: Yeah, you’re not a shriveled up little prune.

Perfume laughed kindly once more. “You are too kind dear girl. Truly I am the most recently appointed of all the council members. I am not nearly as experienced in the ways of the world as many of the elders, Cologne included.” She explained.

Jerry: …Want to experiment?
*Double Slap*

Starfire was quite taken by this woman. She was beautiful and kind and wise.

Jess: Oh.
Jerry: LES-YAY!
Jess: Agreed.

And it was nice to be able to speak to someone outside of Ryouga and Cologne in the village. “Elder Perfume, I have many questions concerning your lovely village however I do not speak the regional dialect and cannot converse with many of your citizens. Perhaps you could answer my questions?” she asked politely.
“Of course me dear, your name was Starfire correct?” the Elder asked. Starfire nodded in affirmation. “It is so rare to meet someone so genuinely interested in our ways and our people. I would be only too glad to answer your questions. Perhaps you could answer several of mine as well? You and your friends are the most interesting visitors we have had in such a long time.”

Lauren: Boring…but at least it’s racially sensitive.

“Oh yes! That would be a most glorious arrangement! Let us begin communicating in earnest now.” Starfire blurted excitedly.
Perfume nodded and led Starfire to her ancestral home.

Trent: …
Jerry: …
Both: Les-Yay!

Starfire was only too excited to follow.

Both: SUPER LES-YAY!

---

Trent: I’m lookin’ for a line break!

Cologne was quite impressed with the darkly clad girl kneeling beside her. The youth took to her lessons like a falcon to the skies. Indeed, she seemed to have an affinity for mental exercises and puzzles as well, really quite clever.
The Elder had been running young Raven through several different forms of meditation, each form designed to help her in slightly different ways. Raven had even volunteered to demonstrate her original form of meditation.

Jess: Is this going anywhere?

Really, repeating three short words over and over till they lose all meaning? She supposed it was a good way to clear the mind.
But where was the constructive element? It didn’t accomplish anything, just kept the girl docile and emotionless.

Lauren: We don’t care!
Trent: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

Cologne understood why this was what Raven desired. Having her powers so tightly linked to her emotions. But it was far past time for the girl to be ruminating on such basic and nearly pointless exercises.
She had also been slowly explaining the concept of chi and how it flowed through the body. Building a subtle frame work from which Raven could work with so that she could begin to truly understand what it meant to manipulate and control her own unbridled energies.

Jerry: So how about that local sports team?

The results so far were minor at best, but promising. Not that the elder expected even that much after only a single sitting of a scant few hours. Already the girl’s fine control of her powers was being slightly refined. Cologne doubted she would get any major increases in the volume of energy she could wield for at least several months of intensive training.

Jess: Ugh…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

But everyone knew that it wasn’t the size of your power, it was how you used it.

All 4: TOO SUBTLE!

The Hiryua Shoten Ha technique was the ultimate expression of that statement.
Cologne saw great potential in this girl. It was unfortunate the council would never consider allowing her to join the tribe. Cologne trembled at the thought of what power her bloodline would add to their slowly stagnating tribe.
Ah, but such was the stuff of dreams. Still, just because the tribe couldn’t benefit from Ravens youthful vitality didn’t mean others shouldn’t be able to.

Lauren: You missed an apostrophe to make “Ravens” possessive.
Jess: *blinks*
Lauren: What? Like there’s anything else to do.

She smiled a sneaky smile as she glanced at the young woman kneeling beside her.

Trent: This is getting creepy.

“I think we’ve meditated enough for one day girl, my old knees can’t handle much more of this hard floor.” she told the violet haired beauty.

Jerry: …I’m not even touching that one.

Raven slowly opened her eyes and turned to face her. One of her eyebrows rose in question. “Your "old knees" is it? I imagine you could kneel her meditating until I collapsed from dehydration and not complain Elder.” she replied, rather cheekily at that.

Jess: *Cologne voice* Well I was a Chinese Hooker back in the day. Being on your knees for long periods of time was a requirement.

“Heh heh heh, I suppose that could very well be true. However there is a time to contemplate life, but there is also a time to live it. You run along, enjoy the village for the night, we’ll continue this tomorrow. I think you’ll find the night sky so far from the city is quite breath taking” Cologne told the young hero.
Raven nodded and rose, slowly; her knees creaked slightly from the long time kneeling on the floor.
Really, floating in the air as she meditated? She’d never toughen up her legs if she did that.

Lauren: Uh…80 year old Les-Yay?
Jerry: Kinda.

The young girl nodded again, a signal that she was departing this time and moved to the door. She opened it and was just leaving when –
“Oh, and could you be a dear and go find Ryouga, I just want to make sure the young fool hasn’t already wandered from the village while we were busy here.” She asked Raven.

Trent: I see where this is going.

Raven nodded a third time, this time signaling that she would do as Cologne had asked. She slowly turned to leave and started pulling the door closed behind her.
Cologne couldn’t resist a last parting shot.

Jess: Bitch.

“I’m sure he would appreciate the company of such a lovely young woman as well.”

Lauren: Wow; she’s an asshole.

Even in the darkness of the hallway, she could see Ravens face burn like a torch.

Trent: Kinky.

---

Lauren: e=Line Break2.

Raven took a deep breath of the clean night air. The old woman was right about one thing, it was truly wonderful this far from civilization. The air was crisp and clear, almost rich to her city worn sense of smell. It filled her lungs and revitalized her.
She felt at peace again. Though some of Cologne’s styles of meditation had seemed unusual, she had to admit they were effective. She felt balanced; calm she hadn’t even been offended at the old meddler’s parting comment about the lost boy.

Jess: Sure you weren’t.

Slightly embarrassed perhaps, but not annoyed really. She was considering talking to the wise elder about the way she had dealt with her emotions, having split them apart to weaken them. Heh mostly she just wanted to surprise the old crone again, Raven was sure that Cologne would never have heard of such a thing before.
Still, the aged Matriarch had a point. This night was far too nice to spend alone, especially since she had already achieved the desired results of her meditations and in record time as well.

Jerry: Okaaaay.

She slowly levitated from the ground and began to float around the village in search of the lost boy. The dark titan had a pretty good idea where he would be. She moved in the direction of the training ground.
Hmm that was odd. No, she must have been seeing things. Too much clean air getting to her was all.

Trent: Huh?

It had looked like Beast Boy was walking down a dimly lit street, arm in arm with a beautiful young girl with vibrant green hair that nearly matched his own.

Lauren: No way. That little idiot!?

Really, that scenario made no sense to Raven, after all, she knew Beast Boy. And how was he even talking to the girl, he knew about as much Chinese as she knew Esperanto.
Hmm, actually that could be the answer. If the girl had no idea what the immature changeling was actually saying, well, she might actually think he had something intelligent to say.

Jess: No, even people that don’t understand him think Beast Boy is an idiot.

She chuckled to herself slightly. Good for Beast Boy really, he deserved a little happiness, especially considering what happened between him and Terra not so long ago. Just no accounting for taste was all. She smiled wryly.
Enough of the green boy, time to move on to more interesting topics.

Trent: I agree.

Said topic was still pretty much where they had left him several hours ago. He had acquired a small audience as well. A number of girls, ranging from several years her junior to several decades her senior now sat in a wide, scattered semi-circle around the practicing martial artist.
She noticed that Starfire was one of the girls. She was sitting next to an older woman, though still quite beautiful. The two were apparently in a deep discussion. They were rapidly speaking back and forth, occasionally laughing or giggling about whatever they were discussing.

Jerry: Girl talk…great.

Raven floated over and sat silently beside her friend and started to watch the lost boy as he trained. She absently noticed that the two chatterboxes sitting beside her were speaking Chinese, but couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment.

Jerry: …PFFT HAHAHAHA! LES YAY! SUPER LES-YAY TO THE MAX!
Jess: Wait! How!?
Jerry: Do you know how Starfire learns someone’s language?
Jess: No.
Jerry: She kisses them passionately for about a minute.
Jess: …you win.

Ryouga was moving smoothly through an intricate set of movements. What had Robin called them when he had given her basic training, kata? His movements were precise and controlled. He appeared to be fighting a small group of opponents that only he could see. He would punch one attacker while blocking another. Then he would sweep the feet out from another while nimbly catching the attack of another and redirect their momentum against them.
His actions were so clear and his motives so intent that Raven could almost see the combatants in her minds eye. She wondered if this is what it had been like when he fought Jinx and her cohorts down in the heart of Jusenkyo.

Trent: Not exactly.

Still, something seemed slightly odd about the display. It went against everything that Cologne; and even Ryouga himself had explained about the boy’s fighting style. The elder claimed that Ryouga was often a berserker in battle, attacking fiercely and recklessly, letting his anger get the better of him.
This didn’t look like that at all. But once again, she couldn’t bring herself to really worry about the dichotomy of his training style.

Jerry: Again, she was focused on that other part of him that began with D-I-C.

His muscles glistened just so in the moonlight.

Lauren: Love sick!

She heard her friend’s familiar giggle beside her. Slowly, regretfully, she tore her eyes from the display before her and turned to face her friend. “We have been waiting for some time for him to remove his shirt, as males in the midst of the “showing off” are so wont to do. However, despite the heat, he has neglected to do so.” stated her Tamaranian team mate. She then burst into giggles.

Trent: Oh god.

The woman beside her continued. “He is just shy is all, though I can’t imagine why. Several of the more brazen girls offered to do the same if he did first. All that that accomplished was turning the boy as red as the sunset and nearly causing him to faint.” she spoke teasingly.

Jess: …
Lauren: …
Trent and Jerry: DAMMIT!

Raven nodded “If what Cologne has told me is true, then he’s lived a very solitary life. It’s not very surprising that he would be shy. Besides, I think it’s nice to finally meet a boy that actually understands what the concept of modesty is.” she replied.

Jess: Yeah; so says the girl in a leotard.

She looked around at several of the other girls sitting around in the circle.
Which of those hussies were trying to get Ryouga undressed?
She missed the knowing glance that passed between the Tamaranian and the Elder.

Lauren: Them.

Slowly the older woman stood, pretending to stretch as if she were tired. “Well it’s far past my bed time young ladies. Koriand’r, I don’t believe any arrangements for your sleeping quarters have been made yet. Would you honor me by being a guest in my household for your stay here?” she asked primly.

All 4: LES-YAY!

Starfire also stood, glancing back at Raven and barely suppressing a giggle. “Of course Elder Perfume, let us adjourn for the night.” With that the two ladies strolled away into the village.

Trent: Yeah definitely, definitely les-yay.

She stared at their departing forms curiously. It appeared that Starfire had made a new friend, Elder Perfume; she would have to remember that.
As she turned back she noticed the rest of the girls had begun to rise and depart. She saw the reason was that Ryouga had finally stopped training. He had moved over to his back pack and retrieved a towel and was now wiping away some of the sweat from his training.
She remained seated where she was; her hood back and her cloak opened wide and invitingly. She didn’t want to appear too eager to speak to him. Besides she didn’t want to be rude and interrupt what might be part of his training ritual.

Lauren: Yes because the toweling off technique is so important.

The martial artist pulled a canteen from the side of his mountainous pack and drank from it greedily. Finally he set it back down and slung the towel leisurely over his broad shoulders. With that final act he finally seemed to come back to reality and start taking in the world around him.
It only took a few moments for his eyes to catch her and be seized at the sight of her. The smile that bloomed on his face when he saw her was quite satisfying. He moved towards her, blushing slightly and playing with the knot of his bandanna in that strangely cute way he did when he was nervous.

Jerry: *Timon voice* I can see what’s happening.
Trent: *Pumba voice* What?
Jerry: *Timon voice* And they don’t have a clue!
Trent: *Pumba voice* Who?
Jerry: *Timon voice* They’ll fall in love and here’s the bottom line: Our trio’s down to two!
Trent: *Pumba voice* Oh.
Jerry: *Timon voice* The sweet caress of twilight! There’s magic everywhere! And with all this romantic atmosphere…disaster’s in the air!
Jess: Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the evening brings!
The world for once; in perfect harmony!
With all its living things!
Jerry: *Simba voice* So many things to tell her
But how to make her see
The truth about my past? Impossible!
She'd turn away from me…
Lauren: *Nala voice* He's holding back, he's hiding
But what I can't decide
Why won't he be the king I know he is?
The king I see inside!
Jess: Can you feel the love tonight
The peace the evening brings
The world for once
In perfect harmony
With all its living things
All 4:
Can you feel the love tonight
You needn't look too far
Stealing through
The night's uncertainties
Love is where they are!
Jerry: *Timon voice* And if he falls in love tonight (sniff). It can be assumed…
Trent: *Pumba voice* His care-free days with us are history!
Both: In short our pal is doomed!
All 4: *bow* THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

It was endearing really. She motioned for him to sit beside her on the carved log that Starfire had been sitting on.
“It’s good to see you again Raven, how did your training with Granny go?” he asked politely.
She smiled slightly at his words. It was nice light banter as well, just as she had hoped. “It went better than I expected. Elder Cologne is very wise and learned when it comes to meditation.” she replied.
Ryouga relaxed visibly, apparently on a comfortable topic. “Heh, you have no idea! Some of the things that she’s taught Ranma and me are pretty incredible. She was the one that taught me the Bakusai Tenketsu you know.” he smoothly added to the conversation.

Trent: Yeah, smoothly my ass.

She nodded. “Indeed, she actually told me a few stories about you while she was training me.” The lost boys face went red and he stiffened suddenly. She reacted quickly. “Nothing too embarrassing or bad Ryouga, she seems to be a little fond of you, you know.” she said soothingly, hoping to get him back into the calm groove of the conversation.
Her tact seemed to work as the lost boy loosened up again. “You could have fooled me, considering how many times she smashed my head into a boulder.” he laughed easily now. He seemed to be genuinely concerned what she thought of him. And he apparently thought that most of the stories floating around about him were inherently bad.

Jerry: Sometimes the first assumption is the right one.

“Yes, well she said at first she did that for the training, but that eventually she just wanted to find out whether your head was actually harder than the boulders.” She joked lightly, trying to gauge how sensitive he was and how much she could tease him before he got angry with her.

Lauren: Bitch.

He seemed to think about her comment for a moment, but finally decided she didn’t mean any harm by it and laughed with her. It would be an interesting challenge getting the lost boy to come out from his thick shell of self doubt and bitterness, but she believed it would be worth the effort.
Cologne had explained several of Ryouga’s problems to her. His curse, which was obvious, and many of the hardships it had caused him. From nearly being cooked to being cruelly laughed at by some of the people that knew about it. She could see how someone already as sensitive as the lost boy would take it so hard.

Jess: Heh, she said hard.
Trent: And you yell at us!
Jess: I don’t yell.
Trent: And you slap us!
Jess: Meh.

What she hadn’t known about before was Ryouga’s directional difficulty. Cologne made her swear that she wouldn’t tell Ryouga that the Elder had told her about it. She had known that he was lost in the Jungle, all the Titans had. But to find out that that was how Ryouga spent most of his life, alone in the wilderness? It was a hard concept to come to terms with. And then to find that even Ryouga’s closest friends would tease him about it from time to time? That seemed like kicking a small puppy after it had caught a cold.

Jerry: Kick the Dog Moment.

Cologne had even admitted that she herself was guilty of taking the lost boys overly sensitive nature for granted from time to time.
Raven was determined to show him that there were people in the world that would treat him like a human being and not mock him for weaknesses that were beyond his control. She slid infinitesimally closer to the lost boy.

Lauren: Oh yeah, I see where this awkward conversation is going.

She noticed she had been staring into the dark sky intently for several minutes now, and that her companion was doing the same. He either didn’t notice or didn’t mind her small movement. It was actually a rather comfortable silence. The kind she only rarely enjoyed with Starfire on the few occasions that they meditated together.
The gothic titan was certain that the wandering martial artist was an excellent listener as well. But still, someone needed to talk now. She was fairly sure that the boy was still slightly sore about their reactions to his curse earlier. She had felt a little bad for teasing him after Cologne had told her about the abuse his curse had garnered for him in the past.

Jess: Abuse isn’t funny.

“You were training for a really long time today Ryouga.” she decided to start slowly.
He nodded absently. “I do that sometimes when I have a lot on my mind or when I’m alone, which is a lot of the time.” he answered.
“I can imagine that you have much to think about, quite a lot has happened in the past few days hasn’t it?” she asked slowly.
He nodded again, tracing constellations in the stars with his eyes. “I guess I’ve been thinking about my new curse, i-it’s a lot to take in. Did Cologne tell you what I used to turn into?” he asked her back.

Trent: *Kramer voice* It was a pig-man!

She shook her head. “Not really, she did mention that you had several close encounters with would be chefs though, but that could be a large number of animals across Asia.” She replied.
He chuckled mirthlessly at that. “I used to transform into a cute little black piglet whenever I was splashed with cold water. It was like everything I was, was just washed away. My hands, my ability to speak, all of my years of training and fighting, all gone.” he told her.
She decided to tease him again, lightly, to try to lighten his mood. “I suppose trading your skills and strength for cuteness and edibility isn’t really a fair exchange.”

Lauren: Bitch.

The martial artist stared at her for another moment, trying to determine if she was insulting him or not. Once again he seemed to give her the benefit of the doubt. He shook his head wryly. “No I suppose not, heh if you had said that a few days ago I probably would have flown off the handle Raven. But now, I dunno, I guess this new curse isn’t as bad, I mean at least I’m still human.” he told her seriously.
That was pretty heartening, but still, she decided not to try any more teasing; there was no need to push too far too fast. “But you’re probably still mad about how we reacted when we found out aren’t you?” she asked, to the point.

Jess: No shit.

“Of course I am!” he started loudly, but then caught himself. “I mean, it’s not like it’s the worst that’s happened to me when people have found out about my curse, not by a long shot. But still, Beast Boy and Cyborg were laughing at me so much. And Robin was laughing too, even if not as much. Starfire, well I guess I don’t really blame her, she kind of reminds me of Kasumi too much to really get mad at her.” he unburdened himself to her. Raven was going to have to ask who this Kasumi was that he held in such high regard.

Trent: Who?
Jerry: The only female character in the entire show that no one ever attacks or insults…because she’s probably the only true innocent in the entire show.
Lauren: Wow…that is impressive.

She noticed one person missing from that list. “And. . .?” she asked leadingly.
He hesitated for a moment. “And. . . And I guess I was a little mad at you too, about your little comment and treating me like a kid.” he confessed.
She nodded. “I’m sorry about that, I wasn’t really thinking I guess; my emotions have been distracting me a lot over the past few days.” she admitted. He nodded. “It’s okay, but that’s the reason I was out here training for so long, I was trying to work through my anger, because I don’t want to be angry with the five of you. You and your friends have been too good to me for that.” he said to her emotionally.

Jess: Yes because they’ve done so much…

She smiled. “I’m guessing it wasn’t working so well? Or else you wouldn’t have been out here so long?”
He returned her smile warmly. “Not really, actually I was trying to plot terrible revenge on the four of you for your crimes, but I’m not all that great with the clever schemes.

Trent: Uh, there’s five of them you dumbass.

Now if Nabiki were here and I had some money, Heh, then you four would have been in trouble.” His smile descended into a wicked smirk.

Jerry: Oh god.

She let her smile form into a matching smirk. “Well, I may not be this Nabiki that you spoke of, but I have lived on the side lines of two avid pranksters. Maybe I can make up for my “crimes” by helping you get a little good clean vengeance on the worst offenders?” she offered evilly.
Oh yes, the smile that formed on his face made the stars seem dull by comparison.

Lauren: Aw, brought together by revenge against idiots how cute!

---

All 4: Can you feel the line breaks tonight?

Cyborg reflected on how lucky he was to be outside the village that night.
Just him, his thoughts . . . and twenty five of the most gorgeous, smoking hot, beautiful women that he’d ever seen before.

Lauren: And they said Ryoga was the pig.

His own mental BOOYAH nearly deafened him.

Jess: Too bad it didn’t kill him.

Life was good. The women had made amazing time; he was actually pressed to keep up with their long graceful strides. Some of the Amazons were his height if not even taller. They had already reached Jusenkyo before the sun had even set. They had shaved at least three hours off of the time it had taken Cyborg and the others to make the opposite trek.

Trent: Wow, running is faster than walking! Thanks for that scientific fact Cyborg!

They had all agreed to camp far outside of Jusenkyo and to continue on when it was light. His internal mapping systems showed they were only two hours away from the crash area, likely less considering the amazing shape his companions were with.
“Would you like more stew armored one?” came an almost musical voice. He silently gave a silent shout out to Granny. She had managed to convince a young scholar named Lotion join him on his journey to play translator.

Jess: Lotion? See that’s not even a joke; that’s just really, really creepy.
Jerry: …It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Jess: Ugh, I should’ve seen that coming.

The fact that she could have been on the cover of any magazine she wanted, well Cyborg just considered that to be a bonus.
“Heck ya Lotion, this stuff is da bomb!” he cheered excitedly. “Oh, and call me Cyborg please, Armored one is way to stuffy for me.”

Lauren: Everyone’s a little bit racist today!
Trent: So everyone’s a little bit racist, okay!

She looked at him for a moment, a look of confusion on her face. “You believe the stew is a . . . bomb?” she asked slowly.
D’oh!

Jerry: Wow…and a Simpsons catchphrase. Brilliantly original.

She studied English, not slang.

Trent: She didn’t study Blackanese.
Jess: Oh that was awful.

He’d have to pull back on the lingo and hope he didn’t confuse her more. “Heh heh, um I meant to say that the stew is delicious and that I would love to have more.” he restated.
This time she smiled brightly, her platinum blonde hair reflecting the moonlight nicely.

Jerry: Platinum blond? How does that make sense!? Platinum is silver, blond is yellow. What drugs are on!?

She smoothly left to fetch him another bowl. He tried his utmost not to admire the view as she left too much.
This time she smiled brightly, her platinum blonde hair reflecting the moonlight nicely. She smoothly left to fetch him another bowl. He tried his utmost not to admire the view as she left too much.

Lauren: Perv.

He felt the need to act the gentleman here. Considering that there were twenty four other women here, each probably watching his every move and ready to rat him out for any lewd behavior, well yeah, he wanted to be on his best behavior.

Jess: Or just kill him.

Cyborg started to wonder if the repairs to the T-Ship weren’t going to take a lot longer than he first thought.

Trent: You’re stalling.

---

All 4: I am the line break! That’s what I am!
I am the line break! I’ve got the master plan!

Jinx hesitantly walked down the landed ships ramp. She descended slowly to the hard metallic-orange floor of the hanger and looked around cautiously. Behind her an orangutan carrying a small turtle traversed the ramp and came to stand beside her.

Lauren: Oh right, the idiots.

Alright, so far so good. They were in the clear for now, maybe, if she got these two to the washrooms and changed back, they could cook up some elaborate story about the springs being a hoax. She slowly started moving toward the hangar door, measuring each step carefully. The primate followed her slowly, seeming to mirror her trepidation.
She let out a small sigh; she was almost to the door.

Jerry: Gets caught.

Suddenly a dark shape rose from the very metal of the floor, appearing in the very center of one of the countless hexagons that made up the interior of the complex. It resolved itself into the silent visage of her classmate Kid Wicked . . . or however he spelt it; she didn’t really hang out with him much.

Jerry: Called it!

He looked at her expectantly, apparently not fazed in the slightest by the orangutan or turtle in her company.
She let out another sigh. “He’s waiting for us isn’t he.” she didn’t really ask.

Trent: With a whip and a ball gag.
Lauren: …I don’t want to know what you do on the weekends.

A simple nod was all she received. And with that the dark youth sank back into the floor and vanished entirely. She looked back to her friends. “Looks like we’re getting called into the principle’s office boys, lets get you guys changed first so you can share in the yelling.”
The two animals seemed strangely hesitant to regain their human forms.
Jinx scoffed at their cowardice. She then turned and left the hangar, walking unerringly towards the Headmaster’s office. She heard Mammoth start to shuffle after her a moment later. He managed to catch up to her and pulled on her sleeve.

Jess: Sleeve…right.

One short bathroom break and they were back underway. The three of them walked in utter silence as they marched down the veritable deaths row that was the final stretch of hallway before the Headmaster’s office.
There wasn’t really any point in trying to lie to the Headmaster, he would know instantly and then their inevitable punishment would likely only be that much worst.

Lauren: I don’t think anything can top being turned into animals.

Jinx still didn’t know how she was going to explain that they had somehow lost Cinderblock. A quick fly-by of where the Titans had landed showed only a field of rubble and destruction. No, she didn’t like their chances at all.
The door whooshed open before them even as she raised her hand to knock.
A silly gesture really, knocking, it seemed to imply that she had some control over the situation, but she knew she had none whatsoever.
“Enter my students” came a low yet sophisticated voice from within the room.

Trent: *Alfred Hitchcock* Good evening.

She felt compelled to obey. Jinx found herself and her friends entering the room before she even realized what they were doing. They came to a stop before the large yellow and black desk of the Headmaster. His high backed chair currently faced away from them.
She would have snickered if she could have. Talk about your cliché over the top villain stuff. Next he was gonna swivel around slowly and say something cornball like “You disappoint me.” or something like that.

Jerry: The Monarch is not pleased!

Slowly the chair swiveled to face them. The Headmaster wore his long dark robes as usual. His gray hair swept back into two points. The look on his face was one of calm and concern, but she knew that was just a veneer that would quickly change.
“You have failed me.” he started simply.

Jess: You suck. Your parents should be ashamed that they gave birth to you.

The young sorceress mentally snapped her fingers, she had been so close.

Lauren: How do you do that?
Trent: The Force?

The Headmaster slowly stood and started walking around his desk. Probably warming up for a good in-your-face style rant about how worthless they were and so on.

Jerry: *Komodo voice* You come un-invited into MY LAIR! Animals that you are! And I’ll enjoy your life spring…FOR DESERT!
Trent: No!
Jerry: *Komodo voice* YES! Now I must continue…SHOUTING AT RANDOM!

“Do you know how much it vexes me that my three top students should continually return to me in UTTER FAILURE EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEND THEM OUT!” he finished, screaming loudly in their faces. She desperately wanted to wipe the little bit of spittle that had landed just under her left eye.

Jess: Spit, right.

That was so unsanitary.
The Headmaster then turned and sat on his desk, seemingly patiently. “Well students, what do you have to say for yourselves?” he asked smoothly.

Lauren: Uh…Cowabunga?

The hive witch felt the ability to speak return to her. She looked back and forth between her two friends, trying to decide who should do the talking. They both looked at her expectantly.
Sigh, fine whatever, might as well get it over with.
“Everything was going fine. We had landed within an hours walking distance of the springs you had told us about. We had caught the Titans on our scanners and deployed Cinderblock just as you had planned. He must have intercepted the Titans because they didn’t interfere in the mission.” she explained to the Headmaster.

Jess: Everything was going great and we would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!
Jerry: SCOOOOOBY DOOBY DOOOO!

He looked slightly confused at this. “You mean to tell me that the Titans did not interfere with you, and yet you still failed to complete the mission. Are the three of you truly that inept?” he asked, the anger starting to seep back into his voice.

All 4: Yes.

She shook her head quickly. “No sir! Everything was going perfectly according to plan. Mammoth and Gizmo had just collected the last samples and we were getting ready to leave, but then . . . someone else interfered.” she continued her report.
One of the Headmaster’s eyebrows rose in interest at this. “Someone interfered? Who was this person and how did they stop the three of you?” the anger was gone from his voice, he seemed more curious now.

Lauren: Luck?

“We-we don’t really know. He was a wandering martial artist, or that’s what he told us anyway. Somehow he knew all about Jusenkyo, that’s what he called the springs anyway, he knew how they worked and figured out that we were going to use the water for evil. Then-then . . . then he attacked us.” she told him.

Jess: And then?

“A martial artist? A simple warrior defeated three highly trained meta-humans? How is that possible?” The Headmaster’s question seemed to be rhetorical.
Mammoth decided to answer it. “This guy wasn’t no ordinary guy, I hit this guy as hard as I could . . . and he took it! He just bounced back and hit my hard enough to send me flying!

Trent: Oh god…worst typo…ever.

And that was the most normal thing he did!” Mammoth nearly yelled in excitement.
Gizmo picked up where the behemoth had left off. “Then the snot blasting loser started toying around with Jinx like she was an amateur,

Jerry: Yeah that’s not right.

and he was dodging my laser cannon at the same time! Then lover boy and Jinx there start dancing on top of the bamboo shoots like – like I don’t know what!.”
Mammoth jumped in again, wanting to out do his friend. “Then, and you won’t believe this part! He pulls of his head band and throws it! Only he’s wearin more than one, and a bunch of them go flying like buzz saws and cut up Gizmo’s suit and then Splash, Gizmo went into the pool and then –“

Jess: And then?

”ENOUGH!” yelled the Headmaster, his eyes glowing red.

Jerry: It was a LIFE!

He glared at them intently. “You expect me to believe this half baked story?” His gaze stopped on Jinx herself.

Jerry: *Piccolo* No! It’s fully baked!

She nodded slowly. “That’s what happened sir, that and a few other even less believable things. However I would say he didn’t really beat us sir, he outmaneuvered us. He had superior knowledge of the terrain and the hazards of Jusenkyo. I think under normal conditions we could have stopped him, however because we weren’t informed enough about the curses we were at a tactical disadvantage.” she answered, slightly accusingly.

Trent: It was all YOUR FAULT!

The Headmaster’s eyebrow rose slightly. He then looked at Gizmo. “So you fell into one of the pools. What exactly were the effects of the water? My own research was . . . incomplete as to the exact nature of . . . Jusenkyo as you call it.”
Gizmo let out a long pitiable sigh. “Spring of Drowned Painted Turtle, it’s a tragic tale of a small painted turtle that drowned in the spring eleven hundred years ago.” quoted the young super genius.

Jess: And then?

The Headmaster looked at him incredulously. “What are you talking about boy? Spring of drowned what?”
Gizmo rolled his eyes. “I fell into the Spring of Drowned Painted Turtle. Now whenever I come into contact with cold water . . . I turn into . . . . a . . . . . turtle.” he mumbled the last few words, barely even audible.

Lauren: TURTLE…TURTLE.

The look on the Headmaster’s face was priceless. He was looking at Gizmo like the diminutive criminal had totally and utterly lost whatever sanity he had once had. Jinx wished that she had had a camera with her.
Mammoth slowly raised a hand. “Um yeah, I got cursed too. I turn into an oran-orangeu-“”Orangutan” she added helpfully. “Yeah one of those things, when I get wet. But don’t worry; we turn back to normal when you douse us with hot water.”

Jerry: But if its luke-warm water you get half and half.

The Headmaster’s disbelieving look slid over to Mammoth and somehow it only increased.
Slowly he once again looked back to Jinx for confirmation of what he was hearing.

Lauren: Sorry sir, they got into the pot.

She solemnly nodded, barely hiding the smile that was trying to burst out. “Sir, with all due respect, I don’t condone the use of the Jusenkyo springs for any purpose. I felt the energy in that valley; I believe that any major operation we tried to start in that area would end in catastrophic results and likely a large number of our members getting cursed. Already two of your top students have been cursed, been given extreme vulnerabilities, I don’t know if it’s really worth the risk.” she told her theory to the Headmaster.
He seemed to consider her words very carefully. “Very well Jinx, I will take your advice under consideration.” he said.

Jess: He’s not gonna listen to her is he?
Trent: Doubt it.

That seemed a little too easy. Why wasn’t he still angry?
“Now you three, tell me more of this wandering martial artist that embarrassed you so thoroughly.”

Lauren: Well he also had this umbrella…

---

Trent: Line Break Man, Line Break Man!
Does whatever a Line Break Can!

Beast Boy stretched languidly, slowly waking up to the new day. He relished the wonderfully soft bed their gracious host had generously given him. He’d slept like the dead last night; he couldn’t even remember the last time he had slept so soundly.

Jerry: Interesting analogy there.

And who could blame him after such an amazing night. He had been up till only God knew when, walking, talking and laughing with that totally cute Amazon girl.

Jess: Oh god…please tell me they didn’t do it.

Sure, they had no idea what each other had been saying, but that had been part of the fun. He hadn’t even really cared what she was saying after awhile, he had simply enjoyed listening to her mesmerizing voice.

Lauren: …Oh god.

And he hadn’t had to worry about saying anything embarrassing either. She had enjoyed listening to him as well, and when one of them had laughed the other always joined in. He hadn’t felt that comfortable around a girl since . . .
Beast Boy winced slightly at the sad memory, his emotional high dulled now.

Trent: Yeah, doing crack does that to ya.

Still, that was in the past, there was no reason to let that ruin their impromptu vacation.
He fought to keep his eyes closed; the sun was burrowing through his eyelids mercilessly, and telling him it was time to wake up. It sure was bright in his room; that was for sure.
And that racket! He knew that Colognes house was right next to the training area, but did they have to carry on like that so early in the morning? It wasn’t even like they were training yet. They were just goofing off, laughing and gossiping.

Jerry: Pillow fight! Let’s go pillow fight!

Jeez, it sounded like they were chattering away right outside his window.
Frustrated, he finally sat up, opened his eyes and prepared to give the inconsiderate Amazons a piece of his mind.

Lauren: Uh, bad idea. You don’t have much of a mind to spare.

-
-
-
Crap. He thought idly. Well, that sure explained a few things.

Trent: Huh?

The reason the sun was bothering him so much was because there was no longer a ceiling over his head. Someone somehow had moved his bed outside during the night. They had even taken his blanket. He was left sitting, on said bed now, clad only in his Cookie Monster boxers.

Jerry: Yeah I really didn’t want that image.

More specifically, someone somehow had moved his bed directly into the center of the Amazon training ground. He was left sitting, on said bed now, clad only in his Cookie Monster boxers.

Jess: Uh…you just said that.

He blushed a deep viridian as he saw that he was surrounded completely by several dozen Amazon warriors. Some were pointing, others were giggling. But the majority was laughing at his situation.

Lauren: Hehehe, it’s so small!

The changeling quickly morphed into a small cat and dived under the sheets. He slowly peeked out from under the sheets to see what was happening and noticed several familiar faces.
Standing front row center was the lost boy; Raven was standing close to his side. Their matching smiles told the shape changer everything he needed to know. Well, he had to admit, they had gotten him good, might as well take his lumps like a man.

Trent: Wow, Raven and Ryoga are assholes.

He stood up confidently, regaining his elfin form and hopped off the bed, leaving the sheets behind him. He strode over in their direction. “Heh heh, awesome prank you guys, I didn’t know you two had it in you!” he cheered, hoping to show how much they impressed him, and that he was a good sport about it.

Jess: Something bad is about to happen.

Ryouga turned to his partner in crime. “What can I say? I was inspired.” Beast Boy smiled and looked over to Raven. She simply shrugged. “What? I’ve lived with you and Cyborg for a few years now, I was bound to pick up something.” she mused impishly.
“Dudes that was great! But I gotta know what you two got planned for the other guys! I know I’m not the only one that laughed.” He pleaded.
By now the Amazons had begun to go about their business once more. A few of them had even begun rolling the bed back to the ancient Matriarchs home.

Lauren: How about you put some pants on first.

Raven answered him cryptically. “Don’t worry; Robin’s punishment is already underway. Heh, you got off easy Beast Boy.”

Trent: Whips and ball gag?
Jerry: Please no!

He stared at her confused, but his unasked question was almost immediately answered.
The loud slamming of a door swinging open and bouncing shut drew his attention to a house a few dozen meters down to road from Colognes.
What really threw him for a loop though, was the person that had exited said doorway.

Jess: Oh no…THEY TURNED HIM INTO CHRIS O’DONNEL!
All 4: AAAAAAAH!

Streaking across the compound like nothing so much as a skin toned lightning bolt, clad only in his boxers and eye mask, was their erstwhile leader. Heh, actually his face was beet red and he was desperately trying to cover himself even as he flew like an arrow back to Colognes home.

Lauren: Wait what? What is wrong with these people?
Jerry: Better question. What is up with the author and putting guys in boxers only?

Beast Boy nearly keeled over in laughter. “Dude! What on earth was that about?” he yelled.
Ryouga raised a single finger.

Trent: …I don’t want to know what that finger is for.

“Wait for it . . .” he then pointed back to the door that their nearly naked comrade had bolted from.
A moment later the door opened again and a sleepy looking Starfire floated out, she was wearing a nice set of purple silk pajamas. She slowly looked back and forth across the village.

Jess: Wait…huh?
Lauren: I’m so confused.
Trent: God dammit why isn’t Starfire just in HER underwear?

From the distance Beast Boy’s keen ears could just barely make out her confused words. “Where did you go Robin? Is this not one of my pleasant dreams?”

Trent: Wow.
Jess: You know, I think that qualifies as Ho-Yay.
Jerry: I gotta agree.

Beast Boy and Ryouga collapsed together in a tangled pile of limbs and laughter. Even Raven was nearly doubled over trying to contain her mirth.
The door of Cologne’s home slammed open so forcefully that it nearly came off the hinges.
Robin, now fully clothed and brandishing his Bo staff, stalked over to where they were still laying on the ground. He pointed directly at Ryouga’s prone form and barked loudly.

Trent: YOUR ASS IS MINE!
Lauren: Bad choice of words.

“You! Me! In the circle, Now!”

Lauren: …then again.

---

Jerry: Line Breaks ‘R Us!

Cologne sighed at all the racket. What were those infernal children up to now? Slamming doors all around the house like they owned the place.
If she had actually been sleeping she would have been annoyed.
As it was, she looked out her window to see what the commotion was all about. She saw that the disturbance was coming from the fighting circle.

Lauren: Bad things about to happen.

Ah, it appeared that the young Robin was eager for his first lesson. The colorfully clad crime fighter and the eternally lost martial artist were facing off in the center of a crowd of Amazons. They were just now slowly circling each other, Robin wielding a staff while Ryouga held his trusty umbrella before him.
Really, if she had been in the Titan’s position, she likely would have set her sights a little lower for her first challenge match.
Still, this promised to be very interesting indeed.

Lauren: Indeed.
Jerry: Indubitably.

*The screen rises*

Jess: Oh thank god that chapter is over.

VincentX: We’re back!
Jess: Oh boy…switching time.
*KA-PING!*
Sam: Ka-ping?
VincentX: Everyone’s a critic.
Brad: It stinks!
Zack: Like old cheese.
Mike: And socks.

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy.
I don’t own the Teen Titans or Ranma One Half.

Sam: Thank god.

Once again I’d like to thank Cylon One for continued and diligent work in helping me strive for perfection in my writing. Heh though I seem to be starting to pull ahead now.

Mike: Perfection is not the word I would use.

I was thinking of doing a little spiel about some of the great works I’ve read that have inspired me, but after a little reviewing, I recalled that many of the stories I loved so much aren’t even on While the Learning Curve goes with out saying, there are a number of other fanfic’s that I’d like to mention. The first one is Paradise Lost. It’s a wonderfully done crossover that you won’t find here. The story was so entertaining that it still saddens me that it was never completed.

Zack: Did anyone follow that?
Sam: Nope.

Ah well enough of that, time to reveal the next chapter and hopefully garner the many flames and criticisms I so secretly desire.

Brad: Masochist.

Ja ne

Sam: Oh god…

---

Brad: Line Break, it’s what’s for dinner.

Starfire silently hummed as she ran the fine comb through her hair once more, enjoying the sensation as it traveled smoothly through her locks. She would have liked it if Raven had been there to comb her long tresses for her.
All 4: Les-Yay!

It was always so soothing to have another minister to your hair for you. And even though Raven always complained when Starfire asked her to do it, she always did such a wonderful job. Starfire was sure that her friend secretly enjoyed the closeness.

All 4: More Les-Yay!

She could have used some soothing that morning. She was still confused as to why she had awoken to find Robin in her bed with her. She had not minded, not really. Tamaranians were not nearly as, what was the word . . . uptight . . . as humans when it came to physical contact. What had disturbed her had been the haste with which he had fled when he had finally realized where he was. He had seemed both angry and humiliated, which confused her further. Was being in the same bed as her truly so terrible a thing?

Sam: Well if your hugs nearly crush spines I’d be scared to see what having sex with you would result in.

Surely it was a misunderstanding; Robin could not have been disgusted with her presence. Perhaps . . . perhaps he had not meant to be there or had been or … or. . . She couldn’t decipher what had happened with out understanding why it had happened.
Why had Robin been in her bed?

Zack: He thought it was Ryoga’s.

She was startled, dropping her comb, as the door to her room suddenly slammed open. Perfume, fully dressed, stormed in and grabbed her arm gently. “Koriand’r, you must come with me now.” The woman then began trying to pull her from the room.

Mike: Les-Yay?

Starfire was still confused, why was Perfume so excited?

All 4: LES-YAY!

The woman wasn’t nearly strong enough to move the Tamaranian against her will, so Starfire decided to be polite and let herself be pulled along.
“Why must we leave my room?” she asked curiously.
“Your lover is going to battle with Cologne’s directionless pet male!” she called back even as she pulled Starfire towards the door.

Zack: Okay, I guess that’s one way of putting it.

Starfire didn’t know whether to be embarrassed about the first comment or offended about the latter. “Robin and I are not lovers!” she blurted out, her cheeks burning brightly.

Mike: Yeah, real convincing.

A girl had to have her priorities.

Sam: Les-Yay!

Perfume turned and raised an eyebrow, still pulling her along. “Do you often lie with men that are not your lovers?” she asked pointedly. She then swung open and led them outside.

Brad: She might…for MONEY!

“He was not there when I first began my nights repast. I do not know how he came to be there when I awoke.” she replied.

Zack: Roofie Colada.

She was being led to the center of the training area. A large gathering of Amazons had formed a ring around the section of the area that was designated for challenges. The elder started pushing through the younger women. Starfire decided she did not wish to answer any more of the council member’s questions, so she slipped free of the older woman’s grasp and rose above the crowd.

Mike: She has risen!

She floated close to one of the many tall posts used to light the training area at night. The large brazier that sat upon the pole was unlit so she sat gingerly upon its metal edge. Once she had settled in she took in the scene below her. In the center of the erstwhile mob of Amazons was a large circular patch of earth, perhaps forty feet in diameter. Standing near the center of the clearing were two familiar figures, slowly circling each other. The first figure was obviously Robin, who appeared to be very angry. The second figure, that looked to be on the verge of laughing out loud, was Ryouga.

Brad: And MAUD!

“An interesting situation indeed.” sounded a raspy voice from right next to her. She let out a loud squeal and nearly fell from the brazier in shock. Starfire looked beside her to see Cologne also perched on the brazier, gazing down at the battle below.
“How – when – what?” she blurted out in surprise at the woman’s sudden appearance at the top of the thirty foot tall pole. Cologne let out rustling chuckle. “Practice my dear. Now quiet down and let us watch the fight . . . such as it is one.” said the ancient martial artist.

Zack: Wait what?

Starfire decided not to give the old woman the satisfaction of any more surprise on her part. “What do you mean by that Elder?” she asked.

Zack: I asked first!

The Matriarch looked back at her seriously. “Oh, you’ll see soon enough girl. Still this will be a good opportunity to gauge your friend’s skills to determine how best to start his training.” she replied, not really answering her question at all.
The Tamaranian was still confused by the Elder’s words. She was going to inquire further as to what the old woman had meant. However her attention was drawn back to the clearing by a cry of challenge.
The battle had begun.

Sam: MORTAL KOMBAT!

---

Brad: LINE BREAK-DOUKEN!

Robin lazily spun his Bo staff as he slowly circled the make shift arena. Directly across from him, Ryouga mirrored his movements, also sliding sideways, keeping himself directly facing Robin at all times. He watched as the lost boy effortlessly flipped his umbrella into a reverse grip, silently awed by the grace and control the boy had over the massively heavy instrument.

Zack: Everybody was kung fu fighting!

The lost boy was going down.

All 4: HO-YAY!

Robin knew that he was responsible for what happened that morning. The Titan leader was furious about the compromising position he had been placed in. And worse, what had Starfire thought? She probably thought he was some kind of pervert now. The beautiful alien would likely never speak to him after finding him, nearly naked, laying in her bed like that.

Mike: Or she has the hots for you and you’re too stupid to realize it.

Screw it, enough psychobabble.

Brad: Agreed. Less talky, more fighty.

“Yaaahhhh!” his cry rang across the village as he charged. His Bo flashed out in a low arc to trip the offender. Ryouga was faster than he looked; he leapt over the attack effortlessly. Robin had anticipated that and was already into his next move.

Zack: So he’s putting the moves on Ryoga?
Sam: Seems that way.

Even as the lost boy was still in mid air, Robin used the momentum of his staff swing to spin into a powerful back kick to the boy’s midsection. He heard the loud THUNK of his metal boots hitting Ryouga’s umbrella.

Brad: Symbolism!

The titan pushed with all the strength in his leg, hoping to unbalance his opponent.
The result he got was not the desired one. He might as well have pushed against a brick wall. He used it to his advantage though, rolling forward and gaining some ground before turning to face the lost boy once more.

Mike: Meanwhile he broke his ankle.

He bounced slightly from one foot to another as he looked at Ryouga. The lost boy had a strange smile on his face, and his umbrella was still crossed across his torso where Robin had lashed out.
Fine then, enough preliminaries, time to get serious.

Brad: Time to get delirious!

He flew forward again, launching into a flying kick. As expected the lost boy side stepped. Robin threw out a back handed chop even as he flew past his target. He felt the meaty contact of his hand hitting the other boy’s forearm.

Zack: Meaty contact?
Sam: Oh god.

Quickly he wrapped his hand around the blocking limb and spun himself right back at Ryouga. Robin used the momentum of his flying kick to bring his knee smashing into the lost boy’s face.
WHUMP!

Brad: BANG!
Mike: POW!
Sam: BAZOOM!
Zack: KA-BOCK!

The lost boy had slipped his hand into the inch between Robin’s knee and his nose and stopped his attack. He felt intense pressure as the fanged boy gripped his leg tightly and swung him to the side, sending him flying.

Zack: His third leg?
Sam: Seems that way.

He flipped in midair and landed harshly, his heels digging into the dirt for several feet before he finally stopped. He quickly rushed the other martial artist’s side, thrusting repeatedly with his staff as fast as his arms would allow.
The titanium Bo nearly blurred at it flew at the slightly larger boy. The sharp echo of metal on wood sounded rapidly to his ears. The other boy’s right arm was nearly blurring as well, moving the vibrant red umbrella to expertly block every strike.

Mike: Wood?
Brad: INNUENDOS OF DOOM!

Suddenly the umbrella flashed out, aimed at his wrist. He nimbly ducked back out of reach, but the umbrella still hit his retreating staff. The sharp strike sent reverberations running down the length of the weapon.

Zack: Uh.
Sam: Dude, totally wrong.

The vibrations nearly distracted him; he bent backwards quickly under a lightning quick round house kick that would have struck his temple. Robin planted both hands on the ground behind him and back flipped into a kick at Ryouga’s midsection.
When he landed from his back flip he found himself alone. Somewhere between his missed kick and the scant seconds that he was upside down, his opponent had vanished.

Zack: He ran to a better fan fic.

A shadow briefly flitted across his vision. Nearly on instinct he rolled to the side and leapt to the edge of the circle.
CRASH!

Mike: BOOM!

The impact of the lost boy’s landing was jarring even several feet away. He turned back to see where Ryouga had landed from his leap. He now knelt in the center of a small crater which had formed around the tip of the boy’s umbrella.

Sam: Uh, are they trying to kill each other?
Brad: Seems that way.

He didn’t want to give Ryouga the time to recover. He charged recklessly again. When he was halfway he reared back and hurled his staff like a spear. It flew unerringly at the powerful fighter. Ryouga seemed to be a little surprised by the tact, quickly spinning to knock the projectile from the air with his umbrella.

Zack: Ella, ella.

Just like Robin wanted. Still in mid run the Titan launched a viciously quick snap kick at the lost boy’s wrist. The strike actually hit, and with enough force to knock the weapon from the martial artist’s grasp. It landed on the ground with a great THUD!

Mike: Suddenly 60’s Batman sound effects have invaded the fic.

Taking advantage of the larger boy’s sudden disarming and surprise he launched into a lightning fast combo. His fists rained down on the wanderer’s chest like rain. He kept it up even as his muscles began to burn from exhaustion, slowly pushing the other boy out of the recently made crater and onto unbroken ground.
Finally, arms like lead, he cut off the deadly assault and shuffled back several feet, bringing his tired arms up into a defensive position.

Sam: Robin doesn’t have much stamina.

It looked like the fight was over though. Ryouga was crouched over, holding his chest and his head hanging low. The boy looked like he was about to collapse.
Uh oh. He hoped he hadn’t hurt the other boy too badly. He moved forward to check on his opponent.

Brad: Possum!

But stopped instantly. The low chuckle that emanated from the martial artist before him froze him in his tracks.

Zack: He’s not hurt is he?
Sam: Seems that way.

Ryouga’s head slowly rose; a vindictive smile on his face. The boy lifted one of his hands just below his face, appearing to rest his chin on it nonchalantly.
“Your attacks are as gentle as the falling snow to me.” he declared ominously.

All 4: HO-YAY!

The Nerimian martial artist then straightened easily and loudly cracked his knuckles.

Brad: *Knuckles voice* AAAAH! THE PAIN! WHY!?

“Now it’s my turn.”

Mike: To continue the boring battle!

---

Zack: We’re gonna rock on to Line Break Avenue, and then we’ll take it higher!

“How is that possible!” the concerned Tamaranian asked her fellow audience member. The fighting was very intense and she was feeling concerned about Robin’s welfare.

Brad: I’m assuming the explanation won’t cover your ability to ask questions without question marks.

“Now young Robin learns the true terror of the Bakusai Tenketsu.” the old woman began ominously. “Because of my training, Ryouga is nearly impervious to harm. Even an exceptionally powerful martial artist such as my future son-in-law has to land a hundred blows on a single target to hurt him now.” she explained to the lovely alien.

Sam: What is with these descriptions of the characters? Why are the girls always referred to as “lovely?” Seriously, use a thesaurus or some creativity you idiot.
Mike: Somehow I doubt he has either.

A hundred blows to the same point? How was such a thing possible? She had seen Robin smash training dummies to pieces with only a single blow! “So Robin must somehow attack Ryouga in the same place one hundred times if he is to have any hope to defeat him?” she asked, worry lacing her words.
Cologne looked at her incredulously. “What? Of course not! I said a fighter of Ranma’s caliber could defeat him like that. Your friend down there possesses neither the strength nor the training to hope to harm the lost boy at this time. With the proper training, perhaps, but not now.” she said sadly.

Zack: In short, he’s boned.

Starfire gasped loudly. Should she stop the fight before it got out of hand?

Brad: Nah, let Robin get his ass kicked.

---

Sam: You’ve crossed the Line Break this time!

Ryouga smiled wickedly at the titan before him. Robin was wily, that was for certain.

Zack: Actually he’s kind of a Dick.
Brad: OH GOD NO!
Sam: You have learned well, young padawon!

The boy had certainly surprised him when he had disarmed him. The masked boy was very agile and had excellent technique. And Ryouga supposed that, compared to the other Titans, Robin was lightning fast as well.
But his speed was nothing compared to Ranma’s. And anything less than Ranma just wasn’t good enough.

Mike: And anything more than Ranma was too much for him to HANDLE.
Brad: STOP!

Still, the vigilante teen was good, at least as good as Akane, maybe even Ukyo he grudgingly admitted. Robin was adaptable and quick thinking like Ranma, though he seemed to let his anger get the better of him, like Ryouga himself.
But there was no way the boy could ever beat him. As skilled and experienced as Robin was, he was missing a key component that kept him from becoming a truly great martial artist. While he fought with his body and his mind, the young hero did not fight with his spirit; he did not yet know how to utilize his chi.

Zack: Or do the cha-cha!

Perhaps a demonstration was in order.

Sam: Purrrrhaps.

With that he began to focus his own chi.

Mike: And picture Raven naked.

---

Brad: It’s the end of the line break as we know it and I feel fine!

Beast Boy couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Robin was getting toyed around with like he was a rank amateur. The lost boy hadn’t even really attacked back yet; just let Robin wail on him.

Sam: This is like a bad anime.
Zack: Like Ranma ½?
Sam: …Yeah.

What the heck? He turned to the violet haired girl that quietly floated next to him.
”Is it normal for people to glow like that?”

Mike: Oh god Beast Boy is an idiot.
Brad: Hey don’t insult idiots like that.

---

Sam: Woke up this morning; got myself a line break.

Time slowed to a crawl around Ryouga yet at the same time, the world seemed to truly come alive around him, as if he had been walking around in a fog only moments before. The cheering crowd seemed to be moving in slow motion, he could feel every one of them distinctly, every persons internal energy was clear to his senses.

Zack: It’s like reading this fic, everything seems to slow to a crawl.

His eyes were drawn to the wavering black mass that was Raven’s energy. He could see her, cloaked in her power. It accentuated her, completed her. She was terribly beautiful in his minds eye; it was all he could do to tear his eyes from her form.

Brad: Uh, wasn’t he fighting Robin?

Beside her he saw Beast Boys wildly fluctuating chi. It was pale compared to the energy of the dark goddess beside him, but it stood out like a beacon from the rest of the women in the crowd. It held an animalistic and primal quality that seemed so appropriate to the emerald Titan.

Mike: JUST FIGHT!

Farther out, he sensed Cologne’s familiar aura, powerful and tightly controlled, she was truly a master of the art. Close to her, he could feel Starfire’s aura. It burned like a green star, so wildly different from anyone else’s that he had ever sensed, yet so similar as well. It was beautiful, so warm and full of life.

All 4: We don’t care! JUST FIGHT!

Before him he could sense Robin’s chi. It burned with anger and determination. If only the titan could harness it. If he could, this would have been a much more interesting fight. But that was enough time wasted.

Zack: I agree.

It was time to begin.

Sam: Actually if you could just end it I’d be happy.

He launched himself forward like an arrow. He moved so fast and lightly that his feet scarcely touched the ground. In the time it took him to cover the distance, Robin was still reeling in shock from his initial movement.
The Titan began to duck to the side; his reaction speed excellent, far beyond the norm.
But to Ryouga he was ponderously slow. Gently, so as not to hurt the boy, Ryouga reached out and grabbed onto Robin’s shoulder. Then with a massive heave; launched the young hero into the air; sending him flying skyward like his namesake intended.

Mike: Yeah…don’t hurt him…just launch him into the air so when he falls back he turns into a pancake.

The lost boy tensed his legs slightly and leaped up to join him, easily clearing twenty feet with his leap. To his credit, Robin was already recovering from the throw, trying to form a semblance of defense in midair.

Zack: Wow, this guy has a knack for making things that should be cool really dull.
Sam: You should’ve seen Sonic Meets Star Wars.

Ryouga’s leap took him slightly higher than his prey, just as he intended. His leg stretched out and softly landed on Robin’s back, then with a vicious shove, he launched the titan back towards the ground, much faster than gravity intended.

Brad: Yeah he’s dead.

Robin landed hard, but handled it well, absorbing some of the shock by landing on his hands and feet, then rolling to dissipate the rest of the force. He rolled quickly to where his staff lay and grasped it again.

Mike: Despite how that fall should’ve broken his bones.

Ryouga agonized as he slowly dropped to the ground; there was nothing he could do to hasten his decent. It felt like he was falling through molasses even as his opponent rolled and recovered his weapon, taking advantage of the short seconds.

Sam: *Ryoga voice* Gravity! My only weakness!

Finally the lost boy’s toes touched the earth below him. He quickly dug them in and launched himself at the armed boy again, his feet tearing furrows in the ground from the force.
Robin turned as quickly as he could, bringing the staff up to block his charge. He lashed out with a wave of his hand; it smashed into the thin pole and snapped it cleanly in half. The power of his attack sent both halves flying from the young bird’s hands.

Zack: The bird is the word.

Then the titan crouched and leapt straight up, flying over him as he continued his reckless charge through the space the masked teen had just been in. He heard the boy land behind him and quickly spun to face him.
The young fighter then slid his foot back and suddenly kicked it forward, sending a spray of dirt and gravel in the direction of Ryouga’s face. Having mastered the Breaking Point technique, he was more than used to getting dirt in the face, so he ignored it completely and started forward.

Brad: Here’s mud in your eye!

It did distract him for the fraction of a second it took Robin to reach a hand behind his back, into one of the compartments on his strange belt. Not wanting to give the titan a chance to use whatever strange technological gadget he was reaching for, Ryouga leapt to tackle him.

Mike: Ho-Yay.

Robin’s hand flashed out, a strange brown blur shooting from his fingers. Instinctually Ryouga caught the projectile in between his index and middle fingers, not unlike an arrow.
The sponge compressed slightly and slipped between his digits, smacking into his face wetly and spraying water everywhere as it was squeezed tightly against his skin.

Zack: Did he just throw a water balloon at Ryoga?
Sam: Seems that way.

Ryouga tumbled to the ground painfully in a pile of tangled clothing, his balance and concentration totally destroyed by his change in midair. His cheeks burned with humiliation as he tried to dig his way out of his now oversized shirt.
“Heh, looks like I win this round.” he heard Robin’s voice call out, mocking him.

Mike: Oh.
Brad: *shakes his head* Real manly Robin.

---

Mike: Hit the road line break, and don’t ya come back no more.

“Dude, that was so not cool!” came Beast Boy’s growl from beside her. For once she agreed with Beast Boy one hundred percent. She could already feel the lost boy’s rather delicate sense of self control begin to disintegrate.

Sam: Yeah this won’t end well.

The sad part was that she wasn’t really surprised. She knew how much Robin hated losing; he had already proved time and again what insane lengths he would go to for a win. However this time she was worried that her fearless leader’s drive to win may have gotten him into more trouble than he could handle.
She highly doubted that the lost boy was just going to give up now.

Brad: Duh.

---

Zack: Line Breaks, the other filler.

“Oh dear.” said Cologne apprehensively. She noticed the look her unusual neighbor leveled at her. “What do you mean Elder, has not Robin defeated Ryouga now that he is unable to fight?” the alien girl asked her.
Cologne shook her head sadly, strangely disappointed by the girls naiveté. “Your friend is a very clever warrior, while some may question his tactics, in a true battle one can never hold back. Were this a life or death battle, I would have applauded Robin’s ingenuity in fighting such a superior foe.” she admitted. The boy did have potential, and an understanding of what it meant to truly fight for one’s life, not just engage in pointless duels as Ranma and his friends were so want to do.

Mike: It’s not cheating if you win?

“But Ryouga considered this to be an honorable duel, so he is unlikely to be equally impressed by your friend’s intelligence. And Robin has made a grave tactical error if he believes the lost boy will surrender in light of the new situation.” she explained to the young girl.
“I believe things are going to get somewhat ugly soon.”

Brad: Let me guess…line break.

---

Brad: Die in a fire you predictable bastard.

Raven could sense the anger and embarrassment boiling over from both boys. It seemed Robin hadn’t taken their prank nearly as well as Beast Boy had. And though Ryouga had been enjoying the fight, the activation of his curse had pushed him over the edge. She decided to stop the fight before it got out of hand; they were both getting worked up over nothing.

Sam: This is really stupid.
Zack: Aka on par with the rest of the story.

Boys could be such babies sometimes. It amazed her that two people she respected so much could be getting so angry over a simple sparring match.
She moved forward and prepared to use her power to separate the two overly immature warriors. But a hand on her shoulder stopped her. Raven turned to see the woman that Starfire had been speaking with the night before holding her back. Elder Perfume if she recalled.

Mike: No one interferes with the battle of immature idiots.

The dark titan raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Those two would likely be most upset with you if you interrupted their duel now. They are young and feel they have something to prove, anything less than finishing this battle now will only breed resentment and cause the situation to repeat again and again.” the strangely young looking elder told her.

Zack: Yeah, better to let them kill each other.

Raven sighed aloud. That sounded exactly like something Robin would do. Considering how obsessed he had become over battling Slade . . . She shuddered at the idea of her leader becoming that intense over fighting Ryouga.
She nodded slowly. “Fine, but if I feel anyone is in danger, I will stop this fight.” she threatened.
Perfume nodded in agreement.

Brad: And we know she’s serious because she said “will” in bold!

---

Sam: Give me a line break.

Robin smirked as he watched the lost boy finish struggling out of his clothes. The now-young boy had torn off his belt and cinched it around his waist, turning his long t-shirt into a small dress. His opponent looked really angry now.

Zack: Uh, yeah…that’s dumb.

Good, now they were even.

Mike: Uh…when did he make you wear a dress?

Robin decided to end this quickly. He walked over to the seething boy and pushed on the youth’s head to knock him over. Sure, it was an immature thing to do, but Ryouga was just a kid now and he didn’t want to hit him or anything.

Brad: This is the dumbest fight I’ve ever read.

The uppercut slammed into his chin with enough force to flip him over entirely. The masked vigilante landed heavily on his chest, the wind rushing out of his lungs. How the hell had that happened! Ryouga was a kid now, how had he hit him so hard?

Sam: *Nelson voice* HA HA!

He pushed himself up to his feet. Before him the lost boy was standing in an advanced martial stance, nearly vibrating with anger.

Zack: Yeah that’s kinda disturbing.

The cursed martial artist glared at him with hatred in his eyes. “ROBIN! PREPARE TO DIE!” and the tiny martial artist charged him.

Sam: My name is Ryoga Hibiki, you turned me into a child…prepare to die.

Robin dodged the boy’s haymaker, sliding to the side. He then drove an elbow into the angry boy’s solar plexus. The strike hit home and he saw the lost boy’s eyes nearly bulge out in shock at the pain of the attack. Ryouga stumbled back several steps, gingerly rubbing his chest, but not losing his footing.

Mike: So…many…innuendos.

Heh, the lost boy was still pretty strong, but he had lost a lot of speed and toughness in the change. Robin was pretty sure he could win now, if he was careful.
Apparently Ryouga had realized the same thing, probably still shocked at feeling his attack. The wandering martial artist took a more defensive stance before moving cautiously towards Robin.

Brad: Is the entire chapter just this stupid fight?

Once they were in range again, Robin flashed out a kick, hoping to use his now superior reach to wear down his opponent. Ryouga blocked the kick hard and dove in with a punch.
They went back and forth like this for at least a minute, limbs flashing almost too fast to see, a flurry of strikes, blocks and feints, both martial artist desperately looking for an opening in their opponent’s defense.

Zack: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

Robin broke off first and leapt into the air, sailing over the lost boy’s head.

Sam: Okay you can stop calling him that now. Seriously, think of a new way to describe him.

His momentum jerked to a stop as he felt a powerful hand wrap around his ankle. He slammed painfully into the ground, lances of pain running up and down his spine. Quickly he pulled his trapped leg to his chest and kicked out as hard as he could with his free leg. Robin felt the satisfying thud of boot on flesh and heard Ryouga roll backwards.

Mike: That’s kinda disturbing.

He quickly kippup’d to his feet and charged the fallen child. Ryouga was still on his back, still rubbing his already sore chest. His eyes narrowed as he saw Robin charging him.
Suddenly the prone boy slammed both hands to his sides, digging his fingers into the ground.

Brad: Heh, he fingered the dirt.

“BAKUSAI TENKETSU!”
The explosion was deafening, Robin was thrown back by the dual blasts and harshly pelted with rocks and debris from the attacks. Luckily his costume and cape kept him from being too badly cut from the sharper pieces. As it was the titan skidded to a stop near the edge of the circle.
Ryouga was already on his feet, his shirt was badly torn and he seemed to be bleeding from several cuts now. Strange that, the lost boy hadn’t even been bruised when he had blown Cinderblock apart, and that explosion was much more intense. He didn’t have time to think about the situation though, the tiny martial artist was already charging again, all caution blown to the wind.

Zack: Seriously, this fight isn’t interesting. Just end it!

The lost boy was telegraphing his powerful punch from a mile away. Robin prepared a suitable defense and counter, when suddenly the wanderer slid like a baseball player stealing home.

Sam: WHAT IS WITH THESE STUPID ANALOGIES!?
Mike: I get the analogies; but they are just DUMB.

Ryouga’s foot slammed into Robin’s ankle like a bowling ball. The titan felt the uncomfortable sensation of his bones grinding together before his feet left the ground altogether.

Brad: Ow.

Robin hung in the air for a scant second, practically horizontal to the ground below him from the force of the kick. Ryouga’s slide stopped, leaving the lost boy lying directly under Robin’s floating form. For a fraction of a second they faced each other as if standing before one another on solid ground.
“An Opening!” snarled the lost boy.

Zack: …please don’t attack his ass.

Ryouga’s arms both flashed forward in a double palm strike to Robin’s exposed sternum. The potent attack launched Robin’s form rag dolling into the air. The lost boy then quickly performed a back roll into a crouch and launched himself up at the masked hero’s airborne form.
Robin couldn’t do anything, his breath had completely deserted him and he was disoriented from his wild flight. A hammer blow to his back sent him flying back to the ground. He retained just enough sense to roll on his landing and skidded for several feet to rest on his injured back.

Mike: Is it over yet?

His breathing was ragged and his torso burned from the repeated and heavy impacts. A shadow darkened his vision. Robin looked up to see the lost boy standing above his head, glaring down at him.
“Do you yield?” asked the cursed youth angrily.

All 4: YES!

Robin planted both hands onto the ground beside him and swept his legs up and into Ryouga’s face in a powerful double kick. The lost boy flew back several feet and landed in a heap. The titan leader continued his roll and landed on his feet.
“What do you think?” he replied sarcastically.

Zack: I think you’re a tool.

---

Brad: Bang your head! Line breaks will drive you mad!

Raven glowered at the spectacle before her. Those two idiots looked like they were trying to kill each other. This pissing contest had become totally blown out of proportion.

Mike: Pissing contest?
Sam: Oh my god this author is retarded.

If either of them survived this fight she was going to kill them herself!

Zack: Yeah that’s constructive.

She reeled suddenly, clutching her forehead in pain. She felt Beast Boy grab her and steady her. “What’s wrong Raven?” he asked, concerned. Raven couldn’t even answer him, the veil of negative emotions that had descended on her overwhelming her ability to speak.
She was somewhat better prepared this time, thanks to her brief training with Cologne, but it was still incredibly difficult to ward off the onslaught of emotions. The empathic Titan knew exactly what the dark wave of feeling heralded.

Sam: God I hope it’s the end of the fight.

It was time to end this!

All 4: THANK GOD!

---

All 4: FUCK YOU!

Ryouga was bloody, bruised and beaten. He knew he was going to lose at this rate, all because yet another person had taken advantage of his accursed curse. Even his own techniques betrayed him. The Bakusai Tenketsu had ravaged him like never before; his young body apparently did not share the benefits of the harsh training regimen. He had nearly blacked out right there.
He was worthless as a martial artist; he was going to lose to this neophyte in the martial arts. And he had been humiliated in front of dozens of people, women no less. He mentally derided himself; if Ranma had been fighting he would have found a way to end the fight long ago. Ranma would never have fallen for such a simple ploy; the titan never even would have touched Ranma.

Mike: Yeah you suck, get over it.

Damnit! Ranma still haunted him, even after Ryouga had sworn to leave everything of his life in Nerima behind.

Sam: Despite the fact that you reference it very five seconds…

He slowly rose to his feet, facing the cocky teen before him. The smile was same, he could nearly see his arch rival’s face overlay the titan’s for a moment.
With out any conscious thought on his part, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. He felt the tug of gravity increase several fold, his chi pulling him inexorably down, his angst spiraling out of control.

All 4: EMO BEAM!

The masked vigilante before him seemed confused, he had no idea what was about to happen. He just held his defensive pose and watched the lost boy cautiously.
Ryouga felt his energy begin to condense into a sphere before him. It was fascinating, the chi seemingly moving of its own volition, as if lion roar shot was as natural as breathing.

Zack: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!

It would be a shame to waste such eager energy.
“SHI SHI HOUKODAN!” he yelled loudly.

Mike: Yeah this won’t end well.

The sphere fired from his outstretched hands like the bullet it was named for, quickly expanding to roughly four feet in diameter. It tore a furrow in the ground as it blasted through the air towards his shocked enemy, the sound of its passage a wail of the damned.
It slammed into an impenetrable wall of inky blackness and exploded violently. Suddenly the lost boy found himself bound in a cocoon of the same energy and lifted from the ground. He noticed that Robin was similarly caught and was being brought over to his position.

Sam: Oh, I guess God was sick of this fight too.

The two of them glanced at each other in confusion. What was going on? What had happened to his Shi Houkodan? What was holding them in the air like that? Robin broke off the staring contest, looking at someone in the crowd. Ryouga idly followed the other boy’s line of sight.

Zack: Dammit Jesus let us fight!

All of the emotions drained from him as if he were a sieve, all save one. He felt a tingle of fear run up his spine and Raven floated forward and away from the crowd. The Amazons closest to her began backing away quickly, trying to gain as much ground as possible. Only Beast Boy remained by her side, smiling wickedly and in full agreement with Raven’s intent.

Brad: Uh oh! They’re in trouble!

The dark titan stopped before their floating forms, anger clear on her usually delicate features.
“That. Is. Enough.” she demanded, deceptively quietly.

Sam: I. Have had. Enough. OF YOU!

And so it was.

Mike: And that’s the way it was.

---

All 4: LINE BREAKS ARE PEOPLE!

Starfire let out a loud humph of annoyance and turned her back on the two males. She noticed that her friend Raven was doing the same. Not that the Tamaranian could blame her. Those two boys had been acting like . . . like zordmorking chlorbags!

Sam: What in the hell now?
Zack: Does that even mean anything?
Brad: Getting Crap Passed the Radar; if it’s not in English you can’t get hit for it.
Mike: Not like that’s stopped this guy.

Friends should never battle each other with such aggression. Quite frankly she did not wish to speak to either of the males after that immature display.
She turned back for a moment. The two boys in question sat on a bench by the far wall of Cologne’s living room. Shamefaced and with heads held low, they silently endured the scolding that Cologne was giving them. The old woman was lecturing Robin on the proper protocal of duels while berating Ryouga for using such a dangerous attack on someone that could not defend against it. Beast Boy wasn’t helping their case much, butting in with a crude remark every few moments on their foolish actions.

Zack: *snicker* They got a time out!

The Tamaranian caught her friend Raven’s gaze and motioned for the door. She was glad the boys were getting a suitable punishment for their actions, but didn’t feel the need to watch. Her friend seemed to agree.
Together the two of them floated out of the house, slamming the door loudly behind them.

Brad: Is this going anywhere?

---

Mike: Shoot first, line break later.

Cologne heard the door slam and let out a happy cackle. “Heh, I thought those two would never leave!” she exclaimed excitedly. “Now we can actually get down to business.”

Sam: Wait what?

The three boys still in the room stared at her as if she had gone mad. “Um Granny? Weren’t you just in the middle of yelling at these two guys about going totally crazy during the fight?” asked the changeling. Heh heh, such a simple child, yet so amusing.
“Bah! That fight was just getting interesting! I was just putting on a show for your two friends, they’re far too sensitive to deal with the true rigors of the martial arts.” she told the green hued youth.

Zack: So they almost kill each other and she finds it interesting?
Brad: Everyone in this fic is an idiot.

Robin looked confused. “So you weren’t really angry at Ryouga for using his chi attack on me?” he asked.
She bonked him on the head with her new staff. Sigh, it just didn’t feel the same yet, she’d have to work it in more. “Don’t be daft boy, his attack possessed all of the emotionally charged chi of an eight year old child, impressive as the attack looked it would have done little more than give you a few bruises!” she cackled.
Really, if he was going to be so skittish over something like that, maybe he didn’t deserve training. What if she decided to start slamming him into boulders?
Ryouga, back in his normal form, was still seemed a bit angry. “But he used my curse against me! That was a dishonorable tactic!” he bellowed.

Sam: Whiney bastard.

She slammed her staff home again, it resounded nicely against the lost boy’s thick skull. Ahh it was getting better already.

Mike: Yeah I’d rather not hear more about your relationship with your staff.

“Fool boy! You were toying with him like a child out there, I found it appropriate that he would return the favor. Besides, I think it did you some good. You’ve become complacent with the level of protection that the Bakusai Tenketsu training has granted for you. You rely on it more than you should and it’s made you sloppy. In the short few seconds you were changed, your fighting style changed immediately as well; to a more intelligent style I might add.”
“Um, so you aren’t really mad about anything and you don’t actually care that they were tearing eachother apart out there?” asked the changeling again.

All 4: Smack.

She regarded him for a moment.
BONK!

All 4: Die in a fire.

She gave him a hit, if only so he didn’t feel left out. Yes, this staff was getting worked in nicely with these three.

Zack: And later she’ll be tampering with the vibration feature.

“Tearing eachother apart? Don’t be a fool, that fight was tame compared to many of the duels I have seen in my day. And it gave me invaluable information on how to begin my training of both of these talentless young males.” she replied.
Ryouga jumped up, startled. “Talentless? What do you mean by that? I don’t need your training!” he yelled angrily. She sat him back down with the business end of her staff.

Sam: Oh god…

“Foolish boy, I could spot a dozen holes in your style, I don’t know what you’ve been doing these past several weeks, but it hasn’t been training. I’ve seen you fight much better against my future son-in-law. So what is it boy? Why have you been neglecting your training?” she asked the boy pointedly.
He sniffed loudly and looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” And clammed up.

Brad: I hope someone drops a nuke on this village.

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at the impertinant boy. “Very well, you can keep your secrets, for now. But I won’t have my future son-in-law’s only decently skilled rival let his skills atrophy to nothing over some most likely foolish reason.” she barked.
The lost boy seemed somewhat offended, but was smart enough to hold his silence.

Zack: First time for everything.

“Heh, cool, so you’re gonna totally train my two buddies here into totally bad ass butt kickers?” asked Beast Boy.

Mike: Bad ass…
Sam: …butt kickers?
Both: DIE BEAST BOY!

She pinned him with a withering gaze. “I plan on training you all to be competent fighters. You don’t think this is an exotic resort do you? I said you were all my pupils and while you’re here you will be receiving training.” she said icily.

Brad: Oh no.

The boy shrunk back from her imposing glare, laughing nervously. “Heh heh, um yeah, training, I’m all about that, gotta love that kung fu fighting . . .” he blurted out warily.
Robin stood up confidently. “I’m on board, I nearly got beat up by an eight year old, I’ll take whatever training you can give me.” he smiled good naturdly at the lost boy beside him.
Ryouga grunted, but a small smile formed on his lips. “I suppose I have let myself go a bit lately, and helping these guys has helped me remember that there’s more to fight for than just trying to beat Ranma.” he said.

Zack: I hate these characters.
Sam: I think they’re worse than Sonic.
Brad: Woa now.
Sam: …yeah, Sonic was worse.

Beast Boy nearly jumped in excitement now. “Alright, we’re all on board, when do we get started.” he asked.

Mike: As soon as you learn how to use correct punctuation.

Cologne considered that. “We’ll start after lunch, now you two.” She pointed to Robin and Ryouga “go out there and act as if I’ve broken your pathetic male spirits, girls love that. And it just might garner you enough sympathy that those two lovely ladies might actually speak to you again.” she chuckled loudly.

Zack: However you’re both still fucking stupid so good luck with that.

The two boys smiled mischievously, and then donned the most put-out expressions they could muster, not a far stretch for the lost boy really, and left the building. The changeling was almost ready to follow them, so she hooked her staff over his shoulder and pulled him back.
He turned back, nervous again. “Eh heh, so what about me teach?” he queried.

Sam: Eat him.

She gazed at him owlishly.
“You and I are going to have a conversation concerning that nice young girl Spice that you’ve been seen gallivanting around with.” She said accusingly.

Brad: He’s in trouble.

The poor boy gulped loudly

All 4: THAT’S WHAT SHE DID!

---

Brad: Dude looks like a line break!

Raven sat with her friend and the elder which had seemed to taking a liking to the Tamaranian. They were currently lounging around a nicely made table on the second floor balcony of the elder’s luxurious home. Perfume had even provided them with some very tasty herbal tea that she couldn’t identify.

Sam: Please let that be an aphrodisiac.

She was enjoying it quite a bit, not to mention the calming atmosphere away from immature boys.
“Are you sure you aren’t being too hard on them? What’s the outsider phrase . . . “Boys will be boys?”” asked the elder in question. Starfire seemed to consider her question seriously. “Perhaps, however I am still disturbed that they would fight so, I have never seen Robin fight a friend so seriously.” She replied.
“They nearly killed each other over a stupid prank and some laughter; those two have enough pride to choke an elephant.” Raven added, somewhat bitterly. Starfire gasped slightly, probably at the thought of animal abuse, thought the dark teen.

Mike: Uh…okay.

Perfume scoffed at that. “They were hardly trying to kill each other. Like most exceptional martial artists they simply take their training very seriously. You’ve likely never seen your young friend spar like that before because he’s never had anyone close to his skill level to fight with before.” she tried to explain to the two titans.
Raven sighed, that did seem to make some sense; Robin rarely ever sparred with any of them, and usually went easy when he did. Hmm very much like how Ryouga was going easy on the masked teen for the first half of the fight. Really the fight hadn’t gotten serious until they had been placed on a similar plateau of ability. It wasn’t until the outcome of the fight had actually come into question that both boys had really started to fight for it.

Brad: Exposition! The fic lengthener!

Starfire nodded in understanding as well. “I believe I understand. So you are saying that Robin and Ryouga do not feel the hate for each other?” she asked, obviously concerned.
Perfume shook her head sagely. “Of course not, outsider males are often hot headed and competitive. They constantly butt heads like rams, striving for dominance, but when the dust has settled they act like they never fought at all.”
Heh, that sounded like how Beast Boy and Cyborg fought over that infernal Game Station. One moment they were trying to kill each other, the next they were playing like the best friends they were. Was this just an example of something that simple taken to a ludicrous level?

Zack: Too bad we don’t care.

She took another sip of her tea. Perfume nodded. “It’s not really just a male issue, martial artists in general tend act that way, fighting epic duels over nothing in particular, all in the ongoing quest to perfect one’s skills. I myself have been guilty of similar actions.” she admitted, smiling wryly.
Starfire didn’t look convinced. She wrung her hands in worry. “I do not know if I am comfortable with the idea of two of my friends maiming one another in constant battle.” said the worried Tamaranian.
The beautiful elder rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to like it, just accept it. It’s a part of who they are. You know, you seem awfully squeamish about your friend getting hurt in training considering you spend most of your time fighting psychotic villains that actually are intent on killing and maiming all of you.” joked the Amazon.

Sam: You actually expect anything in this story to make sense?

Hmm, when she put it like that, getting mad at the two boys over a little scuffle did seem a bit trite. Of course that didn’t mean she was going to let them off easy, both of them needed to learn to control their emotions. Both had such short tempers, as well as Robin being hyper competitive and Ryouga over sensitive.
She glanced over at her titian hued friend. Well, she supposed she didn’t have to worry about Robin’s problems really; he was already in good hands. The only question was whether or not she should still attempt to help the lost boy.

All 4: CAUSE THIS IS FILLER! FILLER NIGHT!
WE HAVE TO ANALYZE EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT!

She didn’t really know him that well, though she had quickly become somewhat fond of him. He was possessed of many faults and she was starting to believe that he had a hidden dark side as well. He had threatened to kill Robin in the middle of the fight.
Heh, Raven shook her head ruefully. What was she thinking? She had lost track of how many times she had threatened to kill her fellow teammates in jest. What kind of hero, or even friend would she be if she turned her back on a person that truly needed a helping hand?

Zack: We don’t care.
Brad: Move the plot forward and stop stalling with filler.

Besides, she still had some rather vivid images of the lost boy in mid training last night running through her head. Her cheeks tinged slightly against her will.
“Awwww! Behold our comrades, they appear quite forlorn!” Starfire’s outburst stunned her from her daydream. She followed her friend’s line of sight and saw what the alien was talking about.
Walking down the beaten dirt path that ran between the houses, heads hung low; were Robin and Ryouga. Well, at least it appeared that Cologne’s speech had had an effect, and they didn’t seem to be angry with each other anymore.

Mike: Please tell me this means the story will actually snap out of its coma.

“Let us go down and give the comforting to our saddened friends Raven.” cooed the Tamaranian. She then suited action to words and floated off of the balcony towards the two boys.
Humph, as if.

Zack: As if!
Sam: Totally!

She took another sip of the delicious tea and let out a sigh of contentment. She noticed that Perfume was giving her an expectant look.
“What?” the dark titan asked her politely.
The elder’s eyes traced Starfire’s path, then returned to rest on her.

Brad: She just checked out Starfire’s ass.

“I don’t do comforting.” She enunciated clearly for her pushy hostess.

Sam: Then just blow him.

Perfume’s stare became more intense, speaking volumes even as the graceful elder quietly sipped from her own fine tea cup.
Raven felt the desire to be stubborn on this topic for some reason. “They deserved the scolding they got, I’m not going to go down there and undo it all by telling them that all is forgiven.” she explained.

Mike: She eventually gives up and goes to comfort the moron.

The elder’s stare intensified yet again, and one of her eyebrows rose questioningly.
Raven rolled her eyes in frustration. “Fine, whatever. I’ll go down and make sure they weren’t too traumatized from the tongue lashing they received.” With that she levitated from her seat and levitated down to where Starfire was already crushing Robin with one of her hugs.

Mike: Called it. Stupid predictable fic.

She didn’t quite hear the elder’s parting words as she left.
“Heh, all too easy.”

Sam: Ugh…let me guess…line break.

---

Sam: *puts pillow over head and punches it*

Cyborg swept his scanners across another section of the clearing. They had been at it for pretty much the whole morning. It had surprised him how early they had gotten there that morning, these Amazons sure made good time.

Brad: Oh right…this character.

They had already loaded all of the relatively undamaged pods into wagons along with almost all of the larger pieces of Beast Boy’s central section.

Zack: …I don’t want to know anything about Beast Boy’s central section.

It was kind of unfortunate that it was BB’s that got smashed, it was the lynch pin that held the others together, so it had to be fixed even if the other sections weren’t too bad off.
Now he was doing careful scans of the clearing, cleverly sectioned off into quadrants. He wanted to find any small and potentially crucial pieces that might have survived the fight. “Cyborg, I have found another component.” sounded Lotion’s lyrical voice. The shapely and intelligent Amazon glided over, a small piece of circuitry cradled in her hands.

Sam: This author doesn’t get out much.

She held up the circuit for his inspection. He did a quick scan with his artificial eye. “Great job Lotion! That circuit is still in good condition too, I’ll be able to use that.” he cheered enthusiastically. Lotion graced him with another of her stunning smiles then moved off towards the wagon to place the piece with the others they had found.
Cyborg smiled goofily as she walked off. After a moment he shook his head and looked back to what he was doing. Only to find himself staring into the unimpressed face of the Amazon he had been working with just moments ago.

Mike: Filler?
Sam: Super filler.

“Um, yeah, heh heh, sure is good that she found that circuit, couldn’t have fixed the ship without it ye know . . .” he stuttered out. No good, she was never going to believe him considering he couldn’t speak her language.

Zack: Shouldn’t he have a universal translator or something?
Brad: Logic does not exist within these walls!
Zack: Oh.

Then the Amazon’s face split into an impish grin. She elbowed him playfully and gave him the thumbs up signal.

All 4: OH GOD…

Heh, these Amazons had been hanging around him too much. He smiled and returned the gesture. The girl nodded happily, and then pointed to the display on his arm.
Alright, time to get back to work. He figured they’d be there another half hour at the max, and then they could head back to the village.
He glanced over in Lotion’s direction again.
Not that he was in a hurry by any means.

Brad: *grabs the pillow from Sam and punches his own face into it*

---

Mike: No bad writer can resist…the evil of the line break.

“Well.” Raven began. “Did Cologne put you two in your place over your grudge match?”
Robin nodded. “Yeah, she told us exactly what she thought of our fight.” he answered.
Hmm, what an odd choice of words. Well no matter really.

Sam: Ugh!

“Well, now that I finally know what actually happened this morning –“started Robin, pausing slightly to glare playfully and Ryouga and herself. “- I think we should go somewhere so I can explain exactly why I woke up in your bed this morning alright Star?” he asked the Tamaranian, his cheeks burning slightly.

All 4: SOUNDS BONERIFIC!

“Of course Robin, I am never opposed to the spending of the time with you.” she latched onto the shorter boys arm like a lamprey and all but dragged the poor vigilante off.
That of course left Raven standing there with her intended prey. It was funny how things worked out sometimes, Starfire was really too predictable when it came to Robin.

Zack: This whole story is getting predictable.

“Um, so . . . what do we do for lunch here?” she asked uncertainly.
The lost boy smiled at her warmly. “I think I have an idea. How about a picnic?” he asked.
Hmm, how could she say no to that?

Mike: By saying no?

Some twenty minutes later they found themselves roughly twenty minutes away from the village.

Brad: You know what an aneurism is?
Zack: Yeah.
Brad: I think I’m having one right now.

Ryouga was already beginning to build a small cooking fire and pulling various gear and supplies from his packs.
He turned and smiled. “Usually I just keep ramen packets in my back pack, but every once in awhile I like to stock up on dried and preserved supplies, so I can actually make myself a decent meal from time to time.” he explained.

Sam: We don’t care. Just get this bit of forced romance over with!

She chuckled wryly. “Heh I hope you didn’t invite me out all this way just to impress me with cup’ a soup.” she offered him a good humored smile.
“Of course not, I have more than enough ingredients here to make a pretty good stew. Not that I’m much of a cook, but I get a lot of practice being by myself so much.” he explained. He then shuffled through his pack for more ingredients. After a moment he came up with two small packages.

Mike: I’d rather not hear about Ryoga’s package.

The first package he looked at guiltily and slipped back into his pack. Interesting. The other one he snorted at and tossed away. Hmm, maybe it had expired; why else throw away an unopened package of ingredients.
Curious, she levitated the package into her hands. “Mushrooms?” she mused aloud. Ryouga turned to look at her, slightly embarrassed. “I . . . don’t really eat mushrooms anymore . . . a friend of mine and I had a – a pretty bad experience with mushrooms once.” He answered her unasked question cryptically.

Zack: Hallucinogens will do that to ya.

Hmm, that was odd, the two packages looked very similar, why keep one and toss the other. Now even more curious, she waited for Ryouga to return his attention to the cooking pot. As soon as he did she scooted over and dug into his massive back pack.
She giggled quietly as she read the package and quickly returned it before the lost boy checked up on her again. She then shuffled back to where she had been sitting before.

Mike: Boring and pointless.

“So Ryouga, have you considered what you’re going to do after all of this?” she asked idly, making conversation.
He glanced at her, obviously not understanding. “After all of what?”

Sam: After the hot sex.

She waved her hand around absently. “You know, this? After helping us out and training at the village. What do you plan to do after Cyborg has finally fixed the T-Ship and we’re ready to leave?” she inquired of the young man.
He dumped a few various food stuffs into the pot. “I hadn’t really thought about it that way. I suppose after you’ve all left I’ll just go back to my wandering, perfecting my martial arts. Pretty much what I’ve always done.” he answered, somewhat sadly, apparently he hadn’t really thought ahead to the time when they would inevitably leave.
She felt a little bad about mentioning it to him now. “That sounds like an awfully lonely existence.” she blurted out, not even realizing until too late.

Brad: We don’t care. This is dumb! This is madness!
Zack: No, this…is…FUCKING BORING!

He nodded in that sad but trying to be noble about it manner. “I’m used to it, besides it’s not like I really have a choice in the matter. I don’t have anywhere to go anymore, and it’s not like I could get there if I did.” he muttered.
“Well, you know . . .” she started shyly. “There’s always one place that you’ll be welcome after these past days.” she told him, blushing brightly. She was just glad he was watching the stew cook and couldn’t see it.

Sam: Oh my god stop stalling and fucking ask him to go back home with you…bitch.

“Really? Where’s that?” he asked, somewhat hopefully. She smiled. “You’ll always be welcome at our Tower in Jump city, if you ever make it that way. You’ve helped us out a lot these past few days, it’s the least we could do.” she offered.
He turned and smiled brightly. “Thank you Raven, you don’t know how much that means to me. I promise that I’ll find my way to Jump city, no matter what it takes.” his cheeks were burning brightly as well now.

Mike: No you won’t.

They sat in comfortable silence after that, idly waiting for the stew to cook.
She didn’t say anything, but she’d had better stew.

Sam: Why?

---

Zack: I should’ve been the one to fill your line break with LIIIIIIGHT!

After lunch had been served and eaten, Cologne began to herd up her pupils and segregate them into the various training regimens she had planned for them.
Raven, Robin and Ryouga were the simplest to deal with. Robin she placed with the younger girls to train. The average age of the girls in that group was from ten to twelve. So that should not only begin to teach Robin many of the basic subtleties of the Amazon martial arts, it should give him ample reason to push himself to his limits so as not to be embarrassed by a group of young girls. A win-win situation really, foisting him off on someone else and embarrassing him at the same time.

All 4: Bitch.

Raven she had all but locked in her private meditation room. She had left her a number of scrolls she had translated the night before, each one detailing the meditation techniques she had already begun teaching the girl. Cologne was certain that the girl was clever enough that she would make excellent progress without the need of a nagging old woman to be watching over her shoulder.

Mike: Yeah, because she can read ancient Chinese.

Ryouga she simply spent a solid thirty minutes or so smashing his head with her cane and pointing out how much his skills had deteriorated since last she had seen him. Of course his skills hadn’t really decreased that much, just his drive to perfect his skills. Figuring that she had properly motivated him, with a little help from the violet haired beauty that he seemed so smitten with, she had then pointed out several areas that she believed he should work on to increase his overall skill level.

Sam: Such as his thrusting technique.

She was certain that he could train himself for at least the first week before he would begin to need more advanced training to actually increase his abilities.
That left her with the intriguing alien girl and the amusing shape changing boy. Luckily the first issue resolved itself easily. Elder Perfume offered to take young Starfire under her wing and begin training her in the basics of Amazon Wu Shu. Cologne couldn’t see any problem with that; though young, Perfume was still competent enough to have ascended to the position of Elder already. And she was interested to see how far the young alien’s skills would grow under the dedicated instruction of a master such as Perfume.
Strangely, that meant that of all the children present, her sole pupil would be the impish Beast Boy. Which was just as well, she had a lot of work to do on that one. And the idea of teaching Animal styles of Kung Fu to a person that could actually change into animals held a certain amount of perverse amusement in its own right.

Zack: I hate everything right now.

That and she had to begin his training in the Chinese language as well, if he was to be wooing a fine young Amazon like Spice, well, the least he could do was speak her language.

All 4: BAD IDEA!

And thus the days training began.

Mike: And thus we didn’t care.

---

All 4: LINE BREAK LINE BREAK! ROCK THE LINE BREAK! LINE BREAK BALL Z!

The day passed quite quickly for Cologne, though her pupil seemed to think otherwise. He was positively drained, but it had been quite an entertaining training session. She looked forward to the next several weeks.

All 4: WEEKS!?

Hmm Cologne wondered if Perfume would be willing to place a bet on whose student progressed faster over the next few weeks. Of course Perfume seemed to have the advantage, her student being much stronger and already possessed of some unknown fighting style she couldn’t identify. But Cologne had experience on her side and she felt that the changeling’s unique nature could yield some very interesting results.

Sam: Oh god.

Bah! Oh well.
Later that evening the cybernetic Titan returned from his trip along with Lotion and the score or so of other Amazons she had sent along. The youth had almost instantly begun work on his damaged technological wonder. He had even somehow enlisted Lotion into his work effort, apparently teaching her about his science even as they worked.
She shook her head, bemused. Of course Lotion would agree to anything if she got the chance to learn from it. Cologne had offered to begin training the large titan male, but he had graciously refused. She grudgingly admitted that while learning the martial techniques could help him fight, the training itself would do nothing to increase his conditioning or fitness.

Brad: And we care why?

Not that he needed it; she had watched him lift one of the smashed ship sections off a wagon with no effort at all. The section had to have weighed at least two tons, even the lost boy would have strained himself lifting that, if he could at all. The boy, Cyborg, did agree to join her tutoring sessions for Beast Boy. Though not overly interested in learning their fighting styles, he was interested in learning the language. She even enlisted Lotion to assist her in the teaching.

Zack: *Takes a deep breath* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!

After the errant titan’s return, things fell into a comfortable routine for Cologne. The children would spend their days training and their nights socializing, well on those rare nights they weren’t too exhausted to move at all. She had even convinced several of the Titans to tell the village tales of exciting adventures and beings of incredible power.
Eventually the first week passed, far too fast for Cologne’s taste. And as predicted, Ryouga had finally regained the peak of his conditioning. It was time to move onto the next stage. Of course she would need some help, but a perfect volunteer made herself known quite eagerly.

Sam: At least it skipped a week…

---

Mike: He’ll recommend you to the line break in the sky.

Ryouga was standing in the middle of the field that Cologne had led him to. She had left almost immediately after, saying that she needed to gather the training equipment. Before she left she had told him to relax and meditate while she was away.
Ryouga didn’t really do meditation though. So he had decided to pass the time thinking of more constructive things. He had worked hard the past week, correcting all the flaws that Cologne had pointed out in his technique. Really, training was so much easier when you had a master willing to help you.
He was sure that was one of the main reasons that Ranma had always managed to stay one step ahead of him. Sure his father was a useless old Panda, but he was still a master of the martial arts, and he trained Ranma intensely every day.

Zack: Training helps you get better? Wow, what a shock.

Ryouga still recalled the time when Genma had trained him, in order to get revenge on Ranma for stealing his pastry. The memory still caused him to burn with anger, but as terrible a person as the elder Saotome was, he had taught Ryouga well. After only a short time training, Ryouga had nearly had Ranma on the ropes, and without using any special techniques at all. If only the fat man hadn’t interfered.
Oh well, that was in the past now, like most of his life. New images filled his mind now. Memories, fresh and vibrant, memories of his many late night talks with the darkly alluring titan. A smile formed on his face unbidden. He could scarcely remember the last time he had been as happy as he had been over the past week. He wasn’t sure he had been.

All 4: GAG!

His musings were cut short by the sound of someone approaching. He turned to regard Cologne as she returned from the village. Strange, she didn’t have any equipment with her. Stranger yet, she wasn’t alone. Starfire was floating behind her, waving happily to Ryouga as she approached. She had a small sack slung over her shoulder.

Brad: His balls are in there.

He smiled and waved back. Ryouga had become quite fond of Starfire over the past week as well. She was a fascinating mix Kasumi and Shampoo as far as he could tell. She was easily the nicest, and strongest, girl he had ever met, but was still fun and entertaining to speak with. She had a love of life that he envied as well. And unlike Shampoo, she didn’t totally ignore him either.

Sam: Oh god.

Cologne hopped up to him. “I see you meditate standing up eh boy?” she asked sarcastically. He waved dismissively. “I waited here didn’t I?” he responded grumpily.
She lashed out, faster than he could respond to, burying her staff in his skull for the umpteenth time that week.

Mike: Okay the staff hitting thing is getting really old now.

“You had better start clearing your mind of such angry thoughts, or this training is going to take forever.” she grumbled at him.
He rubbed his head absently. “What are you talking about Granny, what training am I going through?” he asked.
Cologne turned and nodded to Starfire. Said alien squealed in joy and pulled the contents out of the bag.

Zack: …kinky!

“I am getting to help you with your new and fascinating training! Heeheehee!” she giggled happily. In her hands rested a strangely familiar looking suit.
“Oh no, you can’t be serious!” he nearly shouted.

Brad: Huh?

She replied smugly. “Of course I am boy!”
“You are going to learn the Hiryua Shoten Ha!”

Sam: Whatever…I’m just glad this chapter is over.

VincentX: Bippity, Boppity…BUU!
*BAMF!*
Jerry: Majin Buu?
VincentX: Spelling jokes are fun! Everyone else announce yourselves!
Zack: I’m still here.
Jess: I’m back…
Lauren: I’m here!

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and The Lost Boy
I don’t own Teen Titans or Ranma One Half.

Jerry: Nor do we want you to.

Stuff happens, People talk, Food is prepared, yes, this chapter has it all, and MORE!

Zack: Boredom, boredom and MORE BOREDOM!

Enjoy.

All 4: We won’t.

---

Jess: It’s a damn cold line break.

Ryouga looked at the withered old Ghoul in disbelief. “Are you crazy? I couldn’t do the Hiryua Shoten Ha if my life depended on it.” Really, what was she thinking? He didn’t have the mentality to even attempt the powerful technique; it relied on a state of mind that was beyond his comprehension.

Lauren: Remember kids; always find ways to boost your self-esteem or you’ll end up like the pathetic boy wonder here!

Cologne glared at him. “Don’t be foolish, you already know how to do the technique, you were there for the bulk of the training and I explained clearly the theory behind the move. You even experienced the technique once yourself. Are you telling me that while I was telling Ranma how to perform the move you weren’t listening at all?” she asked incredulously.

Zack: Judging by how we’ve seen the character in the rest of the story I’d say that’s a good assumption.

He laughed a little nervously and backed away. She seemed to be insulted at the idea that he might not have been listening to her oh so long ago. He waved his arms to ward off her ire. “That’s not what I meant and you know it! Sure I know the moves and how to do it and everything!”
She nodded happily. “Indeed you should. There is only the one crucial element that you are missing. The Soul of Ice, once you have mastered that -” she motioned to herself and the floating Tamaranian “- with our help, the move itself will be simple for you to perform.” Starfire waved again, giggling happily at the thought of getting to help out.

Jess: Okay I have to ask; are these characters really this insufferable in the shows?
Jerry: No. Ryoga is actually the most likable character in Ranma and it’s rare that the Teen Titans characters are this annoying. I think this author did what the other guy did to Sonic and that was to take their annoying features and turn them up to eleven.
Jess: Yeah that’s what I thought.

He shook his head. “No offence Granny, but that seems like a lot of trouble to go to, to learn one technique. I mean, the Perfect version of my chi attack is more powerful and doesn’t need nearly as much set up.” He argued.
OUCH!

Lauren: Okay the beating Ryoga with the staff gag is not funny anymore. In fact it wasn’t funny in the first place; it’s annoying; like every other character quirk that you’ve turned into a major personality trait.

She clubbed him over the head with her damnable staff again. He fought the urge to smash it to kindling, but knew that she’d likely just do something worse to him for that. “Your chi blast is impressive, but in no way does it measure up to the grace and power of the Hiryua Shoten Ha! The whirlwind formed by it is fed by the power of your foe, making it less taxing on yourself, but also means that the more powerful your opponent is, and the stronger the attack. Your attack will never be any stronger than you can will it to be. Not to mention the terrible side effects of using the Shi Shi Houkodan in and of itself.” she lectured him.

Zack: *yawn* Expositions make me tired.

He grumbled, rubbing his abused cranium. “Fine, I get your point. And I admit it is a powerful move.” He glared at her pointedly. “And at least I already know that this technique works on people as well.”
“HOHOHO! Did you really think I would teach you such a deadly maneuver, let alone to use on my future son-in-law? Though it’s strange you should mention that. Since, much like when I taught you the Bakusai Tenketsu, your learning of the actual Hiryua Shoten Ha maneuver itself is only the secondary benefit to this training.” she chortled, somewhat confusingly.

Lauren: Oh god, this had better have a purpose.

Secondary benefit? What could possibly be more important than the attack itself? With the Bakusai Tenketsu he had received a remarkable resistance to attacks, but what was the secondary benefit of the whirlwind attack? An irresistible desire to tango?

Jerry: What!? Where did that come from?

He shrugged helplessly. “Alright, I give up, what’s the point of this training then.” he asked her.

Jerry: No, no, no; go back to that tango thing! Where the hell did he get that idea?
Jess: I…I have no idea
Lauren: *sighs* Big Lipped Alligator Moment…



Zack: *plays an accordion sound*

She sighed sadly. “You disappoint me boy, the point is as obvious as your sense of direction is lacking.” she joked. He grumbled angrily but waited for her to continue. “The Soul of Ice technique is the true intention of this training, teaching you to fight with a level head. You lose yourself to your anger in almost every fight, even when you fought young Robin, a person you treat like a true friend, you lost your temper and went berserk.” she preached.

Jess: That’s because he’s an idiot. How could you not notice this?

“It was most worrying on my part to see the two of you fight so fiercely.” added Starfire. She gazed at him sadly. He hung his head at that. Now he felt bad for making her feel bad.

Lauren: …I hate you.

The Elder then continued. “You are an exceptional fighter boy, even losing control as you do; you are still almost a match for my Son-in-law, if you could fight with the same concentration with which you train, the gap between the two of you might vanish completely.” She spoke sincerely; her words were even beginning to pierce the heavy veil of his pessimism.

Zack: GAAAAAH! I hate these stupid analogies!

The Elder’s words sure made sense. It took him back to his training under Genma once more. The elder Saotome’s subtle influence had kept him calm and calculating during that fight. He’d never fought better, before or since really. A sudden shudder ran up his spine.

Jerry: Yeah that wasn’t a necessary description.

He had just recalled what the Soul of Ice training had entailed for Ranma.
He looked over to the again giddy Starfire. “So you two are going to be embarrassing me until I can control myself in a fight like Genma did with Ranma?” he asked nervously. The lost boy wasn’t quite as sure about this anymore, he didn’t like being embarrassed. Really, it happened often enough on its own, he didn’t need any help in that department.

Jess: Wait what are they doing?
Jerry: I don’t remember. To be honest I blocked out a lot of Ranma ½.
Jess: I don’t blame you.

Cologne’s face took on a sinister cast. “Oh no boy, such simple techniques worked for Ranma, but for you we are going to need to go to far more extreme depths.” She paused ominously.
“We’re going to make you angry.”

Zack: And we don’t like you when you’re angry!
Lauren: Yeah because he’s so likable normally.

---

Jerry: The Line Break Went Down to Georgia.

Beast Boy was sweating from the exertion.

Zack: Uh…

Cologne had devised a new form of torture before she had mysteriously vanished, taking the lost boy and the alien girl with her.

Lauren: Uh…

Every muscle in his body was burning, every nerve was crying out in agony. It took all of his will power to keep his focus on his goal.

Jess: Uh…

The children jumping around on his back were not helping at all.

Jerry: Uh…

He had been stuck in the form of a terrible thunder lizard for nearly twenty minutes. The brachiosaurus form was one of the biggest forms he could imagine, short of his whale form, but he didn’t want to crush himself under his own weight here. He had never held such a huge form for such an extended period of time, and it was starting to take its toll.

All 4: AH…HE…BAH…BOP….GAAAAAAH!

The old woman’s line of thought had been pretty simple. Work on his concentration and his endurance at the same time by trying to stay in the largest form he could for as long as possible. It had seemed simple enough; he had actually worked his way from elephant to tyrannosaurus before he had finally pushed himself to something even larger.

Zack: My head hurts.
Jerry: Ditto.

Of course then the children started playing on his back. What, did these kids watch the Flintstones or something?

Lauren: Yeah because I’m sure a backwater Chinese Amazon village with no electricity watches that show every night…

Who ever told them that it was fun to play with dinosaurs? Between the strain of holding such a massive animal and the bouncing of the munchkins on his leathery hide, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up.
Finally his concentration lapsed. He snapped back to his fuzzy green elf body, leaving the nimble Amazon children hanging in midair. The changeling wasn’t at all surprised when they all landed safely, rolling and flipping in midair while whooping loudly. He was pretty used to what these crazy people were capable of.

Jess: At least the author’s kept child endangerment under control.

He rolled over onto his back, swallowing the fresh country air in large gulps. Beast Boy couldn’t even sit up after that last transformation. And yet he felt strangely good too, pushing his limits, really seeing what he could do. He wondered idly if this was how Robin felt after a particularly grueling training session.
The changeling continued to lie there, enjoying the sun, loving the clearness of the air, until a shadow cut him off from the warming rays he was bathing in. He looked up to see the lovely Spice standing over him. She was smiling cutely and holding a canteen. He smiled and waved back.

Jerry: I thought he couldn’t move.
Zack: Behold the power of BOOBAGE!
*Double slap*
Zack: I regret nothing!

“Hello Green Hair Girl, is too nice to see you!” he greeted her, his Chinese was a little patchy, but he was amazed at his progress. Considering he was immersed in the culture and being drilled by a very proficient teacher, he probably shouldn’t have been really.

Lauren: Green hair girl? YOU HAVEN’T EVEN LEARNED HER NAME!?

She giggled at his accent and bad grammar, and then held out a hand to help him up. “Hey there Beast Boy, you look pretty tired after that display. I was really impressed.” she blushed slightly as she helped him to his feet.

Jess: I especially liked the part where you endangered our children!

Spice handed him the canteen and he grabbed it eagerly, draining most of it in one long gulp. His Chinese wasn’t that great yet, but she was kind enough to speak slowly and use simple phrases for his benefit. “Thank much for water bag!” he thanked her . . . well he was pretty sure he did anyway. He offered her his best smile to cover up any mistakes he might have made.

Jerry: Ugh…kill him.

She giggled again. “Come on, that is enough for now, let us go see how your friends are doing.” She offered. She then suited word to action, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the large vacant area he had been working in.
He nodded “We go now! Is good!”

Zack: Is good ya!?

They passed Robin, in the midst of his training with the younger girls.

Jess: Uh…

It appeared their leader had caught up pretty easily over the past week or so with the young ladies around him. Beast Boy couldn’t resist waving cockily to the masked boy as Spice and him walked past, arm in arm.

Lauren: Cockily? Oh god it’s like he knows that these are awful.

If Robin noticed, he was either ignoring him, or was too engrossed in his training to care. Knowing his friend like he did, Beast Boy was pretty sure it was the latter.
A few more minutes of walking brought them to the remains of the T-Ship, where Cyborg and Lotion were busily resurrecting the metal beast.

Jess: *jaw drops* No…
Jerry: Oh…god no.
Zack: Holy crap that has to be on purpose.
Lauren: If that’s an accident…I’d hate to see how sick it gets when he tries.

“Yo Cy, how’s things going with the repairs dude?” he asked cheerfully. Cyborg looked up from his work and walked over to greet them.
“It’s goin great BB, my babies gonna be back in the air in a week or two tops!” replied the metallic man in nearly flawless Chinese.

Jerry: No! Come on, you can’t expect us to take ANYTHING serious or pay attention to anything after that line.

“You I hate.” Beast Boy muttered in a low and embarrassed voice, his new language skills failing him again.

Jess: EVERYONE’S A LIT…ah fuck it; this is just really god damn racist.

Damn Cyborg! He would have nearly mastered the language in a week. The big guy was such a show off; it wasn’t fair, Lotion was giving him extra tutoring on the side.

Zack: And by tutoring he means blow jobs!

Spice giggled at his distress. “Don’t worry BB, you’ll get it soon, you’re making amazing progress really.” she offered helpfully. Behind the ship Lotion wiped her hands free of some grease and glided over to join them.

Lauren: OH GOD!
Jerry: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY!?

“Yes, your attenuation to our languages verbal strata is quite an accomplishment.” she said, in perfect English.
Beast Boy groaned loudly. “Man! What language are you speaking now! I didn’t understand anything you just said!” he complained loudly.

Zack: Uh…IS THIS CHARACTER RETARDED!? SERIOUSLY!

Heh heh, the look on the intellectual girls face was priceless! Cyborg and Spice were both cracking up now too! Heh and Raven said he wasn’t funny!

All 4: YOU AREN’T FUNNY! THEY’RE LAUGHING AT YOU NOT WITH YOU! YOU SUCK! SONIC IS MORE MATURE THAN YOU!

A new voice interrupted their little meeting. “What’s this? Four little children with nothing to do but talk!” the voice was authoritative but held a trace of humor. They all turned to see the new speaker was none other than Elder Perfume.
“Well, since my own gifted pupil was so rudely taken from me, I believe I will have to fill my time by filling your time.” She gazed at each of them like a hawk evaluating a group of rabbits.

Lauren: Someone’s horny.

Cyborg raised a hand hesitantly. “Um, but I gotta fix our ship, and Cologne said I didn’t have to train if I didn’t want to.” He pointed out, he sounded nearly as nervous as Beast Boy felt.
She focused her gaze on Beast Boy’s Titanium friend. “Well Elder Cologne isn’t here now is she? And since the four of you seem to enjoy wasting time together, I think it only fitting that you focus your collective efforts towards improving your meager skills. Don’t you agree?” she left the question hanging ominously in the air. The Elder was just daring any one of them to question her decision.

Jess: Aka I want to waste your time so you can never leave.

Meekly the four of them nodded in agreement. Not that they really had a choice.
Perfume smile brightly at their nods. “Good, now follow me, we’ll begin immediately!” and she started walking off to the edge of the village.

Zack: I really don’t like where this is going.
Jess: Hah, because where it’s been is so much better.

Immediately! He still hadn’t recovered from his last training.
Beast Boy sighed loudly.

---

Jerry: Line break are you okay!? Line break are you okay!? Are you okay line break!?

Raven sat meditating, encased in a cocoon of her own ebon energy. Her aura now filled the entire room, encompassing every object, penetrating every crevice.

Lauren: Uh…

She was now at one with the room. She remembered some time ago telling Cyborg that when she used her powers that she placed a little of her soul into the objects she manipulated.
Now she was beginning to sense the energies that were there already. This chi energy that the Elder and the lost boy spoke of. It was startling similar to her own energy, in some ways anyway. And everything seemed to possess it as well, even if only in trace amounts. The wooden planks of the floor, the course wool of the blankets, though her eyes were tightly closed she could sense everything in the room in a way that made sight seem like a handicap.

Jess: So Raven is Daredevil?

True, this particular meditation had been on one of the more advanced scrolls Cologne had given her, but after glancing through them, she couldn’t resist trying it out. This felt like a good first step to really gaining a new understanding and mastery over her chaotic powers.
She could feel her energies as they flowed through her body. She could feel how they interacted with the energy of the objects in the room. Slowly, hesitantly, she started to lift several of the objects at once, then more, then more, until everything that wasn’t nailed down in the room was gently floating in a sea of black.

Jerry: I bet someone walks in, disturbs her and everything falls and breaks.

It was amazing really, such fine control over so many delicate items, and simultaneously as well. Dancing to her will, the chairs and dressers and even the combs and pictures and whatever else hung in the air, they all started to move independently of each other, a ghostly dance for her amusement.
Idly Raven thought it probably didn’t look all that impressive, considering she could just as easily lift a tractor trailer and toss it like a rag doll, but she was proud of her achievement nonetheless.

Zack: It’s the little things in life.

She sat in wonder as she felt the objects in her mind’s eye. Felt them float. Felt them dance. Felt . . . felt her leg starting to cramp up!
Raven desperately tried to straighten out her leg before it was – Ouch! Ouch, ouch ouch ouch! Her leg cramped up painfully and she started forcefully trying to rub the knot from her agonized limb.
A loud crash filled the room as everything fell back to the floor. Damn she hated sitting on the floor like the old ghoul had insisted, meditating was so much easier when she levitated. Easier on her poor legs at any rate.

Jerry: I half called it!

With agonizing slowness she finally worked the cramp from her leg and finally took in her surroundings once more.
She felt glad, glad that no one was around to see this.

Lauren: We are.

---

Jess: Any line break you can do I can line break better.

Ryouga nearly laughed out loud. He stared at the shrunken elder and the floating alien in turn. He then pointed to Starfire in amusement. “You brought her to make me angry? Heh heh heh I think you missed your target there, even Beast Boy would have a better chance then her!” he barked out.

Zack: She’s gonna hurt him now.

The Tamaranian in question seemed somewhat offended, looking away in a huff. Cologne pierced him with an intense gaze. “Starfire is here for a number of reasons, reasons that make her the only suitable candidate for training you. First, her natural strength and toughness mean it is unlikely that you will be able to seriously hurt her while training. Second, she can fly, so even if you perform the Hiryua Shoten Ha on her, she will escape the worst of it. Thirdly, her aura is naturally hot, meaning that we don’t have to track someone down that wants to kill you, not that that would be hard.” the old woman muttered the last part in a low voice.

Jerry and Zack: That’s not the only thing about her that’s HOT!

She then continued. “Next, I have noticed that Miss Starfire is a very likable person and most people would never wish her harm.-“Starfire beamed brightly at that, giggling happily. ”-Which is why I have chosen her to be your sparring partner; you will be fighting her while I do my best to enrage you. This should help you control your temper as well.”
Well, that sort of made sense, he doubted that even he would lose his temper if he was up against Starfire. Still one thing bothered him. “But Cologne, she’s a girl, I don’t fight girls, it’s not honorable.”

Lauren: Wow and I thought chivalry was dead.
Jess: Nope, just the majority of the author’s brain cells.

The Elder rolled her eyes. She then passed on a strange look to the Tamaranian. Starfire seemed reluctant “Are you certain of this course of action?” she asked Cologne. Cologne nodded her head sagely.
What was that all about, these two were acting so weird. He stared intently at Cologne trying to figure out where she was going with this. He stared so intently that he didn’t notice Starfire until she stood right in front of him. “Um, what are you doi-“

Jerry and Zack: KNEE TO THE BALLS!
Lauren and Jess: BOOT TO THE HEAD!

POW!

Jerry: BAM!
Zack: ZING!
Jess: KERSLAM!
Lauren: BA-DING!

She reared back and slugged him across the jaw for all she was worth. He went sailing, crashed through at least two trees and dug a small furrow in the earth before he finally came to a stop.

Jerry: Now do that to Beast Boy!

OUCH! That had hurt! Cologne stood over him again. “Oh yes, there was one other thing, the lovely Starfire is also powerful enough to give you a good incentive to actually dodge her attacks when we start working on the spiral part of the training. Heh heh heh, I think we’re going to have a lot of fun here my boy.” She stated evilly.
Starfire slowly raised one hand and waved her fingers in apology, she looked like she felt a bit bad for hitting him so hard. The Matriarch bounced over to her. “Now remember, this is training for you as well, you are to do your best to hit Ryouga, he is fast and skilled so it will be a good challenge for you. Hopefully your training under Perfume will help you wipe the sexism from the lost boy’s mind.” She cackled loudly.

Jess: Sexism my ass, girls rock.

The alien girl nodded solemnly. “I am sorry friend Ryouga, but I must do my utmost to thrash you soundly, it is for the advancement of both of our skills.” she stated for him.
He rubbed his still throbbing jaw. This didn’t sound nearly as funny as it did when Ranma was going through this training. Embarrassing pictures he was pretty sure he could deal with. But this?
Why did the bad things always happen to him?

Lauren: Because you suck.

---

Zack: Smoke on the line break!

Cyborg let out a quiet curse as Lotion swept his legs out from under him. He thought she was supposed to be a bookworm! He accepted her graciously offered hand and used it to pull himself to his feet. They weren’t actually fighting, just running through drills of certain maneuvers, each person taking turns on the other.

Jerry: Yeah who is sexist?

He looked over at the other pair. Slowly he shook his head; at least Lotion wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic about tossing him around as Spice seemed to be with Beast Boy. Heck, the grass stain could barely stand as it was.

All 4: GOOD!

Cyborg had seen the boy’s earlier training. His internal chronometer had clocked him at twenty one minutes and thirty two seconds. Cyborg was amazed; he’d never seen BB hold a huge shape like that for so long.
He swept out his leg, knocking Lotion to her back. Unlike him though, she rolled quickly and was already up before he was even standing from the attack itself. He was glad of that actually; he definitely didn’t want to hurt her.
Man! He wasn’t even supposed to be here, he could hear the T-Ship beckoning him, taunting him for abandoning it in mid fix.

Jerry: *Dante voice* I’m not even supposed to be here today!
Zack: *Randal voice* 37!?

And he had certainly enjoyed his quiet time with the tall Amazon before him a lot more than getting driven into the dirt by her.
He leveled a glare at the slave master that was tormenting them so. Perfume was obviously ticked at having lost her favorite playmate.

All 4: LES-YAY!

Cyborg sure hoped that Granny brought her back soon so that Starfire could deal with the sadistic lady.

All 4: Creepy LES-YAY!

She noticed his glare, and BB just barely dragging himself to his feet after the last knock down. The elder seemed to relent for a moment. “Alright, you’re all starting to look tired, so we’ll take a break.” Beast Boy’s yell of joy nearly knocked the changeling off his own feet. “After we do a set of over shoulder tosses.” finished the cruel and evil Elder.

Jess: Aka waste more time.

This time BB did collapse. Heck, Cyborg felt like collapsing himself.
Why did the bad stuff always happen to them?

Lauren: Because no one likes either of you.

---

Jerry: DO THE MARIO LINE BREAK!

Robin paused for a moment from his training.
-
-
-
He loved this place!
The titan leader resumed working out.

All 4: WHAT!?

---

Zack: WAIT! That was his entire scene!?
Lauren: Uh…after dragging out EVERYTHING…THAT is it for Robin?
Jess: Thank god?

Starfire managed to tag the frantically dodging boy again; her fist connecting with his shoulder sending him spinning like a top till the ground stopped him. The lost boy growled loudly in frustration and anger, and seemed like he was about to jump her when the suit he wore constricted painfully and dropped him to the ground in a little bundle.

Jerry: Wait…what suit?

Cologne had told her that the suit reacted to the chi of the user. If the owner’s aura heated up, from anger or embarrassment, it would contract tightly, tying up the wearer. Truly it was a fascinating device.

Jess: Keep me out of the S&M stuff.

“Friend Ryouga, please calm yourself, you will only further your entrapment by struggling.” she called out emphatically. The Tamaranian still was not fully certain she was doing the right thing. True, the training seemed interesting, but her friend seemed to lose his temper so easily.
There was no reason for him to doubt his skills; even with her recent training there would have been no way she could have hit him in a normal fight. The only reason she had been able to hit him so often was because the spiral design he was forced to follow limited his mobility greatly.
That did not seem to make it any better to Ryouga though; he seemed to take every hit as an insult. It was almost enough to make her want to cease. And what worried her more was the fact that Cologne had not even begun her stratagem to truly anger the Japanese martial artist. He was losing his temper easily enough already.

Zack: Ugh.

She floated over to the angrily struggling fanged boy and gently lifted him from the ground. “Ryouga, you must control your anger, I fear you may harm yourself.” she pleaded with him. Her words finally seemed to get through to the young man. He looked her in the eyes, and she could see the anger leave them slowly.
“Sorry Starfire, I’m working on it, it’s just so hard for me, you know?” said the lost boy. Slowly the suit began to unbind and he was able to stand under his own power again. She nodded and pulled him in for a quick hug before releasing him. The Tamaranian then floated back to the beginning of the spiral.

Lauren: Oh god.

“Shall we begin again?” she asked him quietly. Ryouga nodded and moved back to his starting position, taking up a defensive stance.
“No, that’s enough of that for now.” called out Cologne’s withered and raspy voice. “You’re not making any progress like that. Something else is obviously disrupting your concentration, when you weren’t burning with anger or being pummeled into submission, you were barely paying any attention to the fight at all.” She accused him, quite accurately as well as far as Starfire could tell.

Zack: And then?

She noticed that almost every time that she had landed a blow, that his eyes had been unfocused, like he was looking at something far away. It was as if he was becoming lost in his own thoughts. Possibly that was part of the reason he got so angry whenever she hit him as well.
“What she says is true Ryouga, you are preoccupied with some other event perhaps?” she inquired gently. She did not want to push him if he did not want to answer her.

Jerry: We don’t care…stop stalling and move the fucking plot forward.

The emotional martial artist sat back on his haunches and grunted loudly in frustration. “It’s none of your business Cologne, so don’t worry about it.” he barked back grumpily. Not at her she noticed, just at the Elder Amazon. Well, they had tried their best-

Lauren: Staff to the head.

“Not good enough you half wit of a Hibiki!” she barked back, just as grumpily.

Jess: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?

Hey! That was not a nice thing to say at all! She prepared to scold the kindly old woman quite soundly.
“This isn’t the normal pit you throw yourself in, something happened which drove you out this far into the wild, and this training doesn’t have any hope of succeeding if you keep dwelling on whatever it was.” Cologne continued, her voice becoming more concerned as she went on.
Starfire decided to remain silent, unburdening ones self was very important to one’s mental health. If she could actually get him to confront his past, perhaps he could get past it.

Jerry: We don’t care. These characters are too annoying to care about.

The lost boy in question seemed to consider this carefully. She gave him an encouraging smile and a hopeful nod, hoping to nudge him towards explaining things to them. He finally succumbed to their scrutiny.
“I did the right thing I guess.” he began slowly. “Somehow the right thing always seems to be the dumb thing to do though.” Starfire had no idea what the boy was talking about. However Cologne’s eyes widened in immediate recognition of what he spoke of.
“You didn’t?” she asked, the shock in her voice apparent.

Zack: Huh? I’m confused.

He nodded back sadly. “As you can imagine, she didn’t take it very well. It seemed like she screamed at me forever, I don’t really remember how long it was . . . then the slap. I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces when it landed.” his voice was thick with emotion, his shoulders shaking with barely repressed tears.

Jerry: Oh I get it…*snickers* Tool.

Cologne nodded; she seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. “But why did you do it boy? Why now of all times?” she asked curiously.

Jess: Huh?
Jerry: Long and complicated story…if the fic doesn’t explain it I will.

“It – I . . . don’t know really, it just felt like it had gone on too long, I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, even if she didn’t even know I was.” he explained to them.
She wished she knew what he was talking about.

Lauren: So do I.

Obviously it was someone that he had cared about very much, someone that he had somehow hurt. That he would do whatever he did, even though it seemed like he knew it would hurt him, for that person, seemed terribly and tragically romantic to her.
She knelt beside the boy and wrapped him in a comforting hug. Cologne sat down as well. “Well boy, I know it probably doesn’t mean much now, but you did do the right thing. And that you did it yourself instead of waiting for fate to do it for you; that took courage. I imagine my future son-in-law was rather shocked as well?”
Ryouga let out a wry chuckle at that. “Heh, once he found out why I was there, he did everything he could to talk me out of it. He knew how mad she would be, at both of us. The strange thing is, I think he was more concerned about her, and even me, than he was about what was going to happen to him.” he shook his head in disbelief.

Jerry: Uh, stop dancing around the subject and just say it.

“That boy never could stand to see anyone hurt, it is one of his better traits.” mused the old woman. Starfire couldn’t stand it anymore. She needed to know what happened between Ryouga and this person for whom he had cared so much.

Jess: Same here!

“Excuse me, but I am very confused. Could you please explain to me what you speak of?” she asked both of them, either of them really.
The Amazon stared at the lost boy. He nodded. “Alright Starfire, but it’s a really long story. It all started when a boy I knew, named Ranma . . . . . accidentally . . . knocked me into one of the springs of Jusenkyo. The spring I fell into was Heituenniichuan, the Spring of Drowned Black Piglet.”

Jerry: Oh no…not exposition.

Starfire listened with rapt attention.
---

Jerry: Oh…or not…
Lauren: Alright explain it because the author is too stupid to do it himself.
Jerry: Okay. So Ryoga turns into a little piggy. Akane sees piggy and cuddles piggy. Akane doesn’t know that he’s the piggy. In this story he told her he was piggy.
Jess: Oh…that’s…really sick.
Jerry: Yeah.

Raven arched her back, trying to straighten out the stiff muscles.

Zack: Yeah sure.

Sure all that meditating was good for the soul, but her back was killing her. And she was starving too. Apparently no one had thought to come up and get her for lunch or dinner, and she had been too wrapped up in her training to notice herself.
The dark Titan walked down the stairs to the house’s living room. She discovered that she also had a slight limp to go with her aching back as she hobbled down the stairs. That’s it, tomorrow she was either taking off or she would go see what Ryouga was doing with his time.
The sight that greeted her at the bottom of the stairs did not inspire her, though it did explain a few things. Robin was still absent, not that that was any surprise. The two occupants that were there however, were strewn across the two benches by the walls very much like sacks of dirt.

Jess: Hey it’s the first analogy that doesn’t completely suck!

She was almost tempted to check if Beast Boy was still breathing. Luckily she didn’t need to, dead people didn’t drool nearly that much.

All 4: Ew.

Cyborg didn’t seem to be quite as bad off, but what on earth had he been doing to get in that shape. Wasn’t he just fixing the T-Ship?
Raven slowly limped over to the laid out Cyborg. “What happened to you?” she asked dryly. His human eye opened slowly, as if he was fighting off the Grim Reaper. “R-Raven, is that you? Everything is so dark – so cold.” he whispered faintly.
She rolled her eyes, talk about over dramatic. “Oh give it up, why are you two laid out like a pair of cadavers?” she asked again.

Zack: Morbid.

He chuckled a bit before gingerly sitting up to face her. “Perfume is what happened. Ever since Cologne dragged Starfire and Ryouga off into the woods, that crazy woman grabbed BB, Spice, Lotion and me, and turned us all into her personal torture victims. She trained us from lunch time till pretty much a half hour ago; you do not know the suffering we endured!”

Lauren: Keep us out of the S&M stuff.

She rubbed her back again; hmm well perhaps a sore back wasn’t all that bad after all. Her eyes floated over to Beast Boy. “He didn’t seem to handle it too well. Not a big surprise there.” she droned.
Cyborg looked at her incredulously. “Are you kiddin Rae! BB was a machine, he was workin out all mornin on Cologne’s plan, and then Madame Evil came and grabbed us all and ran us into the ground. You shoulda come outside this morning, BB held a brachiosaurus form for over twenty minutes!” he exclaimed excitedly.
Her eyes widened in shock. A form that large for that long? She’d never seen the emerald youth do something like that before. Concern and pride jockeyed for position on her features. “He really worked that hard today?” she asked quietly.

Jerry: Sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days.

Her African American friend nodded, pride on his face as well.

Jess: Uh…
Zack: Black Pride?

“You know it Raven. Heh we were both so dead when we got in we couldn’t even argue about whose turn it was to cook.” he told her jokingly.
She nodded absently. Now she felt bad for belittling her friend, even if she hadn’t really meant it. “How about I make us all some food, it’s nearly dark out anyway.”
Beast Boy rose like a vampire from his crypt at the sound of the word food.

Jerry: DARKNESS FALLS ACROSS THE LAND
Lauren: THE MIDNIGHT HOUR IS CLOSE AT HAND!
Zack: CREATURES CRAWL IN SEARCH OF BLOOD!
Jess: TO TERRORIZE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!
All 4: 'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!

“Food! Where! It’s not some crazy Chinese animal is it!” blurted out the young changeling in rapid fire.

All 4: EVERYONE’S FUCKING RACIST!

Raven and Cyborg got a good laugh from his antics. She decided to raid the kitchen and see what she could make that would satisfy her unusually diverse friends appetites. Maybe there were some ingredients for pancakes in there somewhere.
Halfway to the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks. Slowly she turned to face her friends.
“What do you mean Cologne dragged Starfire and Ryouga out into the woods!”

All 4: THREESOME!

---

All 4: CAUSE THIS LINE BREAK! LINE BREAK!

“- and that was when she slapped me and told me that she never wanted to see me ever again for the rest of her life.” wheezed the lost boy, emotionally and physically drained by the story which had taken almost the entire afternoon and evening to tell.

Jerry: I don’t blame her. Idiot.

Starfire could only stare in morbid fascination at this point. The story had been an emotional roller coaster, ranging from her wanting to cry for the lost boy, to wanting to kill him herself! The things he had done to that girl, Akane, were unforgivable! But the things he had done for her, they were unbelievable.

Lauren: He loves Akane doesn’t he?
Jerry: Oh yeah.

She was sure that not even Raven’s most dramatic novels held a story of a boy that had loved as tragically as Ryouga had. He had explained all of his feelings in fine detail, wanting her to understand the reasons for everything the boy had done. Ryouga had loved Akane so intensely; he loved her so much that he had let her go because he knew that would make her happy.
And she had never even known! Somehow this Akane had never seen his devotion to her. She also never realized that her pet pig was the cursed boy, despite all of her fiancées hints.
Actually this Akane girl did not sound to be the sharpest knife in the cabinet.

Jess: She fits right in with everyone else.

But Ryouga had painted her to sound like a living Goddess. Cologne had interjected a few comments from time to time, usually when the lost boy started ranting about the Ranma person, or when he started glorifying Akane.
Really, did Ryouga have no middle ground when it came to people?
“I do not approve of the fact that you used this “P-Chan” form to take advantage of Akane’s kindness to you.” she started bluntly. He nodded in acceptance, looking more depressed than she had seen him in a while.
“However if what Cologne and you both say is true, you only did what at the time you believed to be right, as warped as your idea may have been. As well you did not watch her change or bathe; I do not believe you to be a pervert. You even went so far as to protect her while in your cursed form, despite your weakness.” She continued.

Jerry: Despite her sleeping with him in her arms…and running into the girl’s locker room and…
Jess: Uh…what the hell kind of show is this?
Jerry: One that took a while to actually get good…and then end abruptly.

Cologne nodded silently. The lost boy looked up to meet her gaze, looking slightly hopeful.
“In the end, you did the right thing, which is all that anyone could have asked of you.” she stated sympathetically.
Ryouga nodded as well. “Maybe, but that doesn’t make it alright. Just because I was a little lonely didn’t give me the right to hurt her like I did. And now I’ve lost the only person that I’ve ever loved, you can’t even begin to imagine how that feels.” he droned somewhat depressingly.
Her sympathetic smile dropped a bit at that and her mood swung back over to wanting to club him with Cologne’s staff again. How presumptuous of him! She firmly grabbed his chin between her fingers and forced him to match her gaze.

Lauren: Uh…

“Do you truly believe that you are the only person to experience pain in their life?” she asked somewhat harshly, for her at least.
He looked into her intense eyes and could only stare dumbly.

Jess: Yeah, that’s a stretch.

“My own sister, whom I love unconditionally, hates me with every fiber of her being. She has done . . . unspeakable things to me, things I cannot ever repeat.

Zack: Uh…that’s disturbing.

You have but lost a friend; can you imagine what it would feel like to know that your own flesh and blood detests you so? Tell me Ryouga, can you?” she inquired passionately. She could feel green tears threatening to form in her eyes from her emotional admission.
Both of the humans before her wore shell shocked expressions, neither one could even begin to form coherent sentences yet.
“When I told you why I had come to Earth earlier, I was not totally honest with you. I did not come here because I chose to, rather I fled here to escape from an alien race that had captured me and were going to condemn me to a life of slavery on their home world. Can you know what it feels like to have your freedom taken from you human?” she continued hotly, lost in her own pain now.

Jess: Wow…yeah that’s…wow.

She then let go of the lost boy’s chin; turning away from the two humans to hug herself.

Lauren: That was…randomly dramatic.

---

Jerry: And another group.

Ryouga exchanged disbelieving glances with Cologne.

Lauren: Or not.
Zack: Oh god you don’t need a line break for the same scene!

How was that even possible! For someone as wonderful as Starfire to have experienced such tragedy in her life. The Amazon seemed to be at just as much of a loss as him.
She had suffered worse than Ryouga would wish upon anyone, no matter how much he hated them. Her question rang loudly in his head now. Did he really believe that he was the only one that suffered, that was lonely? It seemed so ludicrous to him now, had he really been buried so deep in his own personal problems that he didn’t consider that other people might deal with the self same problems?

All 4: EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And yet the beautiful alien girl before him was not angry or bitter, not bemoaning fate or cursing her own existence. Quite the opposite in fact, she embraced life, lived it to its fullest. Ryouga suddenly felt very small indeed.
He gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry Starfire; I never should have said what I did. It’s just that your so happy all the time, I never imagined you could have gone through things like that. I mean, your own sister?” he shook his head sadly.
Cologne moved before the Tamaranian and bowed deeply. “Now it is I who am honored young one. You have shared something very private with us, and your determination to live your life rather than succumb to your personal demons, it has inspired this old woman.”

Jess: Oh god.

Starfire turned to face both of them, giggling slightly. “You both embarrass me. It is only my hope that my examples may help you get past your own grief friend Ryouga.”
The lost boy shook his head ruefully. “Starfire, I think things will go a lot better now, I can’t tell either of you how much better I feel after getting all that stuff off my chest.”

Zack: How about Starfire gets something else off her chest…
*DOUBLE SLAP!*
Zack: Ow.

He meant it too, he was just glad he had had someone as understanding as Starfire there to unburden himself to. As it was he was ready to pass out now.
Cologne looked on and chuckled. “I think we made very good progress for our first session. I think we should call it a night and continue tomorrow.”
And with that they slept.

Lauren: In the woods?

---

Jerry: *bangs head*

Robin toweled off the sweat from his training as he made his way back to Cologne’s home. The day had passed like a flash, far too fast for his liking.

Zack: Really? Because it’s been like a damn eternity for us!

He had learned so much this week, learned things he had never even thought possible. In fact, a few more weeks of this kind of training and he might just have to schedule a trip to Gotham to give a certain detective a very personal demonstration. Heh heh, oh yeah, this trip was turning out better than he had hoped.
And he didn’t even have to worry about the city either. Speedy had, after bugging him incessantly about losing their ship, agreed to watch over things while they were away. The guy might be a shameless narcissistic show off that hated losing, but he was a good fighter and Robin trusted him implicitly.

Jerry: Hey don’t diss Speedy! Unlike you he actually showed up in Justice League Unlimited. So suck it.

It wasn’t just him that was benefiting either. He had seen Beast Boy’s rather impressive display that morning, it was quite the feat; Cologne really knew how to push the little guy. As for his learning Chinese, if she could actually give Beast Boy’s brain a work out, well they’d all be grateful for that.

Lauren: It’s not hard to work out something that never got used before.

Raven seemed to be doing well too. She had been more outgoing and social after each day she had trained, as if she was starting to lose her fear of her own power. Anything that helped Raven feel more at peace with herself was absolutely a good thing in Robin’s book. This put Ryouga in his good books as well. The dark hero and the dark wanderer seemed to be getting along very well, each of them drawing the other a little more out of their mutual shells. He almost wondered if Ryouga might join them back to the city after this, he knew he wouldn’t be opposed.
Cyborg seemed to be enjoying his time here. True he was just working on the T-Ship, but then that was what he really loved to do anyway. And the girl that Robin had seen hanging out with the big guy lately sure didn’t seem to be doing anything to hurt Cyborg’s enjoyment of their unplanned vacation.

Jess: STOP THE EXPOSITION! WE DON’T CARE!

As for Starfire . . . actually, he hadn’t seen much of her lately. That young looking Elder, Perfume was capitalizing on his friend’s time. He was slightly curious of what they spoke of so much. He was also slightly annoyed that he didn’t get to spend more time with her as well.
Oh well, time to grab the leftovers from whoever cooked and crash until the sun rose.
A sudden high pitched and girlish scream startled him from his reverie. It had come from Cologne’s house!

All 4: QUICK! TO THE BATCAVE!

He ran and viscously kicked the door, sending it flying open, and rolled into the building taking up an advanced fighting stance.
He was not prepared for the horrors that awaited him there.
Raven had made “Pancakes”!

Jerry: Huh?

-

Zack: Uh…

Another scream echoed through the night.

All 4: STOP THAT!

---

All 4: STOP THAT TOO!

Raven woke up, stretching luxuriously and for once, actually enjoying the feeling of the sun that awoke her. She was still mad about last night though. Stupid jerks didn’t need to put up that much of a fuss over her cooking. She thought the pancakes had turned out pretty well considering she had never cooked before . . . or the fact that all the labels in the kitchen were in Chinese.
Raven was pretty sure that she knew flour when she saw it. Really, what else could that white powder have been?

Jess: Crack?

Well, it’d be the end of the world before she cooked for those ungrateful jerks again.

Jerry: Waiting for Season 4…

She finally dragged herself out of the large bed and slowly got dressed.

Jerry and Zack: WOO!

She momentarily considered doing some stretches or meditating, but didn’t really feel inspired to start so early. She’d had enough meditating for one week really
And she was still a little hungry, the young Goth admitted that her pancakes hadn’t exactly been . . . um . . . filling, yeah that was it. With that in mind the pale titan levitated, screw walking today, down the stairs and floated back to the kitchen.
Raven decided to keep it simple this morning, she found some bread and cheese and started boiling some water for the tea that she was sure Cologne had actually pointed out as being tea. She had hallucinated enough for one night, thank you very much.

Jess: Oh god they did do crack!
Lauren: Wow…so wrong.

After the water was ready and her tea prepared, the dark titan then retired to the table to enjoy her meager breakfast. Predictably Cyborg was the first to join her. Slowly trudging from the room that he and Beast Boy shared. He silently sat in the chair opposite her and grabbed a chunk of bread and poured himself some tea.
“And a good morning to you too Cyborg.” she started wryly. He looked back at her groggily, almost accusingly actually; maybe she hadn’t been the only one to have the hallucinations. “Good morning Rae, yadda yadda yadda. Since when are you a morning person? I thought Robbie was the only guy that liked torturing himself like that?” he replied.

Jerry: Robbie?
Zack: Oh god I hate every character in this story.

She shrugged slightly. “My room is on the east side, somewhat hard to sleep in. Though I think Robin is getting better, I didn’t hear him leave at all this morning, though his room was empty when I went by. What about you and Beast Boy, what are your plans for the day?” she asked idly.
Cyborg stretched broadly, finally starting to look excited again. “I’m getting back to my baby today. I wasted way too much time yesterday eatin dirt. Beast Boy I figure is either gonna sleep in until tomorrow morning or get back to what Granny had him doing.”

Jess: And we could care less.

Raven nodded at that. Sounded like a good plan, as nice as it was here, she didn’t want to become a permanent resident. Besides, Starfire could deal with Perfume so Cyborg could work in peace.
“So when did Cologne and Ryouga end up getting back in last night, it must have been really late.” she asked her cybernetic companion. He looked back at her confused. “What do ya mean Raven? They didn’t come back last night at all, my sensors would have triggered if they had.” he replied.

Jerry: YOU CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!

Her left eye twitched slightly. “So her, Ryouga and Starfire spent the whole night out in the woods? Alone?” she asked calmly. Cyborg slid back a few inches nervously. “Um yeah, I guess so; don’t know what the big deal is yo.”

All 4: Yo yo yo!

Suddenly the much larger titan froze in shock. “Wait a sec, if Granny didn’t come back, and Ryouga didn’t come back . . . that means that Starfire isn’t back today either!” his eyes widened in fear and he started looking back and forth quickly like a caged animal.

Lauren: Someone’s jealous!

“That means that Per-“a loud knocking at the door interrupted what he was about to say.
Perfume’s voice sounded loudly through the door. “You lazy males have slept in long enough; it’s time to get back to training!”

All 4: BITCH!

Beast Boy’s scream flooded out of his room and rang loudly through Raven’s ears.

Jess: Wuss.

---

Lauren: Break us a line you’re the line break man!

Raven sighed in relief. She had just escaped the zealous elder’s rampage into Cologne’s house. She had managed to teleport through the floor, bravely ignoring Cyborg’s imploring look to take him with her. She gave a silent prayer to Azar for her fallen comrades. It seemed to be a case of the living envying the dead.

Lauren: Wuss.

But she had more important things to do today, well actually pretty much anything ranked higher than being subjected to the physical torture that Cyborg and Beast Boy had described to her the night before.
She had a higher purpose, she amended. Raven wanted to know exactly what her three colleagues were doing that required them to be out in the middle of the woods over night. Not that she was worried about Starfire; she knew she could trust her friend with her life. She wasn’t worried about Ryouga either; he was far too shy to do anything like that.

Jerry: Bow chicka wow wow!

Come to think of it, why was she so insistent on seeing what they were doing?

Zack: You’re a jealous harlot?

Oh well, she’d figure that part out when she got there. She did promise herself last night that she would see what the lost boy was up to today after all.
It only took a few moments of asking for directions to find out where the trio had traveled to the day before. A short while later she found herself in the middle of nowhere and not sure where to go. She must have been hanging around Ryouga too much; she was starting to get lost now too.

Jess: So being an idiot is contagious?

“Ox-brained fool! Gosunkugi has more talent than a loafer like yourself!” Cologne’s loud, and offensive yell, caught her attention.

Lauren: Who?
Jerry: You really don’t want to know.

“Gosunkugi? The guy with the candles tied to hi-“the lost boy’s angry reply was cut off by a loud thumping sound, it was quickly followed by the loud crashing sound of something colliding with the ground at high speed.
Apparently she was closer than she had thought. But now she was even more curious of what was going on. She rushed over and found herself overlooking a make shift training ground. For some reason in the center of the clearing, someone had drawn a large spiral diagram. How unusual.
More unusual was the fact that the clearing looked like a war zone. Craters were every where, furrows torn in the ground, trees collapsed. What were they practicing here, clear cutting?

Jess: Deforestation is bad.
Zack: So the logging industry isn’t responsible, it’s Ryoga!

Near the center, imbedded in what appeared to be a fresh new crater, was the target of her search. Starfire was standing close by, alternating between apologizing and giggling. Farther outside the confines of the spiral, perched on her staff, was Cologne.
“Get up boy; you weren’t even close that time. This is getting embarrassing, maybe I should go find that Kunou boy, at least then I’d have someone worthy of my training!” she barked loudly.

Jerry: OW!

From Ryouga’s bark of mirthless laughter, he obviously didn’t think much of her alternate choice. My, but the old ghoul seemed to be in a foul mood this morning. Maybe this is what happened when she didn’t sleep in her coffin at night. She silently snickered at that. Alright, being cooped up in the same small house with Beast Boy for a straight week was starting to warp her fragile mind.

Zack: *Cartman voice* That movie has warped my fragile little mind!

Strangely Starfire didn’t seem to mind the insults either; Raven would have felt certain the Tamaranian would have been defending him for all she was worth. As it was the young alien simply floated back to stand on what looked like the end of the spiral diagram.
“Do not worry Ryouga, you did much better that time, I am sure you will have it soon . . . um I mean, um you are a Chlorbag! Yes, that and many other hurtful things besides!” she added lamely. Strangely rather than get mad, Ryouga laughed while Cologne seemed to get annoyed.

Lauren: Okay…

“Starfire, I can’t get mad if you insult me in a language I don’t understand.” he said jokingly. Cologne piped up as well. “And stop congratulating the lost boy as well, we’re trying to get him angry remember?” she complained, obviously exasperated.
Starfire giggled cutely in apology. Slowly Ryouga moved to stand before the orange hued girl and took a strange fighting stance. Starfire mimicked him, getting into a fighting stance of her own, very different from his.

Jess: Then how was she mimicking him!?

Then Cologne barked out an order and the two suddenly began fighting furiously. Raven’s eyes nearly popped out of her head! Starfire must have improved immensely over the past week, she had Ryouga on the ropes almost immediately; her attacks were lightning quick and extremely varied. The lost boy wasn’t even able to mount a decent defense let alone fight back. It appeared to be all he could do to avoid her attacks, dodging frantically, but being inexorably pushed back.
The dance went on for several moments, it was nearly dizzying in intensity. She was starting to wonder if the whole thing had been choreographed the day before, the moves were so sharp and controlled.

Lauren: Yeah they had Jet Li come by and help out.

Suddenly it hit her; Ryouga seemed to be walking back along the line of the spiral. But that made no sense whatsoever, what kind of training was this?
“You’re a coward that has abandoned all his friends in Nerima to hide in the wilderness!” Cologne’s sudden and stark out burst caused her to gasp in shock. She wasn’t the only one either. Ryouga’s face went red and he turned to yell at the old woman. Then several strange things happened.
Starfire’s fist collided with his chest, sending him flying out of the spiral entirely. Then the strange suit that she just noticed Ryouga was wearing clamped down on him, pulling his arms and legs painfully behind his back, even as he flew through the air.

Jess: How could you just notice that?
Jerry: She’s an idiot?
Zack: And blind?

After that it was an unfortunate series of uncontrolled crashes and bounces before he skidded to a stop some thirty or so feet away.
There was no way she was going to accept that this was any kind of training! She teleported instantly to his side and knelt beside his prone form. “Ryouga! Are you alright! What are they doing to you!” she asked in a rush.
The lost boy looked up at her, surprise on his face. Suddenly the suit loosed it’d hold on him for some reason and he sat up beside her. “Raven! What are you doing here?” he asked, obviously curious but strangely he didn’t sound like he was under any form of duress.

Jerry: *Jerry Seinfeld voice* Elaine! What are you doing here?

“I just wanted to see what you were doing out here, I didn’t know they were torturing you out here.” she leveled a glare at the approaching females. Starfire noticed the glare and stopped short, looking a bit embarrassed. Cologne just rolled her eyes. “Fine, take a break boy; we’ll get back to work after you’ve let the half demon lick your wounds.”

Zack: Kinky.

What the hell was that supposed to mean! She was about to stand but suddenly found herself bound to the ground as Ryouga’s limbs suddenly snapped back behind his back, catching her cloak and very nearly her arm as well. Red faced the lost boy yelled out. “That’s out of bounds Old Ghoul! You can’t insult Raven like that!”
The old woman turned back to face them. “Well perhaps if you were able to control your temper you would be able to stop me, but as it is, I can’t see you doing much of anything at all.” With that she turned and pogoed back to the clearing. Starfire went back with her; she appeared to be whispering some pretty harsh things to the old woman.

Jess: This is so stupid.

That was good at least, someone needed to say something.
She turned back to her hopelessly bound companion. “Why is she treating you so terribly? I thought she liked you, but now she’s acting like she hates both of us.” she spat out angrily.
Ryouga looked back at her and slowly started to smile. Once again his limbs slowly began to loosen up.
What was up with that? Did nothing make sense anymore?

Lauren: Yeah, like anything in this story made sense in the first place.

“Sigh, I’ll try to explain Raven, it’s a – a little complicated.” he replied.
“Try me, I’ve got all week.”

Zack: I call line break.

---

Zack: HAH!

Cologne apologized to the Tamaranian again. She supposed it might have been a bit below the belt going after Raven like that, but she had seen an opportunity and had taken it before she had even realized. Still, they were actually making progress, slowly but surely.
Simple things like failure at the exercises and mere insults didn’t faze the lost boy at all now. So she had started upping the ante. The Matriarch knew the lost boy was still sensitive about what had happened in Nerima and she intended to use it against him until he got over it.
“I still cannot believe that you would say something so cruel to my dear friend Raven!” Starfire complained again.

Lauren: Oh god.

“Again I am sorry child, I meant no insult to her; I only wanted to anger Ryouga. You know I hold Raven and the rest of your friends in high regard.” She tried to capitulate to the alien girl to get it over with.

Jerry: Capitulate? Who talks like that!?

Yes, the more she could get Ryouga to deal with the mistakes of his past, the less hold they would have over him. Still, it was unfortunate she had to go to such lengths with the lost boy. This had been so much easier with Ranma, but then he had been much closer to the Soul of Ice to begin with. He had only needed to learn to focus past distractions so that he could keep his concentration.
Ryouga on the other hand, actually needed to learn what the Soul of Ice actually meant. He was so swept up in his emotions that the entire concept likely felt completely alien to him. She felt that if she could actually help him control his emotions she wouldn’t just be helping him as a martial artist, but as a person as well. She was certain if she helped him attain the Heart of Ice, even if only once, then he could start to come to terms with it at his own speed and under his own conditions.

Jess: Ugh.

“What exactly did you mean by that remark Granny?” came Ryouga’s deep voice. He seemed calm now and was approaching on his own two feet. That was good; he was recovering from his anger faster now at least.
She turned to face the approaching duo. “I didn’t mean anything by it boy, I was just trying to use Raven to get you angry, I apologize.” she told the boy.
He shook his head. “I knew that, I meant the comment before that, about Nerima.” His features darkened, but not enough to trigger the suit.

Lauren: She didn’t say anything!

Oh! That! Well, that she had meant that comment. “I meant it Hibiki. Because your precious Akane doesn’t want to see you again you’ve sworn to never set foot in Nerima again. What about your friends there, do they mean nothing to you because of the words of one spoiled child?” she asked pointedly.

Jerry: This won’t be good for Ryoga.
Zack: This won’t be good for anyone.

Ryouga looked back at her frowning. “I don’t have any friends in Nerima, she was the closest thing to a friend I had there.” he practically growled.
Hmm, fool boy, was he so blind. “What about Ranma? Is not he your friend? The two of you have helped each other numerous times, and you even said that he tried to stop you from revealing your curse to avoid this from happening.” she retorted.
He scoffed loudly. “Ranma is my enemy, he’s ruined my life at every opportunity he could. Besides, he lives with Akane, I doubt I could see him without seeing her.” he argued, still maintaining his composure.
She rolled her eyes at that. “What of Shampoo?” He just returned her stare, not needing to say anything. “Okay, that was a bad example; the two of you didn’t exactly get along.

Jerry: Hah!

But what about Mousse? The two of you worked together before.”
He nodded at that. “Yeah, I guess Mousse wasn’t too bad. At least the two of us got along better than most of the guys in Nerima. I suppose I wouldn’t mind seeing him again, but he’s so obsessed with Shampoo I doubt he would ever even notice if I never went back.” he riposted.
She conceded that point. Well, it was time to bring out the ace from her sleeve. “Very well Hibiki, but what of the Chef, Ukyou. There is no way that you can deny that the two of you were friends.”

VincentX: HAHA! Okay I’m good.

He scoffed again. “Bah, she just used me to get what she wanted. All she was interested in was her precious Ranma.” he said moodily.
BONK!

Zack: ZING!

She retracted her staff from his head. “Don’t be a hypocrite boy. All you were interested in was your precious Akane, and you didn’t seem to mind using her superior intellect to get what you wanted. At the very worst you used each other. A more open mind would say that the two of you were allies with a common goal, perhaps if you weren’t so blinded with your obsession you would have seen that!” she scolded him angrily.
The hit to his head must have done something; the gears in his heads seemed to start slowly moving as the boy considered what she had just said.

Lauren: Hey it’s a miracle!

“Th-that’s exactly what it was, wasn’t it? Obsessed, we were all so obsessed with the people we were after. Ukyou after Ranma, Mousse after Shampoo, Me with Akane, Kunou with, well with everyone pretty much. Even Akane and Ranma were obsessed with not being with each other. We were all so obsessed with the people we did want, that none of us even saw that perhaps the rest of us could have been friends.” he mused at length.

Jess: Wow…logic, I’m impressed.

Cologne nodded solemnly. “So you finally see boy, if you focus all of your energies on one thing, a dozen other possibilities are likely to fly past you. I mean, look at what’s happened to you since you’ve given up on the Tendo girl, you’ve already made a handful of new and interesting friends.” she smiled. Perhaps more, she thought to herself, noticing the closeness between the fanged boy and the violet eyed girl beside him.
The look on his face was priceless. “You know, you’re right Granny, once I stopped worrying about her and Ranma, it’s like I was free to do anything I wanted. Heh, I think I’m feeling ready for more training, I think I’ll have this down in a few more days at the most.” Newly energized the lost boy walked over to the beginning of the spiral diagram, beckoning for Starfire to follow.

Jerry: And the idiocy restarts.

The Elder smiled and looked to the pale skinned girl still standing by her. “We may want to move back to a safe distance, you might be slightly surprised by the results this training may have.” she told the girl cryptically.
With that she ordered the training to begin.
That was one issue down, but she already had a whole slew of others ready to take its place.

Lauren: Everyone in this fic has issues with everything…especially intelligence.

---

Jess: Don’t you want some line break to love!?

The Headmaster read over the report that Jinx had prepared for him once again. It was truly fascinating reading.

Zack: Then it can’t be the same thing we read.

This Ryouga fellow that they had met seemed to be an interesting person indeed. Fighting skills that surpassed Jinx’s, who was one of the more technically skilled fighters in the academy. Strength and toughness that seemed to be beyond human norms, if Mammoth’s sub sections of the report were true at any rate.
According to Jinx, the boy also professed that he was not a “good” person, hunting and attempting to kill a person that he had claimed was his friend. The boy had even let his students escape after foiling their plan. Any self proclaimed hero would have locked the trio up for life simply for being who they were.

Jess: NO ONE EXPECTS THE RECAP!

It baffled him that the boy had stopped them in the first place. Jinx had said he didn’t want them using the water on anyone. He supposed that made sense, the boy did seem to have a broader knowledge of the cursed pools than he did.
His eyes flipped back to the other set of reports. The two reports concerning the testing on Gizmo and Mammoth and their newly acquired curses. His scientists were totally baffled, they couldn’t explain anything at all, they couldn’t even agree on the temperature of the water that triggered the change yet. Where did all the mass disappear to, how did such simple animal brains hold the complex human minds of the two students.

Jerry: Oh god it’s going geek.

Well okay, that wasn’t as much of a mystery concerning Mammoth; really he considered that to be more of a sideways move on the evolutionary scale for him than a downward one.

Lauren: Burn.

So far they had not even begun to speculate at a cure for the two. Not that the Headmaster cared whether or not the two spent the rest of their lives as animals or not. But it was inconvenient to have two such exposed students having such crippling vulnerabilities.
Perhaps Jinx had a point about not using the cursed springs. The potential for their plans to backfire disastrously was far too high, especially if what Jinx had said about the chaotic energies of the valley was true.
For now, for now he would put the Jusenkyo project on the back burner. Now that they had two test subjects, they could increase their knowledge of the curses before they rushed blindly into using them.
Besides, as fate would have it, a much more interesting project had arisen.
It had been some time since he had recruited such a talented new student after all.

Jess: Anyone follow that?

-

Zack: Half line break?

His evil laughter echoed throughout his chambers.

Jerry: Ugh…
Jess: Oh thank god that chapter’s over.

VincentX: KAZAM!
*BADING!*
Lauren: Crap.
Trent: Double crap.
Brad: Mega crap.
Jess: Super crap.

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy
I don’t own Teen Titans or Ranma One Half.

Trent: And I hope it stays that way.

I have a bit to say this time, I was almost tempted to split my rant into a few parts, but screw it.

Jess: Uh oh.

First off, as far as Ranma continuity goes, I’ve painted myself into a corner so that this story takes off shortly after Book 33 of the Manga. I would have preferred earlier, before Akari was introduced, but oh well. Also I’m using some of the anime filler episodes obviously.

Jess: Yeah because continuity matters so much in a fan fic.

Second. I just wanted to say that I don’t think that Akane over reacted to Ryouga’s curse. I like Ryouga as much as any other fan out there, but she has every right to be angry with what he did, especially in the short term. But then, I’m a firm believer in the theory that the only reason Takahashi put Ryouga in that situation was because it gave him a flaw that made him worse than Ranma. If he had only been the tragic figure that got lost and had a worse curse than Ranma, then he would easily be the most pitiable character in the story. Making him her pet gave people a reason to not like him. I also accept that I have just painted myself a target for anti Ryouga people out there now.

Lauren: Uh, of course she’d be freaking pissed. He slept in her bed and she hugged him…god.

P.S. I don’t hate any of the characters in Ranma,

Brad: We do.

just the way some people portray them in their stories. Done right, closer to the source material, every character can turn out excellent.

VincentX: I would just like to step in and say unless some character derailment occurs; almost none of these characters are really good. Read my trilogy and you’ll see what some derailment can do in terms of making these characters interesting.

The only reason that some people may seem to be bashed is because of the points of view of the people thinking. Obviously Ryouga is going to paint Ranma poorly and the same for Cologne of Akane.
Finally, as to the respective power levels of the characters.

Trent: What is this Dragon Ball Z?

I’ve obviously decided to tone down the Ranma characters so that they mesh better with the DC world. Heh, I actually took the easy way out, using stats I found for the Titans from the website. So Starfire and Ryouga, who I’m portraying as roughly the same, can both easily toss around a ton or so while Cyborg can do so with roughly 10 tons. Ranma can probably do half of Ryouga fairly, which is still well beyond some of the world’s strongest men, and he’s only sixteen.

Jess: We don’t care.

Oh yes, and I am unabashedly stealing Amazon names from other stories because I don’t really feel like making up new ones.

Brad: Lazy piece of shit.

Well, that’s enough from me, Enjoy.

Lauren: We won’t.
Trent: You know I find it funny how he addressed none of the problems we’ve had with this story.
Brad: Hindsight is 20/20.

---

Jess: She’s still preoccupied with Line Break 85!

It had been nearly a week since Cologne had taken Starfire and Ryouga off into the wilderness. Robin was slightly annoyed that he hadn’t seen either of them since, well mostly about not seeing Starfire really. In fact, he reflected sourly, even Raven had become scarce lately.
Some nights she would return, reluctant to say anything about what she had been doing, and usually in a sour mood.

Brad: Someone’s not getting any.

The rest of the time, she would be missing the entire night. He was verging on suspicious, almost tempted to tail her and see where the mysterious girl’s path led. Still, he had no reason to worry about her motives, he was just insanely curious about what could be going on out in the woods.
Cologne had made several appearances over the past few days; he gave a silent prayer of thanks for that. She had given him some personal training, odd training at that, sitting him on the side of a stream trying to catch fish. But the old Matriarch had also helped out in a few much more important ways as well.

Jess: Ugh, how is this so dull!? Why doesn’t this plot ever go anywhere!?

To the vast relief of Beast Boy and Cyborg, she had reigned in Perfume, apparently annoyed with the young elder’s interference.
That had let Cyborg and Lotion get back to work on the T-Ship, thankfully. He wasn’t sure how much longer till they finished the repairs, but he doubted they ever would have if Perfume had had her way. And to make certain that Perfume didn’t obstruct Beast Boy’s lessons anymore, Cologne had taken him out to the woods with her as well.

Trent: Why would anyone want to be around Beast Boy?

Damnit! What was going on out there? And why was he the only one missing out?
Maybe something rotten was going on after all. First Starfire and Ryouga vanish, then a day later Raven joins them. Then a few days after that, Beast Boy goes AWOL as well. The young vigilante wondered if perhaps it might be in his friend’s best interest if he went and investigated the situation.
He let out a loud sigh. No, he was just jealous, that was all. What was so cool about training outside the village anyway? He angrily kicked the dirt with the steel toe of his boot.

Brad: Are you still talking?

Suddenly his instincts kicked in and his hand lashed out. Blindly he snatched a small package from the air. He turned to see who had thrown the small bag.
“My, my, do my eyes deceive me, or are you sulking boy?” came the wizened voice that could only belong to Cologne. There she stood, a few feet away from him, balancing easily upon the new staff she had acquired after their first day here.
“I’m not sulking, I just want to know what everyone is doing out in the woods, why won’t you just tell me?” he asked heatedly.

Jess: Bop.

WHAM!

Lauren: Worst…running gag…ever.

He winced as she removed the staff from his head. Even with all his training over the past two weeks or so, he still could only barely make out her movements. The old woman was just so incredibly fast.
“I haven’t told you the first dozen times you’ve asked, why would you think this time would be any different? I’ve told you it’s a surprise.” she told him, glaring at him irately.
“Don’t worry though, I have a feeling that you’ll be getting the answer you seek very soon indeed.” the old women followed her ominous statement with some quiet cackles.

Trent: Uh…foreshadowing?

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Fine, whatever. So what trick are you planning to teach me today?” he asked; his desire to train resurfacing eagerly.
“Trick? Trick! I don’t teach tricks here boy!” retorted the old woman angrily. “And you’re not going to be learning any techniques today. Your skills are still far too stunted to truly handle any of the ancient Amazon techniques that I’ve taught to my future son-in-law or Ryouga. However one day I know you will reach that level. What I am showing you is a training regimen that you shall practice even as you improve your other skills. I imagine, after several months, what I show you here shall finally bear fruit and you will add a formidable ability to your fighting repertoire.”

Lauren: I just hope this fic doesn’t last several months.

Hmm, that didn’t sound bad, a little heavy on the criticism, but the prospect of a powerful martial arts technique sounded pretty good to him.
Idly he opened the sack.

Brad: *Robin voice* I was wondering where you put my balls.

“Chestnuts? What do these have to do with the training?” he asked curiously.

Jess: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Trent: Jack Frost at your window sill.

The Amazon warrior turned to face him, an evil look forming on her aged features.
“Oh, you’ll see my boy. Oh and take off those gloves, the training won’t be any fun if you’re wearing flame retardant clothing.” she answered his question, grinning wickedly.

Lauren: This entire story is intelligence retardant.

The masked titan swallowed nervously at that.

Jess: Uh…

---

Trent: The line breaks are back in town!

Raven slammed the door to Cologne’s home loudly behind her as she entered the building. She was in a terrible mood, that much was blatantly displayed by her every movement.

Brad: Ah, looks like someone just read Be Careful What You Wish For.

Being on the side lines for Ryouga’s training was infuriating. On the one hand, it was good that the boy was learning to control his temper and was coming to terms with his past. On the completely opposite hand, sitting there watching that old Ghoul verbally attack the fanged martial artist with some of the cruelest things she had ever heard, that wasn’t exactly easy to deal with.
Tonight had been especially bad, she had torn into the lost boy ruthlessly about some carp fishing pole.

Trent: What?
Jess: I don’t know.

Raven didn’t get the whole story though; Ryouga had shifted the entire argument to Chinese so she couldn’t follow. What she did get was that Ryouga was extremely ashamed of the whole situation and embarrassed as well. Apparently it must have been one of his darker moments or something. Even Starfire seemed to be hitting a little harder that day, somewhere along the line the Tamaranian had picked up the language, and apparently she wasn’t impressed with what the lost boy had done.

Lauren: Well I’m not impressed with what this author has written.

Still, the three of them had finally worked through the issue, without any input from Raven, much to her annoyance. She wanted to contribute something to the training, not just play cheer leader and patch up the boy after a particularly hard hit here and there.

Trent: Hehe, Raven in a cheerleader uniform.
*Double Slap*
Trent: Ow.

At least Ryouga appeared to be happy that she was there, but the boy was so intent on his training, he barely had the time to say a complete sentence to her. She was starting to wonder why she went out there everyday. Watching the lost boy get emotionally raked over the coals wasn’t exactly fun.
That and it was tiring watching Starfire and Ryouga fight all day long! Those two had insane amounts of endurance. She knew that Starfire gained energy from the sun, which allowed the girl to continue on fighting, and that Ryouga had achieved his monstrous endurance from rigorous training and a life time of travel. But to actually watch the two of them go at it for so long, she had just needed to get away for the night. If only for her sanity.

Jess: If only we could escape this fic to retain our sanity.

Raven finally took in her current surroundings. The house was very still and quiet, which was somewhat unusual. The only occupant appeared to be Robin. And for some reason his hands were heavily wrapped in bandages.
“What happened to you today?” she asked, somewhat moodily.
“What happened to you today?” he replied in an irritated voice.

Lauren: Uh…okay?

So that was how he was going to be eh?

Brad: And that’s the way Robin is.

“It’s none of your business Robin.” she answered. He replied quickly. “Then that’s your answer too Raven.”

Jess: Did we miss something?
Lauren: I hope not.

The two of them locked heated glares.

Brad: Uh…are they gonna do it or something?

Fine then, be that way. “What’s for dinner?” she changed the subject, still irate. “Nothing. Cyborg is out with Lotion and obviously I can’t cook!” shot back Robin, indicating his bandaged hands.
Their combined glare intensified even further, she wondered if the boy wonder’s mask would burst into flames at this rate.

Trent: FILLER!

“Fine, I’ll cook something.” she stated forcefully.
“No thanks Raven, I only eat food.” spouted out the fuming little boy.

Brad: And only when “food” is in bold!

Why that little - “Excuse me.” she replied, laying on as much ice as she could. “What exactly did you mean by that “Band-aid Wonder”?”

Jess: Wow that insult sucked.

Robin’s eye mask narrowed even tighter at that. “Nothing at all Rae, I’m just saying that at least Starfire has an excuse for her food looking like it came from another planet.”
Insult her first attempt at cooking would he? Oh, it was on now!

Lauren: LEEEEEEET’S GET READY TO ARGUE!

Her eyes began to glow gray as the air around her crackled with black spiritual energy. “I suggest you take that back now Bird Boy.” she demanded in a deceivingly calm voice.
The masked boy’s response was to stand and wave her in with his bandaged hands. “Why don’t you just come over here and make me?”

Trent: Uh…what the hell?

---

Brad: PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC LINE BREAK!

The Amazonian guards gave Elder Cologne’s house a wide berth. Sure, they had gotten a large number of complaints and pleas from people to come and deal with the problem.
However when they got to the building and saw that the entire structure was shaking violently, unearthly shouts of anger and violence penetrating the walls, and flashes of dark energy bursting from the windows.

Lauren: Oh god.

Well, they were pretty sure they remembered Cologne excusing her strange guests from all of their laws. So technically, it would be wrong to interfere with whatever was going on.
Indeed, loop holes were a grand Amazon tradition.

Jess: Okaaaaay.

---

Brad: She’s a Line Break!

“Man, I really needed that.” muttered the boy wonder. Raven gently helped him rewrap his minimally burned hands. She nodded silently to his statement. Blowing off some steam had been just what the two of them had needed.

Trent: So did they do it?

Cologne’s house had seen better days though. She eyed the creaking beam above them with a little apprehension, but Robin had assured her that it would hold . . . for a few more hours at least. The rest of the room was a disaster area, to say the least. Oh well, she was sure the Elder would understand.

Jess: Oh yeah, perfectly natural for both of you to beat the crap out of each other for NO FUCKING REASON!

“So, are you ready to tell me what’s been bothering you?” she asked mildly. He nodded in response. “Yeah, I think so, but only if you tell me what’s been bothering you too, Raven.”
It was going to be like that again was it? Still it seemed fair enough. “Alright, but I asked first.” She replied, this time with actual calm.

Trent: They need to die.
Lauren: In a fire.

“I guess it’s just a lot of little things that have been building up over the past two weeks. Jinx and her friends getting away. Being outclassed by people two or three years younger than me in this village. Being cooped up with you guys in this little house for two weeks straight. Everyone else is getting dragged off for “special” training outside the village while I get left back here. Having some old crone burn the flesh from my bones with her crazy training. It’s a little much to deal with all at once.” he told her honestly.

Brad: THEN JUST FUCKING LEAVE!

She nodded knowingly. “But that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it? You miss her don’t you?”
He mirrored her nod, blushing slightly. “Yeah, I guess that’s the big thing. I barely got to see her at all the first week because of Perfume. But this past week, I haven’t laid eyes on her once. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being dumb about it all.”
Raven smiled. “No you’re not Robin. She misses you too, she just realizes how important the project her and Cologne are working on is. Trust me, on the few nights I actually stayed out there, sleeping anywhere near her meant I couldn’t go a minute without hearing your name while she slept.”

All 4: FORCED ROMANTIC DRAMA IS NOT GOOD WRITING YOU TALENTLESS FUCK!

His blush encompassed his whole face hearing that. “Um yeah, well I guess it’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling bad then. Okay then, your turn Raven. What’s eating you lately?” he asked her back.

Trent: Definitely not Ryoga considering her mood.
Jess: Oh god.
Trent: That’s what she said.
*SLAP!*

She took a deep breath. Well she had agreed. “It has to do with Ryouga’s training outside the village. I can’t tell you everything, since Cologne wants to surprise everyone, but it involves getting Ryouga really angry. So for the past week or so, the old Ghoul has been doing every terrible thing she can to him she can think of. That makes it twice as bad for me, since not only do I have to watch her treat him like that, I also catch some of his stronger emotions and get to experience the same things he does. After a week of that I’m sure you can understand why I’m not in the best of spirits.” she explained to him.

Lauren: Then stop going there you twit.

The masked boy let out a low whistle at that. “Yeah, I can see how that would put you in a bad mood alright.” He dropped a reassuring, yet bandaged, hand on her shoulder. “At least Cologne said that the training is nearly done, after that I’m sure things will start to look up.”
She nodded, feeling better now for the talk and the fight. “Yeah, I think it’s time I got back to work on my own training anyway.”

Brad: How about you train towards not being a snooping bitch?

The two of them then proceeded to sit in the middle of the destroyed room in comfortable silence.
The door opened quickly and Cyborg walked in, looking as happy as they had ever seen him.

Jess: Oh please let the damn ship be fixed.

“Hey guys! What’s goin . . . on!” he trailed off slowly, taking in the damage that surrounded the two of them.
“What the heck did you two do!”

Trent: Are question marks a rarity or something?

---

Brad: Don’t play that line break, that achy breaky line break!

Robin woke up with the sun once again; it seemed to be becoming a habit for the reclusive Gothamite here. He had to admit it was starkly different from his room back in the tower, which was cloaked in darkness even during the brightest of days. He was starting to gain an appreciation for the sun as well; it was nice being able to wake up without a buzzing alarm, or worse, a blaring siren.
To hell with training today. He had been working his little butt off for two weeks straight; he was due for a day off.

Trent: I don’t want to know the size of Robin’s butt.

Besides, he reflected somewhat guiltily, there was, perhaps, a repair or two that he could affect to their host’s house, hopefully before she returned again. That in mind he decided to go wake his partner in crime to enlist her aid in the work.
The sight that greeted him when he opened his door nearly caused him to shout in panic. The entire hallway was bathed in the black energy that was so characteristic of Raven’s power. Almost as soon as he opened his door, the blackness flooded into his room and over him, before it all retracted quickly, pulling back into Raven’s room down the hall.

Jess: What the hell?

Hmmm, well that was certainly odd.

Lauren: Understatement of the year.

A moment later, the girl in question exited said room to meet him. “Good morning Robin, off to training?” she asked politely.
“Not today Raven, I think I need a break. That and the two of us have some work to do.” he explained to her, also politely. After a moment he cautiously added. “Um, what exactly were you doing just then?”
“I got up early this morning, so I decided to do some work on the scrolls that Cologne gave me. I was just expanding the area I worked with a little wider than before is all, nothing to worry about.” she droned, obviously not excited at the prospect of manual labor.
He nodded. “I’m never worried when your concerned, I know that you know what you’re doing.” He added a smile to his words.

Jess: Bad flirting.

With that, the two of them traveled down the stairs and went about their work. About a half an hour later Cyborg came out of his room and greeted them for the morning. Unfortunately he declined their gracious offer to let him help them. Something about it not being his mess and him not cleaning it up. How stingy can you get?

Brad: Yes how dare he not clean up a mess he didn’t make!

After a large breakfast the large titan had left to affect more repairs on the T-Ship, leaving them to their amateur carpentry. Luckily the beam they had cracked last night hadn’t split, definitely good since they were sleeping on the second floor. That had been the first thing they had gone about fixing.
It was nice quiet work, neither of them bothered to say much, nothing really needed to be said. And time seemed to pass by quickly. He was pretty sure it was nearly lunch time before they were disturbed.
Cyborg burst into the house noisily, actually shocking the two of them pretty badly after working for several hours in near silence.

Lauren: Is it fixed?

“Dawgs! They’re all back and they’re headin for the big fight circle thing man! I think something’s goin down, let’s check it out!” yelled the cybernetic titan, his voice laced with excitement.

Trent: Thanks 50 Cent.

Robin turned to Raven, and saw her shrug. “Alright, let’s go see what’s up.” The three of them left the house and headed for the training ground. They weren’t the only one’s either, a large mob was starting to form, Amazons of every age whispering excitedly about what was happening.
The masked hero spotted his friends making their way to the center of the fighting circle. Starfire and Ryouga traveled side by side, though Starfire floated several inches above the ground, the look of seriousness on their faces nearly matched. Cologne pogoed behind them a few paces; her look unreadable. Bringing up the tail end of the procession was the missing Beast Boy; he swaggered widely, looking extremely pleased with himself.

Brad: Someone got a handy.

“Yo man, what’s up with them? BB looks like he just ate the tofu canary and Star and Ryo look like the Terminator twins.” asked Cyborg. Robin and Raven could only shrug in response. Robin was just as confused as he was. Starfire didn’t usually look that serious, he much preferred her care free and smiling face.

Trent: On his d…
*SLAP*

The group in question then began to split up. Beast Boy stopped well outside the circle and walked off to the side. The lost boy and the Tamaranian stopped only two steps into the circle. The Amazonian Matriarch continued to the very heart of the circle. She then slowly spun to survey all the Amazons present.
“As you all know, the council faces a most weighty decision. So weighty in fact, that they felt the need to call me back from Japan so that I might contribute my wisdom!” she orated loudly for the crowd.
Huh! What was she talking about; they hadn’t heard anything about that.

Jess: Neither did we.

He turned to Raven. She returned his surprised look. “Cologne never mentioned anything about the council while we were training.” she told him.
Even their three friends by the circle seemed confused. Apparently Cologne hadn’t confided in them either.
“A portion of the council has expressed a desire to expand the tribe and to update our culture so that we may grow more in tune with the world. These elders believe that our isolation weakens us and is causing the proud Amazon nation to stagnate.” she continued expertly.

Lauren: Uh…where did this come from?

Amazon nation? Weren’t they just this one village? That hardly seemed to qualify as a nation in his book. Still, he was pretty sure that voicing said opinion would likely get him in trouble, so he decided to keep it to himself.
“The rest of the council disagrees with that belief. Those elders state that our isolation from the world is where our true strength comes from. That our sacred traditions should not be altered by a few hotheaded youths.” The elder looked out into the crowd.

Brad: What the hell is the point of this?

Robin noticed now as well. It appeared that the entire council was present; they now stood around the outside of the circle. They ranged from ancient and shrunken like Cologne, to the uniquely young and beautiful Perfume. Heh, the titan did notice a slight age difference on the two halves of the circle. The half that Perfume was on seemed to have slightly younger women on it, not quite as shrunken as Cologne at any rate.

Jess: In more ways than one.

Those were hotheaded youths? Sheesh.
“This division is deep within the council, and in fact spreads throughout the entire tribe. And so, as Matriarch, I was asked to make a decision on the matter. I have decided to do more than that, I have prepared a demonstration to quell any who would question me were I to simply hand out a decree.” she explained.
“Had this debate opened several years ago, I would have sided with the traditionalists. We are proud and we are strong; we are capable of surviving on our own with no help from outsiders! But simple survival is not enough, and our independence comes at a high cost. Since traveling outside our village, I have met scores of individuals more skilled than any Amazon save the council members. My own Great Grand daughter was defeated by one such youth, and she was the best of her generation.” she yelled out passionately. The crowd reacted strongly, they had all seen that event, and it was a vivid reminder.

Trent: Can we move on here?

“Every generation, fewer Amazons possess the raw talent or even the drive to learn our most powerful and secret techniques. There is not a single Amazon in this tribe under thirty years of age which has mastered the Hiryua Shoten Ha! Some say the outside world breeds weakness, I say now that complacency is what breeds weakness, where you train is meaningless, only that you train.”
With that, the aged Elder at the center of the circle gestured dramatically to Ryouga and Starfire.
“Witness this mere outsider male! Born in Japan, he has lived in the new world and thrived. My undisputable demonstration of why the Amazon nation does not need to huddle in the shadow of ambiguity is this! This boy, and others like him, possess the skill and drive to do what our finest warriors of twice their age struggle with. This outsider has learned the legendary Flying Dragon Ascends to the Heavens Blow! “she cried out to the crowd.

Brad: *snores*

At that the crowd went wild. Shouts of disbelief burst from every direction. Several of the elders yelled out in indignation. “You did what!” ”It is against all of our traditions to teach our secret techniques to males!” “This is treason!” Yet another bellowed. “Impossible, one so young could never learn such a powerful technique!”
Robin could just make out the movements of Ryouga’s lips as the boy leaned over to whisper something to Starfire. “Heh, guess she never told them about Ranma, or any of the other techniques she taught us either.”
Hmm Robin had to wonder about that. Ryouga told them that Cologne had taught him the Bakusai Tenketsu. Cologne had told him that she had trained Ranma in the Amaguriken, and was teaching him the basics of it as well. And she had trained both Ranma and now Ryouga in the Hiryua Shoten Ha, whatever that did. Was there some kind of three strikes and you’re out law with the Amazons?

Lauren: This guy should’ve gone with the three pages and the chapter is done concept.

A sly smile formed on Cologne’s lips even as she turned to regard her detractors. “Now my fellow Elders, how could I have possibly broken any of our laws? Because of my grievous errors; the lady Raven and all of her friends have been exempted from all of our laws. And the Hibiki boy is clearly one of her friends.” the matriarch cockily replied to their accusations.
Holy crap! Cologne had played them all! Robin had assumed that she had only excused them from those insane marriage laws that Ryouga had mentioned. He had never imagined that she could have meant they were excused from all the laws! Had she actually planned all that!

Jess: Is this going somewhere?

“You cannot be serious Cologne! That law applies to you, not to the male! Exempting him from the laws does not mend that! It is forbidden to teach males our techniques!” argued another of the learned elders.
Cologne’s smile did not waver in the slightest, she turned in their direction. Or more specifically, to face Raven. “Child, could you please repeat what you told me yesterday before you returned to the village, during the lost boy’s training?” she asked, her tone strange, almost humorous.
The forehead of the lovely girl standing beside him crinkled slightly as she remembered the past day. Then suddenly her eyes shot open, wide with shock. Almost with disbelief, she then proceeded to repeat what the elder had told her. “Just before I left for the day, because of how terribly you were treating Ryouga . . . I said “With friends like you, who needs enemies” I had actually said it a few times over the week now that I think about it.”

Trent: Huh?

Robin nearly burst out laughing. How on earth had Cologne orchestrated all of that? She was like some form of mad genius.

Trent: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?

“That is absurd! Do you truly mock the council with such a feeble and pathetic defense?” yelled another of the elders.

Jess: I gotta agree.

Cologne only nodded smugly. “Amazon law is absolute; there is no room for interpretation. The thirty seventh law of the Amazons

All 4: 37!?
Brad: *Dante voice* 37! My girlfriends sucked 37 dicks!
Trent: In a row!?

, subsection three, is that if an outsider is wrongfully accused by the tribe, that any restitution offered by the tribe must be honored to the fullest ability of the tribe.”
The Matriarch then gestured to the dark titan once more. “In this case, I, a representative of the tribe, had wrongfully accused my friend Raven of being a threat to the tribe. In restitution I offered her and her friends amnesty from our laws. Thus, it is mandated that we must uphold that offer, on our honor as Amazons. And the moment that I cease to be considered Raven’s friend, I shall immediately submit myself to the judgment of the council.”

Brad: That makes no sense.
Lauren: Are you surprised?
Brad: No.

The only response now was the slowly rising and lowering jaws of the speechless elders. Cologne’s plan was so simple, it bordered on juvenile, and yet, because of their own strict adherence to their laws, they were powerless to stop it.

Jess: This entire village is full of idiots.

Robin was starting to wonder how much of Cologne’s help and kindness had been true, and how much had been just a show to get what she needed. It was diabolical really.

Trent: Thanks, we didn’t get that it was diabolical the first TEN TIMES you said it.

“And as to your reference to our tradition of not teaching males to fight, I say this! That tradition is part of the reason we are growing weaker as a people rather than stronger!” Cologne orated her speech loudly now, with sweeping gestures.
“We pride ourselves on being great warriors, but we purposely weaken and pacify our males. How do you think that affects our offspring, purposely joining strong dominant females with weak willed and pathetic males? Our marriage laws are meant to correct this flaw, but we are so isolated that we rarely encounter a worthy outsider male more than once a generation. And the Amazon males that actually become strong despite our efforts, such as Mousse, perhaps one of the greatest warriors the Amazon tribe has produced in a generation? They are scorned!” she barked the last angrily.

Brad: Seriously though, is there a point to this ridiculous amount of exposition?

“I show you today that males have just as much potential to be warriors as females, and that if we train both sexes to be strong; then subsequent generations shall be ever stronger for it!” Then, with a dramatic sweeping of her cane, she pointed to Ryouga and Starfire.
“Hibiki, demonstrate for these wise elders, the power of the Hiryua Shoten Ha!”
-
-
-

Lauren: Uh…wow, so powerful.

Cologne gestured again to the lost boy. Still nothing happened. The elder then turned to look at the martial artist.
Ryouga and Starfire both stood stark still, their faces frozen in shock.

Trent: Huh?
Jess: Again, did we miss something?

Heh, apparently Cologne hadn’t told them about her plan either. Robin was pretty sure that suddenly going from practicing a little technique, to suddenly being thrust into the very heart of a livid Amazonian debate, had utterly blown their minds.
A quick look to his side showed that Raven and Cyborg were just as awed by what had happened. Cologne had played them all like some masterfully tuned fiddle, Robin nearly felt like applauding actually.

Brad: This is the stupidest plan of all time.

Quickly the matriarch bounced over to the comatose duo and leapt, lashing out with her staff. The wooden implement impacted heavily with the fanged boy’s and the alien girl’s heads. It seemed to have the desired effect, shaking the two from their near slumber.
“Fool boy, you’re embarrassing me, perform the technique now.” she barked harshly to Ryouga.
“Are you crazy! You never mentioned any of this? You just got everyone wanting to kill us, and now you put me on the spot to do a move that I’m not even sure I can do under the best of conditions!” the lost boy was trying to whisper, but it came out so harshly that his words were near yelling anyway. His arms were also waving around panic as he spoke to the elder.

Trent: Douche.

Okay, that didn’t sound too reassuring. Several of the elders around the circle had begun to don smug smiles, confident in their positions now. Cologne looked about ready to clout the lost boy over the head again for being stubborn.
Instead another person intervened. Starfire laid a soothing hand on Ryouga’s shoulder. He looked at her questioningly, but she didn’t say a word. Just smiled beatifically and graced the boy with a brave nod of reassurance.

Lauren: YOU CAN DO IT!

Her simple gesture seemed to bolster the lost boy’s confidence. “All right Cologne, but you better have an explanation when we’re done here. Let’s go Starfire.” The lost boy then slid back into a defensive stance, waiting for Starfire to join him.
Cologne smiled, delighted with her success so far. She quickly jumped out of the circle and barked the command for the two to begin.

Jess: So she’s a dog now?

Robin was stunned as the two figures in the circle suddenly burst into motion. “HAAAA!” Starfire’s war cry split the air as she flew forward with a lightning fast haymaker aimed to take the lost boy’s head clean off. Ryouga was forced to give ground to the attack, weaving to the side and stepping back smoothly.
What followed was a dazzling display of martial skill.

Brad: Which will be made incredibly boring if the previous fights are any indication.

Robin was amazed at Starfire’s progress over the past two weeks. She was attacking with a speed and skill that he had never seen her use before. The Tamaranian was initiating complex combos, punches leading into elbows, feinting into kicks, flowing into sweeps. Her technique was impressive, even to the masked titan.
But something didn’t seem right. As much as she had improved, there was no way she should have been able to push the wandering martial artist back in such a way. Though Ryouga could have countered at any time he wished, the lost boy simply avoided her attacks, not even daring to block. For some reason, he appeared to be limiting himself exclusively to dodging, which was making it very difficult for the lost boy.

Lauren: STOP REFERRING TO HIM AS THAT! God damn it use another term!

Something else seemed odd as well. Ryouga’s face was a study of concentration and calm. Not even extremely narrow misses on Starfire’s part ruffled him in the least. Starfire on the other hand, her face was a mask of fury. Her eyes had started glowing a few moments into the match and now her hands were wrapped in green plasma as well.
It seemed to be an odd juxtaposition for the two fighters. A particularly cunning combo on Starfire’s part, a flashing kick leading into a knee followed by a blurring nova like back fist caused her opponent to bend nearly backwards. Now that her hands were blazing, Ryouga was being forced to dodge by larger margins, lest the heat alone injure him.

Brad: Called it; boring as hell.

Rather than do what Robin would have done, break off and regain his footing to remove his disadvantage. The lost boy made an incredibly awkward backwards roll before kicking himself into a handstand and flipping back to his feet, continuing his slow yet steady backwards motion. The move nearly cost him, one of Starfire’s fists grazed his chest, burning through his shirt like paper and leaving a trail of blackened skin in its path.

Trent: I hope he dies.

If Ryouga noticed the injury, he gave no sign, only settling back into the rhythm of dodging the alien girl’s fierce attacks.
Robin took a brief moment to gaze at the audience. Cologne’s face was hard as she watched the spectacle, analyzing every movement the pair made. The elder’s around the circle however, their jaw’s hung open in disbelief, some of the younger elders had even begun to push back at the crowd, trying to get their fellow Amazons to move away from the fight.
What was up with that? Sure, it was pretty impressive, but all they were doing was dodging and attacking as they continually circled around the combat area . . . wait a moment. That wasn’t quite what they were doing, every pass had been shorter than the one before it, and the pair was nearly at the center of the circle. Why on earth –

Jess: TIMING!

He shuddered involuntarily, a sudden chill had settled over him, as if all the heat had suddenly been drained from the area. Something odd was going on. Robin hastily focused back on the fight in the circle; it appeared to be nearing its end.
Ryouga now stood, almost crouched at the center of the circle, one fist cocked back. The boy wore an icy expression on his face, so unusual for him. Starfire was in mid lunge, her fist also pulled back. Her face was anger incarnate; her eyes billowed out green energy in wispy trails that followed her for several meters. The star bolts that encompassed each of her hands nearly the size of beach balls. It was a terrifying sight, the position that Ryouga had placed himself in, there was no way he could dodge the attack now.

Lauren: And then?

-
-
-

Trent: And then the line breaks appeared!

Robin was blasted backwards by a potent blast of force. As well as any of the poor audience that stood within ten feet of the battle circle. He saw Beast Boy go flying over him and out beyond his line of sight, screaming all the way. That was all he noticed, because after that the howling of the winds encompassed all of his senses.
It was like the very howl of hell itself, a terrible wailing sound that tore at his ears like rusty knives. He could only stare in awe at the sight before him. The combat circle was no more, now, against all of nature’s laws, a massive tornado now stood, hungrily tearing at the ground even as it reached perilously for the very clouds themselves.

Brad: *yawn*

The entire funnel of winds glowed with an eerie green glow, bursts of energy escaping all along its monstrous and undulating length. The tornado hung there for a seeming eternity, maybe seconds, maybe hours; his sense of time was totally overwhelmed by the event before him.

Lauren: Like ours when we attempt to read this crap.

But eventually it did weaken; the glow fading and the winds dying down. Slowly, painfully so, the clouds of dust and debris settled back to the ground and the scene at the center of the circle became visible again.
Agonizingly, Robin pulled himself to his feet, noticing Cyborg doing the same. Raven stood between them silently, her ebon shield just now beginning to dissolve away. He ignored them and rushed to ground zero of the destructive natural disaster that had just inexplicably landed before them.
Standing, barely, at the very heart of the destruction, was Ryouga. His right fist still held high in the air, vibrating from the exertion.

Jess: Uh.
Trent: What did he just do to Starfire?
Brad: …kinky!

The lost boy’s stare was skyward, looking for something.
Starfire! Where was she! Robin’s head whipped around violently as he scanned the area for him missing friend. Had the attack destroyed her completely? No! Ryouga would never do anything like that, they were all friends, but what had happened?
A whistling sound caught his ears. It drew his gaze skywards much as Ryouga’s already was. There! Tiny now, but quickly coming into focus as it returned to earth. Even from the distance he could recognize Starfire’s form. She was hurtling back from the sky, wait! She wasn’t flying, she was falling! She was unconscious!

Lauren: He catches her.

Even as her body careened to the earth, Robin ran forward, getting ready to leap and catch her. It was going to hurt, probably a lot, but there was no way –
The lost boy before him crouched to the ground and leapt for all he was worth. Robin skidded to a stop, gasping at the feat, as minor as it was compared to what he had just seen. The fanged martial artists leap took him very nearly five stories into the clear blue sky, where he collided with Starfire’s falling form.

Jess: Or you could just ignore the obvious more-than-friends scenario with Robin and her…

Then the two floated gently to the ground.
WHAM!

Trent: Gently my ass.

Okay, not exactly, Ryouga knelt in the crater that his heated reentry had created. The boy appeared to be trying to wake the comatose alien girl. Then Ryouga looked in his direction, imploring him to join him. Hesitantly Robin walked over to the pair in the crater. Starfire’s clothing was somewhat torn, but thankfully still functional.

Brad and Trent: DAMN!

To Robin’s eternal relief, her eyes fluttered open even as he entered the crater himself.
“What were you doing Starfire? You were throwing off way more heat than the other time we actually got this to work, you know the move hurts more the more hot chi you put out!” the lost boy’s words were a strange mix of scolding and relief.
The Tamaranian looked back at the bandanna clad boy with a smile. “I just wished to make your display as impressive as possible, do not worry, I am not seriously damaged.” she said, giggling lightly at the end. She then turned to face Robin.

Jess: Oh just hug and kiss already you two idiots.

“You did find it impressive, did you not Robin?” she asked, smiling widely. She then reached out to him. Smiling widely from his own relief, Robin carefully extracted the precious girl from Ryouga’s grasp and pulled her close. “I would have been more impressed if you hadn’t gotten yourself hurt doing it.” He reprimanded her gently.
A flash of black heralded Raven’s appearance on the scene. The dark girl knelt beside the lost boy. Gently she rested a hand on the ugly burn that ran down his exposed chest. A light blue glow appeared and slowly the burnt flesh healed to an angry pink color.

Brad: Angry pink?
Trent: Not even gonna touch that one.

Robin flexed his own hands gingerly, they were still the same pink color from her healing, it was perhaps the only reason he was still wearing the chemically treated bandages that Cologne had given him.
She then turned to face Starfire and him. “I know you two are probably quite happy to stand there holding each other all day, but we should really find Starfire somewhere to lie down so I can tend to her.” she stated teasingly.

Lauren: RUINING THE MOMENT BITCH!

Hmm, that sounded like a really good idea actually.

Jess: Douche.

---

Trent: Line breaks; the other white meat.

Cologne was extremely pleased with how things had turned out. She decided to let the children in the circle have some private time while she dealt with the unbelieving council members that were demanding explanations. Heh, at the very least this little display should have them off balance enough so that Perfume and her fellows should have time to start making their case for social progression in the village.
She absently answered the council member’s questions for several minutes, until she saw her young protégés leaving for her home. After that she directed all of the questions to Perfume, it was her movement, let her deal with the inane questions, Cologne had made her point.

Lauren: Yeah just abandon them; idiot.

Happily she bounced over to her home and entered the building. The six children now populating her house were shouting excitedly back and forth with such speed that she couldn’t make out a single thing that any of them were saying.
Starfire was laid out on one of the benches, the dark titan tending to her wounds with her unusual but quite useful healing powers. Robin sat at her head, near the end of the bench. He held one of the orange girls hands tightly in his own.

Brad: Wow, relationship progression.

Ryouga was leaning back exhaustedly on the other bench. Well it did take time to perfect the Hiryua Shoten Ha after all. He looked a bit guilty, which wasn’t surprising, but otherwise would be fine soon.
Beast Boy and Cyborg sat at the table; they were doing most of the talking. They were endlessly hounding Ryouga, Raven and even Starfire about what had just happened. Unfortunately none of the three were currently in any mood to enlighten them.

Trent: Good, that means less exposition.

Her entrance caused silence to blanket the room, much as she thought it would. Ryouga met her gaze evenly. “I believe you owe us an explanation for all of this now Granny.” he stated boldly.

Jess: You were saying?
Trent: Crap.

She nodded in response. She had indeed promised them an explanation. Besides, what good was such a clever plot if she had no one to gloat about it to? It was probably the same thing that drove the villains in the titan’s stories to always reveal their evil plots.
“Indeed I do boy, and considering what I just accomplished with your help, I shall even oblige you. Heh, leave it to a Hibiki to manage to show up in the last place you expect him to be, but at just the right moment that you need him. As I told you when you first arrived, I was called back on tribe business. Though I did not explain then, I believe you know what I speak of now.” she asked them all in turn.

Brad: *yawns* Wake me when this little bit of pointlessness is over.

They all nodded at that. Good, she didn’t really want to explain it all again.

Lauren: Neither do we.

“I had been pouring over Amazon law for two solid days before your fortuitous arrival, but nothing had struck me as being useful at the time. That is until I sensed you and your friend’s arrival.”
Ryouga started at that. “You sensed our arrival?”
She scoffed. “I sensed your familiar chi even before you entered the village young fighter.”

Trent: Again, what is this? Dragon Ball Z?

The lost boy’s eyes narrowed at that. “Wait, but if you sensed my chi from that far then . . . “
“Indeed boy, I sensed young Raven’s energy from even farther away then yours. I was preparing myself to combat the demon I sensed, when suddenly your chi became apparent, that confused me enough that I needed to come and see what was happening for myself. That was when I first greeted the six of you at the gates if you recall.” she explained to them.
Six pairs of saucer sized eye’s returned her stare, they all stood transfixed with shock before her.

All 4: EXPOSITION, THE OTHER FILLER!

Raven broke the silence first. “But, but then why act like you didn’t notice until later? Why attack me and yell at Ryouga after everyone else had introduced themselves instead of right at the gates?” her voice was laced with confusion.

Lauren: Because she’s an asshole?

Cologne’s ancient smile took up her entire face. “As I said, I had just spent the past two days studying every law that I could find, like so many others, the thirty seventh law also seemed to be useless to my cause. At least it did until that moment. Because, young girl, inspiration struck me, the moment I saw you and Ryouga side by side, like a bolt of lightning.” she told the dark titan.

Jess: I wish she would get struck by a bolt of lightning.

“As dense as Hibiki can be at times, I knew there was no way he could have missed an aura as powerful as yours. And the fact that he traveled with you so freely meant that you must have somehow gained his trust. But that wasn’t enough; after all, Ryouga can be fairly gullible at times.” She ignored the dark glare that the lost boy in question sent her.
“That was why I interviewed your friends. I was determining whether any of them were under your demonic control or not. I found no trace of any such taint however, and yet they still trusted you implicitly. It was then that my plan truly came together. By attacking you, I knew it would draw Ryouga and your friends to defend you, thus bringing to light your good nature and showing that I wronged you. After that, I made my restitution and had everything I needed to start my plan.” she answered smugly.

Trent: The script came in real handy!

Robin snapped his fingers. “So that’s why you were so nice to us, giving us all the training, letting us stay with you, teaching Beast Boy and Cyborg the language. You were trying to convince us that you were our friend so you could use the loop hole you had created.” he deduced expertly.
She nodded again. “Well, for the most part. It’s true that Ryouga’s training was at the heart of my scheme.” She waved off the lost boy’s glare. “What, did you think I would suddenly teach you such a powerful technique for no reason at all, boy? I am not a charity you know. As for the rest of you . . . well, what can I say, it gets boring out in this old village away from Nerima, your training was just my way of amusing myself.” she chuckled loudly.

Brad: Is this over yet?

Ryouga’s glare only darkened at that. “So you used me again old woman, and all of my friends besides.” he accused her harshly.
“Bah, don’t be a fool boy; I paid fairly for the services you rendered, I got something that I needed, something crucial to the improvement of the Amazons as a people, and you and your friends gained invaluable training and experience. I’d say things worked out well for everyone, wouldn’t you?” she asked inquired lightly.
After several exchanged glances between the children before her, Robin stood up to address her. “I’d say that was a fair exchange, and you had the best of intentions in mind as well. Though your methods might have been a bit underhanded, we all gained something from it. Heh, I’m just glad you’re on our side Granny, I don’t think we’d stand a chance against you.” the boy ended with a good natured laugh.

Trent: Batman could beat her.
Jess: Oh hell yeah.

Underhanded eh? Heh, well she supposed she was a bit . . . roundabout with her methods, but oh well, it worked out well.

Lauren: And it only took over 100 pages.

“It’s good to know that someone here appreciates my wisdom. Very well, but I’m afraid that I’ll likely be pulled into the drudgery of council politics after this display. With all of your help I have managed to make a powerful example of why change would help the village. But that just means that the real debates are only beginning, however I think more people will listen to Perfume’s position now. Unfortunately I won’t be able to offer any more personal training now, but I can ask several of the younger instructors to help you if you wish.” she offered the group before her.

All 4: NO! RUN!

The young masked boy exchanged a meaningful look with the young girl lying beside him then turned back to her. “Thanks Cologne, but I think we’re just going to take the next few days off, I think we all need a break after the past two weeks.” He then turned to Cyborg. “How much longer till the ship is ready Cyborg?”
“Well, if I can get some extra help and without any other interruptions, I can probably have us out of here in a few days at the most.” he replied happily.
Robin smiled at that. “Yeah, don’t worry about us Cologne; we’ll be out of your hair in a few days, so I think all of us would like to enjoy the rest of our forced vacation as much as we can.”

Lauren: Please skip over those days.

“Very well, I’ll check in on you all over the next few days, but for now I must go and deal with some of those stubborn old birds.” she cackled loudly.
With that she turned and headed for the exit.
She paused for a moment before leaving. “By the way. What exactly have you children done to my home?” she asked accusingly.

Jess: Broke and tried to fix it?

She completely missed the saddened expression that now covered the lost boy’s face.

Trent: We don’t care.

---

Brad: Citizen Line Break.

Ryouga gingerly adjusted the straps of his back pack as he slowly made his way to the edge of the village. Its weight felt almost alien to him now, he had hardly used the thing at all over the past two weeks. He would get used to it again though; he had a life time of wearing it ahead of him after all.
He had slipped out of the house as everyone else had started celebrating their imminent departure for home. The lost boy had nearly forgotten about that. These past two and a half weeks had passed like a blur for him. He had been happier than he had been in a long time. Even at the worst of Cologne’s training, he still enjoyed the warmth and friendship that surrounded him.

All 4: RETURN OF THE EMO!

It really shouldn’t have surprised him that it would end sooner or later. Everything good in his life did after all. Still, he didn’t think he could handle hanging around for the next few days, dreading each passing moment that would eventually take his new friends from him. Better to get it over with now, and without the added burden of an emotional goodbye.

Jess: Wuss.

He let out a long, pitiable sigh; he would even miss the Amazon village. But he knew that once the Titans and Cologne had left, it would no longer feel like the home it had over the past weeks.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going lost boy?” came an angry yet beautifully feminine voice from behind him.

All 4: Raven.

Uh oh. He turned slowly and cringed at what he saw. Raven stood several meters behind him, fists firmly planted on her hips and eyes boring into him. He was pretty sure he could even see a vein or two throbbing ominously on her forehead.
He chuckled nervously, absently playing with the knot of his bandanna. “Um . . . heh heh Raven, um . . . since when do you swear?” he asked, totally clueless about what to do now.

Brad: Since this fic ignored the K+ rules.

“I don’t swear. I am just somewhat curious as to why you seem to be leaving the village without saying anything to me.” She asked, far too mildly to be good for his health.
Hmm, yeah, this didn’t really look too good. Really, he hadn’t expected any of the titans to even notice his departure.
“I . . . was going to get a drink?” his statement sounded more like a question, even to his own ears. Man, he was a terrible liar.
One of her fine eyebrows arched up cutely. “With your backpack? Were you planning on getting a drink from Jusenkyo?” she asked, still with that terrifyingly calm manner of speaking.

Lauren: Stop stalling and just get on with this.

He strived for something else to say, but his accursed brain was failing him utterly. He didn’t even get the chance anyways.
“Do you really think that I spent the last week watching you get emotionally destroyed for the fun of it? And now that I finally have the chance to actually spend time with you, without watching you getting tortured by the old Ghoul, I find you sneaking out of the village like a thief. Exactly what kind of message do you think that sends to me lost boy?” she asked harshly. It seemed her calm was starting to crumble, but it wasn’t anger that replaced it, rather a more delicate tenor.

Brad: That he’s a loser and you should let him go?

Argh, did she have to keep calling him that?

Jess: I wonder that too. Seriously; that term is so overused at this point it’s not even funny.

Still, his shoulders sagged; he could hear the hurt in her voice despite her attempts to hide it. He was doing it again, just like Starfire had said. Did he think he was the only one that felt bad about being parted from his new friends? Apparently Raven thought differently, she seemed to be taking his attempted escape harder than he thought she would.
A loud sigh escaped his lips. “I’m sorry Raven; I shouldn’t have tried to sneak out like this. It’s just all the talk about you leaving soon, I guess I’m just not ready to say goodbye to any of you.”

All 4: Then don’t leave you idiot!

Raven’s eyes rolled at his comment. “So you planned on sneaking away while we were distracted and not say anything at all? Yeah, that’s really mature.” she muttered.

Lauren: I’m starting to like Raven.

He winced a bit at that. “You’re right, I guess I didn’t think any of you would really care if I was gone, you all seemed so excited about getting home and all . . .” he trailed off, not really sure what else to say.
The gothic girl approached him, coming to stop only inches away from him. She looked up into his eyes intently; she was so close he could feel her breath on his neck. The closeness was so much that he felt himself starting to blush uncontrollably.
Whap!

Trent: KICK HIS ASS!

Then she whacked him across the back of the head. Sigh, Cologne had obviously gotten to the girl. Not that he actually felt the strike, but it was the act itself that struck him.
“Maybe instead of running away from your problems, you should stay and deal with it like a man. I know that I would like to talk about this and at the very least enjoy our time together for the next few days.” she more or less ordered of him.
He nodded. Was he really so resigned to diving back into his old life that he was ready to start making all of the same mistakes all over again? No, some things were worth working for, no matter the cost.

Jess: Why does she like him? He’s an idiot!
Brad: Pity.

“I think I would like that Raven. Let’s go see how everyone else is doing, after all, we’ve still got a few days to plan out.” he offered, smiling hesitantly.
She graced him with one of her wonderful smiles. She then turned, her cloak brushing against him, and started walking back to the village, leaving him to follow. With a rueful shake of his head, he did just that.

Lauren: I take it back; she still sucks.

As they began walking Raven tossed a comment over her shoulder.
“Of course you know that I’m going to make you pay for nearly walking out on me.”
Ryouga let out a long, pitiable sigh.
---

All 4: JUMP AROUND THE LINE BREAKS!

The next several days passed in an enjoyable blur for Raven. The six of them had spent their time really enjoying their time in the village. Actually, the five titans hardly saw each other for the entire time. Beast Boy and Spice were out roaming the countryside at every opportunity, both determined to enjoy each others company as much as possible before the changeling had to leave.

Trent: Oh god, more filler.

Cyborg spent all of his time with Lotion and the T-Ship.

Jess: So wrong.

Raven felt a little bad for her friends; it was unlikely that they would be able to keep up the relationships they had forged here with an entire ocean separating them. But then, she secretly harbored that fear in her own heart as well.
Starfire and Robin had spent every moment together, apparently making up for lost time. Raven had actually gone out of her way to avoid the two, she knew that absence made the heart grow fonder, but please, get a room.

Brad: Yeah because God forbid that any character development occur.

Herself, she had spent her time with Ryouga, in a much more dignified manner she assured herself. They had spent their time talking, walking, or just sitting under the stars in total silence. The lost boy was like a kindred spirit, he may not have understood her completely, but unlike any of her other friends, he could truly sympathize with her condition.

Lauren: What condition?

She never had made him pay like she had threatened, but she didn’t really care at this point either.
And now there they were, standing before the fully restored T-Ship. She almost hated the machine and what it represented. But Robin was right, they did need to get home, Speedy couldn’t protect the city by himself forever. It was just a slightly melancholy moment now, rather than the excitement she had felt for home several days ago.

All 4: WE DON’T CARE! JUST GO ALREADY!

The entire tribe had come to see them off. It was sweet really; the Amazons had really come to grow on Raven after all this time. Most notable of course were Cologne and Perfume, as well as Spice and Lotion, both looking a little sad as well.

Brad and Trent: LES-YAY!

All of her friends went forward to speak with various members of the Amazons. She floated where she was, content that Ryouga was by her side. Robin was thanking Cologne and the entire tribe for their hospitality and generosity in helping out the Titans so much. He even went so far as to give the old Ghoul a communicator, in case they ever needed any help in the future.
As for the other three, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire were talking to Lotion, Spice and Perfume respectively. Raven couldn’t make out what any of them were saying though, since they were all chattering away in rapid fire Chinese.

Jess: Whatever.

She grumbled mentally, was she the only person here that couldn’t speak Chinese now?
The dark titan wished she knew what they were saying. Cyborg had just handed something to Lotion and now Spice, Beast Boy and all of them were fighting over whatever it was feverishly.

Lauren: …uh…

And Starfire and Perfume had just finished speaking, much more formally. And then the older woman turned to the tribe and made some loud proclamation that garnered cheers and cries from the crowd gathered around.
Apparently Ryouga noticed her confusion and leaned in discreetly. He pointed to the four struggling teens first. “BB and Cy were saying their goodbyes. But then Cyborg offered Lotion some kind of video transmitter so they could still talk, heh I guess Beast Boy and Spice were jealous so now they’re trying to take it from them.” he snickered at that last part.

Trent: Thanks for explaining that bit of pointlessness.

Heh, those two boys were so predictable. She was sure that they would eventually figure out the concept of sharing.
“Perfume and Starfire apparently had a much more interesting talk. Right now Perfume is declaring a treaty that she had worked out with Starfire over the past several weeks. Apparently the Amazon tribe is now allied with the planet Tamaran. Heh heh, talk about your one sided deals.” he informed her.

Brad: Uh…okay?

She rolled her eyes. Well that explains why the young elder was so interested in Starfire. Well, she doubted anything would come of it; Tamaran was an awfully long way away. But if it made them happy, then why not, besides this tribe was so isolated they probably could start trading with aliens and no one would even notice.
Soon after, the crowd was dispersing; apparently Amazons weren’t big on goodbyes either. Eventually Spice and Lotion left as well, carrying the communication device between them. And her fellow titans began prepping the ship for launch.

Trent: Faster!

This left her awkwardly standing with Ryouga.

Jess: Crap…here come three more pages.

“So . . . are you sure you don’t want to come with us? I’m sure we could leave Beast Boy here and no one would mind.” she joked nervously.
“Hey! I heard that Rae!” came the changeling’s angry reply.

Lauren: Can’t blame her for telling the truth.

Ryouga chuckled at that, playing nervously with the knot of his bandanna. “I just have a few things I’d like to do first, some friends back in Nerima I need to talk to. But don’t worry, I promised I would come and see you in your giant T, it may take awhile, but I always get where I want to go in the end.” he told her reassuringly.
She looked away slightly, trying to hide her growing blush. “I’d like that, you won’t make me wait too long will you?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I will do everything in my power to get to Jump City, you have my word.” he replied some what embarrassed at his forward words.

Brad: Please end.

She absently played with the fabric of her cloak, letting it sway from side to side. “So . . . I guess this is goodbye then.”
“For now” he cut in.
She nodded happily. “For now”

All 4: UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER!

“Oh for the love of Buddha Raven, just hug to poor guy and let’s go! He’ll never make it to the tower if you two stand there for the rest of your lives!” yelled a frustrated Beast Boy from his patched up cockpit.

All 4: THANK YOU!

She saw Ryouga’s face turn red even as she felt her own do the same. Damn Beast Boy, ruining the moment. But he did have a point. Hesitantly, nervously, she leaned forward, seeing the lost boy do the same.
They met in a warm embrace; she pressed her head to his chest, savoring the contact. The violet haired girl felt his cheek rest on the crown of her head. They stood there for several wonderful moments before she finally pulled away.

Jess: *Raven voice* Now you’re pregnant.
Brad: *Ryoga voice* AAAAAAAH!

She then levitated, moving to the cockpit of her section of the T-Ship.
“Don’t keep us waiting forever Ryouga, the Titans will miss you.” she told him.

Lauren: And by Titans she means just her.

He replied earnestly.
“We’ll meet again Raven, no matter what happens.”
And with that, Raven and the Titans departed for home.

Brad: Is it over?

---

Brad: Guess not.

Ryouga idly wiped an errant tear from his face. He was actually taking it better than he had thought. But then he hadn’t been lying when he said he would meet them again. He would get there eventually, he just needed to go see his friends in Nerima first, there was still much that needed to be said.
“You know boy, you’ve really made me proud these past few weeks.” came a withered old voice from behind him.

Jess: Oh god this isn’t necessary.

He nearly shrieked out loud and spun to face the speaker. “I thought you left awhile ago Granny, what are you doing here?” he asked, the shock still in his voice.
She smiled wickedly at him. “I came to see the Titan’s off; did you think I would leave before seeing off an old pupil of mine as well? Besides I really enjoyed that touching farewell you shared with Raven HOHOHO!”

Lauren: So now she’s Santa?

He turned red with embarrassment again at that. “Yeah yeah, Ha Ha. Still, it’s good to know that someone cares, even if it’s only you.” he retorted.
She swatted him lightly with her cane. “Cheeky boy. I just wanted you to know how impressed I was with what you accomplished lately. You’ve helped me out immeasurably, you’ve learned a powerful new technique that will help you become an all around better fighter and against all hope; you’ve even managed to not make a complete fool of yourself in front of a pretty girl HOHOHO!”

Jess: Hey she’s not a ho.

He rolled his eyes, did she have to laugh at everything. “Thanks Granny, for everything, I think this time has helped me to put a lot of things into perspective. But now I’ve got to begin my travels. I still need to do some things in Nerima, and then I need to find Jump City. So I need to get moving.” he told her seriously.
She nodded. “Be on your way then boy, I’m sure I’ll see you in Nerima later on. Hmm but if you were in such a hurry, why didn’t you ask your friends to at least give you a ride back to Japan?” she asked.

Trent: Hahaha!

DAMN! Why hadn’t he thought of that?

Brad: Because you’re an idiot, we covered this.

He grabbed Cologne’s staff and bounced it off his own skull.

Jess: Oh god.

---

Lauren: Line breaks, they make the fic slow down.

The Headmaster read over one of the many reports that littered his desk. Some were interesting, tests on the cursed students and such. Most were mundane, finances, class schedules, test results, just the usual tedium involved in running an underground evil school of villainy.
He really needed a secretary.

Jess: And to get out of this stupid fic.

A sudden beep from his desk grabbed his attention. He swept the papers before him out of the way, trying to find the intercom. So many of the accursed reports covered his desk. With a frustrated burst of power he sent the whole pile to the floor.
He then took a moment to calm himself before pressing the red glowing button on his desk. A small screen rose up from the otherwise smooth surface of his desk. The screen lit up and Gizmo’s features became visible.
“Headmaster, the target is on the move, he’s clear of both the village and the Titans now, should I send in an extraction team?” asked the diminutive genius.

Brad: Oh man this is awful.

He considered that for a moment. Hmm no that likely wouldn’t work, if the youth in question could battle with the likes of Jinx, Mammoth and Gizmo, a normal team would likely be crushed easily. He tapped his chin in thought. Hmm yes that might work, that might work quite well indeed.
“No don’t bother with that Gizmo. Prepare my personal ship and send Jinx down to be the pilot.” He told his cursed student.

Trent: If you want something done right…
Jess: You gotta screw it up yourself.

“I’ll handle this enrollment personally.”

Lauren: *twirls a finger* Yay.

---

Jess: Sweet line break of mine.

Ryouga sat by his warm campfire, idly playing with the two souvenirs of his crazy adventure with the Teen Titans. In his right hand was the shiny yellow communicator that Raven had given him. It was a warm reminder of his new friends; it was too bad he was too embarrassed to think of using it to ask for a ride to his destination. Really, he had been traveling for three days already, he was fairly certain they were already home.

Brad: This chapter just won’t end.

In his left hand were the torn and twisted remains of the container that had cursed Mammoth. He couldn’t help but think of that enigmatic girl Jinx when he handled it. She had been an odd one, that was certain, but strangely reasonable. Strange that he would get along so well with a self proclaimed villain.

Lauren: Uh…okay?

Oh well, that was just life he supposed.
He figured at his current rate, he would likely back in Nerima in another two or three weeks –
A twig snapped outside his campsite.

Trent: Uh oh, IT’S THE PLOT!

Instantly the lost boy was on his feet, umbrella at the ready. He slowly scanned the area around him. It didn’t take him long to sense the figure that calmly strode into the illumination his fire provided.
The man was tall, taller than Ryouga, and older as well. His hair was gray and receding, but swept back into two points. He wore a long dark robe which concealed most of his frame.

Jess: The Emperor from Star Wars?

“Greetings Hibiki Ryouga.” stated the gentleman.
He glared at the older man intently. “How the hell did you know my name?” he asked heatedly.
“Oh, I’ve learned a few things about you young Hibiki.” declared the oddly dressed man ominously.
“Grrrr! Like I care, tell me what you want before I send you on your way, forcefully if need be.” he growled threateningly.

Brad: *checks watch* Please tell me this ends soon.

“You may call me Headmaster, as to why I am here.” began the self proclaimed Headmaster.
“I would like to be the first to welcome you to the illustrious HIVE academy.”
And Ryouga knew no more.

Trent: Wait what?
Lauren: YES! END OF THE CHAPTER!

VincentX: *Snaps fingers*
Jerry: Oh boy…
Sam: We’re back.
Mike: For better or for worse.
Zack: This chapter had better be interesting.

*The screen lowers*

The Titans and the Lost Boy
I don’t own Teen Titans or Ranma One Half
Heh, I had to say this chapter was fairly fun to write. Working with the Nerima crew was interesting. Kunou was especially entertaining, even as I wrote his sections myself.

Sam: Oh…so we get the rest of the Ranma characters.
Jerry: This could either be funny or excruciatingly painful.

Well, I doubt I got the characterizations spot on, but hopefully there close enough so the story is still enjoyable.
If so, enjoy.

Zack: We probably won’t.

---

Mike: Mos Eisley Spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and line breaks.

Kasumi hummed quietly to herself as she prepared the noontime meal. The eldest of the Tendo sister’s reflected on how much she loved Sundays. It was the one day every week that she was able to spend the entire day with her family. And she had also enjoyed her morning shopping trip as well. Ranma had been kind enough to accompany her this weekend, not that she could tell her young sister, but Ranma wanted to buy a gift for Akane.

Jerry: So already there’s some character derailment.
Sam: Yeah, since when is Ranma nice?

He was such a sweet boy, always playing with his little friends or bringing such interesting people to visit the Dojo.

Sam: However Kasumi is dead on.
Jerry: Oh yeah.

In fact, right after they had returned from their walk, Ranma and Akane had run off to answer some challenge or another that Ranma was always receiving. Oh yes, things were so exciting now that he was here.
But even though Ranma hadn’t said anything about it, she could tell he was a little sad about something. Akane had been as well for the past several weeks, Kasumi suspected that was part of the reason Ranma wanted to get her a little something. She smiled a bit at that. The young Saotome always tried so hard with Akane, even though he had no idea of what he was doing most of the time. But that wasn’t really his fault, just the way he was raised.

Zack: To be an idiot?

Though Ranma didn’t say anything about why he was sad, it didn’t take a large leap of logic to deduce what the problem was. She hadn’t given it much thought before, but it had been over three months since Ranma or Akane had seen their little friend Ryouga. Of course they would both deny it if asked, but Kasumi could tell. Things had been strangely quiet since the young man had vanished, and only a month after his disappearance, Granny vanished as well so Shampoo and Mousse had been a little more reclusive for the past two months as well.

Mike: Thanks for the update…what now?

Even Ukyo had been less inclined to drop over since the lost boy had last departed. Kasumi believed the pretty young chef might have been a little miffed at Akane, blaming her for Ryouga’s departure. It wasn’t true, but Ukyo and Ryouga had always been such good friends, always palling around and chatting at her restaurant. The young lady probably just needed a way to vent since her friend had been gone for so long.
Ranma would never admit to missing the lost boy, but Kasumi had over heard him muttering about not having any good challenges from time to time. She knew that was just his way of saying he missed his favorite playmate.

Zack: Playmate? Hahaha!
Jerry: Wow that’s great.

Those two always had the most fun when they were playing together, and she knew he was getting slightly worried that Ryouga might never come back after what Akane had said.
She sighed lightly, Ryouga was such a sensitive boy, but he was so kind and polite, always bringing gifts and exciting stories from his travels. Still, pretending to be Akane’s pet P-Chan had not been a very nice thing to do.

Mike: Understatement of the decade.

When Akane had found out, she had been livid, not really that surprising with her youngest sister and her temper, Akane had yelled at the poor boy, slapped him and told him that she never wanted to see him again.
And Ryouga, the soft hearted boy, had just stood there and accepted her punishment; he knew he had done wrong. After all, it was Ryouga himself that had revealed the secret, which Kasumi had found to be very noble. Then the cursed boy had honored Akane’s wish, he had left and no one had seen him since.

Sam: Except for us…

Akane’s mood hadn’t improved any after Ranma’s involvement had been exposed. But even that Kasumi could understand; he had made a vow to Ryouga. She let out another sigh, they were both such strange boys at times, playing like children almost every time they met, but they both held their honor so dearly. Even though both boys’ ideals of the concept were wildly different from anyone else’s, even each others.

Zack: Yeah they’re pretty stupid.

Her young sister had been nearly unapproachable for an entire week. It slowly became obvious just how far the secret had actually been spread, the Amazon’s knew, as well as a host of others, only the three Tendo sisters and Ukyo had somehow been kept in the dark. Nabiki had only been intrigued how someone as . . . straight forward as Ryouga had been able to keep such a large and well known secret from her knowledge.

Jerry: Well considering he usually turns into a stuttering mess around Akane it’s not that farfetched.

The eldest Tendo stirred up the ingredients in the large wok. The stir fry was almost done, she’d have to check on the rice soon; the rest of the meal was also ready to be served. Probably another ten minutes till lunch was served. She wondered if Akane and Ranma would be back in time, they hadn’t said much about the challenge they had gone to.

Zack: Ah generic Japanese dishes; the cornerstone of Anime.

Hmmm, what had she been thinking about . . . oh yes.

Sam: I got it!
Mike: What?
Sam: This entire fic is like a stream of thoughts. It constantly gets stuck on subjects that make no sense and divulges into things that have nothing to do with the plot!
Mike: I think you’re on to something here.

Akane had held on to her grudge for an entire month, much longer than was usual for the forgiving young girl. It might have had something to do with the way that it seemed someone new had known about the curse every other day. But then they had all noticed that an entire month had passed with no sign from the shunned boy.
Slowly her anger had begun to recede. Akane had finally had time to reflect on all of the things Ryouga had done for her as a human, not just as her pet. The tragic young man had always been kind to her, always treated her politely and stood up for her when Ranma was insulting her. Ryouga had even helped her train several times when Ranma had just teased her about being clumsy. Even P-Chan had always tried to protect her, in his own little way.

Zack: Hah! She said little because he was a tiny pig, it’s funny hah!

And every girl in Nerima knew how shy Ryouga was, even Kasumi herself. Akane knew just as well as she did, that there was no way Ryouga would have peeped at her, he was too much of a gentleman . . . and if he had he likely would have bled to death considering P-Chan’s tiny little body.

Jerry: Okay that was funny.

Really, though the boy had done a bad thing, he hadn’t taken advantage nearly as badly as others might have. She shuddered slightly, what if that Kunou boy had been cursed, or maybe even Grandfather Happosai.

Sam: …I’m not even gonna think about that one.

After that, Akane’s mood had slowly shifted to worry as the days passed by. One month became two and still no one had seen the boy. Ranma had even begun sneaking out at night, she couldn’t think of what else he could have been doing besides searching for their lost friend. Though when she had asked him about it the one time he had snuck out via the indirect path to the refrigerator, he had said he was just going for a midnight stroll.

Mike: Cheating.

And now here it was, three months later. Her poor sister was worried that something bad might have happened to the boy, he hadn’t been gone this long for quite some time.
“Hey Sis, how long till lunch?” Nabiki asked her, poking her head through the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. She turned to answer, while at the same time getting all the food ready for serving. “It’s ready now; I just have to bring it out Nabiki. Are Ranma and Akane back yet?” she asked back.

Sam: Uh oh, this character could make or break this chapter.
Jerry: We’re gonna be saying that a lot.
Sam: True.

Nabiki shook her head, smirking slightly “Not yet. Which means we’ll probably have to fight off Uncle Genma to make sure there’s actually some food left for them.” said Nabiki, noticeably not offering to help her with the food. Sigh, not that that was a surprise, the middle Tendo sister wasn’t one for manual labor of any kind.

Zack: Lazy bitch.

With that Nabiki’s head vanished from the kitchen, leaving Kasumi with her thoughts again. At least some things hadn’t changed. Nabiki was acting as she always had. And the Kunou siblings were just as eager to play with Ranma and Akane as ever. Grandfather Happosai was just as much of a handful as usual, possibly even more so since Elder Cologne had left for China.

Mike: She’s…not very bright is she?
Jerry: Oblivious to the point of funny and cute.

She grabbed the rice and carried it to the dining room table. She was about to fetch the rest of lunch when a knock at the door interrupted her. Hmm she wondered who it could be; Akane and Ranma would have just entered the house, likely teasing each other. Those two were so cute together.
Now curious, Kasumi went to answer the door. Unexpected visitors were always so entertaining around the Dojo. She opened the door only to receive quite a shock. What a coincidence.

Zack: I bet it’s Ryoga.

“Oh my! Ryouga, we haven’t seen you for quite some time.” she said, pleasantly surprised.

Zack: HAHA! I AM THE MASTER OF PREDICTING THIS PREDICTABLE FIC!

The lost boy stood before the door, dressed in his usual outfit, his bandanna, heavy yellow sweater and dark green pants. She did notice idly that his backpack and umbrella were absent. For some reason it struck her as odd . . . he seemed almost . . . incomplete without them. The boy wore a happy smile and played with the knot of his bandanna, he always did that when he was nervous, it was so adorable.

Jerry: Heh, nervous ticks are so funny.

“Heh heh, hello Kasumi, it’s nice to see you again. I hope I haven’t come at a bad time.” he asked politely.
Still as polite as ever, that was good. “Of course not Ryouga, please come in, we’re just serving lunch, and Akane and Ranma aren’t back yet so there is plenty of food.” she offered happily. She could always make something for the errant duo later, and Ryouga was always such a gracious guest, always complimenting her cooking.
“You are too kind Kasumi, we’d love to join you for lunch!” he beamed a warm smile for her.

Mike: We?
Zack: I foresee villains with him.

Wait a moment . . . “We”? Oh, she had been so excited at seeing the long lost young man that she hadn’t noticed a smaller figure nearly hidden behind him. How rude of her, she hadn’t even said hello to Ryouga’s small friend.
“Ryouga, aren’t you going to introduce your friend? I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice you there earlier, I’m sorry for my terrible rudeness.” she apologized sweetly to Ryouga’s friend.
Ryouga laughed nervously and stepped aside, revealing that his young friend was a she. My my; Ryouga was traveling with a young girl, how debonair and she was quite pretty as well. She seemed to like darker colors as well, all blacks and dark blues.

Sam: Mike got it.
Mike: Yes!

Kasumi was slightly worried about the girls grayish pallor. Perhaps she wasn’t used to traveling with someone as robust as Ryouga; Kasumi certainly hoped she wasn’t malnourished from trying to keep up with the hardy young man.
The lost boy was blushing now. “Um Kasumi, I’d like to introduce you to my fiancée, we actually met at Jusenkyo of all places.” he chuckled slightly.

Jerry: Fiancé?
Sam: Oh this won’t end well.

Ryouga. Engaged? And in such a short time as well. Really there was only one thing she could think of to cover that.

Mike: Holy shit?

“Oh my!” she gasped.

Mike: That works.

Ryouga laughed politely at her shocked response, and his lovely young friend blushed with obvious embarrassment. Kasumi hoped she hadn’t offended her.
“Kasumi, this is the woman I love.” he declared proudly and without hesitation.
“Her name is Jinx!”

Zack: Yeah, we saw that coming.
Mike: Ahem.
Zack: Okay you saw that coming.
Mike: Thank you; though it was really obvious.
Zack: Of course.

---

Sam: Are you a bad enough Line Break to rescue the president?

Nabiki could only stare in shock at the scene before her. She had expected the lost boy to return eventually, of course. But not like this! She had expected a broken man, crawling back and begging Akane for forgiveness. Forgiveness he likely would have gotten, Akane always was as quick to forgive as she was to anger in the first place.

Jerry: They hold him in such high regards.

But that wasn’t the case at all.

Zack: Nope, now he was brainwashed into marrying a super villain.

Ryouga was back from his prolonged absence, but happy, healthy, and . . . engaged to a girl of all things! He sure picked an exotic girl to boot. Her hair was a shocking pink color and swept back to two large points by a pair of black ribbons; it looked almost like the girl had a large pair of horns to Nabiki.

Mike: Symbolism!

The gray skin was unusual as well, the girl didn’t appear ill, so Nabiki could only figure she was one of those Goth girls she had heard so much about over in America.

All 4: HAHAHAHA!
Jerry: Wow, that’s two legitimately funny lines in this chapter.
Sam: I’m impressed.

It would explain the hair and her dark clothes as well. Jinx wore a dark blue and loose fitting blouse and a pair of dark and tight fitting jeans. Not to mention the black choker around her neck as well as the dark colored stone that hung around her neck.
Idly Nabiki concluded the girl was as flat as a board, not surprising considering how thin and athletic the girl appeared to be.

Mike: Yeah that’s wrong.
Zack: Wow.

Still, after hanging out with so many well endowed girls, she wondered why Ryouga would choose someone that looked so different.

Jerry: Oh god.
Sam: This is written by a guy right?
VincentX: I can’t tell.
Sam: Let’s just say it is and that he’s a perverted jackass.
Jerry: I’m good with that.
Zack: Agreed,
Mike: Yep.

It was the eyes that set the girl apart most however. Rather than round pupils, she had large slits at the center of her eyes, just like a cats. Heh heh, Nabiki sure hoped that Ranma got back soon; she couldn’t wait to see his reaction to those big pink eyes.

Sam: Ranma’s afraid of kitties.
Zack: That would explain his inability to be with a girl.
Sam: Oh that was awful…I approve.

She gave a sigh of disgust. Her father and Uncle Saotome were congratulating the boy heartily, they were probably just glad that there was one less suitor for Akane now. Still, there was no way Nabiki would get any good gossip from the lost boy if the old men kept patting him on the back.
“So Ryouga; how did you and Jinx meet?” she asked pointedly. Actually, Jinx had been pretty quite since she had sat down, just listening to the ongoing conversation. Nabiki was dying to know how Ryouga had met such a unique looking girl, let alone got her interested in him. Sure the lost boy was cute, but far too simple for Nabiki’s taste, not too mention poorer than dirt.

Mike: Gold digger.

Ryouga smiled and leaned back, recalling the memory of his first encounter with Jinx. “Well, heh you might find this hard to believe. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was cutting my way through the wilds just outside Jusenkyo. I didn’t think anything of it, since I had been wandering for so long already. When suddenly I heard someone flying through the air. After a quick leap up to find out what was going on, I saw a figure falling to the ground from a great height.” Nabiki had to admit, Ryouga was a good story teller. Even Jinx was listening intently. Heh, you’d think she’d never heard the story before.

Zack: Yeah, imagine that.

“After some quick running and jumping I managed to catch the falling person and land safely. It was then that I found myself holding Jinx in my arms.” he explained, blushing slightly at the admission.

Jerry: Love at first flight.

Heh, how cornball, hmm actually it seemed more like Ranma’s luck to have girls falling out of the sky into his arms. Knowing Ryouga’s luck, it seemed more likely that some horrible monster or demon would land in his arms.

Sam: TOO SUBTLE!

“Oh my! How romantic!” came Kasumi’s happy voice. Her older sister had her hands clasped beside her face, obviously imagining the sappy image in her mind.
Uncle Genma slapped Ryouga on the back. “Good show boy! Saving damsels in distress is one of the most sacred duties of a Martial Artist. And such a lovely young girl as well, Ryouga you sly dog you!” bellowed the older man.

Jerry: Sly is not a word I’d use to describe Ryoga.

Ryouga and Jinx both blushed at that, only to gasp in shock as Nabiki’s father suddenly materialized between them, wrapping a fatherly arm around both youths. “Oh to see such young and innocent love! It brings joy to this old mans heart!” he quickly looked back and forth between the two speechless youths before looking to Genma.

Mike: Bring wine!

“Saotome! It is our duty, as Ryouga’s guardians in his parent’s regrettable absence, to make certain these two are happily married! In fact, a double wedding between Ryouga, Jinx and Ranma and Akane would certainly guarantee happiness for all!” he yelled out, apparently believing his own genius.

Sam: Hah! Yeah good luck with that.

“Brilliant Tendo! I’m certain that seeing Ryouga so happily prepared to wed will surely spark the flames of romance in my son’s heart as well! Then our schools can be joined! And then, then we can arrange a marriage between Ranma’s and Ryouga’s first born children, so that we can join the Hibiki school to our own as well!” cheered the fat old panda.

Zack: They’re…enthusiastic.
Jerry: That’s one way of putting it.

Nabiki slapped a hand to her own face. Those two were unbelievable! They were already getting ready to dive into the same disasters that they had already wrought. Heh, though Uncle Genma had something right. Ranma seeing Ryouga getting married probably would get him fired up, but only because the poor dumb martial artist would see it as a challenge that Ryouga was getting married first.

Sam: Yeah, he’s stupid like that.

She smirked as she watched Ryouga retract his fist from Genma’s face. Heh and the look on Jinx’s face was priceless, where was a camera when you needed one? On her dresser of course!

All 4: Of course.

“Engage my child to Ranma’s! Are you mad old man?” Ryouga bellowed in the elder Saotome’s face.

Mike: Uh, yeah; couldn’t you tell?

Luckily Kasumi came to the rescue. “Ryouga, please finish your story. It’s so romantic, you two falling in love at first sight like that.” she let out dreamy sigh at that.
Ryouga blushed and returned to his seat, leaving Genma imbedded in the floor absently. “Heh, well it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. Something about Jinx startled me so much . . . um . . . that I kinda – um – attacked her.” the boy’s last words were mumbled, but Nabiki caught them clearly.

Sam: RAPE!

Hmm, an interesting story indeed. Leave it to Ryouga to misinterpret a situation to the worst possible scenario. She nearly giggled out loud at her sisters and Jinx’s gasps of shock . . . wait a moment. Why would Jinx be shocked about that? She was there obviously. Something wasn’t quite adding up, but she wasn’t sure, just a gut feeling.

Mike: Ah, the gold digger is the smart one.

“It’s a little blurry now; it all happened a few months ago, but luckily we figured it out before anyone got hurt. Then we went and helped her friends fight some big monster.” the lost boy told them.
Kasumi gasped again. “Oh my! A monster! What did you do!” she asked worriedly even though the lost boy obviously came out of the situation fine. He was here after all wasn’t he?

Zack: Well first I mastered asking questions without question marks. Then I poked it in the crotch and it exploded.

“Heh, well it was a big stone monster, so –“he was cut off by Uncle Genma clapping him on the back again. “HAH! A stone monster, no challenge for a true martial artist, I imagine it didn’t stand a chance against the dreaded Bakusai Tenketsu!” asked the balding martial artist.
Ryouga nodded, just shy of bragging. “Of course the fight was over as soon as I joined the battle. But that was just the start of the strangeness that followed. After that, Jinx and her friends were trailing a group of nefarious young villains that were planning on using the power of Jusenkyo for evil!” he exclaimed dramatically.

Mike: This is really stupid.
Sam: Couldn’t the fic have just summarized it with him remembering everything backwards?
Jerry: Also…how did this happen? Explanation would be better than the reverse recap.

Heh, Ryouga did enjoy telling stories, he did it so often with his travels. And though he was proud of his accomplishments, he wasn’t an excessive braggart like Ranma was, so listening to his stories didn’t feel like scratching nails across a chalk board like when Ranma went on about his victories.

Zack: Nails on a chalk board would be preferable to reading this.

. . . Wait, she had almost missed that. Everyone else was so wrapped up in the story they missed it completely, but Nabiki just caught it. For some reason Jinx had muttered something to herself under her breath. Nabiki hadn’t heard it, but her lip reading wasn’t too shabby. But what did the strange girl mean by “So that’s what happened to Cinderblock.”? Something was definitely feeling strange; she just wished she could figure out what.

Sam: I’m more curious as to how that question mark found its way outside of the quotes.

Her father wailed at hearing of the villains. “To think, such evil people wanting to use Jusenkyo for vile ends! Has that accursed place not caused enough trouble!” he then started crying plaintively. Ugh, how embarrassing, and in front of a guest too.
“So what did you do boy?” asked Genma, probably more curious about Jusenkyo itself than what was being done to it.

Jerry: I beat them up and got a different curse!

“I knew I couldn’t let Jinx and her friends go down to the valley, so I struck out alone to battle the villains. Since I was already cursed it wasn’t as much of a worry for me. After that I fought off the five villains, though the dark girl with the evil powers knocked me into another spring before I chased them off, but I stopped them from taking any water.” explained the lost boy.
Hmm so he had a new curse as well. She wondered what it was now.
“What spring did the rogue send you into boy?” asked Genma for her. How convenient, heh heh.

Mike: Spring of drowned idiot.
Zack: I’m surprised that isn’t one of them.
Sam: That would be funny though.
Jerry: Yeah but could you possibly imagine these characters getting dumber?

“Hmm, I can’t quite remember, it’s all a blur now, probably from all the excitement. But I do know that with some help from the guide, I managed to find some Spring of Drowned Boy water.” answered Ryouga.
Suddenly the lost boy found himself in the vice like grip of the Elder Saotome. “You’re cured boy! Did you bring any of the water for the rest of us!” demanded the cursed man.
Ryouga lowered his head and shook it slowly in the negative. “No, unfortunately I doubt anyone here would consider what happened to me to be a cure.” said the boy somewhat cryptically.

Jerry: *Ryoga voice* It turns me into a loli.
Zack: Something tells me I don’t want to know what that is.

With that, the lost boy grabbed a glass of water and dumped it over his head. Instantly the young man shrunk, but didn’t vanish into his cloths. Before them all sat a young boy, perhaps only eight or nine years old! Well, that was certainly a surprise! Ryouga was right; Ranma probably wouldn’t want to change his curse for that. Sure he’d be male, but it would give him a big disadvantage in a fight, at least he could still fight at the same level in his girl form. And the only thing that mattered to Ranma was fighting.
The balding Saotome crossed his arms and nodded sagely. “I see, so what you thought to be a cure turned out to be only another curse. Truly the life of a martial artist is fraught with peril!” he cried dramatically.

Mike: More like fraught with stupidity.

Politely, Kasumi poured out some of the ever-present kettle over the tiny child and Ryouga quickly swelled out to fill his clothes again. Though he had to readjust his bandanna once more.
“Indeed, but I think it’s better than my last curse, so I’ve learned to live with it. After that we spent several weeks in the Amazon village while Jinx’s friend fixed their damaged aircraft. Luckily Cologne was there for some reason so they didn’t treat us poorly at all.” Ryouga explained further.
Well at least that explained where Cologne was all this time, though Nabiki had suspected that was where the old woman had been anyways. Sounds like Ryouga hadn’t even had time to feel bad about Akane over his absence; it had been quite the adventure.

Sam: If by adventure you mean bore-fest; then yeah.

Ryouga’s young fiancé finally spoke up. “It was over our time at the village that we eventually fell in love.” she said sappily, looking into the distance and clasping her hands before her. Nabiki felt like gagging now.

Jerry: Ditto.

“After that Ryouga came back to America with me and enrolled at the same school with me, it’s been so wonderful” continued the pink haired girl.
Hmm, and Ryouga was going to school again now as well? But in America? That seemed like a far ways away, Ryouga must have fallen for this Jinx pretty hard.

Mike: …I’m gonna ignore that innuendo for now.

Nabiki wondered what school would take in a junior high drop out like Ryouga though, he wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer and she couldn’t imagine his attendance was overly impressive.
“So what school do the two of you go to in America?” she asked.

Sam: Torrey Pines.
Jerry: Hah!

Jinx surprised her by pulling out a small business card. The card was yellow with a large hexagon in the middle. The hexagon was split into four squares, alternating black and white, with a stylized H in the center. Across the bottom of the hexagon was a small banner with the letter H.A.E.Y.P written across it.
“The Hive Academy for Extraordinary Young People. It’s a school for gifted people like Ryouga and myself. And it’s also part of the reason that we’re here.” explained the pretty young student.

Zack: And by gifted they mean super powered people that get turned into villains.

Nabiki suddenly felt a chill run down her spine. That premonition turned quickly into actual fear as the mysterious girl’s eyes began to glow a molten pink color and the happy look on Ryouga’s face melted into an evil smirk.

Mike: Oh…I don’t like where this is going.

She noticed her father and Uncle Saotome backing up as well, uncertain as to what was happening. Even her oblivious sister was starting to suspect that something was terribly wrong now, clutching her apron tightly.
Ryouga chuckled evilly as Jinx continued.
“You see, we’re on a recruitment drive.”

Sam: Oh that’s not good.

---

Jerry: It was so bad the fic had to have a line break.

Kunou strode proudly down the noble streets of Nerima. Today had been a glorious day thus far. Already he had basked in the transcendent radiance of the lovely Akane Tendo. Surely any day that allowed such a humble warrior himself to be so blessed was a grand one indeed.

Sam: Aka he grabbed her and she sent him flying through a building.

And he had had the opportunity to do battle with the vile Saotome. The battle had been short but brutal, Kunou’s divine justice was about to be meted out, however the vile sorcerer had used his black magics and cheated Kunou of his rightful victory.

Sam: Okay scratch that; Ranma sent him flying through the building.

However such a minor thing would not deter one of such puissant spirit as himself. He knew that eventually the villainous sorcerer would fall beneath his righteous blade.
Hmm, but what to do with the rest of his day? The accursed Saotome had run off, claiming to be late for some form of challenge. So like the cur to be late for an honorable duel. Still, it would be dishonorable for one as noble as Kunou to interfere with the affairs of his lessers, let Saotome have his duel.

Zack: What the hell?
Jerry: Yeah…he’s an idiot.
Zack: And that separates him from everyone else how?
Jerry: He’s a bigger idiot.

Perhaps he would grace the Tendo home, perchance the odious middle sister, Nabiki, had acquired more photos for his perusal. Or mayhaps he should away to the okonomiyaki merchants. Truly she was fair of figure as well, and his battles had forged for him a mighty hunger.

Mike: Oh god this is really bad.

Really, anything was better than eating his twisted sisters cooking.

Zack: I WANNA ROCK!
Other 3: ROCK!

And though a mere commoner, the fair Ukyou was most proficient at her trade. He had become somewhat of a frequent customer there over the past several months.
What Ho! Some common ruffian hast blocked his noble path to the divine eatery!
“Hey you! Stick guy, you’re comin with us!” bellowed the base rogue.

Sam: Uh…huh?

Such a lack luster vocabulary surely suited the behemoth that blocked his path. The brute stood nearly seven feet in height, dingy orange hair covering his sloping and apelike head. The huge villain also wore a skin tight costume, large metal bands covering his shoulders.
This would not do, not at all.

Mike: He’s not into S&M.

“Foul Villain, Dare you to stand in the way of the true and noble Blue Thunder! Truly such a debased and misanthropic beast such as yourself is not even worthy to be in my glorious presence, and yet you spout vile filth in the language of the immortal Bard, denigrating the gentle language with which the genius Shakespeare once created such beauty! And to my more immediate concerns, thou dost cease my passage unto a most splendid eating establishment, delaying, unforgivably, my sampling of both the divine cooking of the beauteous Ukyou as well as my viewing of her voluptuous form! It is my most holy of duties that I must now deliver unto you the most righteous and divine of punishments to you, beware fiend, for you face Kunou Tatewaki, age 17!”

Jerry: Uh.
Sam: Okay that was overly long and over the top even for that character.
Zack: Please go to eleven.

From behind him he heard a loud crash of thunder as the street lit with a flash of lightning, enhancing his dramatic presence to epic levels.

Mike: More like one hundred and eleven.

He waited a moment for his opponent reply. Hmm, the muscular behemoth was just standing there, his eyes glazed over and drool escaping his beastly lips.

Sam: Gross.

Heh, it appeared that the oaf’s meager intellect was not up to the challenge of bandying wits with the Blue Thunder. Very well, he would be off then, culinary delight awaited him only one block down, and two blocks to the east.
He began to step around the oversized simpleton, to be on his way, when the large boy shook his head, much like the dog he was, regaining what small amount of sense he might have once possessed. The large fool then stepped before him, once more blocking his path. Kunou’s eyes narrowed as he glared up at the ignorant interloper.
It appeared a lesson was in order.

Zack: Kuno gets his ass kicked doesn’t he?
Jerry: Ya think?

---

Sam: The Line Break is strong with this one.

Mousse smiled as he wiped down one of the many tables in the Nekohanten. The past several weeks had been near bliss with that shrunken old mummy gone away. Hmm, the smile dropped from his face. Actually, on this occasion he wished her all the luck he could. He knew the reason that she had been called back, he knew what the ramifications of the vote were if she succeeded in her task.
The idea of an Amazon village where men weren’t treated as near slaves, it was enough to bring tears to his eyes. And if they abolished the tired laws of marriage, then perhaps there was a chance that he could finally convince Shampoo to marry him without being forced to defeat her first. Truly he hated the idea of harming his precious Shampoo; he would gladly give his life for her.

Mike: Wow, a gentleman?
Jerry: Eh kinda.

Still, not having the old monkey on his back had been quite pleasant. Work had been good, business brisk. Sure, Shampoo and he had to work a little harder to cover the loss of their main chef, but they could easily handle it, they just informed their customers they wouldn’t be able to make deliveries while Cologne was away.
And even better, since the old bat had left, Shampoo had taken every chance she could to slack off in her pursuit of Ranma. Sure she still went out every once in awhile when she was bored, but certainly not as much as when Cologne was around. And without the Elders help, there were a lot less crazy schemes going on in Nerima, which meant it had been pretty quiet lately.

Sam: OR IS IT!?

Heck, he hadn’t even got in that many fights with Ranma lately, since Shampoo wasn’t chasing him so fervently, he hadn’t felt the desire to kill the arrogant prat nearly as much as he usually did. Ranma didn’t really seem to be in the mood to fight as much lately anyway, going through the motions, but not really going all out.

Zack: ADD author; get the plot back on track.

Mousse had a fairly good idea why that might be. After all, one of the main players in Nerima had been missing for a good three months, and nearly everyone was starting to wonder about the prolonged absence.
Shampoo hadn’t really noticed, but then the two of them had rarely interacted much. Mousse himself was starting to miss the lost boy. The usual mob chases for Ranma were just lacking that certain something that the lost boy’s “RANMA PREPARE TO DIE!” added.

Sam: My name is Ryoga Hibiki, you stole my bread; prepare to die.

And he also missed having someone else to complain to about the unfairness of life, Ryouga was a good listener, and unlike Shampoo, didn’t smash him in the face whenever Mousse ranted about Saotome.
Once, while at Ukyou’s for lunch one day, he had run into Kunou. In a moment of weakness, he had nearly tried to engage the unbalanced kendoist in conversation, after all Kunou hated Saotome as much as anyone else. Luckily some poor fool had incited the verbose swordsman’s ire and reminded Mousse why he never spoke with Kunou in the first place.

Jerry: Because he’s a melodramatic retard?

Though it had been fun when Ukyou had asked him to help kick the loudly orating upperclassman from her restaurant. He’d even gotten a free meal out of it. After that Ukyou and him had spoken for awhile, neither of them really had anything else to do really.

All 4: Really, really.

Ukyou was another one that was starting to notice just how long their resident fanged martial artist had been missing in action. The girl was, quite understandably, upset with Akane. Simply because the youngest Tendo declared she never wanted to see Ryouga again, that meant the boy was forever exiled from all of Nerima?

Zack: I think you’re all underestimating Ryoga’s stupidity.

It seemed somehow unfair; did no one else’s opinions matter in this small suburb? They may not have acted it most of the time, but Ukyou and Mousse both considered the itinerate martial artist to be a friend, and they both suspected that Ranma was of the same mind. Unfortunately they all knew how much Ryouga cared about the young Tendo, so regardless of what any of them thought, he was likely going to honor her wishes till the end of his days.

Mike: Or until he gets brainwashed.

“Mousse! We is out of cooking oil! Go store and get more lazy duck!” yelled Shampoo from the kitchen.

Zack: Wow…racist?
Jerry: Actually she talks like that in the show.
Zack: So the show is racist?
Jerry: …yeah.

He shrugged idly. Sure why not, besides, considering how much he could carry with his Hidden Weapon Techniques, they saved a small fortune on delivery charges. Probably one of the reasons the old mummy kept him around.
With that he made his way out the door and began down the street on his way to the market.

Sam: He runs into a villain.
Mike: I’m betting Gizmo.

The day was sunny and warm. A good day to be outside, he almost considered flying to the market, it would be nice to stretch his wings. Shampoo hadn’t dumped any water on him in over a week.
“Hey there buddy! I see you!” came a somewhat nasally voice from behind him, speaking English for some reason. Unfortunately for whoever it was, Mousse understood English quite well himself and caught the slight against him.

Mike: Huh?
Jerry: He wears giant glasses and is half blind.
Mike: Ah.

Grrr, was someone mocking his vision! He spun around to face the greenish blur behind him. He dropped his glasses before his eyes; he hadn’t recognized the voice, so it was probably safer not to take any chances on an unknown opponent.
His vision swam into a murky kind of focus. At least he could tell the speaker was a boy, a few inches shorter than himself, wearing a white and green spandex outfit. And . . . hmm must be his glasses or something, but the boy appeared to only have one large eye in the center of a green helmet.

Mike: What the hell?
Sam: No idea.

“And who are you to mock my pain stranger!” he asked, already annoyed with the strange youth before him.
“You can call me See-More, and I’m the guy that’s gonna take you down buddy!” retorted the foolishly dressed boy.

Zack: Oh god this is bad.

Heh, as if, even with his sense of sight impaired, Mousse could tell this boy was no martial artist. But still, an excuse to blow off some steam was something that Mousse rarely passed up; he’d just have to be gentle was all. He prepared a padded boxing glove up his sleeve to deal with the impertinent kid.
This would be over fast.

Sam: Thank god for that.

---

Jerry: Line breaks, taste like chicken.

Ukyou dusted off her hands after throwing out the jackass that had just tried to trash her shop. Really, what were to odds of some idiot tossing around a hexagonal shield and spouting off in some language she barely knew coming in a smashing up her shop? Still, she had made pretty short work of him, heck, Konatsu didn’t even bother to intervene because the crazy spandex wearing guy had been such a loser.

All 4: HAHAHAHA!

Well, back to work she supposed. It’s not like this kinda thing wasn’t common in Nerima.
---

All 4: HAHAHAHA!

Shampoo hummed as she cooked up another batch of noodles. Mousse had better get back soon; she didn’t want to run out of oil and have to stop cooking until he returned. She supposed she should have sent him out for the oil earlier, but it had slipped her mind, there was a lot more to running a restaurant than she had thought. But it was a good challenge, and even though it wasn’t martial arts, running a business was helping her learn other valuable lessons that would help her back in the village.

Mike: Intelligence; it does a body good.

Humph, some rude customer had just yelled something from the dining area. It wasn’t in Chinese or Japanese though, so she had no idea what he had said. Still, Great Grandmother had said that the customer is always right. So with that she pulled the noodles out of the oil so they wouldn’t burn and entered the dining area.
“Excuse me customer, Shampoo too too busy in back now . . .” she trailed of uncertainly. When last she had been in the dining area, it had been nearly bare, only the handful of customers that she had been preparing the food for. Now it was packed to capacity, every seat taken and then some.

Zack: Business is booming I guess.

Except they all looked like twins, and they all wore the same strange red body suit, with some strange symbol on the chest. Almost instantly upon seeing her, the numerous strangers started eying her suggestively and whistling.

Jerry: Oh god.
Sam: I…wow.

Her face went red with anger at that. She might not understand what he was saying, but she understood the language of lechery quite well.

Sam: Living in that town how could you not?

It was time to teach this small army of perverts a lesson.
Amazon style!

Zack: Is that a new type of dish?

---

Mike: Back to Ryoga and friends?

Kodachi quietly hummed as she pruned her lovely black roses.

Jerry and Sam: NOOOO! NOT HER!

She loved her garden and the delights that she had grown within it. Still, it had been a tad dull lately; perhaps it was time to test another of her fun little concoctions on her manly Ranma.

Zack: Oh god, I’m scared.

She turned sharply, expecting an attack by villainous rogues bent on capturing and ultimately enslaving her.

Mike: …kinky.

-
-
-
Hmm still nothing. Oh well, one thousand, five hundred and twenty three days in a row, but she was sure that it was only a matter of time before someone desired to enslave one as beautiful as herself.

Zack: That’s just disturbing.
Sam: On so many levels.

---

All 4: It’s a line break to the top if you wanna rock and roll!

The wrinkled old master laughed as he dodged another of his lovely attackers.

Jerry: Oh god not that little shit.

They had been pursuing him for a good ten minutes straight; he had to give them credit for their determination and persistence.
But did Happosai expect anything less of the Furinkan girl’s track and field team?

Sam: Ugh.

It had been a rare treat on an otherwise dull Sunday afternoon. Finding the entire female track and field team out practicing for an up and coming track meet like he did. Really, what kind of sports enthusiast would he be if he hadn’t offered to help train them for their long distance runs. Surely the coach would agree that a few pairs of panties were more than a fair trade for such intensive training.

Zack: Oh god.

Oops, that girl had grabbed a broom somewhere along the way. No problem for a master of his skills to avoid, but he was proud to see how far the girls had come. Not only running this far, but swinging around brooms at the same time!
He felt another set of gold medals for the girl’s track and field team and the girl’s baseball team coming up this year.
Yes, Happosai was far too kind hearted for his own –

All 4: WHAM!

“SWEETO!” some one had carelessly left a pair of silken beauties lying on the ground ahead of him. A quick leap and he found himself caressing the silken treasure against his dried out skin. It felt like heaven, like –

All 4: WHAM please.

WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM!

All 4: Thank you.

. . . . . – a dozen angry girls beating him mercilessly with brooms and cleats, he finished woozily.
Ouch.

Sam: Good.

Yes, indeed, that was enough training for one day, he-he didn’t want them to wear themselves out, yes; perhaps a break was in order now.
Weakly he reached out for his sack of pretties, a little recharge would get him back on his feet right away.

Zack: What is this guy’s problem?
Jerry: He’s a sick little bastard.

A shadow dropped over him, and he looked up slowly to see what it was. What he saw filled his heart with dread.

Mike: The plot?

A gray haired man stood before him, tall and unbent with age, he wore a long dark robe like a cultist of some sort. But none of that mattered. With fear in his heart, Happosai saw the man was holding his precious sack of underwear. Nooo! What would he do without them?
“Happosai I presume? You may call me the Headmaster. I have . . . a proposition for you. You see, I need some help, and I am willing to pay you . . . accordingly.” said the self proclaimed Headmaster. The man then waved the sack of panties suggestively.

Zack: HOW IS THIS RATED K+!?

Hmm, the man seemed to know about Happosai’s reputation, and what he desired. The man was also willing to work with him, despite what he knew of Happosai. These all pointed to the fact that the man was obviously a villainous fiend.
That and his dark aura was a pretty good indicator as well.

Jerry: Oh god.

There was no way a powerful and respected master such as Happosai could allow himself to be swayed by this darkly charismatic man. Nothing could possibly make him join the force of evil before him, Happosai was a pillar of the community, and people relied on him for guidance!

Sam: HAH!

The bag swayed slowly before his eyes.
“Alright, I’m in!” he yelled desperately.
The Headmaster smiled wickedly.

Mike: *face palms*

---

Jerry: R.O.C.K. in the Line Break USA!

Mammoth dove for cover behind another wall! Unfortunately it met the same fate as the other dozen or so. Whoever this crazy stick kid was, he was tearing up the scenery faster than Mammoth could, and he was doin it with a stupid wooden sword!

Sam: Oh great, bad fight scenes.

He sighed as he started running down the street in terror. He had thought he volunteered for the easiest looking mission. Some guy with a stick! How hard did that sound! No one had told him that the guy could cut through concrete with that thing! The guy hadn’t hit him yet, but Mammoth wasn’t about to take any chances.

Jerry: Wow, he’s scared of one of the weakest characters; that’s great.

It was time to use the secret weapon that Ryouga had given him! Their newest ally had guaranteed him that it would end the fight instantly. He dived around a corner and whipped off the backpack he had been wearing and pulled out the large circular object within it.
He turned and lifted it before him, tearing off the paper even as the angry swordsman came tearing around the corner.
A Watermelon? How on earth was that going to–?
“Spherical Tormentor! Strike !”
And the fight was over . . . instantly.

Sam: Wait what?

---

Mike: Line breaks to the rescue!