My Storm Rider, here's my character

Name: Tomei Akito

NickName: Power Angel

Age: 13

Appearance: Red hair,Brown skin,Wears a t-shirt that has a banana on it,were's black jeans.Also,she has a purple star on her cheek.

Personality:Tomei is very bright girl she could be hyper somtimes to much when she's pumped up or excited.She's very brave because she has no fear at all born like that nothing fears her really nothing.She can be tough when people call her a ''brat''or '' a kid'' and ''pipsqeak'' it get her very ticked off mostly when she's insulted like that she just going to feel not needed.She used to be not a listener back then that's when she had her way and snobby but now she changed to listener and goes with the plan that she was suppose to go with.

Rank: F

Team:Wayward Souls

Backstory:When Tomei was 10 many people called her weak because she always brings her teddy bear when she 5th grade they made fun of her because she had the bear with her on that day a bully took it away from her she got angry and knocked him out.She wasn't Tomei the weak little girl anymore she was Tomei the strong one.So when she was 13 and heard of AT's she decided to be a storm rider to everybody that she wasn't a weak little girl anymore,Also she has a twin brother who was one but in a horrible accideint he broke his leg and promised not to ride At's again that happend when she was 12 a long time ago in a August sad day.She always wanted to fit in with the others but it was a hard time to do that everybody calls her''werido''because the way she acts not like other girls do in her school the girls are cheerleaders she wants to be a football player in a team there's cliques she wants to make her own book club but she likes to be different that's the way she is.

Air Treks

Description:Black and has lightning symbol on it and a red star on the front of it.

Advantages:It's used for anything like racing or free time.

Weaknesses:Going to hyper speed it will get very out of control and lose balance if goes too fast.Hyper speed will affect it as long if the user is in his/hers road.


Tricks REFER HERE FOR SKILL INFO

Trick 1

Trick Name:Triple Angel Taikun
Trick Description:Flips into a circle above to the opponet racer so she could distract the opponet from attacking or getting in her way.


Skill 2 SKILL NUMBER TWO IS NOT AVAILABLE. YOU MUST PURCHASE THE SKILL- THIS IS ONLY A FREE SLOT

Trick Name:
Trick Description:
Point Cost

Extra Info: Well Tomei can be a little rough when someone calls her ''Brat'' or ''Little Girl''

This post has been edited by PowerAngel34 on Oct 2 2009, 01:51 PM

Not even close. you need lots more detail and even then you have general issues in your character creation.

what do I need to fix?

Well let's start with your account username. You chose PowerAngel34. It has to be either the name of your character or a nickname. So which do you want it to be?

Flesh out your appearance more, fill it out. Add things like scars, skin tone, any unique features.

Again, put more information into personality. Flesh it out as in don't just put brave, describe how she is brave, etc.

As for backstory, add more information. Take out the bit of your character's brother being the greatest. It conflicts with the story on the site. So we know her brother gave her Air Treks, but why does she ride? When did she get them? How long has she been riding? What was her childhood like? Now that she is 13, how has it changed?

For Advantages, are you saying the Air treks are well balanced? Like they're all around decent?

As for disadvantages, I can accept how that works. Though it was a little hard to understand.

Looking at your free trick, it seems fine; though keep in mind you cannot auto-win a race just because you use it.

Your extra info section seems like it should be in the Backstory section. It makes the most sense there.

Work on those, and we'll move forward from there. Don't feel discouraged, I'm here to help.

fixed it

Deadman demands a 3 paragraph minimum for your back-story.

is this better