Saturday Morning [punishment], Tag;; Mister McVane

[Donovan McVane]

"Yeah, well, I'm not your average everyday normal teacher. You should know that by now. You don't hear the others using the word 'doohickey' because they don't have the courage. They're afraid of what twerps like you..." he nodded in her direction, "think of them."

His face was serious throughout his speech, and he clasped his hands together in front of him to complete the picture of a lecturing adult- he even took the trouble of shuffling some papers around importantly.

“So I’ll grow old with laugh lines, beats not having a sense of humor."

Donovan clucked his tongue with disapproval. "Suit yourself. I have no sense of humor whatsoever, and my unsurpassed beauty is my reward." He curled a haughty smirk at her, "But if you'd rather grow into a hideous old laughing hag then that's your cross to bear."

The sarcasm in the air was so thick it was surprising that it was still easy to breathe. Donovan didn’t honestly think he was a looker, but the current egotistical trip he was on called for a bit of lying. He almost wished he had a silver hand mirror to gaze into. All for Felicity's amusement of course. If she thought for a minute he was serious, then she obviously didn't know him very well.

“And then I can have a Save The Teacher Fundraiser, and use that as my Community Service, which will look good on my transcripts so I can go to a decent college, and use my fundraiser money to bail you out.”

"You've thought this out I can see. How long have you been planning on getting me fired anyways?" he asked, wrinkling his nose.

It was a good enough plan, though. In fact, Donovan almost wished that he could have tried it out himself back when he was in school. The teacher takes the slack while the student reaps the benefits. College had never been anymore than a fleeting thought during Donovan’s Senior year however, and so he would have only done it to get rid of a teacher he didn’t like.

“It’s a Win Win Situation.”

He scoffed, "For you it is. For me, it would go down on my criminal record, I would be stuck in jail for who knows how many days- I don't trust you to come up with the bail money on time by the way, and then after all that, I doubt this school would take me back." He ticked the problems off on his fingers as he voiced them aloud, and then shook his head, "That would not work out well for me at all."

His eyes popped open with disbelief when she dared to suggest that there was no way he could be an evil scientist. He glared at her- a wide-eyed, intense gaze that was supposed to come off as one an evil scientist would give. Did he not look the part? Certainly a white lab coat was needed, and a few electrical doodads whizzing around, but he could pass for one.

"How do you know I'm not? You don't know me. It could be a weekend thing." Because all evil scientists were only evil scientists on the weekend. The logic wasn't sound, but Donovan tried to play it off like it was just a mind game he was playing with her.

His seriousness finally broke when she said that he could be an evil English teacher with Grammar Police Minions. "That's ok," he said with a laugh, "I think the Grammar Police would overthrow me before I got too out of hand. They're tough cookies you know."

“Apparently I’m a troubled child and need some discipline, and being here will help me learn to behave better.”

Donovan snorted, "They think sticking you in here with me is going to make you better? Hah. I think someone is drugging the coffee machine in the Staff Lounge. Seriously. I drink it all the time."

He showed her his empty mug as proof. The empty mug that he needed to be filled again so badly...

“It’s not as fun as it sounds. Too many people get in your way, and after a while, you start to lose your voice because you’re yelling at people to move."

This invoked a snicker. "I can only imagine. What made you decide to take on extreme sports in the halls anyways?"

[Felicity Mayham]

"Yeah, well, I'm not your average everyday normal teacher. You should know that by now. You don't hear the others using the word 'doohickey' because they don't have the courage. They're afraid of what twerps like you...think of them."

The pink haired teenager gasped at his last remark, before she crossed her arms and huffed angrily at him. “But because I’m under five feet, I’m not a twerp. You’re just freakishly tall compared to me.” She grumbled at him.


"Suit yourself. I have no sense of humor whatsoever, and my unsurpassed beauty is my reward. But if you'd rather grow into a hideous old laughing hag then that's your cross to bear."

Felicity shrugged at this, and picked absently at the dirt underneath the finger nail of her middle finger. “At least I won’t be one of those old cat ladies.” She remarked at eyed her teacher curiously, a devious smile suddenly curving her lips upward. “Do crabby man prefer dogs over cats?”

"You've thought this out I can see. How long have you been planning on getting me fired anyways?"

“Since the first week I’ve been here,” She played along easily. “I tend to plot when I run out of homework and other things to keep me busy.” She supplied. “I figured I could get my brain working while planning boom for other people. It‘s not just you.”

For you it is. For me, it would go down on my criminal record, I would be stuck in jail for who knows how many days- I don't trust you to come up with the bail money on time by the way, and then after all that, I doubt this school would take me back. That would not work out well for me at all."

She laughed wickedly at his comment then, all for his benefit, of course. After her evil-genius cackled, she grinned sickly sweet at her teacher. “They’d have to hire you again. Who would want to be here with me, other then you. The other might go insane and do something crazy. Like let me leave early.”

He remarked the his evil scientist persona was only a weekend thing, and she snickered at that. “I wouldn’t quit your weekday job.” She teased him, and covered her mouth to hide the rest of her laugher. She only vaguely heard him comment about the grammar police above her own mental amusement of seeing him in a lab coat. A second later, Doctor Dragon from Kim Possible appeared in her head, and she started cackling again.

They think sticking you in here with me is going to make you better? Hah. I think someone is drugging the coffee machine in the Staff Lounge. Seriously. I drink it all the time."


“Me too,” She answered seriously. Felicity was smarter then actually stepping foot into the Lounge, but she didn’t know if he knew that, and she did mange to keep a straight face. “The coffee isn’t that great though, I must admit.”

"I can only imagine. What made you decide to take on extreme sports in the halls anyways?"

She shrugged a single shoulder at the question. “The outside had no ramps, and I couldn’t get a ride to the skate park.” She told him, her tone matter-of-fact, as if it was the obvious thing ever. “I think next time, I’ll do it at night, and use black lights, and glow sticks and make it a party.”

[Donovan McVane]

Felicity had a point there. Being an old cat lady was definitely one of the most frightening, atrocious destinies Donovan could think of. Sitting around all day with hundreds of cats surrounding you, in your cupboards, sleeping in your bed, watching your T.V. with their satan worshipping eyes...Donovan shuddered. He couldn't think of anything worse.

“Do crabby man prefer dogs over cats?”

Well that was one he didn't have to think about. "Yes. Us crabby men love dogs. At least I do anyways. What about pink-haired twerps? I'm guessing dogs since they could serve as alternative transportation when your roller skates lose a wheel."

Donovan narrowed his eyes at her when she revealed that she had been plotting his departure from Hilltown since the day she arrived. No wonder the scheme was so well thought-out- she had probably been toiling over it in her underground twerp lair for months.

"Well that isn't diabolical or worrisome at all," he dead-panned, his eyes flitting sub-consciously down to his empty mug for what had to be the fortieth time.

“They’d have to hire you again. Who would want to be here with me, other then you. The other might go insane and do something crazy. Like let me leave early.”

Donovan's eyes widened slightly as she cackled. Surely such a cackle should be taken seriously. This was the first time he had felt that he was putting himself in danger by just being in Felicity's presence. Being a tyrannical midget, she probably had countless gadgets to employ upon tall people that angered her. This was not good.

"Keep dreaming Tinkerbell. As much as I'd like to let you off the hook early, keeping my job is higher on my list of priorities."

He scoffed, offended when she dared to suggest that he wasn't evil scientist material, "Oh you'll be sorry you said that when my Frankenstein monster shows up at your door." She started laughing again, and Donovan began to doubt the weight of his threat. Knowing her she would probably end up teaching Frankenstein to roller skate.

Snorting as Felicity agreed that the coffee was most certainly drugged, Donovan chose to not comment since she seemed completely convinced that she had been in the Staff Lounge. It would have been just as easy to interrogate the smiley face he had drawn on the chalk board.

“The outside had no ramps, and I couldn’t get a ride to the skate park.”

"That's pity party material, that is," Donovan said with a detached air, before he was unable to prevent smiling at her next comment.

"Doesn't that sound like fun? You should invite those flying monkeys of yours and make it a full-on bash. Andrews would love that."

[Felicity Mayham]

"Yes. Us crabby men love dogs. At least I do anyways. What about pink-haired twerps? I'm guessing dogs since they could serve as alternative transportation when your roller skates lose a wheel."

"Actually," She began, as if she was the Teacher, correcting a student after they got a question wrong. "We like Goats, because they supposedly represent the devil, and we're followers of Satan," She informed him serious, and used herself as a plural, as if there were thousands of clones of her running around the world.

"Keep dreaming Tinkerbell. As much as I'd like to let you off the hook early, keeping my job is higher on my list of priorities."

She made a face at the endearment. She used to hate Tinks guts, only because the pixie was freakishly annoying, and didn't like Wendy. But then again, Felicity didn't like Wend that much either. Stupid annoying little make believe girls.

"Are you sure about that? Because if I were you, keeping my sanity would be at the tippity top of my list," She mused, almost to herself before she flashed him a smile that resembled a five year old getting caught eating cookies before dinner.

"Doesn't that sound like fun? You should invite those flying monkeys of yours and make it a full-on bash. Andrews would love that."

Horror flashed across her gentle features when he mentioned the monkeys, and the pink haired teenager clutched her pillow to her chest. Those fucking monkeys scared the shit out of her. They weren't normal. "Monkeys won't be invited. They trashed the last party I threw by spray painting the walls and breaking a window."

[Donovan McVane]

Donovan leaned back in his chair, hands clasped, nodding as Felicity lectured him on the choice animals of tiny people. His enraptured expression was taunting, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't entertained. Any teacher in his right mind would have scolded her for speaking with such authority, though it could be said that any teacher in his right mind wouldn't be talking about goats and Frankensteins with their students so the argument fell flat.

"Ah. I always thought it was something like that, but that definitely clears it up. You should tell me where you hold your secret cult meetings so I can be sure to stay as far away as possible. Don't want to get mixed up with your lot, no sir."

The mental images were already running rampant through his mind- tall-people sacrifices, goat parades, and an underground village of tiny people with pink hair operating on the school grounds. Certainly these were not the sort of things Donovan wanted to be a part of. Especially the first one.

"Are you sure about that? Because if I were you, keeping my sanity would be at the tippity top of my list."

Donovan laughed, "It's kind of late for that, don't you think?" McVane and sane were two words that didn't have anything in common with each other. Other than the fact that they rhymed ever so beautifully. That had to be sarcasm coming out of her satan-worshipping, goat-loving mouth. There was no other excuse.

He was visibly delighted to see the harm the mention of flying monkeys had caused. Which was in a way, wrong, but there was something about frightening an obviously evil creature that was utterly appealing. And that was where the whole idea of being sane didn't apply to Donovan.

"Maybe you should be nicer to them. Sure they're a little rambunctious, but you could always convert them to your side. Think of how handy they'd be. You wouldn't even have to worry about roller skates with them around."