Shinigami, Bleach Crossover.

Title: Shinigami
Author: Xenus (Asakura on the Forums.)
Category: WiP
Rating: M
Pairings: Unknown.
Link: Here.
Summary: AU Death has many avenues, from the cold embrace to the tall, haunting red arches. As Naruto lays dying he has the choice to either join the Kyuubi in death, or embrace his newfound gift and grasp destiny. A Bleach Crossover. No defined pairings.



As this is the first post, I won't outlay the various things that I feel detract from this story. It's readable, characters aren't pathetic and his Zanpakuto is original. Apparently there was some scene where Naruto met his father, but it seems to have been vanquished (thank god), as I couldn't find it. Cheers for that, Asakura... That sorta stuff really annoys me, rofl.

Not that it's my place to judge.

3/5.

Edit: In my review, I obviously meant to type "repiditive." I fail.

Until the plot really starts going I wont be able to give an accurate rating, but so far it is definitely interesting enough to at least keep an eye on.

It Sucks!


-'coz there's not enough of it.

Agreed.


Who the hell wrote this junk?!


uh ...

You make me lol, 'kura.

I'm here to please ... and occasionally stir up some dissonance. Any questions?


By the way ... I think I have something else I should run by you guys. I've worked on it for the better part of a year and the first chapter's still terrible. Look for it, I'll post soon

I think it would of been cool for his weapon to be made up of nine-blades, similar to his nine-tails. The swords do take after the wielders, right? Still, it wasn't a bad read. I can't really give a full opinion until it kicks off a bit more.

Yes, because Naruto is totally the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, Kyuubi.... '.

Yeah ... I'll get back to that ...


Eventually.

You didn't get my point, did you? Zangetsu and the Hollow Ichigo were both part of Ichigo's "power" as a whole...wouldn't you consider the Kyuubi at least a part of Naruto's "power" as well?

Done too often. That's why I didn't do it. Naruto is his own person, and I've always been curious about the kid's lineage, despite knowing his parents' names. Though we know what KIND of people they were to an extent, we know little of their style, their possible bloodlines, whatever. So, with that in mind, I kind of ...tweaked a little. Unfortunately this tweak will cause the biggest ripple effect you've ever seen. In fact it kind of scared me. Besides, in this fic the nine-tails is D.E.A.D. As in No Longer Living. It will NOT be coming BACK, and its powers are completely gone. The seal has done its work.


That is all. For now.

That's all good Asakura but when are you gonna give us MOAR!?

I understand the fox died. That was sort of something I liked. The number of swords I was just mentioning. It's really irrelevant.

Mhh, not bad so far.

As far as the writing goes, it's pretty solid in both grammar and spelling, as well as in maintaining a smooth and steady reading flow. So yeah, you could say that I kinda like your writing style. The thoughts and inner-monologues were maybe a bit stale and mechanic at times - not like completely horrible, but made me wonder if people would actually talk like that.

On several occasions, the story could have easily gone straight downhill in the blink of an eye...but fortunately, it didn't. I'm talking about stuff like nice fem!Kyuubi, the aforementioned father-son reunion, and mask!Naruto. Since you got rid of the Yondaime part (which was a wise decision btw), did a passable job on the fem!Kyuubi front, and didn't overdo the mask!Naruto part, it's all still within the boundary of acceptable. You just might want to be careful about these things in the future. No one likes cliché stuff...and those are about the worst clichés that you can find.

Then there were a few kinks here and there that I think you should also pay special attention to in future chapters:

I got the distinct feeling that you're rushing Sakura's development both as a character and as a ninja. Maybe she has found some resolve after witnessing Naruto's death, but that doesn't make her a better fighter in any way. Actually, I think that her canon performance against the Sound Team was as good as she could possibly get at that point. But no, she doesn't have super strength, is not very fast, isn't terrific in Taijutsu, and just doesn't kick ass like that. She can be as determined as she wants, with her insufficient training she'd never be able to knock out a well-trained ninja like that. So, if you're trying to boost Sakura up, just so she can keep up with the other two, then either find a viable way for her to improve fast...or just let it be.

Naruto's sword seems just a bit too overpowered to me. It might be acceptable for Bleach standards, but we're in Narutoverse here. A flying sword ring that shoots lasers and fire...I mean sure, it may look cool, but who the hell can fight something like that? It's like giving Gaara sentient machine guns and grenades in addition to his sand...Well, perhaps Naruto may not be Mr. Invincible with his new toy, but I still say it's way too much for a Shikai (actually, it sounds more like a Bankai to me) in any universe that is not Bleach.

Maa anyway, I enjoyed it so far, so I'll give it a 'Yes' vote for now. Will rate whenever I feel like it >_>

This post has been edited by li.u on Aug 19 2008, 11:56 AM

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why I haven't given you MOAR. Plain and simple.


Now frankly Sakura's no stronger than she was before, I just gave her more focus and wit, the kind of paranoia and quick thinking that comes with having nearly been killed and hunted like you were food. That was the mentality I was going for, and I'm going to go back to edit it later. (MUCH later ) The only reason Zaku was knocked out was because he underestimated her, and I applied Sakura's canon comedic "super strength" to this fight. She learned to channel chakra the same way that Naruto and Sasuke did, and Sasuke showed he could channel it to jump high, Sakura showed she can chanel it to enforce her punch, not her physical strength.


As far as the sword Naruto has goes, it's actually not as strong as I led people to believe. In fact it's not all-powerful and laser-beams everywhere slicing and blowing things up. But I'll touch on that ... another time.